Anxiety
Imogen recognized the look on Deanna's face the moment it took form: widened eyes, flushed expression, shallow breathing. It was one she'd seen in the mirror dozens upon dozens of times. Which was why, after Deanna ran out of her house, Imogen gave her a minute to calm down before following her to ensure she was okay.
She pushed the door open, ignoring multiple gazes on her back, before stepping out onto the front stoop and sitting down next to the hyperventilating woman. Deanna made eye contact and Imogen placed a hand on her shoulder in a silent show of support.
"Hi," she said simply.
"Hi," came the shaky answer.
"How are you doing?" Imogen asked.
"Good," Deanna squeaked. "It's a bit... it's been a lot of a day."
Imogen nodded, a faint grin poking at the edges of her mouth. "Yeah, it's a lot."
Deanna took a deep, shaky breath. "I'm sorry."
"What? Why would you be sorry?"
"Oh, I..." Deanna stuttered once again, trying desperately to shake of her flustered state. "Hmmm... I don't know. I'm nervous." She chuckled. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I am." The lies were automatic at this point, despite her conversation with FRIDA the other night.
Deanna gave her a look that suggested she was entirely unconvinced. "Are you actually?"
Despite her conscious mind immediately turning towards lying again, something in Imogen's subconscious held her back, suggesting that maybe Deanna would understand more than she may expect.
"No," she forced out. "I guess not."
Deanna's eyes dropped. "Yeah. I get that."
"I mean, all of us are in a bit of a loop right now, right?"
"Yeah."
There was a moment of silence between them, Imogen wrestling with her next words.
"I just wanted to be sure you were alright," she told her. "I've seen anxiety before, so I thought maybe..."
"Yeah, it's weird, you know?"
Imogen smiled a little. "You know, we can make Chet sleep outside."
"No no, it's fine, really."
"I mean it."
"He can't stay out here," Deanna laughed. "If I could stay in the room with y'all. Unless there's a thing happening?"
A laugh escaped Imogen's lips at that. "Oh, definitely not. Me and Fearne? No way."
Deanna seemed to study her face for a moment.
"But there is somebody, isn't there?"
Imogen suddenly found herself unable to meet Deanna's eyes. "Yeah. There's somebody."
"One of the friends you left behind."
Imogen just nodded.
"Do you mind me asking..." she began, before taking a deep breath. "What was Chet like when you first met him?"
Deanna blushed at that. "He was... really something. Really passionate. A-and I don't mean that in a weird way, he just always loved what he did, and it's hard not to want to be the object of someone with that much focus's attention, you know?"
Imogen felt her cheeks warm at that. "Yeah, I do."
Deanna reached over and placed her hand on Imogen's arm, a calm smile on her face. "Wanna tell me about him?"
"Her," Imogen corrected.
"Her. Sorry."
Imogen smiled and shook her head. "It's fine, you're not the first to make that assumption. And, her name's Laudna."
"Laudna," Deanna echoed. "That's a really pretty name."
"I know, she's amazing."
Deanna squeezed Imogen's arm in support. "Wanna tell me about her?"
Imogen smiled. "She's kind, she's considerate, she'd so loving to everybody she meets it almost seems inhuman at times, in the best way, y'know? And she's so, so beautiful, like moon-rising-over-a-lake beautiful."
"And what do you like so much about her?"
Imogen chuckled. "It would probably be quicker to tell you what I don't like about her. She's such a dreamer, she's so kind to everybody she meets, she actually means all the nice things she says, which you'd be surprised how rare that is."
"Not really, honestly."
Imogen chuckled.
Deanna hesitated for a moment. "Can I hug you? Is that weird?"
Rather than replying, Imogen leaned over and wrapped her arms around Deanna's shoulders, pulling her into a hug.
"Does she make you happy?" Deanna whispered into her ear.
"More than I could ever put into words."
"And does she know how you feel?"
Imogen pulled away, instinctively reaching up to wipe away phantom tears. "No. And I don't know if I can tell her. My feelings have literally gotten her killed."
"She died?"
"Yeah. Twice. And the second one was because someone was trying to get to me."
"Oh, honey, you can't blame yourself for that," Deanna insisted. "You didn't kill her."
"But I got her killed. That's basically the same thing."
"No it fucking isn't, okay? Stop telling yourself that. Someone coming after you and killing her in the process is not the same thing as you personally driving a blade through her heart. And if you say that again, I will have to use my mom voice on you."
Imogen couldn't help but let out a loud laugh at that.
"Nobody's ever done that to me before," she smiled.
"Your mom never used that voice on you?"
Imogen turned away in an attempt to hide her face. "My mom left me when I was young."
"Oh, honey."
Imogen felt Deanna's arms wrap around her again, and she felt a warm feeling bubble up in her stomach.
"How about this," Deanna said. "From now on, if you ever need it, I can be your mom for you. And when we find this Laudna, I'll be there for you while you tell her how you feel, okay?"
Imogen hesitated, then returned the hug as she buried her face in Deanna's shoulder. She felt the faintest prick of tears as a smile spread uncontrollably across her face.
"Deal," she whispered.