Peter knew he liked Johnny when he sat down at their spot, quiet for a few moments, before blurting out, I have a new crush. He knew he loved Johnny when Bobby Drake’s hand lingered on Johnny’s forearm a little too long after a team-up, Johnny redder than what was considered normal for a human being.
So yeah, it hurt when Johnny and Bobby kissed, but god, did it feel great to be the one that Johnny came to when they broke up, to hold him when he cried, to promise to beat Bobby up the next time he saw him.
And then, Johnny died, and he and Bobby got back together, and Daken was there too, and Sue kept on shooting Peter sad looks when she thought he wouldn’t notice.
And then Peter died and dying was weird. The kid was there, trying to hold back the Rhino and save Peter at the same time, and then Johnny arrived in scene, nearly burnt the Rhino to a crisp, and that was the moment that Peter decided to confess his feelings, because he’s always had shitty timing. Miles had been crying. Johhny’s hair had been on fire.
Before coming back to life, he spent a lot of time with Gwen, sitting on the couch in the ghost of her old apartment. Sometimes, they would see MJ, coming home from work, and Gwen would reach out to her and MJ would shiver and then the moment would pass and then MJ cried. A lot. She threw Peter’s suit, once, directly at his face, the fabric passing through him like he was nothing.
Once, Johnny came over, and for the first time since death, Peter felt warm.
“Did he come here a lot?” Johnny asked, and it was muffled, like listening to someone from underwater.
“Yeah,” MJ said tiredly.
“I loved him,” Johnny said, and Peter stood up, drawing closer, even though Gwen tugged at his wrist to not get close. “The day he died, I realized it. Bobby pointed it out, really.”
“He wouldn’t shut the fuck up about you, Johnny Storm,” MJ said, and she grabbed Peter’s mask, handing it to Johnny silently. “Drove me crazy, and it drove Gwen mental, back when—”
“When she was still around,” Johnny said softly. “You and her, she was your girlfriend, right?”
“Yeah,” MJ sighed.
“I’m sorry,” Johnny muttered.
“I’m sorry too,” MJ said, and then Johnny made grilled cheese, and Peter shut his eyes. He didn’t want to see them anymore, didn’t want to be in this apartment anymore. He wanted to go home.
When you were alive, Gwen said, he used to come over, and they would watch you on the news, so they could worry over you together. She knew how he felt about you, before either of you did. She knew.
We visited your grave every Thursday, Peter mumbled. To talk to you. Did you ever hear us?
No, Gwen said. Only after, when you came home. That is when I chose to listen. You’re very depressing, Peter.
It takes him a while, to come back to life, but he does, and Stark, of all people, has been paying his rent, and Jen’s planned a welcome-back-to-life party for him, at the Baxter Building. Sue welcomes him with open arms.
Johnny isn’t there, which hurts, and man, it hurts bad. He wears his suit through the whole thing, too distrusting of the other heroes there. The Young Avengers seem nice, but how does he know they aren’t out to kill him? And how does he know Wolverine isn’t planning on chucking him from the roof? What if Honey Badger sneaks up on him and cuts his spinal cord? What if Hellcat and Black Panther gang up on him?
It’s a lot to think about, and Peter spends most of the night making a list, a very, very small list, of the people in the room he can trust.
1. Sue Storm. He can trust Sue because Sue is an amazing person and accepted Peter int her family immediately, and she takes no shit from anyone.
2. Miles Morales. He’s a good kid. A little too trusting, but that comes with having a good heart. His boyfriend, Nova, is half on the list, by association.
3. Cindy Moon. He and Cindy have been friends for a long, long time, and he’s glancing at him periodically, to make sure he’s all good, so yeah, she makes the cut.
4. Emma Frost. It’s the pantsuit. Don’t ask him to explain. Jean is not half on the list, unlike Nova, because they got in a fight once and Peter nearly peed his brand-new suit. Sue him for being nervous around her. She’s scary.
5. Angelina Jones and Matt Murdock. They share a spot, mainly because six people felt like too much, too many people to trust. So, they share. And Ben and Kaine are off, on some secret mission Peter is cleared to know about But if they were, they would make the list.
Franklin and Valeria are climbing Wolverine like a tree, and Peter watched them tiredly, when out of the corner of his eye he sees Sue go down the hall, coming back by herself ten minutes later, and he’s watched her movements well enough to know she’s keeping someone else invisible. She whispers something into Reed’s ear, and he nods and glances at Peter, and even though he’s got his mask on, Peter feels naked, like everyone is staring at him. Bobby is glaring daggers at him, for sure, and Daken’s got a hand on his chest, but Bobby pushed past, and then Wolverine’s blocked his path.
“We talked about this, Drake,” she told him, and he shrugged her off and headed towards Peter still.
Bobby doesn’t make Peter nervous. He and Angelina and Peter used to hang out a lot, Angelina talking about her boy problems and Bobby talking about Johnny.
“I’m not mad at you,” Bobby said. “But dude, you should’ve told me how you felt about him earlier. Would’ve backed off.”
“I’m not mad at you either,” Peter said. It’s the only thing he can think to say, right now, because Bobby’s thrown him for a loop. Doesn’t happen too often.
“It was always you, I think,” Bobby said next, grabbing Peter’s cup and filling it with ice cubes subconsciously. “Even when we were together. Couldn’t shut up about you.”
“I love him a lot,” Peter said, and he doesn’t mutter under his breath, like he usually would, because he knows that Johnny’s listening in. He can feel his warmth.
He leaves before the thought of Johnny consumes him, out the window, like old times. Franklin gives him a high five from Wolverine’s shoulders, and Miles gives him a hug. Peter hold him extra tight before going home.
It’s two am, and he can’t sleep, because he was freaking dead and gone and buried last week and now he’s breathing and very much alive, lying awake in a cold bed, thinking about Johnny, while the college kids below him blast Fall Out Boy.
He changed into his suit, crawling down the side of the building, knocked on the window, and politely told them to shut the fuck up.
“Aren’t you dead?” One of them said, and Peter rolled his eyes and swung away.
He sat on a rooftop for a while, up high, watching the city breathe. Below, Cindy and Felicity were playing their odd game of spider and cat, chasing each other around, laughter blending into the noise of traffic. He let himself breathe, finally. No one staring him down at his welcome-home party, no old friends, turning invisible just so they wouldn’t have o look him in the face. No scary Jean Grey, in her red and blue suit, holding Emma’s hand, making conversation with Matt, who hadn’t seemed nervous at all, so maybe it was just him, who was nervous around her. Either way, she was terrifying.
It took Johnny half an hour to find him, or it took him half an hour to gather up the courage to talk to Peter. Whatever. It was one and the same.
“I don’t feel the same way anymore,” Johnny said, flaming off, and then Dazzler, freaking Alison Blaire, flies past them. Angel chases after her. Everyone is in a good mood, it seems, but Peter.
“Okay,” Peter muttered. “I don’t think we should be friends, then.”
“Okay,” Johnny said. “But you’re my best friend, dude.”
“Alright,” Peter shot back, and then Johnny frowned, his stupid, beautiful face contorting into an expression that didn’t fit him.
“I don’t think you should come over,” Johnny said softly. “I—”
“Got it,” Peter snapped, turning away from him to jump off the other side of the building. “Just—I need time.”
“Me too,” Johnny said, crossing his arms and flaming on.
He goes home, and the music is still playing, but it’s quieter now. He crumples up his mask and throws it into the wall like a fastball. It left a dent.
Ben is there, the next morning, and he hld Peter while Peter sobbed, crying about Johnny and the night before. Ben draws patterns on his back, and it’s nice, except it makes Peter think of Johnny, flame-writing in the night sky, and he cries harder, and then Johnny is on TV, talking about the Future Foundation, and a reporter asked how he felt about the return of Spider-Man, and the asshole goes Glad to have him back. Like Johnny didn’t say what he said last night. Like he didn’t break Peter’s heart.
“I love him,” Peter said, not talking to Ben. Not talking to anyone, really.
“I know.”
“I don’t want to lose him.”
“I know, Pete. I know.”
“Did I do something wrong?” Peter whispered, and Ben runs his fingers through Peter’s hair, frowning at his screen.
“Nope, this is literally all his fault,” Ben said. “Fucking asshole, telling you this when you’ve just come back from the dead.”
“Where’s Kaine?” Peter asked tiredly, and Ben winced.
“The Baxter Building,” Ben said, and Peter gets up, pulling on his suit and swinging out the window, leaving Ben shouting behind him.
Kaine is hassling the secretary when Peter touches down, a guy named Paul who looks as if he’ll piss his pants.
“Kaine!” Peter hissed, grabbing his brother and dragging him towards the door. “Leave Paul alone!”
“That shithead deserves to pay,” Kaine practically growled, and the sad thing is, Peter wants to let Kaine go up and give Johnny his worst, and it’s selfish and rude of him, but he can’t help feeling like this.
And then Johnny walks in, Crystal at his side, smiling like he’s got all the time in the world.
“Don’t worry, I’m leaving,” Peter said, grabbing Kaine and heading for the door.
“Fuck you, Storm,” Kaine sneered, and then they were out onto the street, swinging back to Peter’s apartment.
“You shouldn’t have done that,” Peter grumbled as they crawled through the window.
“You should have done it,” Kaine shot back.
“You both suck,” Ben told them.
It’s Tuesday, two months after Johnny and Peter stopped talking, and Peter’s wearing F4 sweatpants, the ones with the flaming logo, watching the same story on the news play over and over again. He’s eating Lucky Charms, which MJ says is incredibly unhealthy, for nine pm, but Peter can’t seem to care.
Miles is doing his math homework at the kitchen table, chatting Peter’s ear off about Nova and asking the occasional question about algebra.
“Miles, I think the occasional team-up with the Young Avengers is fine, but I don’t think a full-time spot will do you any good,” Peter said, flipping the channel as Miles nodded.
“Billy’s pretty cool, though. Offered me and Nova and Ms. M spots,” Miles told him. Peter got up to put his bowl in the sink.
“I dunno, kid. Lot of drama,” Peter said, looking over Miles’ shoulder at his homework. “Try the quadratic formula, there.”
Miles erased his previous work and started over, scribbling away at his homework for a minute, then showing it to Peter to check.
“Nice job,” Peter said. “What time’s your dad picking you up?”
“I kind of told him you said I could sleep over,” Miles said. “Remember, cause you said we’d go on patrol together, like old times?”
“Right,” Peter said. He doesn’t remember at all. “Then we can swing by and get your toothbrush, young man. I got in trouble last time. Your dad is very intimidating.”
“Can we go now?” Miles pleaded.
“Dude, c’mon. Math and history first,” Peter said back, tapping Miles’ backpack for emphasis.
“Okay,” Miles sighed, and Peter’s phone buzzed.
Unknown: Spider-Man, this is Crystal. Johnny’s on your roof and wants to talk. Please unblock his number also.
Alright, Peter texted back, telling Miles to focus before climbing up the fire escape.
Johnny is there, arms wrapped around himself, sitting on the air conditioning unit. He looked exhausted.
“Hey,” Peter said awkwardly.
“Can I stay with you tonight?” Johnny asked. “Sue and I got into a fight, and I don’t have anywhere else to go.”
“Yeah, no problem,” Peter told him, and his heart sank to his stomach. He had hoped that Johnny was going to confess. Or something like that. Apologize, maybe.
Peter entered back through the window, and Miles grinned, holding up his homework proudly. “Spider-Man, put on your mask,” Peter told him, and he did, pulling it down as Johnny crawled through the window.
“You,” Miles muttered darkly. Johnny blanched.
“Why don’t you focus on your history notes, Spider-Man,” Peter told him, and then he led Johnny to his room, waiting outside the door awkwardly as Johnny put on pajamas.
“I don’t like him,” Miles huffed, crossing his arms.
“He’s got ears, kid,” Peter told him. “And if you still want to sleep over, you’ve just got to put up with it.”
“No, I’m still sleeping over,” Miles said. “He can sleep out in the hall, or something. Maybe downstairs with those really annoying dudes.”
“He isn’t going to sleep in the emo apartment,” Peter said. “Hurry up, okay? We still need to get your toothbrush.”
“I don’t get why—”
“Hygiene!” Peter snapped. “Get in your suit, alright? We’ll go now. You can finish your homework tonight.”
Miles rushed to the hall bathroom as Johnny stepped out of Peter’s room, wearing a pair of old flannel pants and a tourist shirt for the Statue of Liberty.
“You’re going out?” Johnny asked. Peter nodded and went into his room, taking off his shirt. Johnny followed him. “Can I come?”
“Sure.” Peter shrugged and went to change in the closet. Everything was awkward, with Johnny there. Like Peter wasn’t allowed to breathe.
He put on his suit quickly, knocking on the closet door after he was done. “Cool if I come out?” Peter called, wincing at his choice of words.
“Yeah,” Johnny said, and then they left, meeting Miles in the living room and climbing up to the roof.
“Toothbrush first,” Peter called as Miles tried to head towards the Baxter Building rather than his home. Grumbling, he switched directions, leading Johnny and Peter to his parent’s home. They went though the window, his parents still up, watching a show.
“Forgot his toothbrush,” Peter said as Miles ran to his room, and Miles’ dad nodded.
“I thought that you and Storm were over,” his mom said, and it took pure willpower to not march into Miles’ room right now and give him a stern talking-to.
“Figuring it out,” Peter said, and then Miles hugged his parents goodbye and they left, Johnny climbing out first.
“Spider-Man, we need to have a serious talk about you telling everyone my business,” Peter scolded, and Miles swung out in front of him.
“It’s not my fault your life is so depressing,” Miles said cheerfully.
Peter decided to not kill him, and they kept swinging, making it to his and Miles’ usual stop, in the heart of the city.
“Remember, kid. Don’t look with your eyes. Trust the spider-sense,” Peter told him.
“Got it,” Miles said seriously, and Peter knew he was closing his eyes.
“Feel anything?” Peter asked.
“Nope.”
“I think that’s pretty concerning,” Johnny said, pointing. Peter turned to look.
“Nova!” Miles exclaimed excitedly.
“Nova,” Peter said, less excitedly.
Miles swung to go meet him, and they hugged, Nova swinging Miles around in the air like a Disney princess.
“Young love, eh?” Peter said. Johnny nodded along, not looking at them.
He was looking at Peter.
“Did you really get in a fight with Sue?” Peter asked.
“No,” Johnny said, looking down at his hands. “So, here’s the thing, Pete.”
“Hothead—”
“Let me talk,” Johnny said, not unkindly. “Listen. I lied. I’m probably one of the biggest liars on the planet, I think, because I’m in love with you. I’m so in love with you that it hurts, and I didn’t know how to love you and be so freaking worried about you, but now I get it. I’m supposed to worry about you. I worry about you. And I love you. And really, I don’t know why I said I didn’t. It wasn’t the best thing to say. And I’m sorry. And I worry about you, and I love you, like, a shit ton, so I was thinking we could have a sleepover at your apartment and then make waffles for the other Spider-Man in the morning, or something. And then, we could be boyfriends, and eventually get a dog. I dunno.”
“Dogs are neat,” Peter said. “And I worry about you too. And I love you too. So, sleep over. The kid’ll be pissed. It’ll be funny. I’ll post it to the ‘Tube’ or whatever he calls it.”
“Never say the ‘Tube’ again,” Johnny said, and then Peter rolled up his mask and kissed him, and then Johnny kissed him back, and they kissed again, and again, and again.
“Can Nova sleep over too?” Miles asked, ruining the moment.
“No, Nova can go home to see his mother, who is probably wondering where he is,” Peter said, and Miles huffed.
“Next time?”
“No, Spider-Man, you and your boyfriend will not be having a sleepover at my house.”
“But you get Johnny!”
“Which one of us is twenty-five, twerp?”
“Fine,” Miles pouted, and Johnny bumped his shoulder into Peter’s shoulder, and everything was good. Peter shivered, and he grinned, thinking of Gwen.