I Can't Hear You
It hadn't really had time to sink in before.
The circlet had done a lot for Imogen, the most significant by far being that she no longer had to painstakingly maintain her walls in order to keep people out. She could relax and simply be present whenever she found herself around people, rather than worrying about suffering from a multi-day migraine.
But on the other hand, she could no longer hear Laudna's music. And that almost made her want to be rid of it entirely.
Something in Zhudanna's expression suggested she knew, when the two of them stopped by to say hello. Even though Imogen couldn't hear her thoughts, something in her expression and her body language suggested... something.
It put Imogen a little bit on edge as she and Laudna made their way through the streets of Jrusar, something that gave Imogen flashbacks to before they'd ever even met Bell's Hells.
However, there was one major difference, and Imogen found it impossible to ignore. Laudna never reached out for her hand, never laced their fingers together as a gesture of solitude. And Imogen supposed it could be because Laudna no longer needed to provide her support, because Imogen was no longer in danger of getting overwhelmed, but that explanation didn't feel right.
"Laud?" she eventually found herself asking. "You alright?"
Like earlier that day, Laudna suddenly seemed to find making eye contact to be an impossible task. "I'm fine."
"Laud, I don't have to read your thoughts to know you're clearly not fine."
Laudna stopped her task of searching the bread aisle and closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. Imogen found herself instinctively reaching out to comfort her, but a memory of earlier when Laudna had flinched away from her touch flashed through her mind, and she stopped herself.
"Delilah's back," Laudna finally admitted.
For a moment, Imogen was uncertain what to make of that statement, searching desperately for a response, but all that came out of her mouth was "again?"
Laudna nodded slowly. "I brought her back, Imogen. I did that. After all you and everyone else went through, and I just... brought her back."
Cautiously, Imogen reached out her hand, expecting Laudna to flinch away once again, but this time, Laudna's hand shot out and scooped up Imogen's in a death grip, like she was holding on for dear life.
"What happened?" Imogen asked, her voice soft.
Laudna turned, finally making eye contact with Imogen for the first time since they were reunited. "I killed him, Imogen. I murdered Bor'Dor in cold blood. And it wasn't because he was Ruby Vanguard, it wasn't because he attacked us, it was because I thought he deserved to die."
Inky tears began to well up in Laudna's eyes, and Imogen stepped forward, gently touching their foreheads together. She placed one hand on the back of Laudna's neck, a show of support, allowing the other woman to melt into her embrace.
"It's okay," Imogen whispered softly. "It's okay, Laud. You're alright now. He was a horrible person. He tried to kill you. You aren't a bad person."
"I am, I am," Laudna insisted, tears now streaming down her face. "Imogen... I am a horrible person."
"Laud, I've been deeper in your mind than I think even you have been, okay?" Imogen reassured her. "I've seen every part of who you are. You aren't a bad person."
"But I brought her back," Laudna insisted. "Because I felt betrayed again. And, Imogen... I don't know if I want to get rid of her."
Imogen pulled Laudna in closer for a full hug, holding it for a moment until Laudna pulled away, grasping both of Imogen's hands as she did her best to blink the tears away.
"And why not?" Imogen asked. "Why don't you want to get rid of her?"
"Because we're facing off against a god-eating-god," Laudna managed between sobs. "Not to mention one of the most powerful wizards in Exandria. We need more power if we want to even stand a chance."
The corner of Imogen's mouth curved upwards into a faint half-smile. "So you want to potentially sacrifice your own autonomy in order to stand a chance against something that could destroy the world," she said. "Doesn't sound much like something a bad person would do."
"Imogen..."
"Am I wrong?"
Laudna locked eyes with her for a moment, and Imogen suddenly found herself stunned by the intensity of Laudna's gaze. There was something buried in it, like Laudna was searching for something, or looking into her very soul.
"You said before we lost each other that you weren't sure you were doing the right thing," Laudna said. "What do you think now?"
The question caught Imogen off guard, and for a moment, she found herself reeling, searching for an answer.
"I think that I trust your instincts," Imogen finally stated. "If you think the gods need our protection, I'd give my life to see it through, if necessary. I know you, I know you're a good person, so I trust your judgement, Laud."
Laudna seemed to study her face, then sniffed and brought a hand up to wipe her tears away. "You really mean that?"
"Would I lie to you?"
Rather than respond, Laudna sniffed once again and let out a small chuckle before making eye contact with Imogen.
And then Laudna closed her eyes and leaned forward.
And--
Wait...
It was over before Imogen could even process what had just happened, she was unable to do anything except stare, wide-eyed, at Laudna's porcelain features, a nervous expression on her face.
The two simply stared at each other for a moment, the nervous expression on Laudna's face growing stronger and stronger, until she finally spoke up.
"Imogen?" she asked. "Was that... I don't... are you okay?"
"You... you kissed me." Imogen stated flatly, unable to properly express any of the hundreds of thousands of emotions that were rushing through her mind. In that moment, she found herself glad she had the circlet, because she had no ability to block anything out in this moment.
A deep purple color spread across Laudna's cheeks, a blush, Imogen realized. She did that. She made Laudna blush.
"I did," Laudna replied bashfully. "I... I hope that was okay."
"I didn't... I didn't know you..."
"Didn't know I felt that way?" Laudna asked, fidgeting with her hair in that way Imogen found so adorably endearing. "I didn't either. Ashton said something the other night that lead to me realizing. And then you were being so sweet just now, I just... had to."
"Laud..." Imogen stammered. "Please don't get me wrong--"
"You don't feel the same?"
"Of course I do! I have for years now, I just..."
Imogen paused, taking a deep breath, before finally forcing out: "Laud... I don't deserve you."
Laudna looked confused at that. "What do you mean?"
"You're amazing, Laud. You're beautiful, you're kind, you're resilient, even in the face of literal death. You're an indescribably good person. And I'm just... me."
"Just you?" Laudna looked almost angry at that. "Imogen..."
"I got you killed. I did that. Thull killed you because of how I feel about you. And if they can do that... who's to say it couldn't happen again? I don't think I could do without you, Laud. I destroyed an entire city block last time. What if I go even further?"
"Then I'll claw my way back to the land of the living so I can help you," Laudna smiled, cupping Imogen's cheek in an affectionate gesture. "I've come back before. For you, I'd do it a thousand times, if necessary. If it meant keeping you safe, I'd fight the Matron herself."
Imogen was too overwhelmed to speak for a minute, simply staring in awe at the unbridled love in Laudna's eyes. Finally, she leaned forward for another kiss.
"You better know that I'll hold you to that," she smirked. "And that I'd do the same for you."
"You already sort of did."
Imogen chuckled at that, then leaned forward for another kiss.
"My Laudna," she whispered.
"My Imogen," came the reply.
Imogen couldn't keep the smile off her face for two days.