The Truth
Loki’s face paled as your shield pushed both of them further against the wall. Bucky winced, refusing to meet your gaze. You looked back and forth between the two of them, your eyes harsh.
“Bucky, what the hell is going on?” your voice was a low growl as you scowled at him.
“It’s not what you think, Doll… Just let us go and we can talk about this” he spoke softly, placating.
You hesitated before releasing the shields around them, and instead sent the fields down the hall in both directions, trapping the three of you together, “I’m not letting these down until you both tell me the truth.”
The two men shared a quick glance before Bucky turned to you with a sigh, “I don’t know how to start…”
“The beginning is usually a good place.”
“Okay, well, um,” he took a deep breath, “Doll, when I came back from the last mission before we… before I dumped you, you were ignoring me. I hadn’t really seen you for a week. And one night, I was getting drinking with Clint and Loki came by” he shot the other man a glare before turning back to you, “And he told me. He told me I wasn’t enough, and that you had started to realize I was too dark, and you were too light. You were going to break up with me, and I didn’t want you to have that on you… I didn’t want you to feel guilty.”
“James. Buchanan. Barnes.” your voice was sharp and low, “Are you telling me right now that you broke my heart because I ignored you that week?”
He nodded once and you slowly turned to face Loki. Your hands balled in tight fights, a storm brewing within you as you looked at him. You took one slow step towards him, your powers raging within you and it was a battle for you to control them.
Loki put his hands up slowly, “It’s not as bad as it sounds, sister” he sounded like he was attempting to placate a rabid wolf, but you caught the way he glanced at Bucky quickly when he called you sister, something he did sparingly.
Bucky’s head snapped to Loki, “Sister?”
Ignoring Bucky, you raised an eyebrow, your voice was darker now than before, enough to make even Loki flinch as you spoke, “Explain.”
“[Y/N] this isn’t what was supposed to happen.” you waited impatiently for him to continue and after a moment, he did, “It was supposed to be a prank. He was supposed to get upset, and then come talk to you and he’d feel like an ass and everything would be alright. How was I supposed to know he’d break up with you?”
For a moment, the only sound in the hall was your ragged breath as everything pieced together. All those moments that Loki had acted off, the look on his face when you were pregnant, all of it suddenly came flashing back to you. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Bucky begin to race towards Loki and you flung out your shields again, returning both men to their trapped places against the wall.
Bucky was snarling and fighting against the shield, trying to get to Loki. The look on his face was a mix of pure desperation and hatred. It was a look you hadn’t seen on his face in a long time, and you weren’t glad to see it back.
“So, let me get this straight” you whispered, “the reason I had my heart broken, and my daughter has grown up without her father is because you” you looked at Loki, “convinced my fiancé that I was going to break up with him, and you” you turned to Bucky, “decided to break up with me first? Instead of talking to me?”
Both men nodded slowly and you bit your lip. Tears began to well up in your eyes, slowly beginning to track down your cheeks. You’d lost everything, and you’d just been a pawn in a little game you had known nothing about. You forced yourself to take a few shuddering breaths and swallow the lump in your throat.
“Loki, I don’t ever want to see you again.” your voice was soft now, as you released him from the shield trapping him and removed the ones at the ends of the hall.
By the time you turned to Bucky, Loki was long gone. The hatred was gone from his face, leaving behind only devastation. He struggled against the shield again, trying to reach out to you and you took a step back from him, your hand reaching up to rub at your face as you closed your eyes.
“I guess you were right, Bucky” your voice broke as you looked back up at him.
“Doll, what do you mean?” he spoke quietly, a whisper you could barely hear.
“You really didn’t love me.” you laughed bitterly, “Not at all.”
“That’s not true, [Y/N]. I love you, I’ve never stopped loving you. Please, we can fix this” he ached to reach out and take you in his arms, but he was still trapped by your shield.
“Bucky. If you had loved me at all, you would have come to me. We could have talked this out… If you loved me at all, we wouldn’t be here.” you whispered, sinking down to sit against your bedroom door.
You released the shield trapping him, quickly throwing up one around you and the door to your room. Bucky raced to the edge of the shield, trying desperately to reach you but with all the training you’d done since you’d left, you were stronger than ever and even he couldn’t reach you.
You closed your eyes, resting your head against the door as your thoughts raced. Bucky kept trying to speak to you, but you zoned him out as you tried to figure out what to do next. Five minutes passed, although it felt like hours before you opened your eyes again. Bucky was leaning against the shield, trying desperately to talk to you as you slowly got to your feet.
The shield pushed him, trapping him in that side of the hallway as you quickly dressed in your room before stepping back out into the hall. Bucky was still trying to speak to you, and you heard nothing. Not anymore.
“Bucky” your voice was raspy, and you paused to clear it before you continued, “Aspen and I are leaving tonight. I meant what I said. I want you to be a part of her life, but I can’t be around you. I’m going out for the day. If you want to spend the day with her, you can do so. Otherwise, I’ll send Nat or Clint or someone to come get her.”
You finally turned to look at Bucky, meeting his eyes for the first time since you’d found out the truth. What you saw broke what was still standing of your heart. The desperation in his eyes as he fought for you, fought to get to you, it hurt. But not as much as knowing he didn’t come to you, that you were here because he listened to Loki.
Loki’s betrayal… that stung almost as much as Bucky’s. You’d defended him to everyone, argued that he’d turned over a new leaf. Over time, you’d come to trust him and he was your family. The more you thought about it, the more you began to wonder if everything he’d done had been out of some sense of guilt. Only, instead of coming clean so the mess could be fixed, he’d allowed you to suffer. Allowed Aspen to pay the price for his sins.
“I’ll be back for Aspen tonight” you whispered, retreating down the hall, “Spend the day with her…”
As you went, the shield followed until it stopped at the end of the hall, trapping him. It would release as soon as you left the tower, but it made sure he would have to leave you alone until you came back. You’d have to send someone to check and make sure he had Aspen, but you had to believe he would want to spend the day with her. You weren’t sure when you’d be able to face him again.
In the common room, everyone was laughing and joking around. It was clear they were in high spirits at your return and it only made your heart clench tighter. You ignored everyone, walking straight into Thor and grabbing onto him tightly as you began to cry. The silence that fell was deafening as Thor wrapped you tightly in his arms, but you didn’t care. You just wanted to go home, but where was home?
Back in the hallway you’d left behind, Bucky had retreated to your room. Aspen was still sleeping, and he slowly sank down onto the floor, leaning back against the bed. His eyes slowly sank closed as he remembered the hellish week that led here, wishing he could take it all back.
~~Four Days Before Your Last Anniversary~~
Bucky had arrived home from a mission a few days before, and it had been a hard one. You’d been needed on a separate mission with Clint, so Bucky had been sent with Sam and Steve to get info on a hydra base without you. Unfortunately, the mission had gone sideways and people had gotten hurt, and Bucky was blaming himself.
To make matters worse, you’d been almost avoiding him and he couldn’t figure out why for the life of him. The only time he really saw you was when the two of you crawled into bed together at night, otherwise, it seemed like you were always out with Nat, never having time for him. You were always quick to smile and blow him a kiss when you passed by, but that was it.
Clint had convinced Bucky to come watch tv with him, and the two had decided to turn it into a drinking game. Clint was beginning to enjoy showing Bucky his favorite old shows, and today was no exception. He had just turned on the next episode of ‘Wipeout’ and the two had settled in when Loki stormed in from the kitchen, dripping wet and holding a kitchen towel. Loki’s hair was plastered to his head, his shirt soaked through, and Bucky couldn’t help but snort at the look on his face.
“What is the meaning of this?” Loki snarled, his face twisted in anger as he glared at Clint.
Clint barely held in his laughter, although even he couldn’t contain a small grin, “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bucky and I are just hanging out so… Wanna join?”
“You’re telling me the sink just magically started spraying water out at me when I turned the faucet on and you had nothing to do with it?” Water was beginning to drip down from Loki’s face and Bucky could no longer contain his laughter.
“You’re the magic man, Loki. I’m assuming you’d know better than I” Clint shrugged playfully.
Before Loki could respond, a loud crash followed by Natasha screaming for Clint interrupted. Clint’s eyes grew wide and he raced out of the room right as a dripping wet Nat came around the corner. Loki pointed after Clint, and Nat took off after him, leaving Loki and Bucky alone.
“Where’s [Y/N]? Aren’t you two normally joined at the hip?” Loki growled, drying his hair with the towel.
“I dunno. Thought she was with Nat…” Bucky sighed, “Guess she’s just busy.”
Truth be told, he was starting to worry you were angry at him. You weren’t acting like it, but normally you wouldn’t leave his side for at least a day or two after separate missions. After a bad mission, the two of you were usually never apart for longer than an hour for a while, so your sudden absence stung.
“Maybe she’s just tired of you” Loki suggested, pausing to stare at him pointedly before continuing, “I mean, you did get people killed on the last mission. And sometimes you still have nightmares that wake the whole floor. She’s a good person, never killed someone who didn’t deserve it and she isn’t haunted by her past all the time. She’s probably just realized that she deserves better.”
Loki strolled out before Bucky could respond, knowing he’d planted the seed of doubt. He waited until he was around the corner and out of sight before he began to smirk. Bucky tried to ignore his words, knowing Loki had a silver tongue, but it all sounded so… plausible. This had been his fear since the start, that someday soon you’d figure out what he truly was and want out. How could he fault you for not wanting to be with a monster like him?
Over the next few days, the thoughts began to fester in his mind, and his thoughts began to race. At first, he planned on talking to you and straightening things out but as the days passed with hardly any time with you, he began to wonder if you really were planning on breaking up with him. By the time your anniversary rolled around a few days later, he’d made up his mind.
~~Present Day~~
Two hours after you fled the tower, you were sitting on a park bench in Queens with Thor. You’d explained everything to him, and the two of you were now sitting in silence, your head on his shoulder and his arm around you. You’d cried yourself out at some point, and now you didn’t know what to do.
Steve and Nat had offered to keep an eye on Aspen until you came back, so you knew she was safe but that didn’t stop your worry. You’d never left her alone with the Avengers, and while you trusted them, it still made you nervous. They’d sworn she’d be safe though, and you hadn’t wanted to deny Bucky another day with her, not when you weren’t sure how or when he’d get to see her again.
“I’m sorry about Loki” he sighed, pulling you closer.
“I know” you mumbled, staring out at the sky above.
“He really is the worst brother.”
You snorted softly, curling into him, “Understatement of the century right there.”
“I guess this means you’re really family” he laughed humorlessly, and when you looked over at him confused, he continued, “It’s what Loki does. He hurts us, and he’ll do it again and again and sometimes I think he tries to do better, but then, things like this happen.”
The two of you sat on that park bench, watching as the sunlight faded into dusk and finally evening before you got to your feet. It was time to go home, but first, you had to stop and collect Aspen. Hopefully, Bucky wouldn’t try to fight you and you’d be able to get home so you could sleep for a week, or, as long as Aspen let you really.
When you arrived back at the tower, Steve, Nat, Clint, and Bucky were all in the common room with Aspen. The tower felt quiet, subdued, and you just wanted to leave. When you entered, Bucky slowly picked up Aspen and kissed her on the forehead. He said nothing to you as he handed her over. You could see it in his red-rimmed eyes, the pain and longing, but you said nothing, merely turned back to Thor and hoisted Aspen into your arms more securely.
With a mumbled goodbye, you and Thor were gone. The others, once again, were left wondering when, or if, they would see you again.