Tony was never the strongest Avenger
This is another bizarre thing prop-Tony folks insist is true. At first it was because Tony was "the man who made Thanos bleed"--as if the paper cut Tony delivered came close to Thor wielding Stormbreaker (though he should have gone for the head). They also ignore how Wanda held back Thanos while destroying the Mind Stone. Or how Captain Marvel blasted through an entire ship. Even Steve managed to hold Thanos for a few seconds, and he wasn't wearing a flying tank.
So who really wins that title?
Note: Set in an AU where heroes are fictional. I don't really know how Dungeon & Dragon-style games work.
***
Phil Coulson shuffled the pages on his desk and checked his computer screen. He said, "Okay, let's review what happened during your battles with Thanos."
Tony said, "Iron Man's the strongest Avenger, hands down, no contest."
Phil frowned and said, "We'll see. Tony, Thor, because you decided to separate from the main group, we'll review your encounters first."
Tony spun his tablet toward Phil and said, "It's all here. I used my tech stats for an equipment boost to go toe-to-toe with the big guy. After Iron Man tossed Thanos around a little, I struck him with my nanoswords. He was toast."
When he tried to pull the tablet back, Phil grabbed it and read. Then he said, "Uh, Tony, you put down 111 instead of 11 here. So the ACTUAL results are..."
The others waited while Phil rolled some dice and checked his computer. After he finished making notes he said, "Tony, using your ACTUAL stats, you did manage to cut Thanos."
Tony looked smug.
Phil continued, "There's a one-inch slice on Thanos's cheekbone. Then Thanos broke your nanosword and shoved it in your gut. You'll have to roll 2D20 for damage."
Tony picked up a pair of dice and rolled. When he saw the result, he swept the dice off the table and said, "Dead again? You people suck." Then he stomped out of the room.
Phil looked around the table, then said, "Okay Thor. How did things go with you?"
Thor sat up and said, "I carried my dwarven-made battle axe Stormbreaker into the epic battle. My companions Tree and Rabbit accompanied me to guard my back."
He pushed a notebook toward Phil and said, "You can see how the fight raged."
Clint looked over Phil's shoulder and said, "Sucking chest wound...nice."
Natasha rolled her eyes and said, "You should have gone for the head."
Phil rolled a dice and nodded. He said, "I have to agree, Thor. In your universe, Thanos managed to Snap. Half the population turned to dust, and Thanos escaped."
Thor frowned and said, "It is hard for me--for Thor, Avenger and god of thunder--to know such failure."
Scott patted Thor on the shoulder.
Phil looked around the table and asked, "And how did the main battle go?"
T'Challa said, "Wakanda volunteered to shelter the Mind Stone from Thanos. My--King T'Challa's--valiant warriors joined the Avengers to fight the Obsidian Order and protect Earth."
Clint said, "I stayed on the high ground for as long as I could, using my arrows and T'Challa's energy weapons to do as much damage as possible."
Sam said, "I was doing remote damage too, swooping in and out while blasting those monsters."
Natasha said, "I moved in for some close quarters fighting."
Wanda said, "I first stayed to protect Shuri and Vision, but then joined the fight. After we failed the throw to safely remove the Mind Stone from Vision, I held off Thanos with one hand while destroying the stone with the other."
Phil frowned and said, "Let me check your stats, Wanda."
He read through and double-checked his computer. Then he said, "You're right, you do have the power to do that."
Steve said, "I joined from behind Thanos, trying to keep him off-balance so he couldn't push against Wanda's beam or use the Stones he already had. Then Scott became our secret weapon."
Scott bounced in his seat and said, "It was great! I got tiny and flew up Thanos's nose into his brain. Then I got big."
He paused, then said, "I'm sure it was, uh, kind of messy. But it worked!"
Phil checked Scott's numbers, then smiled. He said, "Great work! You kept Thanos from destroying half of all life in the universe--congratulations."
Everyone at the table high-fived and broke out the snacks. Mission accomplished.