The Winter Soldier
Natasha put the last of her weapons in the duffel bag and zipped it up, finally looking up to see the figure that had been looming in the doorway. She could see the pain in his eyes as they stared unfocused at the duffel bag beneath her hands. She let out a small sigh, and walked slowly over to him, placing her hands on either side of his face. The brown orbs finally snapped up to meet her green ones.
"I know." she whispered, and she saw him clench his jaw, shifting his head out of her grip, taking a step back. She could feel the hurt coming off of him in waves.
"You said you were done. What makes this so different?" his voice comes out hard and raw. She swallows her own hurt at his tone, and crosses her arms over her chest, watching him warily.
"Nick seems to think there's something happening in SHIELD, he won't tell me much." Tony scoffs and begins pacing the room, but she continues. "There's agents being held captive on a ship, he's sending Steve to get the hostages...he's sending me to get information." she said, her eyes tracing his movements back and forth. He seemed to process the words for a moment, before turning on her. She could see the panic in his eyes that he was trying to mask with anger.
"And why can't Capsicle just get the info, why does it have to be you?" Tony asks, jaw clenched tightly, his shoulders tense. Natasha sighs, before retreating to sit down on the edge of the bed.
"You know Rogers wouldn't risk people for information. Nick says I'm the only one he trusts to get it. You know I wouldn't be going if it wasn't important." she says, her voice taking on a begging tone, all she wanted was for him to understand.
"What about Clint?" he asked then, but she could tell he was getting tired of fighting. She raised her eyebrow at him.
"You know as well as I do where Clint should be right now, and it's not on a pirate ship with Captain America." she says simply, watching as all the fight drains from her husband and he comes to kneel in front of her, their faces almost level with each others. He looks up, staring at her for a moment, before closing his eyes, and dropping his head to her lap, her hands automatically going to his hair.
"I know. I just...I like it better when I know you're safe." she could hear him mumble into her thighs. She runs her fingers through his hair a few times, feeling him melt into the touch.
"I know. This is the last time, okay? And it's just a routine extraction. I'm sure it will go off without a hitch." she says, and he nods, before the door bursts open.
"Mama! Dad!" the small voice screams, and Natasha has to hold in her laughter as Tony jumps and looks at their son incredulously.
"I liked you better when you were quieter." he mumbled, standing up and sitting next to her on the bed instead, his attention now on the small boy walking up to them.
"Liar. You said you like my personality." the 10-year old replies, with a smirk too reminiscent of the man next to her's. She watches as Tony lets out a tired and dramatic sigh.
"Sure, kid. How can your lovely parents be of service today?" Tony said, his hand rubbing his left arm. She narrowed her eyes slightly at him, before her lap was suddenly filled with a bouncing kid. She turned to him, keeping her face straight as he bounced in excitement.
"Yes?" she asks calmly, causing Peter to let out a string of giggles.
"Well, Dad said you're leaving for a mission, and promised we could show you my project downstairs before you go." her son said, and she could hear the excitement in his voice.
"Well, if Dad said so, I guess we should listen huh, bug?" she asked conspiratorially, sending her husband a wink, which he childishly returned by sticking his tongue out. Peter cheered and grabbed their hands, leading them to the lab.
---
"Hey bug, Mama's on her way home. What do you say you go clean yourself up and get your pj's on before she gets here, yeah? Maybe we can talk her into a movie night." Tony said, looking up from his phone that relayed the message that his wife was on her way home. Peter's curls bounced up and down as he nodded, quickly putting his drawing stuff away and running off.
"You better be in that shower for at least 10 minutes, young man! And wash your hair!" Tony yelled after him, hearing a small yell of agreement coming from down the hall. He heard the elevator, and stood up quickly. Natasha was making her way over to the living room, after dropping her bags by the door. He could see the slight limp she was trying to hide, and the exhaustion in her eyes.
"Tash?" he called softly, and she looked up letting a small smile grace her face when she spotted him. She walked over and he wrapped his arms around her as tightly as he could without hurting her, breathing in her scent.
"You're hurt." he said, making sure she knew it wasn't a question, and that he already knew the answer.
"Steve got curious, we got distracted. There was an explosion, but I'm fine." she said quietly, holding him back just as tightly. When he finally pulled away, he looked at her trying to catch if she was hiding anymore injuries from him. She seemed to be able to tell what he was doing because she squeezed his hand, and led him to the couch.
"I just messed my ankle up, that's it I promise." she said, and he searched her face for a few moments, before nodding.
"Okay. Good. Pete's showering, then he wanted a movie night." Tony said, settling back on the couch, trying to calm his anxious heart. He didn't realize he was squeezing his left wrist sporadically until Natasha grabbed his right hand in hers.
"I'm okay." she repeated, and he nodded shakily. She let out a sigh and just brought him into a hug. He felt himself calm down slowly as time went on, before they were again interrupted.
"Cuddle pile!" Peter said happily, and wiggled his way in between them. Tony felt his heart unclench and he let out a laugh, sharing a fond look with his wife over their child's head.
"What's this I hear about a movie?" Natasha then said, helping them all settle onto the couch.
It was early in the morning, when Tony felt his shoulder being shook awake. He jumped up, heart pounding in his ears. He looked around wildly, heart calming slightly at the sight of Peter still sleeping on the couch next to him. He looked around more, and saw Natasha standing next to him, an unreadable look on her face.
"What happened?" he whispered, getting up to follow her when she headed to the kitchen.
"Nick was...he was attacked. Maria called, he's in the hospital. It...it sounded bad, Tony." she whispered when they got to the kitchen. Tony immediately moved closer and pulled her into a hug.
"You need to go." he said, already knowing what she was thinking. She nodded quickly, taking a deep breath. He gave her time to compose herself, until she pulled away, her face back to it's unreadable mask.
"Go." he said, and she nodded again, before rushing out of the room. Tony let out a breath and fell down into the stool behind him. He had a uneasy feeling in his stomach that this was the beginning of something bad.
"J, can you keep an eye on things at SHIELD and on Tash. Let me know if anything freaky is going on." he said into the empty kitchen.
"Of course, sir."
---
"Is he gonna make it?" she demands as she walks into the observation room. Steve was standing there in the dark, watching as the surgeons worked on Nick.
"I don't know." the other man said, and Natasha felt her frustration grow.
"Tell me about the shooter." she demands next. She didn't know what else to do, she didn't know how to process that she could lose Nick. So, she did the next thing she knew how to do, focus on the mission. She wished Tony had come with her, he would have known what to do.
"He's fast and strong. Had a metal arm." Steve said, Natasha felt her breath stutter a bit at the description before she felt Maria walk up next to her. It couldn't be..
"Ballistics?" she says, voice no more than a whisper. If her theory was correct...
"Three slugs, no rifling. Completely untraceable." Maria's voice said coldly. Natasha felt her blood run cold.
"Soviet-made." Natasha finished, confirming what she had thought.
"Yeah." Maria said, and Natasha could hear the question in her voice, but Natasha was more focused on what was happening behind the glass.
"He's in V-tach."
"Crash cart coming in."
"Nurse, help me with the drape."
"BP is dropping."
"Defibrillator! I want you to charge him at one hundred."
"Don't do this to me, Nick." Natasha felt herself whisper. She felt far away from her body as she listened to the chaos.
"Stand back! Three, two, one. Clear! Pulse?"
"No pulse."
"No pulse."
"Okay. 200, please. Stand back! Three, two, one. Clear! Give me epinephrine! Pulse?"
"Negative."
A numb feeling comes over her as the heart monitor lets out a continuous beep.
"What's the time?"
"1:03, Doctor."
"Time of death, 1:03 a.m." Natasha feels nothing but cold anger settle into her veins. She can feel her hands shaking and she wills them to stop. She follows numbly when they lead them to the room with his body. She barely registers the tears falling down her face as she looks down at the man, who looks way too small.
"I need to take him." she registers a voice say, but she doesn't move. She feels a presence appear closer to her.
"Natasha." it was Steve, and suddenly her anger reappears full force. She touches Nick's head softly, before exiting the room, knowing he would follow.
"Natasha!" she hears him call from behind her, she keeps walking a few steps before rounding on him.
"Why was Fury in your apartment?" she spits out, she can see him fumbling for a lie, while trying to keep his face straight.
"I don't know." he replies and she wants to scoff at the attempt.
"Cap, they want you back at SHIELD." she turns her gaze to Rumlow standing down the hallway, before looking back at Steve, who let out a sigh.
"Yeah, give me a second." he replied, looking like he was about to say more to her before getting interrupted again.
"They want you now." She watches as Steve clenches his jaw.
"Okay." he bites out, turning back to her. But she didn't want to hear the lies he was about to feed her.
"You're a terrible liar." she says, before walking off. She quickly finds an empty room, hitting the scrambler on her bracelet before reaching for her phone with shaking hands.
It only takes two rings before the voice she's been longing for fills her ears.
"Tasha, what happened?" Tony's voice filters through the receiver. She lets his voice calm her down slightly, before she responds.
"He's dead." she says, her voice sounds rough, and she has to swallow the lump that suddenly forms in her throat. She can hear Tony's breath catch on the other line, and can practically feel his anxiety and concern.
"Tash. Are you okay?" he finally asks, his voice soft, but with a slight tremble. She lets out a breath, unsure how to answer.
"I don't know." she says honestly, and she can hear him hum in understanding.
"What do you know?" he asks next, voice patient. She feels the guilt settle in her stomach.
"I have to find out who did this." she said, voice sounding emotionless, more calculated.
"Okay. I don't like it, but okay. What can I do?" he asks after a couple moments of silence. She could hear his anxiety filled voice, she knew after New York and everything with AIM, that he was more anxious when he couldn't protect her. But she knew what she had to do.
"Keep Peter safe." she says, pushing down the guilt and sadness, getting focused on her mission.
"Always. Please be safe, Tash. I love you." he breathes out shakily.
"I love you, too." she says, before ending the call.
---
"Where did Captain America learn how to steal a car?" she asks, breaking the silence as they drive. She sees a smirk form on Steve's face.
"Nazi Germany." he deadpans, and she wants to laugh but she keeps in in, coming off unimpressed.
"Mm." she hums.
"And we're borrowing. Take your feet off the dash." he says then, sounding like the old man that he was. She rolls her eyes but complies. She looks at how much longer they have to drive, and decides to pass the time.
"Alright, I have a question for you, oh, which you do not have to answer. I feel like if you don't answer it though, you're kind of answering it, you know?" she starts to say, letting herself ramble, to come off more friendly. Steve shakes his head at her.
"What?" he asks, pretending to be annoyed.
"Was that your first kiss since 1945?" she teases, and enjoys the uncomfortable look that crosses his face.
"That bad, huh?" he asks then, and she smiles.
"I didn't say that." she defends, but he doesn't buy it.
"Well, it kind of sounds like that's what you're saying." he shoots back, and she turns her attention the road in front of them.
"No, I didn't. I just wondered how much practice you've had." she says, continuing the teasing. It felt nice to not be so serious for a bit.
"You don't need practice." he says, somewhat defensively.
"Everybody needs practice." she says like it's obvious.
"It was not my first kiss since 1945. I'm ninety-five, I'm not dead." he says then, in a fake firm voice. She rolls her eyes before he continues. "What would Tony say about that kiss?" he asks, a smirk on his face like he had just pulled the rug out from under her. She snorts.
"He'd probably ask who was a better kisser." she replies, earning a laugh out of the other man. She grows quiet for a moment, thoughts caught on Tony. Steve seems to sense that something is wrong, because he speaks up a minute later.
"Nat? You okay?" he asks. She nods absently, before he speaks again. "Is everything okay with you and Tony?" he asks softly. Normally she would bristle at the mention of her family, but she had to remind herself that Steve was safe.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm just worried about him." she says, playing with a loose thread on her jeans. Steve stays silent though, waiting for her to continue. She sighs, before continuing.
"He's not a soldier, or a spy like us. I think all of this stuff is taking a toll on him. And I don't think he's handling it very well. And I don't know how I'm supposed to help him." she says, surprising herself with her honestly. Steve hums in thought for a moment.
"I think you help him more than you know. I've seen you two together. You're his world. As long as your there to pull him back, he'll be okay." Steve said, and Natasha felt guilt churn in her stomach.
"Then let's make sure I get back there in one piece huh?" she says then, and Steve looks at her with a determined smile.
"Will do, Agent." he says, pressing the gas a bit harder.
---
"You okay?" she looked up from the ground she had been staring at, thoughts running a mile a minute. She quickly schooled her face to hide any emotion, continuing to dry her hair with the towel.
"Yeah." she said, and cursed herself when she didn't sound very convincing. Steve noticed too because he sighed and walked into the room.
"What's going on?" he asked softly, eyes boring into hers. She let out a small sigh.
"When I first joined SHIELD, I thought I was going straight. But I guess I just traded in the KGB for HYDRA. I thought I knew whose lies I was telling, but...I guess I can't tell the difference anymore." she said, voicing just some of the thoughts that had been running through her mind.
"There's a chance you might be in the wrong business." he replied with a small smirk, and she sends him a small grateful smile.
"I owe you." she says then, changing the subject.
"It's okay." he replies, and she feels a little annoyed with how kind this man was all of the time.
"If it was the other way around, and it was down to me to save your life, and you be honest with me, would you trust me to do it?" she asked then, a fear of hers bubbling up to the surface, demanding an answer. Steve looked thoughtful for a moment, before answering.
"There was a time when I wouldn't have. But ever since you and Tony shared your life with us, your biggest secret, I would. You're a better person than you think you are. And I'm always honest." he says, knocking shoulders with her with his last comment. She felt something simultaneously ease and tighten inside her at the mention of her family. She wondered what Tony was feeling right now.
"Well, you seem pretty chipper for someone who just found out they died for nothing." she says, shaking off those thoughts. Steve rolls his eyes at her and stands up.
"Well, I guess I just like to know who I'm fighting. And you should call Tony. Make sure he knows you're okay." Steve says then, looking at her sympathetically. She just shakes her head.
"With everything going on, I don't want to put him in any more danger than he already is." she said, hoping she was making the right decision. She could tell by the look on Steve's face that he didn't agree with her, but he nodded, before Sam showed up in the doorway.
---
"What the hell is going on? Jarvis sent me the footage! You got shot?! Why didn't you call me? Why haven't you called?" his voice was raising slowly with every word and he knew it, but his emotions were running to high for him to control it. He heard her let out a sigh on the other line.
"I couldn't call. I didn't want to risk your safety. And I'm fine. I got hit in the shoulder, but it's already taken care of. I'm sorry." she said, and he could hear the exhaustion in her voice, as well as the guilt. He let out a shaky breath, and tried to reign back in his emotions.
"Okay. Okay. Fine. Are you sure you are okay? Why are you calling now?" he asked then, trying to get his head around the situation.
"I'm okay, I promise. But something big is about to happen, and I'm going to need you to do something for me." his wife's voice came out serious and stern. He felt himself straighten in his seat and send a glance to the other side of the workshop where their son was sleeping on his couch.
"Anything." he said, his voice clipped and all business. He could sense the pride Natasha felt for him, and he let himself smile a bit.
"SHIELD's been compromised, and we have to do something drastic." his wife replied, and he knew she was being vague on purpose. The less he knew, the less other people could find out through him.
"Do I need to get the suit?" he asked then, fully prepared to send a text to Pepper to watch Peter.
"No. I need you to make sure all data about us is safe. Nowhere near SHIELD's. And make sure you can protect as much data for everyone else as you can. The people we trust, keep their data safe." she said, and Tony had to admit he felt a little confused.
"I can do that. I have private servers I can use. I'll make sure everyone is safe. How much time do I have?" he asked then.
"A couple hours." she replied, and Tony felt a bit of panic fill him at not knowing what kind of danger she was throwing herself in, but he pushed it down.
"Got it." he said, and soon the line clicked dead, and he got to work.
---
"Why haven't we yet heard from Captain Rogers?" the Committee General asked. She was sitting in, answering for the actions that happened after Project Insight. She smirked, channeling her husband.
"I don't know what there is left left for him to say. I think the wreck in the middle of the Potomac made his point fairly eloquently." she said, and she could see the vein pop in the man's forehead. She tried not to take too much pleasure in it.
"Well, he could explain how this country's expected to maintain its national security now that he and you have laid waste to our intelligence apparatus." the man said, and Natasha had to keep her expression blank before she rolled her eyes.
"HYDRA was selling you lies, not intelligence." she said then, tired of having to repeat it.
"Many of which you seem to have had a personal hand in telling." the man said then, referring to her information that had leaked. She felt pride at how Tony handled the information dump. He seemed to have known that it would have been suspicious if nothing on her was leaked, so he kept their family and anything that could lead to anyone finding out about them safe, but let everything else be exposed. She had to admit she was annoyed she hadn't thought of it.
"Agent, you should know that there are some on this committee who feel, given your service record, both for this country and against it, that you belong in a penitentiary, not mouthing off on Capitol Hill." the man said then when she didn't say anything. She felt the smirk on her face form without having to try.
"You're not gonna put me in a prison. You're not gonna put any of us in a prison. You know why?" she said then, knowing how Tony must have felt at that defense hearing so long ago. It felt nice to have the upper hand.
"Do enlighten us." the man said tiredly. She sneered.
"Because you need us. Yes, the world is a vulnerable place, and yes, we helped make it that way. But we're also the ones best qualified to defend it. So if you want to arrest me, arrest me. You'll know where to find me." she said then, standing up. She wished she had some of Tony's signature glasses to seal the deal, but she settled for making one of his patented big exits.
Once she was gone, she headed to where she had agreed to meet Steve, to give him the information he asked for. She saw the last of their conversation with Fury, before he walked off, and she approached them.
"You should be honored, that's about as close as he gets to saying thank you." she said as way of greeting. Steve turned to her with a smile.
"Not going with him?" he asked, and she almost wanted to laugh.
"No." she said with an indulgent smile.
"Not staying here?" he asked then, like he thought she was going to jump back into the field after one mission back. She shook her head.
"I blew all my covers, I'm going to go be me for a while. I have some boys who've agreed to keep me company." she said, watching as the realization came to the man. He nodded approvingly.
"That sounds nice." he replied, sounding genuinely happy for her.
"It does. That thing you asked for, I called in a few favors from Kiev. Will you do me a favor? Call that nurse." she said with a teasing smile. He shook his head at her in faux annoyance.
"She's not a nurse." he replied, and she raised an eyebrow at him.
"And you're not a SHIELD agent." she said, and he nodded gravely.
"What was her name again?" he asked then jokingly. She shook her head.
"Sharon. She's nice. Be careful, Steve. You might not want to pull on that thread." she said then, changing the subject, nodding to the file in his hands. He looked down at it as well, letting out a deep breath.
"I have to." he answered, and she nodded.
"You need to tell Tony. Everything. He deserves to hear it from you, and it should come from you." she said, seriously. Steve gave her a conflicted look.
"I know. Give me some time to figure out how to break it to him." he said then, and she nodded reaching out and squeezing his arm.
"Okay. Just tell him." she said, before turning around and walking away.
---
"I guess it's true what they say, the couple that pisses off government officials together, stays together." she hears as she steps off the elevator. She rolls her eyes and she walks up to the couch where Tony was sitting with a sleepy Peter sitting next to him.
"Hey Mama! Dad said you just pulled a Dad on TV. He wouldn't let me watch it though." Peter said, his eyes still half mast with sleep. Natasha smiled at him, picking him up and settling him on her lap. She felt a pang when she realized he would soon be too big for things like this.
"Oh yes. I channeled my inner Tony Stark to make some very important people listen to me." she said, winking at Peter, who then let out a tired giggle.
"Did they listen?" he asked then, settling his head on her shoulder and closing his eyes. She ran her fingers through his curly hair and smiled.
"Yes they did." she answered, and Peter let out a breath, before he was fully asleep on her shoulder. She sat there quietly, enjoying the warmth being around her family brought her. But she knew the moment wouldn't last forever. She knew what she needed to do. Despite what she told Steve, she didn't want Tony to be caught off guard. This way he could be prepared, she wanted to give him the option of controlling his reaction when Steve finally told him.
"I'll take him to bed." Tony whispered then, looking at her curiously. She nodded absentmindedly and let him take their son out of her hands into his own. He sent her one more look before heading down the hallway. She let out a shaky breath, and ran her hands through her hair a couple times, before reaching down and picking up the extra file she kept. It was identical to the one she gave Steve.
She heard his footsteps coming back down the hall and she felt herself tense without her permission. All this time off the field was making her soft. She shook her head as she felt him sit down next to her.
"You did really good at that hearing for real though. I'm really proud of you." he said, settling one of his hands on her knee. She didn't look up at him, only handing him the folder. She could feel his curious gaze on her before he took it and started looking through it.
"Sargent Barnes is alive? Does Steve know?" he asked looking up at her in shock. She nods and he narrows his eyes at her lack of reaction. She motions for him to keep going. She knows the exact moment when he finds what she knew he could find. His hands tighten around the folder, his shoulders going tight, jaw clenching. She studies him for a moment, before gently taking the folder out of his hands.
He sits there in silence for a few more minutes, staring at the place where the folder was. She reaches out and touches his shoulder, causing his face to snap up to look at hers. She could see the tears gathering in his eyes. She opened her arms, and he fell into them, body shaking with silent sobs. She could feel her heart breaking into a million pieces as she held her husband as his world fell apart around him.
She continued to hold him until he eventually passed out from exhaustion a few hours later. She sat there rubbing her hands up and down his back, hoping she had made the right decision in telling him.
---
BLACK WIDOW WILL RETURN