Chapter 1
“So, Katherine-“
“Kate.” She corrects immediately, moving further towards the end of the brown leathered sofa, the material squeaks in response.
It was new.
It is new, Yelena thinks to herself as her fingers pinch the fabric.
There’s a light breeze coming through the window, expected at this time of year in New York, but it does nothing for the thickening tension they brought into the room.
“Kate, sorry.”
A smaller, much older lady with flame-coloured hair speaks gently into the awkwardness.
Dr. Arielle Blake. Google’s most highly recommended couples therapist in their area.
Dr. Arielle clears her throat and tries again.
“Do you think that perhaps you should’ve communicated better with Y-“
“No.” Kate is quick to answer. Her eyes never leaving the woman ahead of her.
They were on what was now their third couples therapy session.
Week three since they decided to try work through the cracks of their marriage and find a way to piece it back together.
For Misha’s sake, as Yelena kept on reminding.
Therapy is stupid no matter whose sake it’s for, Kate would try and argue back.
The first two weeks were more so ice-breaking sessions for Dr. Arielle to understand them and their dynamic better.
Yelena found this irritating, insisting she should’ve just asked for a file on the pair instead of wasting their time making them relive a past they will never go back to.
Kate found she liked reliving their first few years together, it distracted her from their current... what Yelena liked to call, ‘palaver’.
“This only works if you let Ari... Dr. Ari ask you the question.” The heavy Russian accent Kate had found comfort in for the better half of 8 years tries to reason.
As gentle as always.
The eye roll response was expected.
So, was the heavy sigh that leaves Yelena.
“She asked and I answered. No. I think it was obvious to everyone but her that she wasn’t putting time or effort into this” Kate’s hand motions between the two of them, both pressed against the arm of the sofa, as far away as possible. “Or into our child.”
“That is bullshit, Kate. I’m the one that is always with Mimi. You are always working.”
“Oh, that’s rich coming from the person that brought their laptop with them on a family holiday.”
“Jesus, babe, it was only twice. You need to let that go. You’re going to get wrinkles”
Kate only scoffs in return and petulantly crosses her arms over her chest.
Yelena takes the reins on the conversation, as always, trying to explain how Kate might be feeling to their therapist. The brunette nodding in agreement at times or mumbling one-word answers.
That is how the sessions have gone thus far.
A petulant Kate and a Yelena that just wants to get it over and done with.
The hour-and-a-half session finally comes to a close and they find themselves back in the warmth of their shared Audi RS6.
Yelena leans back into the driver’s seat and lets out a huff of air as Kate puts on her seatbelt.
It’s quiet for a bit. This a habit by now. Time they take to process their session.
Each session has ended with the same request, to just keep trying.
“It’s almost time to go pick up Mimi. Do you want me to drop you off first?”
Yelena finally speaks, her eyes still shut as she sits up into the seat.
It was all slowly becoming too draining for her.
The fighting, the fake cordiality in front of their daughter, the distance that only seemed to grow after each session despite it only being the third one they’d partaken in.
The sentiment is shared by her lover.
But neither would ever voice it.
Both too stubborn.
“It’s okay. We can go pick her up together. She’d like that.”
Yelena simply nods and starts the car.
As they drive Kate fights the urge to reach out and hold her wife’s hand.
It’s what she’d always do when they would drive somewhere together but she can’t anymore.
She doesn’t know why.
Her wife, keen as always notices the way her fingers curl in on themselves and fall into her lap.
Her heart drops.
The car ride is silent. Neither bother to even put on the radio just the occasional car horn from a careless driver and quick glances to the other.
But the silence breaks as they pull into the school car park, the chatter of parents and screaming of kids filling in the silence.
The smile that takes over their daughter's face as she sees the both of them is priceless.
Kate stays behind leaning against the open car door with a grin as Yelena walks over to pick her up and place her on her hip, sporting a grin just as wide.
“There’s my sweet girl! How was your day, królik?” She presses a hard kiss on her daughter’s cheek as she begins to ramble on about her day.
“..and then. And then, I got two stickers!” Misha beams, her smile never fading.
“Two?! Well, we know where you get your smarts from, don't we?” Kate chirps in with a smirk. She almost loses balance from the abruptness at which her daughter runs and latches herself onto her legs.
“Mom! How come you came today? It’s always just mama.”
They share a look and Yelena frowns before clearing her throat.
“You get your smarts from me, you know that right, Mimi?”
Yelena tries to divert her attention.
“Come on, get in the car.”
Misha is insistent on sitting on Kate’s lap in the front of the car next to Yelena and although they know it’s not safest, it’s hard to deny her when it’s not a luxury she’s afforded as much lately.
The drive back home is a lot louder. Misha asks for Kate to play their favourite songs and Yelena teases the both of them for their horrible music taste.
The car is filled with laughter and music and the two women are silently reminded that they have to keep fighting for this.
Fighting to keep this.
—
Hours later when homework is done, baths have been taken and dinner’s been eaten with the cutest request for dessert that neither can say no to, Kate catches Yelena pulling her shoes back on by the door and her brows furrow in confusion.
“She’s knocked out,” Kate says and it causes the blonde to jump slightly.
“Thank god. I think maybe no more sweets before bed next time.” She chuckles.
“Where are you going?” Kate asks, leaning against the wall next to where Yelena is crouched down.
“Out. For a drink.”
“Alone?”
“Why?”
Yelena stands up straight and they’re face to face. Kate swallows a lump she didn’t even know was stuck in her throat.
“Um, I...I thought we could hang out. Watch a movie, maybe?”
Kate was trying.
Yelena would give her that.
Her instinct was to lie and say she was going out with her sister and text Natasha to cover for her but,
Kate was trying.
And a movie wouldn’t hurt.
So, she slides off her boot and lets a smile take over her face.
“Okay. What’re you in the mood for?”
The grin that splits across Kate’s face is very reminiscent of the one on their daughter's face earlier.
Yelena makes a mental note to mention that to her at some point.
It was the highest compliment to her, to be told she and Misha have similarities.
“We could rewatch You Got Mail?”
“Kate Bishop-Belova, you know me so well.”
All settled down on the couch with a variety of snacks for their choosing, they are about twenty or so minutes into the film when Kate decides to try something.
She closes the slight gap between the two and rests her head on the blonde’s shoulder.
The other woman tenses slightly at the unexpected act of affection but both stay still.
They barely show each other physical affection anymore.
They haven’t held each other or kissed in weeks,
and Yelena is sure it’s been so long since they’ve had sex she’s probably forgotten how to do it.
They cannot pinpoint when it started but as they became more distant and hostile prior to visits with Dr. Arielle, their constant affection died out and neither had the guts to question it.
Yelena would be lying if she said she didn’t miss her wife. Her skin, her smell.
She’d missed her, a lot.
Her hand moves to intertwine their fingers and she keeps it there for a few seconds, testing out the waters.
Then her fingers begin tracing circles on the skin beneath it.
The last year feels nonexistent in that moment. There are no arguments, no jealousy, no lies, and no hostility.
It is just Yelena and Kate.
I miss you, Kate wants to say but it’s stuck on the edge of her throat.
I love you, Yelena wants to say but her mouth comes out with something different.
“I think we should take a break.”
Kate sits up at that and searches for the remote.
“No. No, not from the movie. From… this. From us, I mean.”