Being engaged to Tony Stark came with many privileges, you were aware of that. Sure, he was difficult sometimes, mostly when he was in a creative mood and entrenched himself in the lab, but other than that the only problem you had with him wasn’t even his fault.
You couldn’t say it was yours either, self-deprecation aside you knew damn right the issue was deeper. You’ve heard and much to your dismay thought unkind things about yourself over and over since you could remember, in the good days they didn’t matter, but in the bad ones they hurt more than you wanted to admit.
He didn’t know, of course, you found it too dumb to address it. In your mind, you would bore him with a talk about your self-esteem. As you looked down, your eyes caught the ring on your finger, such a beautiful piece of jewelry, obviously custom made due to its size— and perhaps also due to how over the top your fiancé was.
Rhodey had said he and Pepper helped Tony to choose it, something that unknowingly to them caused you mixed feelings. You knew your fiancé would never cheat on you, you trusted him, you trusted Pepper whom you considered a friend too, but you didn’t trust yourself.
You didn’t believe to be what he deserved, or what he needed. How could you when Pepper was right there? Her, so pretty and smart, so assertive, and strong, and independent— and thin. Pepper was everything you wanted to be, many times you wondered why Tony had even fallen for you when he had a woman like her before. She would be a prettier bride, a better wife, Tony could show her off in ways he couldn’t with you.
“Ms. (L/N)?” FRIDAY’s voice filled the room.
“Yes?”
“Mr. Stark wants you to give your input on his new project.”
Tony, God bless him, would often ask what you thought about his projects and updates, sometimes he’d even present to you the issues he was encountering as if you were as smart as him. Any other day you would have laughed happily and amused him, but today you weren’t so sure to be up for it. You could try, though. Telling the AI that you’d be there in a moment, you unconsciously looked down at your body as you stood up from your spot on the couch.
You listed every flaw you saw, the ones that Tony could clearly see too. He wouldn’t have to see those things with Pepper, he would only see her beautiful smile and her slim body. On your way to the lab, you went through said list again, finding more flaws. There were issues in every single one of them, flaws in the flaws, issues in the flaws, true nightmares in the form of things you so desperately wished to change.
The door was unlocked for you, the AI probably having told Tony you were on your way there so he’d grant you access before you could punch the code. He was alone except the bots, pieces of a suit scattered on the table he was sat in front of.
“Honey, hi!” he greeted, too chirpy to not have drunk more coffee than the recommended amount a day.
He explained his new idea in details, you knew because he was moving his hands while speaking. Every word escaped you as you stared at his slender fingers that fit perfectly with your chubbier ones. Pepper’s weren’t like yours, they probably fit his way better. He went on, probably thinking you were following his ramble or far too into it to realize your eyes were welling up with tears.
Why was he even with you? Pepper was a better option in any way. She knew how Stark Industries worked, how much space he needed and when, what to do to get him to take better care of himself— she was such a force to be reckoned, and you were just you. Everything that made you interesting was in front of you, his warm eyes fixed on your face.
You didn’t see him stand up, or walk toward you. You only reacted when you heard him call your name softly, in that tone he reserved for his loved ones, when he wasn’t wearing the facade he had been forced to show to the outer world.
He asked FRIDAY to check for injured on your body and you could only shake your head. “I’m fine, Tony.”
“You’re crying, baby.” His hands rested on your arms, prompting you to focus your gaze on his t-shirt to not cry harder. “Did something happen? Is everyone in your family okay?”
God, he was always so nice, so kind that you couldn’t believe him to be real sometimes. “They’re fine.”
He rubbed your arms, up and down, something you often did to him when he was going through the aftermath of a panic attack. “Then? Did you watch that movie again? The one with—“
“Why are you with someone like me?” you interrupted him, supposing it was now or never.
Tony looked taken aback. “Because I love you.” He then turned serious, almost stoic. “Did someone do something to you? Did they say anything?”
“No!” You moved out of his grasp. “But I can’t stop thinking that you’re making a mistake, Tony. Pepper is right there,” you pointed to a random part of the laboratory just to put some emphasis.
“You don’t want to marry me?” he asked, hurt lacing his tone.
You bobbed your mouth, “of course I do, what kind of question is that?! But Tony, be realistic, I’m not Pepper. God, I’m nothing like Pepper at all. I’m not skinny, or blonde, or—“
“Is it what this is about? Your body?” You nodded in response. He approached you again, taking your chin between his thumb and index to lift your face. Your eyes found his, warm brown orbs full of emotion staring deep into your soul. “You know? I don’t like how harsh you’re on yourself,” he said softly, clearly meaning it. There was no intention of being pushy behind his words, only the truth.
But for you, the truth was what you had just said, and when you let him know that, he shook his head. “Tony,” you groaned, “it’s fine, I’m fat and we both know it.”
“But there’s nothing wrong with it and it looks like you don’t know it,” he countered with that matter of fact tone he liked to use when he knew he was right. He continued talking, “you’re not Pepper, you’re not anyone but yourself and that’s why I want to marry you because you’re are you, I love you.”
You opened your mouth to fight him on it, yet Tony being Tony wasn’t having any of it. He shook his head for you to stay silent and asked FRIDAY to type some notes on everything he had worked on that day.
He took your hand, guiding you out of the laboratory and toward the living room where you had been sulking earlier. You sat beside him, looking down at your shoes that suddenly were very interesting. He shifted, pulling you closer by your still intertwined fingers.
The position you two ended on was a little uncomfortable, he was fully on his back on the couch, hand twisted to not let yours go as you tried to place your weight in the correct way to not crush him. He chuckled at your attempts.
“You’re not going to squash me,” he assured you. You didn’t believe him, he knew. “Honey, there’s not a single thing wrong with you or your body, why can’t you believe me?”
“I see myself in the mirror every day.”
“Well, then maybe your eyesight is not as fine as I thought, but that can be fixed.”
You snorted at the joke, he breathed a laugh. “I’m being serious.”
“I am too, and I don’t want to hear you say those things again.” Seconds later, he seemed to understand how his comment could’ve come across because he clarified, “I don’t want you to feel like that, that’s what I mean.”
Humming, you tried to come up with something to ease his mind. In all fairness, you didn’t want to feel like that either, you just couldn’t control it sometimes. Bad days were heavy, they overpowered the good ones no matter how great those felt, you wanted to be able to go through the bad ones without doubting yourself so much. Explaining it was tougher than thinking about it, than feeling it.
Tony didn’t need you to explain it, though. With a kiss on your forehead, he mumbled, “we can talk about it later.” His free hand came to rest on your back, trailing up and down in a steady motion. You breathed in a little deep, humming again.
How much time passed you didn’t know, the truth was that his reassurance had been of a lot of help. By the moment you spoke again, you both were getting sleepy. You didn’t want to fall asleep without thanking him, though.
His answer? “I simply told you the truth.”