“Come on- dammit! You prick Peter!”
“That wasn’t my fault!”
“It so was dude you didn’t check the corner- you’re literally a fucking spy and you didn’t check the corner-“
“NED!” Peter yelled with genuine anger for the first time since they’d started playing. “Not over the mic dude we’ve talked about this!”
“Oh shit, you’re right I’m sorry!” Ned apologised quickly, realising his blunder. Mr. Stark had warned even though he had both of the boy’s internet connections protected there was always a chance a hacker could tap into their conversation; so no Spidey talk.
“Besides I’m an agent, not a spy.” Peter huffed, adjusting his position on the floor. He’d been sitting there for hours playing some online war game (that was definitely not Steve approved, or even Tony approved for that matter, but Nat was babysitting so it was all good) with Ned and his legs were starting to go numb, among other things.
“Dude!”
“What?! You started it first!”
“No you idiot- you just used the last clip and now I’m- great I’m dead. Nice job Peter, now we gotta start all over again.” Ned grumbled. He’d been getting increasingly agitated as the afternoon went on and Peter wasn’t sure why; not that it was all that unusual. Ned was generally a very happy go lucky guy but that was thanks to video games being his form of catharsis, the place he took all of his aggression out on. Only last week the boy had to buy a new remote after he broke it in a fit of rage; that Peter had found fucking hilarious- mostly because he wasn’t in the room at the time and just heard a cocophony of screaming and crashing sounds through his headset; but also because he knew Ned wasn’t really mad. Now when his friend got genuinely angry- that was a scary thing. Peter had only witnessed it a handful of times during their ten year friendship but those had been enough; even the boy with superpowers was scared when Ned Leeds was angry. Peter was pretty sure he’d give Hulk a run for his money.
So Ned snapping at him wasn’t all that alarming, though it did strike Peter as unusual as Ned had gotten that way remarkably quickly, even for him. “Well it’s whatever man. It’s Friday, what else have you gotta do?”
“You’ve gotta be up early so I don’t wanna spend all night DYING!”
“Okay, okay man, chill!” Peter laughed. “Dude cut down on the soda you’ve had way too much caffeine.”
“Same goes for you. I ain’t pausing so you can go pee twenty times.”
“Hey!” Peter intended to snap but it came out more as a whine. Even though he was very sensitive about that subject, Peter knew his friend was only teasing him. Friendly banter was just par for the course at that point. “Don’t get rude Leeds.”
“Or what Parker?”
“Or that.” Peter smirked slyly as made his character threw a Molotov into the bunker Ned’s player was currently in.
“Wha- YOU SON OF A BITCH!”
“EDWARD! MIND YOUR LANGUAGE- DON'T YOU MAKE ME GET THE SOAP AGAIN!” Peter heard the angelic dulcet tones of Mrs. Leeds screaming bloody murder in the background.
“Sorry momma!” Ned squeaked out sheepishly, his voice an octave higher than usual; which sent Peter into absolute hysterics. “Shut up, Peter.”
“I’m s-s-sorry.” Peter stammered between giggles.
“Yeah well g-g-go fuck yourself.” Ned mocked, though he cursed considerably quieter this time.
“Hey! Be nice to me!” Peter laughed, once again not taking his friends jabs to heart. Had anyone else picked at his stutter or small bladder he would’ve been distraught- but it was just Ned. Ned has a free pass for those things. “Man you’re a feisty one tonight ain’t ya?”
“Mleh mleh mleh- Shut up and get ready. We’re restarting the campaign.”
“Yes sir.” Peter nodded militantly even though his friend couldn’t see him. Just as they were entering the lobby Peter felt a small twinge in his abdomen signalling it was time to take a break. “Hold on, I’ll be right back-“
“Wait, it’s starting up.” Ned said before Peter could even move. The loading screen already played out and they boys were being given their randomly allocated characters. “Dude! I got Skrullborn!”
“What no way?!” Peter was instantly distracted, pushing his bladder back to the deep recesses of his mind. ‘Skrullborn’ was one of the highest ranking characters in the game and there was only a one in three hindered chance of getting him when on random; otherwise players had to unlock him through and insanely hard to beat dlc expansion that neither Ned or Peter had managed to beat yet. The only other character on par with Skrullborn was- “Oh my god! I got Hela!”
“What?! You’re shitting me, you so did not-“
“Edward!”
“Sorry ma! Dude show me!” Peter immediately obliged and snapchatted Ned a photo of the avatar as proof. “No way man, this is too good! We’re so gonna win this match- look all the other guys are just Quill’s and Wilson’s!”
Peter followed along with what his friend was describing and he was right. The other twenty eight players were of a much lower class than the characters he and Ned had unlocked; the statistical likelihood of that happening was nearly impossible- and Peter was good at mental arithmetic, he ran the numbers in his head. They were a sure fire for winning this round.
Peter’s excitement triggered his body into reminding him what he’d been about to do before they won the jackpot. “This is sick- cover me for a sec I gotta go to the bathroom-“
“What no way!” Ned cried to Peter’s shock. That was a very unNedlike thing to say, the boy usually discouraged his friend from waiting too long. “Dude, I can’t cover you until you make some armour. Quill has shitty stamina but his pistols will kill you before I can do anything.”
Peter bit his lip. Ned was right, if he left now the pair would surely both be killed and their team had to win the match for them to be able to keep Skrullborn and Hela as playable characters; something the pair had been trying to achieve for over a fortnight. “Okay, I can hold it.”
“Dude it doesn’t matter, pee your pants if you have to, this is more important.” Ned said seriously making Peter wrinkle his nose.
“Gross Ned.” He laughed.
“I’m serious! You can change your pants, we won’t get this lucky again!”
Peter totally agreed with the boys sentiment (not that he was going to willingly wet himself but the idea that his bladder could wait until they’d won) but he still chose to argue with his friend; mostly just to rule him up, knowing Ned played better when he was mad (and because, you know, it’s fun to piss your friends off now and then). “We can just buy the characters.”
“I ain’t paying fifteen dollars! Not when I can earn them fair and square thanks to my excellent gaming skills-“
“We just got lucky, you literally said that. There’s no sense of accomplishment with this-“
“Silence naysayer!” Ned cried dramatically causing his sister to scream at him to shut up- which he didn’t care about nearly as much as his mom doing so. “You too Viv- silence! The master is working!”
“Yeah working on my last nerve! Shut the fuck up before I let Dotty draw in one of your girly picture books again!” Viv’s voice was distinctly closer now, making it apparent to Peter that she’d popped her head into the boy’s room in order to deliver her threat.
“Don’t you- they’re not girly!” Ned screeched. “Get out!”
“Make me.”
“Okay- maaaaaa-“
“Ugh you’re such a baby.” Ned’s sister hissed as she slammed the door; all the while Peter was struggling to contain his laughter.
“Dude, dude, you gotta- you gotta stop making me laugh if you want me to last the match.” He managed to huff out.
“Good, piss yourself you dick.” Ned spat but he too was laughing. “And if that toddler goes near my issue #322 with her crayons again imma yeet her out the window-“
“Ned!” Peter spluttered, unable to stop as another wave of giggles courses through him. As much as he was enjoying his extended families commentary, he was serious in what he’d told his friend. Laughter really wasn’t the best idea when he already had thirty minutes of pee holding to contend with; something that would be a challenge enough as it was.
“Sorry sorry.” Ned said quickly, regaining his own composure and drawing on that determined focus he had moments ago. “Right, you ready?”
“Yup.” Peter popped the P as he shifted his position, sitting cross legged on the floor as opposed to having his legs outstretched like he once had.
“That doesn’t sound very enthusiastic, Hela.”
“Yes Skrullborn I’m ready now will you click start-“
“That’s Mr. Skrullborn to you. Or daddy if you’d prefer-“
Peter let out a noise of frustration. “Mr. Dickhead shut the hell up before I exit the game and go to the bathroom-“
“Okay okay, starting.” Ned said quickly. He knew from experience that Peter would undoubtedly go through with his threat as he had done many times before. Usually at the most inopportune time but that was Peter’s bladder in a nutshell. A nutshell was a good comparison for size too-
The opening cutscene for the campaign they were playing began to play out, showing each players respective avatar waiting at the start point. The boys ‘oo’d and ‘ah’d audibly as the got the witness the start up animation for their brand new characters. Oh hell yeah. They had to win, there was no way either one of them were going to part with those badass piles of pixels.
And it looked like they wouldn’t have to. The match went off without a sinch at first, the boys destroying a majority of their opponents in under ten minutes. Peter got 12 kills Ned got 9 and now they were hunting down the remaining 7 other players; which sounded easy in practise but the map they were playing on was huge. The less people they had to kill they harder they became to find. After dwindling down the numbers to the last five they stopped stumbling across other players and it became a true hunt. The only problem was Pete read becoming more and more distracted Peter was getting desperate.
“Ned I really need a break man.” Peter wasn’t exactly sure why he was asking for permission; it was more so he was asking for reassurance that it would be okay to run to the bathroom even though he already knew he couldn’t.
“We’re almost done. If we get in under thirty minutes we’ll get that bonus crate.”
“I know but..” Peter didn’t want to come across as whiny but he wouldn’t have said anything if he didn’t have to. Even with as comfortable as he was with Ned he still avoided verbalising his needs unless he had to- and right now he did. He really had to because his bladder was starting to ache. In the past two minutes he’d had to change positions for times, as everytime he rested his controller filled hands on his stomach it sent a spike of desperation coursing through him.
“Look dude, I gotta piss too okay? I promise we’ll take a break after this.” Ned said lowly which took Peter by surprise.
Ned was known for having a bladder capacity far exceeding his friends. Peter usually had to use the bathroom three times before Ned had to once- but come to think of it, Peter had been to the bathroom four times now, five if you counted him going before he settled in to play. Ned hadn’t taken a break in that time to Peter’s knowledge so no wonder the boy was feeling the effects of his hard working kidneys. For Ned to even be mentioning it, it must’ve been bad because although he wasn’t nearly as shy about admitting he had to pee as Peter he still rarely got to the point where he had to vocalise it; usually making use of his friends frequent breaks.
“Why did you start another game if you had to-“
“Because I’m an idiot okay?” Ned snapped more harshly than he’d intended. He softened his tone considerably because it wasn’t Peter’s fault he'd neglected to pee three hours ago when he’d first felt the need to. “I overestimated it and I drank a fuck ton of red bull- now I’m regretting it.”
“You okay?” Peter asked sympathetically. Despite being in the exact same situation, it was fair to say that he was used to it, where Ned wasn’t. It wasn’t like him to overestimate his limits and Peter knew his friend must’ve been highly uncomfortable.
“I’m in the same boat as you for once.”
“Don’t make me think about boats.” Peter squeaked, the imagery causing him to squeeze his legs together and wiggle his hips side to side for a few seconds. “It’s nice that you get to walk in my shoes for once though.”
Once Ned had come clean about what was causing his short temper he started to be really vocal about it. Which Peter understood considering it was probably a fairly new sensation for him- but good god it was not helping his own situation. “Oh my goooooood- where the fuck is this kid? I gotta piss sooooo bad.”
Peter fell silent on the other end of the mic, brooding internally. He envied his friends ability to unashamedly groan like that because he wished he could. Maybe it would provide him some relief- like when Tony swore when something wasn’t going his way- lashing out verbally might have helped to take the edge off but he couldn’t. All Peter could manage was sitting silently with his jaw clenched tight, biting his lip as the occasional small, involuntary whimpers escaped him. He couldn’t bring himself to talk about it like Ned could even though he desperately wanted to; mostly because he was shy but he was also conscious of Nat in the other room overhearing him. He wanted anything that might provide him with just a little bit of relief- but the only thing that truly could was ten steps away and he couldn’t use it.
His bathroom door was left open and Peter could just see the edge of the toilet from where he was sitting; as soon as he realised this, he let out a small yelp as a leak threatened to escape him.
“My back teeth are floating.” Ned groaned again and this time even Peter couldn’t keep his mouth shut as their characters had to Jump over a bubbling riveen. Curse modern graphics and their attention to detail; that part of the map made Peter almost leak even when he didn’t have to pee, it’s was absolute torture now.
“S-same here dude.” Peter admitted meekly, which was about as close to whining about his predicament as he was going to get.
But Peter agreeing reminded Ned that his friend was struggling much more than he was; and he very quickly turned his attention to getting him some relief. “P if you wanna run and go, you can; we’re in a decent spot-“
“No it’s fine. You gotta go too it’s only fair.” Peter said, his voice bobbing up and down shakily as he bounced in place.
“No it’s unfair that I stopped you going in the first place just because I was being too stubborn to get up.”
“Huh?” Peter asked, genuinely confused. He wasn’t sure if his brain was malfunctioning or if Ned’s wording had been confusing- but either way he needed clarification.
“Well, I had to go bad then but I was too lazy and I don’t know, I didn’t wanna be alone here.” Ned’s admission made Peter laugh even if he was slightly miffed at his friend's intentions; he’d basically put him through this all because he didn’t want to be alone in his plight for a pee break. He knew Ned was probably at least half joking anyway, his friend would never deliberately cause him any extreme discomfort- not when he spent half his time discouraging Peter from doing that to himself. So Peter knew better than to take it to heart. “Besides you play better when you gotta go.”
“Thanks for admitting I’m basically the best player ever then.” Peter huffed a laugh that only reminded him of how full he was. His entire belly felt taught with the pressure and laughing was beginning to hurt. It wasn’t just the threat of losing control bothering him, it was the constant unwavering fullness that he couldn’t alleviate. He was up on his knees at this point, swaying back and forth, using his hand when he had to because he had to. Every time the controller vibrated another leak threatened to shoot out and he really, really didn’t want to end up peeing himself because of some stupid video game.
“Pete seriously you can go.”
“We’re almost done.” Peter managed to mutter quietly. He was surprised that Ned even heard him.
Of course, Ned was more than accustomed to his friend being stubborn; and as much as the boy wanted to, he didn’t bother trying to convince Peter again. The kid was clearly trying to prove a point to himself but Ned just hoped that wouldn’t come at the price of some carpet cleaner.
While Peter was in the middle of panicking over his decision, Ned interrupted his thoughts. “One sec bro, ma’s yelling- yeah?!” Ned called out.
Weird, Peter hadn’t heard Donna- but in fairness it was hard to hear anything over his bladder screaming at him. Ned muted his mic as he spoke, which wasn’t an uncommon occurrence; he usually did when he and his family were conversing seriously so Peter didn’t get stressed out. After a minute or so Ned turned his mic back on. “Okay!”
“What?” This time Peter heard Mrs. Leeds call up the stairs to her son.
“I said okay!”
Peter just figured he’d just heard the tail end of a conversation and thought nothing of it; mostly because his brain was too preoccupied screaming at him to go to the bathroom.
And he wanted to; he wanted to so badly but there was a little voice in the back of his head telling him no. Not only because of the risk that would put to them losing the game but also for another reason, one that Peter hadn’t really ever thought of before and he was perplexed as to why it was deciding to pipe up now. Maybe it was the fact that he was already in a competitive mood thanks to the nature of the game they were playing, but Peter suddenly felt like he had something to prove. He didn’t want to be the one to call it quits and run to the bathroom- even though he did that all the time, something about Ned needing to go too made him feel like- well, it was some kind of competition.
He knew it was stupid. He wasn’t a competitive person; well other than with Tony but man could make anyone competitive. He never usually got like that, especially over things he was bad at- like holding his urine for extended periods of time. Hell that was a competition he was always bound to lose.
But the again...Ned had said he was desperate before they even booted up the game. Peter new it was kind of mean but..he almost wanted his friend to give in. He wanted him to go first for once. He wasn’t sure why, he knew it was juvenile and stupid but..it had never happened during their friendship before. It was always him having to make a mad dash to the bathroom, never Ned. Perhaps it was the sheer novelty of the situation, but for some reason the prospect that he might actually be able to hold it longer than his big bladdered friend filled him with this stubborn determination; that made him cross his legs tighter than humanly possible and put maximum effort into finding this last two s.o.b’s who was standing between them, victory and a much needed potty break.
But despite this childish desire to win this competition- that Ned didn’t even know he was a part of- Peter’s body quickly began to rebel. He felt a warm, almost numbing sensation spread throughout his abdomen that he recognised immediately; it was the familiar feeling of his body telling him his bladder was going to give out soon and oh god it wasn’t taking Peter ignoring it anymore. He was gonna go, he could feel it. “N-Ned I’m really sorry but I gotta- I gotta go-“
“You’re good Pete, go, seriously.”
But even with permission from his friend and a bladder threatening to spill at any second- Peter hesitated. “A-are you sure I-“
“Pete go. I’ve got you covered just go, now- before you have an accident.” Ned said seriously adorning his big brother voice that he usually saved for when Peter was about to do something really stupid.
And in fairness he was, he was about to pee himself because of a video game. Objectively that was ridiculously stupid, especially when you factored in the holding contest he was silently having against his unknowing friend.
Peter scrambled up, pulling his pants down as he ran. He was grateful he’d had the forethought to keep the bathroom door open because those seconds he saved without the sliding door had been precious and saved him from watering the floor. He still didn’t make it completely but he didn’t have to change pants either. He just maybe had to ditch his underwear- but in all honestly that wasn’t that bad considering just how desperate he had been and the sheer volume that came exploding out of him. That must’ve been some kind of record.
Peter didn’t have time to bask in his relief because he rushed back into his bedroom after soaking his hands in sanitizer; launching himself back onto the floor and grabbing his remote, before adoring his headset once again.
“I’m so sorry, I just couldn’t hold it anymore.” Peter apologised guiltily, happy to see that both his and Ned’s characters were still standing.
“It’s chill dude, I took out gregg26, we’ve just got AsgusrdianOfTheGalaxy69 left.” Ned assured him, sounding much happier than he had moments before.
Now that Peter was able to focus without almost peeing himself, he was finally able to assist Ned in their quest to find that last player. Finally, just coming under the thirty minute mark, Ned sniped the player from a tree. Whilst the boys were busy cheering Peter distantly heard what sounded like Thor screaming in the other room him. Huh. Weird. Well actually it wasn’t that weird, the man did that fairly often, it was Nat’s turn to check he hadn’t caused any irrevocable damage- and Peter was too preoccupied celebrating their win to dwell on it much.
“Yes we did it!”
“Fuck yes we did!” Ned cheered excitedly, this time ignoring when his mom yelled at him for cursing. “I can’t wait to try him out on the Serinia map, dude, it’s gonna be sick.”
After the euphoria of their win Peter became aware of the fact his friend was still in dire need of a comfort break. “Go pee before we start another match before your kidneys explode.”
“Nah I’m good.” Ned said casually.
“What do you mean you’re good?” Peter asked half jokingly half concerned. He himself had just tried to prove a point that he could hold it longer than he was actually able to- and now he had a tummy ache; his bladder being overstretched and tired. He really didn’t want his friend to experience the same thing, besides he’d already won the battle of the bladders, there was no reason for him to rub it in. “Ned that’s not healthy-“
“No I mean I’m good. I went.”
“Oh..” Peter said quietly, completely misinterpreting what his friend meant. “I would’ve covered you, you know-“
“I didn’t piss myself Pete, I went in a bottle.” Ned snorted; though he had to admit he was rather touched at how quickly Peter went into comfort mode when he thought he’d had an accident. Like Ned would even have been embarrassed at that point- they’d just won the game and their characters!
“Oh- ew- when?” Peter asked, going through three emotions- relief, disgust and confusion- in a matter of seconds.
“When I muted my mic, duh.” Ned laughed.
Now it made sense. Neds mood had completely changed and it made sense why Donna had sounded so confused; she hadn’t merely not heard what her son said, they hadn’t been talking in the first place. Ned was just using her to cover up him peeing in a bottle- gross. Peter felt betrayed. “Why didn’t you tell me?!”
“Because you would’ve had to go worse if you knew I’d gotten to go and you hadn’t- and there wasn’t time for a break then.”
“You could’ve told me after! I almost wet myself because I thought you still had to go!”
“Why?” Ned asked with intrigue; making Peter realise how odd that statement was when he said it aloud.
“I don’t know..” For the first time in a long time Peter started to feel embarrassed admitting something to his friend.
“You were tryna have a holding contest.” Ned said knowingly with no inference of a question. He immediately started laughing. “Dude come on-“
“It wasn’t that!” Peter yelled angrily, trying to cover up the growing blush that was creeping up his cheeks even though his friend couldn’t see him.
“It so was.”
“It wasn’t!” Peter’s voice broke slightly and he felt his face flaming. Ugh, screw Ned and his mind reading capabilities. “Besides if it was I won-“
“Ah ah ah no you didn’t. We didn’t both start off with empty bladders, I had to go way before you did. If you wanted a fair test you should’ve factored in variables such as liquid consumption and-“
“I don’t want to experiment with my bladder Ned!” Peter hissed- louder than he intended. Oh god he hoped Nat hadn’t heard that. Eh. Well if she had she’d certainly heard much worse in that household and at least Peter was saying he didn’t want to.
“Because you know I’d win.” Ned said smugly and even if he was right Peter didn’t care much for his tone.
“Shut up. At least I’m not gross like you- peeing in bottles, bleurgh.”
“Oh because pissing your underwear is so much better-”
“Shut up.” Peter huffed angrily as he moved to stand up. “I’m getting a drink.”
“Make sure you go pee pee again before we start!” Ned called teasingly.
“Shut up bottle boy.”