Mute

Bucky sits in the playroom and stares at his blocks. Y/N eyes him closely and the feeling, that something is definitely wrong with her older boy doesn’t lead up. She frowns, steps in and crouches in front of the brunette. “Hey, Buck,” she says with a soft voice. The boy looks up slowly, his eyes glazed with something that’s not quite coming from a fever and definitely not form a bad day or nightmare. It’s something in between. She lifts her hand and runs it lightly over his forehead, cheek and neck, to feel for heat. But finds it perfectly normal. “How are you?” Bucky looks at her for a moment before he looks down at his blocks again and shrugs. Y/N’s frown deepens, and she lifts her head to look at Steve. He still sits on his desk and draws something she can’t see. He seems lost in his work and Y/N finds no use in asking him if he knows what’s makes Bucky so… mute?

Mute is a good word. He woke up early in the morning and slipped into Y/N’s bed. He woke her by desperate shakes of her arm and snuggled close to her when she was finally awake. He hadn’t answered any questions she asked. At breakfast, it was the same. She would ask questions and Bucky would remain silent. He would shake his head, nod or shrug his shoulders but nothing else. Steve tried to get him to play but grew bored eventually and went to his desk. “Come here, sweetie.” She sits down, crosses her legs and holds her arms up. Bucky looks at her and crawls forward, sits on her lap and hides in her shoulder, his arms and legs slung around her. Y/N strokes his back softly and plants some kisses on his braided hair. “I love you.” She whispers silently into his ear and hugs him a bit closer. “You know you can tell me everything, right?” Bucky nods but stays silent. Y/N feels the urge to sigh, but she swallows it down and kisses his cheek. “I need to leave soon. Do you want to cuddle a bit in my bed?” Bucky nods again and tightens his grip. Somehow Y/N manages to stand up without falling forward and landing, face first, in Bucky’s blocks. “Stevie, I’ll go to my room for a bit, okay?”

“Hm.” Steve hums but doesn’t look up at her and continuous to draw. Y/N shakes her head smiling and leaves the room, not sure if he registered her at all.

Lady’s ears perk up, and she lifts her head as Y/N enters her room. Her tail waggles in joy at seeing her and the little human, but she stays on the bed. Y/N pushes her away with a careful shove and settles down on her bed, Bucky on her chest and keeps on stroking over his head.

Somewhere along the way his thumb wandered into his mouth and Y/N plucks it out carefully, kisses his head against the whine and pushes one of Steve’s pacifiers into his mouth. Normally Bucky only needs pacifiers when he’s feeling worse than usual and had a terrible day before. Sometimes even when he’s getting sick. Y/N hopes that it’s not that and that Bucky just not feels the need to talk. The prior day wasn’t very eventful despite a small fight in the park as an older boy started to harass Steve a bit.

Bucky closes his eyes and nuzzles a bit closer; his arms tighten around her and Y/N kisses his head again. Lady sniffs at Bucky and nudges him a bit before she licks over his arm. Y/N smiles at the dog and ruffles over her fur. The tail hits the mattress in a rapid rhythm, and she licks at Y/N’s wrist before she settles down again, a bit closer to Bucky than before.

Y/N hears a knock on the apartment door and before she can do anything, she hears Steve’s excited cheer. “Aunt Nat. Look what I made!” She can hear Nat laugh and greet Steve and his excited chatter.

It takes a few minutes until the door to her room gets pushed open a little wider and Nat shows up in her room. Bucky senses her presence and tries to hide further in Y/N’s chest. “Hey, Y/N. Hello, Bucky.” Nat smiles at them and ruffles over Lady’s head before she sits bedside Y/N. Y/N smiles back. “Hi, Nat.”

The red-head’s eyes switch to Bucky, and she raises and eyebrow in question as the boy ignores her greeting. Y/N shakes her head the tiniest bit. Enough for the spy to acknowledge but not enough for Bucky to know about the silent conversation. “Hey, Sweetie. Don’t you want to greet aunt Nat, too?” The boy shakes his head and stay’s quiet. “But I need to leave now. Aunt Pepper will get mad with me if I’m late.” This time the brunette actually whines and tightens his grip as Y/N sits up and tries to entangle his arms from her neck. “Sweetie. I’ll be back in a few hours. And I promise I’ll call at break-time.” Bucky whines again and tries to sling his arms back around Y/N’s neck, but she catches his hands in hers. She pulls him back on her lap, sits on the side of the bed, so that her feet hit the ground. Lady shuffles up to them and licks again at Bucky’s arm and whines. She nudges Bucky a little rougher than before and the boy turns his head to look at the struggling dog. Y/N lets go of one of his hands and Bucky starts to run his hand through Lady’s fur but stays leaned against Y/N’s chest.

Nat slowly drags her hand up and down on Bucky’s back while Y/N rocks a bit as he still continues to whine. “What’s with him?” Nat mouths it with concern in her voice. “I don’t know. He didn’t talk the whole day. The whine is the first actual sound I heard from him all day. Stevie is kinda bored and frustrated because Bucky won’t talk to him either. Maybe he’s getting sick?” This time she sighs and kisses Bucky again. “Maybe I should call Pepper and-”

“No, Y/N. You waited for this meeting a while now. And you should go. I’m sure Bucky will be fine for a few hours. Right, Bucky?” Y/N knows that Nat doesn’t expect an answer but the woman waits for a possible reply nonetheless. As no answer comes, she continuous. “Thor came and Bruce is a little bit excited to spend the day with us as well. I think Sam and Peter will join us sometime today, too.”

“I don’t know, Nat. He seems… off. Maybe I really should stay. Just in case.”

“No. Go. We’ll manage. I bet he’s fine. You remember that he wouldn’t talk to you as you started here, right? Might as well be a little flashback from back then. He gets them sometimes.”

“He does, but only as adult. He never was like that as kid. Nat, this is just not right.” Y/N still looks down at the boy and keeps running her hand though his ponytail. “I just don’t feel comfortable leaving him.” Bucky seems to listen closely because he tightens his grip again, and hides his face in her shoulder. Nat is silent for a while. Y/N wonders if she’s thinking or just waiting for her to say something but as she looks up, she starts squirming instantly. Nat has this face. The one that says ‘Are you shitting me?’ which no one can resist or stand looking at longer than a few seconds.

 “Okay, okay. But… You call me if somethings up.” She doesn’t question it and it isn’t said as question, either. She knows perfectly well that Nat will call her no matter what. Even if Bucky only coughs once. Nat confirms it, and they stand up together and walk back into the playroom. Lady follows them closely, always staying near Bucky and walking at his feet. Steve still sits on his desk but as soon as they come in, he turns around with a bright smile. He picks up a drawing and runs up to Y/N who managed to get Bucky on her hand instead of her arm. The brunette clings on her leg as soon as they stop walking. “Mommy, look. I made it.” Steve points proudly to his picture before he beams at Lady. He tackles the dog who lets out a surprised squeak and starts to ruffle her fur. “Wow. Stevie, that’s gorgeous.”

The picture is full of colors. The bottom is painted in brown, red, yellow and orange. Two trees are on each side of the paper with a few pecks of colored leaves. In the center is a big pumpkin with a mouse on top. Even if it’s a bit unsteady drawn and not to compare with Steve’s paintings as adult you can recognize each detail. The mouse, the leaves, the little bits of grass that peek out between the leaves on the ground and the squirrel on a tree.

Y/N leans down and kisses her boy before she passes the drawing to Nat. “Aunt Nat will hang it up somewhere for me, okay? I need to leave now.”

“Okay, mommy.” Steve smiles and wipes the kiss from his cheek before he takes Nat’s hand with a bright smile. Y/N smiles at him again and then looks down at Bucky. “So, Bucky. You need to let go now.” The boy shakes his head desperately and pushes closer to her hip. “Sweetie…” She sighs and entangles him once again from her. “Mommy needs to go, but I’ll be back as soon as I can. I promise.” Bucky shakes his head and Y/N struggles to get him off her. Eventually she manages and looks him deep in the eyes while holding his hand firmly. “Sweetie.” She waits until his teary eyes meet hers, and she swears she hears her heart break a little. “Sweetie, I really need to go.” She frowns as the tears start to roll. Nat reacts quickly before Bucky slings his arms around Y/N again. She grabs him from behind and pulls him to her chest. “Come on, Bucky. Say goodbye to mommy.” The boy shakes his head hard again and starts to cry and reach for Y/N. She catches his hand and gives it some kisses. “I love you, Bucky.” She smiles at him before she reaches for Steve. “Have a fun day, sweetie.” She gives him a kiss to the forehead and lets him hug her. Then she smiles quickly at Nat, ruffles Lady’s fur and all but runs out of the room, grabs her phone and bag and is out of the apartment. The whole way to the elevator she ignores Bucky’s cries and screams for her. And maybe a single tear finds its way down her cheek.

* * *

Nat carries Bucky through the living room. Lady follows her every step, with watchful eyes on the still crying and sobbing Bucky. Steve sits on the couch and looks equal uncomfortable and miserable as she feels. “Aunt Nat?” She looks over to Steve and smiles tightly at him. “Yes?”

“Why is Bucky crying?” Nat frowns at him and looks shortly at Bucky. “I don’t really know. I think he misses your mommy.”

“But mommy comes back soon.”

“I know.” Nat nods in confirmation. She rocks Bucky up and down in her arms. He slowly gets heavy, and she wants to set him down, but she knows that he will start crying harder again if she tires. “How about we go up for a bit? See if Thor and Bruce are already there?”

“Uncle Thor is here?” Steve sits up straight with a sparkle in his eyes. It has already been a few months now since he saw Thor, and he is always excited to see him. Not only because the man can throw him several feet in the air and still catch him as if it were only a few inches. “Yes. He told me he would visit us.” She smiles at Steve who jumps up and down on the couch. “Can we go now? Please. Please, Nat.” Nat laughs at the excitement and nods. “Make sure you grab your inhaler, just in case, and then we can go. Maybe grab your sheep and Bucky’s bear, too.” Steve nods at her words and rushes out of the room. Lady watches him and looks at Nat before she decides to follow the smallest human in the room. Nat looks down at Bucky, whose pacifier bobs up and down frequently with silent sniffles. “Your brother is one.” She shakes her head in amusement. “You want to see uncle Thor and Bruce, too?” Bucky only closes his eyes at her questions and nods slightly. “Okay. Then let’s go.”

Bucky gets calmer on the way up. Nat has more to do with getting Steve to slow down and from stopping to ride on Lady’s back like on a pony. The moment they step into the common room, hell breaks loose.

* * *

“What the-” Y/N stands still next to Tony who looks equal shocked as she feels Pepper shift behind her to get a closer look at the happening in front of them and gasps shocked. “Oh my…”

“Nat?” Y/N’s voice trembles with shock but her eyes can’t get away from the scene in front of her. “Yes?” The red-heads voice is friendly and normal, through Y/N knows her well enough that she hears the lite tremble in it. “What- what happened here? Didn’t we agree you call me when… something happens?”

“Yes?” Nat formulates it as question and this time actually shifts uncomfortable on the couch. Her eyes switch to the other one. “Then… Why, for the love of god, did you not call me when that happened?!” Y/N’s voices raises a bit, and she gestures widely at the scene in front of them. The couch is filled with blankets and pillows and in the middle of everything, almost fully buried under a red-white-striped blanket lies Steve. His blonde hair peeks out of the blanket. Steve is not alone, though. It took Y/N nearly a minute to recognize the brunette haired boy that’s in Steve’s arms. Bucky is small. Not small like his four-year-old small. He’s small like… nine months? The boys are fast asleep but Y/N can see Bucky’s red eyes, pale face and rosy cheeks. The blue cloth on his forehead confirms her thought about a fever, and she frowns, still looking at the boys.

Y/N breaks out of her stupor, shrugs out of her heels and walks over to her kids. She runs her head through Steve’s hair. Now she notices that his eyes are red as well. She strokes through Bucky’s hair as well. The boy makes a small gurgle sound and Y/N feels a smile grow on her face. She turns back to Nat and raises an eyebrow at her. As she doesn’t react, she looks over to Bruce and Sam. Both men try to be busy in looking through some magazines. Thor actually looks a bit ashamed and hides behind Peter, which really doesn’t work. “I-I…” Peter stammers and looks really, really uncomfortable. “Pete, it’ fine. I’ll explain.” Nat sighs and slumps a bit down on her seat. She gestures for Pepper and Tony to come in and sit down. She waits until everyone gets something to drink and comfortable before she looks at Y/N. “Well… You left and Bucky wouldn’t really calm down. And Thor made it worse.” Nat glares at the man, and he ducks his head in shame once again.

* * *

“Was that necessary?” Nat rocks Bucky up and down, trying to get him calm again. Thor had greeted them with a loud and booming voice which had startled Bucky so bad that he shrieked and hid in Nat’s shoulder. He started crying again and is until now. Ten minutes later. “I’m very sorry. I shall speak with a more silent voice now.” Thor rubs his neck and sits down next to Bruce. Steve sits on Bruce’s lap and watches as Nat rocks his brother. “Uncle Bruce?” Bruce looks down at the blonde. “Why is Bucky not speaking?” Bruce raises his eyebrows and shoots a look at Nat. The woman shrugs shortly. “Y/N says he’s probably getting sick or something. He hadn’t had a bad night in a while as far as I know.” Bruce nods and looks down at the blonde boy that’s still looking at him. “Well, it’s difficult to explain why he’s not talking. It can be because he’s getting sick like Nat said. It could also be because he dreamed bad, or he just doesn’t feel like talking at the moment. We just have to wait.”

“But… I want to play with Bucky.” Steve frowns and looks back to the brunette boy. “You can still play with Bucky, Steve.” Steve doesn’t answer but Bruce sees in his face that he doesn’t agree with him. “Oh, I fear the little warrior has an accident.” Thor points up in an actual silent voice. And Bucky really has one. He buries closer into Nat’s shoulder and sobs louder. His pants are getting wetter as the seconds pass and Nat actually feels it against her shirt by now. “Now, now, Bucky. Let’s get you changed, yeah? This happens. It’s okay.”

“Bucky.” Steve jumps from Bruce’s lap and Lady jumps up from behind the couch to run with Steve to the brunette. Steve grabs Bucky’s pant leg and pulls a bit on it. “Mommy says it’s okay to have accidents. She says big boys have them, too, sometimes.” The words of the little boy don’t really help. They don’t calm Buck down, but they don’t make it worse either. He seems a bit frustrated by the fact, but he doesn’t let go of Bucky’s pants. Instead, she holds on tight and follows Nat back to the elevator. The moment Nat steps into the elevator she’s greeted with Sam and Peter. Steve cheers loudly and Bucky whimpers at the newcomers. Sam looks actually surprised but picks Steve up. “Hey, there. Where are you going? Thought we meet in the common room.”

“Yeah, but we had a small accident and want to change.” She rocks Bucky while she talks. Peter looks the boy over and places a hand on his back. “Hello, Bucky.” Bucky shakes his head but doesn’t shy away from the hand on his back. Peter ignores it and smiles at him. “Wow, did you braid your hair alone? It looks pretty today.” At this Bucky actually lifts his head the tiniest bit and looks at Peter but shakes his head. “No? I thought so.” Peter continuous to smile. “How about a cuddle for me?” He holds his hand up as invitation. Nat shakes her head carefully as to warn him that Bucky might burst into tears again. “Peter, he’s all-” She stops speaking as Bucky leans a bit back with a sniffle. He stopped crying and now holds a hand out for Peter. The teenager takes him from Nat’s arms and holds him tight in his. “Ah, this is nice, right?” Bucky nods against his shoulder and cuddles a bit closer. “Me, too.” Steve whines and pulls on Peter’s sleeve. Peter smiles at him and ruffles his hair. “Later, buddy.” Steve starts to pout but Sam is quick to pick him up and throws him as high as the cabin allows. He shrieks and giggles. Nat shakes her head and runs her hand over Lady’s fur who sits patiently at her feet. She presses the button to Y/N’s floor and waits for the doors to close and the elevator to descend.

Together they all shuffle into the apartment. Peter takes Bucky immediately to the kids’ bathroom. Lady follows him and sits patiently next to him while he gets Bucky out of his sticky clothes. Nat gets into the kids’ room and searches for some clothes. Sam stays with Steve. The little boy drags him into the playroom and shows him every picture he missed since Sam had to leave the tower.

Bucky has a thumb in his mouth and lets Peter handle him into the right positions. He just got dressed again as he feels a strange feeling. He whines and Peter looks up from his socks. “What’s up, buddy? Need again?” Bucky shakes his head and Peter frowns. “What’s then?” Bucky mimics Peter’s frown and lets himself fall forward into the arms of the older boy. Peter wraps them around him and rubs his back. His eyes search Nat’s, but she looks just as confused. “Bucky?” Bucky shakes his head against Peter’s shoulder. Bucky whimpers again and then Peter feels it. “Oh.” He gasps and looks down as a new puddle forms on the floor. “Again.” He looks at it, then at Bucky who sniffs into his shoulder. It sounds wet and Peter can feel his body shaking. “How about a pull up Bucky? We get you on the toilet and maybe shower you and then get you dressed again.” Nat crouches down beside them and rubs Bucky’s back. Bucky shakes his head again, harder this time but Peter ignores it. He peels him out of his clothes again and sets him on the toilet. Bucky whines and clings to him, he starts to sob as Peter extracts his hands from his shoulders. “Bucky. It’s okay. I’ll stay here.” Peter holds Bucky’s hands but the boy cries again and tries to get his arms around Peter. Nat watches as she cleans up the puddle and throws the wet clothes in the hamper next to the changing table. Peter sighs and picks Bucky up only to set him don int the small tub. He quickly starts the water and gets to wash Bucky down. “Peter, I’ll grab some new clothes for me sand find something for him, too.” She stops a second before she continuous. “Maybe I find something for you in Tony’s things. Shout if you need anything.”

“Okay.” Peter smiles at Nat and turns back around to Bucky. The boy is suddenly very pale, looks on the edge of puking and shakes as if he’s freezing despite the warm spray of water that hits his skin. “Bucky, buddy? You’re alright?” The boy doesn’t answer, of course. He stares straight forward. Peter feels like Bucky doesn’t hear him. “Buddy?” He raises his hand and lightly touches Bucky’s shoulder but the boy doesn’t react. “Nat? Natasha! NAT!” Peter shouts alarmed, eyes always on Bucky. He hears hurried steps behind him and turns just in time to see Sam and Steve enter the room. “What’s wrong?” Sam has a slightly panicked look and Steve hides a bit behind him. Lady jumps up from her spot beside the changing table and almost jumps int the tub. Peter manages to hold her back but the dog sniffs at Bucky, licks his faces and whines desperate at not being able to properly get to him. “B-Bucky?” Steve pushes a little forward and looks at the brunette. Bucky stays as he is. “What’s wrong with him?” Sam pushes Steve a little further behind himself and comes closer to Peter. The boy turns the water off and shrugs. “I-I don’t know. H-he suddenly just… He won’t… I can’t…”

“Woah, take a deep breath, kid.” Sam holds his hands up and claps Peter on a shoulder, then he pushes the boy and the dog away. “Get Steve out. I’ll take care of him.”

“O-okay.” Peter nods and stands up. On his way out he looks a few times back at Sam and Bucky. As does Steve. Sam waits until both boys are out of sight and the dog is dragged out before he turns to Bucky. “Hey, Buck. It’s me, Sam. Can you hear me?” He places a light hand on Bucky’s back and rubs it up and down. As he doesn’t get an answer, he sets himself so that he can look into Bucky’s face. “Hey. I’m gonna lift you up now.” He waits a second before he places his hands under Bucky’s arms and lifts the boy up. He sits himself with his back against the tub and places Bucky in his lap. Then he grabs a towel from the toilet seat which Nat must have placed there. He wraps Bucky up in it and rubs his arms. “Come on, buddy. Look at me.” As if on cue Bucky’s eyes snap up and start to water. “Shh… It’s okay. That was scary, huh?” The man presses Bucky against his chest and creates only a small room for Bucky to move.

He knows that sometimes, being close and wrapped up helps people to ground themselves and come back to themselves. Bucky instead starts to shiver more; he gasps and clutches on Sam’s shirt while dirty sobs wrack his body even more. And Sam can’t other than watch. It’s the first time for him, and certainly the first time for Bucky, too, that he drops in his arms. The brunette gets smaller and smaller until Sam holds a small infant in his arms. Sam almost expects him to cry but all Bucky does is still clutching on his shirt and sticking one hand in his mouth as he stares at Sam. “Hey, Bucky.” Sam stares at him in awe and wraps the towel closer around him. “Hey, Peter. Sorry. I had to search in-” Nat stops in the door and stares. Sam looks up at her and smiles while he lifts himself up from the ground. “What the hell?” Nat comes as close to shrieking as she would ever allow. The new clothes and the pull-ups almost sail to the ground, but she catches herself fast. Bucky turns his head and stretches his slobbered hand out for her. Nat’s eyes fall on the hand and back to Bucky’s face. She takes few steps to them and ignores the wetness. She grabs Bucky’s hand and earns herself a happy sounding giggle. It stops as fast as it appears. Bucky slumps tiredly against Sam’s chest and yawns. “We should get him dressed. And you should shower. You smell like pee.”

“Ha ha. Hopefully he pees on you, too.” Nat glares at him but turns around and searches in the nearest shelve for baby clothes that could fit Bucky.