Ned
Peter looked down at his phone as they piled into the elevator after the press conference. Ned was calling him. His dad peered over his shoulder and snorted.
"Good luck with that one, kid." he said, and Peter scrunched his eyebrows.
"What do you mean?" Peter asked, and his dad laughed, earning a slap on the arm from his mother. She rolled her eyes and turned to him.
"He knows about your dad right? Well he just found out your dad has been married to Black Widow this entire time." his mom explained slowly and Peter felt his eyes widen.
"Oh." he managed and Tony snorted again.
"Yeah, oh." he snickered. His mom glared at his dad, and flicked his nose with her finger, earning a shocked yelp from Tony.
"Hey!" she shook her head.
"Stop making fun of our son. And Peter. Answer your phone already." she said, as the elevator finally reached the penthouse floor. Peter nodded, walking over to the couch and pressing accept.
"Hey, Ned..." he answered and there was only silence on the other line for a moment, but his enhanced hearing picked up on Ned's breathing. "Ned?" he tried again. He heard an intake of breath, and he steeled himself.
"You mean to tell me. That the Black Widow. Has been married to your dad. This entire time???" Ned asked, voice squeaking with volume. Peter winced and pulled the phone away from his ear a bit, earning a snort from his dad. He aimed a half hearted kick at the man before turning his attention back to Ned.
"Um...yes?" he answered, and Ned let out a strangled noise.
"So what is she? You're step-mom?" Ned finally asked once he got control over himself. Peter scrunched his nose.
"I guess technically yeah. I never knew my real mom...so she is my mom? I mean I've called her mom since I was like...2?" Peter said, as Ned continued to make choking noises on the other line.
"BLACK WIDOW IS YOUR MOM AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?" Ned screamed, and it could be heard throughout the room, despite the phone not being on speaker. This earned a raised eyebrow from his mom, and he shrugged helplessly.
"Yeah?" he tried weakly. He heard Ned huff out a laugh, and there was a couple moments of silence.
"Peter. What is your life? Honestly. First Tony Stark. The Tony Stark is your dad. Then you become a super-hero and can like stick to walls....and now you're telling me Black Widow. The Black Widow. Is your mom?" Ned rambled, and Peter just stared hopelessly at the ceiling as he listened, ignoring the snickering coming from his dad.
"Yes Ned. Black Widow is my mom. Can we stop talking about this now?" he asked pleadingly, sending another glare to his dad. Ned let out a sad sigh.
"I guess. But I want you to tell me everything later. Got it?" Ned asked, and Peter let out a temporary sigh of relief.
"Yeah Ned. Later. Bye." He said, hanging up the phone. He let out a strangled groan and tossed his phone onto the floor.
"So. I assume he took it well." his dad piped up, voice falsely innocent. Peter sat up and sent him a glare.
"Shut up. This is all your fault." he said, and his dad let out a startled laugh.
"What? How is this my fault? Tasha? Wait, why are you laughing at me? How is this my fault?" his dad asked, looking between the two of them. His mom was watching them with silent amusement dancing in her eyes, and Peter pointed a finger at his dad.
"Because you had to go and be Tony Stark. And then as if that wasn't enough...you had to go and marry a super spy." Peter explained pettily, motioning to his mother, who sent him a smirk. Tony spluttered for a moment, looking between his wife and his son. His mom gave him a shrug, and he deflated.
"I mean. I guess you're right. I did do that." Tony said finally, laughter in his voice. "Sorry about it." he continued, with a humorous glint in his eye. Peter scoffed playfully.
"Yeah you sound so broken up about it. Now if you'll excuse me, I must go scream into a pillow for twenty minutes. I will be back." Peter said dramatically, standing up. His parents didn't even blink an eye at his words, used to his antics. His mom just nodded, and held up her hand.
"Make sure you come up for air every few seconds. Wouldn't want you to suffocate yourself." she said, face serious. Peter just rolled his eyes and sent a wave over his shoulder.
"You guys suck!" he shouted. Hearing laughter coming from behind him.
"Love you too, bug!" his dad shouted, and he let out a small snort of laughter. Ned was right, what was his life?