Deserving
Love.
Love, love, love.
Imogen.
Imogen's love.
Love Imogen.
Imogen is lovely.
Imogen loves her.
She loves Imogen.
The words bounced back and forth inside her head like a child's bouncing ball, almost giving her a headache as the group trudged across the Issylran landscape. The revelation of what Ashton had been referring to was a slow one, but it still felt as if he'd opted to hit her with his hammer rather than a speech when it finally sunk in.
Laudna loves Imogen.
It was a strange thought, but what had finally tipped Laudna off was how natural the thought felt when it had finally surfaced. As if rather than a revelation, it was simply as though Laudna had observed the state of their friendship and followed it to a natural conclusion. Like rather than a deep, all-consuming feeling, it was an extension of what they already had.
Was she ready for this? Was Imogen somewhere out there in the world, thinking these same thoughts? What if Laudna said the wrong thing, and their friendship was ruined? What if they had a falling out, and Imogen didn't want to see her anymore? Did Laudna even deserve Imogen in the first place? Imogen was a shining star among mortals, a marvel of Exandria, and Laudna wasn't much more than a reanimated bag of skin and bones. Imogen could have anybody she wanted. Even if Ashton was right and Imogen had feelings for Laudna, was there any reason Imogen would ever follow through on them, especially when there were so many better options around her at all times?
She wasn't conscious of it, but she heard herself groan as her little group made its way through the forest, as she rubbed her eyes and desperately trying to focus on anything else. Ashton-- this was his home, where he'd come from, where he'd had his accident. Maybe that merited her focus.
That thought didn't last too long, as images of Ashton's past and the flashes FCG had described from when he went into Ashton's head, were quickly replaced by beautiful lavender locks, sculpted features, and delicate, scarred hands clasped around Laudna's, a beaming smile shining towards her.
Laudna groaned again and shook her head, silently scolding herself as she tried desperately to focus on anything else. The solstice, Ludinus, Issylra, but images of red mist floating off from Imogen's form once again swarmed her thoughts, as did the familiar fear that Imogen may not even be alive anymore.
"Laudna? You alright?"
Laudna turned towards Orym's voice, feeling his small hand on her forearm. She looked down to find his worried expression staring back at her, and she smiled in response.
"Yeah, I'm alright," she responded. "Just a bit of a headache."
"You sure?"
"I'm sure, Orym, I promise."
Orym nodded, but he looked unconvinced. "I wouldn't blame you if you weren't," he insisted. "Not after the few days we've had. Ludinus, Imogen, Imogen's mom, and now we're here in Issylra, even the most mentally stable people I know would be struggling after all that."
"I promise, I'm fine," Laudna insisted. "Just worried, I guess."
"About Imogen."
Laudna wasn't exactly caught off guard, but she was still unprepared for the statement.
"I... you..."
"Hey, it's alright if you are, I totally get it," Orym insisted, gripping her hand in support. "She means a lot to you. It's kinda hard to miss."
I don't mind being your better half.
The memory flashed through her mind, and she was once again lost for words.
"Laudna?"
"Huh?" She snapped back to reality to find another worried look on Orym's face.
"You went somewhere else for a second. Are you absolutely certain you're all right?"
"How did you know?"
The words were out of Laudna's mouth before she was even aware of it. At the look of confusion on Orym's face, she could feel her own start to heat up.
"Know what?"
"Nothing!" she squeaked. "Nothing! Just me being, y'know, me!"
Orym studied her face for a moment. "You're blushing."
"No I'm not!"
"Your face is purple. Is this about Imogen?"
Laudna felt a bump in her chest. A heartbeat. By her count, the first since she'd woken up in that gorge.
"Why would it be about Imogen?" she forced out.
"Because she's got a massive crush on you."
A noise escaped Laudna's throat that reminded her vaguely of how she'd reacted to Dusk asking her out, what felt like years ago.
"I see," said Orym. "So you finally worked it out, then."
Laudna felt the heat in her face spread down her neck, across her chest, causing another faint bump in her chest.
"Does everyone know but me?" she managed.
Orym didn't respond, which was all the response Laudna needed. She groaned in frustration and buried her face in her hands, trying to bury the wave of self-loathing that rose in her stomach.
"Fuck!" she groaned. "I'm so fucking stupid."
"Hey, you aren't stupid," Orym insisted. "Imogen's been learning to hide her feelings her whole life. It's no shame to admit she was too good at that for you."
"But everyone else knew," Laudna stated. "You didn't deny that. Everyone knew but me."
"Knew what?" Prism's voice called back.
"Let's ask her," Laudna said, pulling away from Orym's hand. "Prism. You've heard us mention our lost friends, right?"
"Yeah. You said... Chetney, Fearne, Imogen, and something called an FCG?"
"Exactly," Laudna agreed. "What impression do you have of them? From what we've told you?"
"Uh, well... Chetney, you said he's a woodcutter, right?"
"Right."
"Okay. And Fearne's a druid, from... the Feywild, right? So she's probably pretty chaotic. We've got a faun back in Emon, she's hard to pin down."
"Yeah."
"And this FCG... you say it's your healer? And you said it's metal, so... it's probably pretty weird."
"Correct. And Imogen?"
Prism thought for a moment. "You've mentioned her a lot, she's some all powerful sorcerer or something, and-- I mean... I think... no, I won't say that."
"Say what?"
Prism looked away, seemingly desperate to avoid eye contact. "I don't want to presume, but... you talk about her like she's everything, so... is she your girlfriend?"
Laudna didn't respond to that, she just huffed in frustration and gave Orym a look. "Believe me now?" she asked.
"Laudna--"
"Not now, Orym, please."
Laudna pushed past Bor'Dor and Ashton, establishing herself a dozen or so feet ahead of the group so she could be alone for a bit. Even people who had never met Imogen knew about this, and Laudna still had had no idea. If she couldn't work this out, how could anything between her and Imogen be expected to work out?
What she wouldn't give to have Imogen beside her right now to tell her everything was okay.
Unconsciously, Laudna's hand slid into her bag, clutching the Feywild Shard that Imogen had gifted her a while ago, and if she closed her eyes and focused hard enough, she could almost feel Imogen's hand in hers. She imagined, briefly, that somewhere out there, Imogen was thinking about her, maybe clutching something Laudna had given her (the Taste of Tal'Dorei pencil came to mind) and imagining Laudna's hand in hers.
"I'll get back to you, Imogen," she whispered. "No matter what."