IX
"James?"
James looked up upon hearing Sirius' voice. He really wanted to know how they got on. He really hoped that they made up. It would be really awkward if his boyfriend and best friend hated each other. He made his way to the kitchen, where he'd heard Sirius' voice from.
"How was it? Did you make... up.." James took one look at Sirius' face to know that they weren't okay. This wasn't good. James made his way towards Sirius, and let Sirius collapse into them, who immediately started crying.
Fuck.
James couldn't imagine how hard it must've been for them. When they'd left that house, they'd been in a terrible mental state and it had taken a long time to build it back up again.
"It's okay," James said, whispering as many platitudes he could think of. But it only made Sirius cry harder.
"I'm sorry," they hiccuped, and Remus appeared, which James was very grateful for.
Remus took Sirius, and she wrapped his arms around him so protectively, her eyes glimmering with tears.
James knew this wouldn't be good.
They all sat in the kitchen, and James handed them a drink - a banana and strawberry smoothie - their favourite. James had meant for it to comfort her, but Sirius just cried harder.
"I'm sorry," they choked out, wiping their face with her sleeve.
"You're allowed to be sad," Remus said, he but she shook her head frantically.
James was seriously getting concerned. Sirius hadn't broken down like this in a while, and it was scary to see them like this.
"Regulus, he's so confusing," Sirius said. "He blames me for leaving but knows I had too, and wants to ignore me but also build up a relationship. I even told him about my depression," she said in a quiet voice, looking down at their wrists, where faint scars to match James' were.
James snapped his fingers, making them look up. Sirius didn't need to look at any reminders of the time right now. Her mind was fragile enough.
Remus hugged her, sitting down beside her. "Did you scream at him?"
Sirius let out a wet laugh.
"Obviously."
James wondered what had been said for Sirius to be this upset.
"What did he say? Do I need to be angry at him?" James asked, and Sirius shook their head.
"It was me," she said quietly, looking down, where Remus was holding her hand. "I messed up. I let something slip."
James was confused, and judging from the look Remus gave him, he didn't know either.
"Was it really bad?" Remus asked, and Sirius nodded, before crying into Remus.
"I'm so sorry James," Sirius said, and James couldn't help but get chills down his back. The way Sirius had been crying the whole time meant this was bad.
"Sirius, what did you say?" James asked, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. Maybe she was just scared that James would be disappointed or angry at them. As if.
Sirius turned to look at him.
"It was an accident! I promise it wasn't on purpose! Fuck, I'm so sorry," Sirius said, wiping their eyes. "Regulus... He knows."
James froze.
Not a single thought entered his head apart from no.
The relationship had been going so well, James thought he might've had more time to enjoy it while it lasted.
"You told him?" James asked, pain and confusion laced in each syllable.
Sirius nodded his head while simultaneously saying no.
"I was talking and I was angry because he didn't get what I was saying, and it just slipped out. I know it's a shitty move and I really didn't mean to say it," Sirius said, but James wasn't listening. It was like a flip switched in his brain, causing him to have a hard time trying to keep a grasp on reality. He didn't know how he was supposed to react. His mind was reeling from shock and he already missed hoe Regulus felt on his skin.
He heard Sirius's voice, and saw their face, but it was so dar away he couldn't make out what words she was saying or the expression that had taken over their face.
James panicked, aware this meant he could be having an episode, and hoped someone was listening as he chanted "help me. Please," over and over again.
A while had passed before he was conscious of the fact their was a warm cup of tea in his hands. Blinking, he looked up at Sirius, who sighed in relief.
"You're okay," she said, getting up and hugging him. James wasn't sure who they were trying to convince: James or herself.
James clung to her, scared he'd lose it again
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry."
Remus was the first one to speak next.
"James, Regulus isn't the type of person to leave someone because of a mental illness."
James glared at him.
"And how would you know that?" James snapped, and immediately felt bad.
"Because Sirius told me, and they grew up with him," Remus said, unfazed with James's outburst.
"James, I really didn't mean to," Sirius repeated. "Regulus called your phone a couple of times," she said next, probably trying to be reassuring, but James froze because Regulus was probably calling to break up with him. He didn't want to do that.
James had no intentions of returning the calls. If Regulus was going to break up with him, it would be in person. James didn't always hold himself to high standards, but he knew that he deserved respect.
"I think I just need to relax," James said, and Sirius untangled their arms from around him.
"Do you want to hear what happened or is it a story for another day?" Sirius asked, and James didn't know if he wanted to come not. He knew there had probably been fighting, crying and probably guilt tripping, James wasn't stupid and he knew what Sirius could do, and Regulus could probably do the same.
"Maybe the better parts of it?" James asked, not knowing how much emotional turmoil he could take.
"I'll take to him again?" Sirius replied, unsure of what counted as happy. "He told me missed me, and told me not to leave again. That's as good as it gets mate," they said, shrugging their shoulders. "It's downhill from there."
James hugged Sirius. He wished Sirius and Regulus could be siblings again. At the end of the day the only thing that had torn them apart was their abusive parents. They both deserved so much better.
"The worse parts?" James asked, sipping his tea, feeling the heat go down his throat and into his stomach, grounding him so he can be fully here for the conversation.
Sirius looked at him sadly.
"I really don't think we should do that," Sirius said, and Remus nodded. "You're not up for it. Tomorrow."
James rolled his eyes halfheartedly, not feeling up to much else.
James hated how his breakdowns drained him so much. Left him hollow. Sirius was right, he wasn't mentally up for the conversation, but he wanted to be there for Sirius so badly. He was really grateful she had Remus, because James couldn't be there for them all the time, as much as it killed him to say.
He didn't have dinner, instead he went to bed early, claiming he was tired.
He didn't exactly sleep, instead he cried and panicked about Regulus and how he probably thought about how James was an insane liar who hid his bipolar to trick him.
James sobbed at how he'd gone and screwed everything up. again.
He felt like he was drowning in his feelings. He hated when these episodes happened, when all his feelings came crashing down on him like the worlds greatest tsunami, and he could do nothing but watch helplessly as he died. James thinks a piece of him dies everytime this happens, and wonders how long it will take until there's nothing left but an empty shell of the person he once was. He was so scared to lose himself. He didn't want to be known as an illness. He wanted to live, and enjoy life like normal people. He didn't want to spend any more time in and out of hospitals and sitting on bathrooms floors.
He wanted the one thing he couldn't have.
His mind wandered helplessly to the blade he kept hidden.
It had been so long since he had last touched it, he usually had Sirius to distract him. Plus, he much preferred Alcohol.
James considered himself lucky, as Sirius had come to check on him, and inevitably had to talk him out of whatever was going through James' mind, because James genuinely thought that he would've done something something horrible if Sirius hadn't been there.
Which is why he was sitting in his therapists office.
Louise Walsh was a lovely person, but James refused to believe that therapy worked or that he needed it, and he also refused to believe that it worked.
She was sitting with her legs crossed opposite him, a rather large folder on James sitting on the table next to her.
"Nice to see you, James."
"Is it though?" James muttered, picking his nails. There was dried blood around them from last night, as it was the only thing he allowed himself to do.
Dr. Walsh sighed. James knew he made her job difficult, but she got paid extremely well, so he didn't feel too bad.
"Sirius called," she continued, and James groaned. Sirius would've definitely told her about him not taking his pills and how he's been acting. "Seems like a lot to process. Do you want to explain it to me?"
No.
James had no clue where he was even supposed to begin. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her. Was it before the drinking? After? He couldn't keep track.
"When was our last appointment?" He asked, trying to figure it out.
"A month ago."
James' gut sank. He'd have to start at the very beginning, something he didn't really want to do.
"You're in for a rollercoaster," James said, attempting to grin, but it came out as more of a wobbly smile, with tears threatening to take over at any given moment. "So basically, Sirius and Regulus met, both of them blamed me because you know, I'm a brother stealer. Sirius was angry so I drank with her, then she was all apologetic. I also made up with Regulus, lost control and burned my hand at his house. Then, Sirius and Regulus tired to make up but obviously it turned into an argument, and I was brought up, and Sirius accidentally let my bipolar slip, told me, and I sprialled. Again." James looked at her expectantly. "Sadly, it's all true."
"And you didn't take your meds during most of this?" Dr. Walsh asked, writing something down. James suddenly wanted to leave even more than he did before.
He decided not to lie, because last time that put him in a psych ward. And he really, really, didn't like it.
"Yeah, I dipped in and out of them. S'not like they work that well regardless," he replied, fidgeting with his nails again. "And I just lost motivation to take them."
Dr. Walsh looked at him carefully. "Have you felt yourself spiralling into a full episode, or just short bursts?"
"Short bursts."
Dr. Walsh nodded, happy. What there was to be happy about, James didn't know.
"That means the meds are having some effect, however I do think these bursts indicate that you will have a proper episode," she said, and James' heart sank. He didn't know if he could handle another one. "I can inform Sirius and Remus, so they can spot the signs."
James felt himself shaking at the idea. He just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry because surely it wasn't fair. He was so tired. The pounded at him relentlessly, and he could do nothing but take it because he had no control.
Before he knew it, he was crying, wishing someone could just put an end to it. He wanted it to stop, which just made him cry harder because he didn't want to think like that.
"I can't do another one so soon. You know how the last one drained me completely. How come each episode seems to be worse then the last?"
Dr. Walsh looked at him almost pityingly before responding.
"Because, it can get worse if you get frequent episodes," she said, and James swore his heart shattered on the floor. "And in your case, this seems to be happening regularly."
James just prayed to God that the next episode would be a manic one. He'd had three depressive in a row, and it was a lot easier to be extremely happy and erratic than full on depressed.
"How does anyone put up with this?" James whispered. "How can my friends take care of me when I'm like this? It must be exhausting. And let alone a boyfriend. It's too much to ask for."
"James, you and I both know that if it was Sirius who was in your position, you'd do anything for them," Dr. Walsh said, and James hated how she was right because it was about to prove her next point. "Love is unconditional, and you of all people know that."
James thought a parents love should be unconditional, but friends, why couldn't they be picky? Why have some bipolar lad when you could have a normal one? He just didn't get it.
"But, I'm a hassle," James replied. "I couldn't even listen to Sirius' problems because I was too busy losing my mind the other day. And they needed someone."
"Well, it's good they have Remus and Peter too then. And Effie and Monty. They have a support system, just like you do. And there's no shame in using it."
"Did you know I told Regulus about my addiction? He didn't mind, because I told him it was in the past. But Bipolar? That's for life. And I can't change that. No amount of pills will make me fucking normal. And I hate that with every fiber in my body. I wish i could wake up and have it purged from my body. I'm fed up of feeling like this. Like everything is too much."
James looked down, trying to regain control of his emotions. Right now, he wanted to lash out, and he felt it with such an intensity he was scared he would. He clicked his fingers twice, letting Louise know that he was feeling like this.
She placed a cushion in his arms, and he squeezed it as hard as he could, punching it a couple of times. He was disappointed, he hasn't have had to do it in the longest time.
He was glad the session ended shortly after, because he only wanted to curl up in his bed and cry. And Dr. Walsh had upped his doseage. Again. How fun. He wondered was he at the limit yet. Probably not. He was lucky it worked at all.
As he walked home, a part of him wondered what it would be like if his meds did work. Usually he just thought about him not having bipolar at all. He'd still have episodes, but they wouldn't be as haywire or persistent. That sounded nice. He wished he could have that life. The bipolar people you see in those 'my bipolar didn't stop me from achieving my dreams' videos. Because while James managed to become a teacher like he wanted, he nearly got kicked out of college and fired once or twice.
He wanted to know what it would be like if his bipolar didn't leave such a massive dent in his heart. If he didn't have scars inside and out from it. His Mum called them battle scars by he preferred I'm weak scars.
When he got home, Sirius and Remus were there, and it looked like they had been waiting for him, because Sirius looked stressed and Remus looked a bit too relaxed. James didn't know what to do with that. He didn't look forward to their pep talks very often.
"Hey James," Remus said softly. "How was Dr. Walsh?"
James really didn't want to discuss it. But he was going to for Sirius and Remus' peace of mind.
"It was alright. She appreciated your phonecall, Sirius."
They grimaced. "I was just worried."
"I know Pads," James said softly.
"So..."
"So?" James replied. "Why the anxious looks?"
"I want to tell you what happened between Reggie and I."
James desperately wanted to hear it, but was terrified of what could've went down. The Blacks were infamous for their extravagant displays of madness. But James was also scared to hear what could've been said about him.
But he pushed that down. It wasn't about him. It was about being there for Sirius in their time of need.
"Okay," James breathed out, heart thumping.
"He liked to remind me that I left, like, every two minutes. Not fun. Most of it was arguing over that. But at least he admitted to being too scared to leave with me and not because he hated me. Not much talking was done, if I'm being honest. But crying, screaming and drinking was achieved!" They said with a fake grin.
James hugged them, and Sirius melted into it, and James wondered how badly Sirius needed a hug from him. He felt a pang of guilt, hating that he couldn't be there for her.
"I'm assuming you were the one crying," James said.
"When isn't she crying?" Remus said jokingly, looking at Sirius fondly. Her long black hair was tied in a messy bun that hung loosely, with a few star clips in it. She was a pretty sight.
James only stopped hugging him when he tensed up.
"I told Regulus I was genderfluid. He didn't care. And i didn't freeze up when i argue usually. I felt pure, hot red anger, like a true Black. And he kept getting angry at me, so I went to leave and he begged me not to, because 'the first time was bad enough.'" Sirius laughed humourlessly, and James wondered if Dr. Walsh would take them on again, because they clearly weren't okay. "I think some of my heart shattered hearing it. And then we bonded and then you were brought up and then I opened my big fat mouth. Slightly offended he skipped over me telling him I had depression and wanted to kill myself, but you know."
James flinched slightly, remembering how scary their teenage years were. He was so scared Sirius was going to kill themselves, and Sirius was scared James would hurt himself.
He remembers both of their fears coming true, and watches as Sirius tries to gage his reaction.
"I really am sorry. Tá an-bron orm," Sirius said, and James smiled at the random use of Irish. It hadn't been used in a while.
"Tá sé ceart go leor," James said, and Remus rolled his eyes.
"What a pair of English traitors," he said.
"Most English people don't think I'm English."
"Do I look English to you?" Sirius said, raising an eyebrow. "Do I not look French enough?"
"No."
"Nah."
Sirius scoffed. "Rude much?"
James' phone rang, and he felt his blood turn to ice as it had to be Regulus calling again.
"I really think you should answer him James," Remus said. "It's not polite to ghost someone."
"I would rather die," James deadpanned, and Sirius sighed, and fiddled with their hair.
"James, Regulus wasn't mad because you had bipolar, he was only a bit mad and upset that you didn't tell him," Sirius said, and James rolled his eyes.
"Oh yes, because Regulus gets to be sad that I didn't tell him I'm fucked in the head. Let's makes it about him, because it must be so hard when your boyfriend keeps something from you to protect you. What a cunt."
Sirius glared at him. "Why can't you see it from his point of view! Remember when you found out i was fucking depressed? You were mad and upset I didn't tell you how I was feeling! God, stop only thinking about yourself and put yourself in someone else's shoe's. No one has an easy life James, some just easier than others."
James didn't know how to react, so he stood there, blinking at Sirius. They let out a groan of frustration.
James wanted to scream at them. To make them understand that when you tell someone you have a lifelong illness that can't be glamorized and will affect them if they choose to let him into their lives.
Not many people were willing to be friends with someone like that, much less date. James couldn't really see Regulus putting up with it.
The phone rang again, and James and Remus watched in horror as Sirius picked it up and answered it.
James was not comforted by the fact that Regulus was yelling within a second of the phone being answered. He felt his point was proved.
"It's Sirius, jackass," they spat, and James wondered how much pent up anger Sirius really had.
"Be nice Padfoot," Remus said, but Sirius ignored them, rapidly talking to Regulus in French so James couldn't understand a thing, apart from that Regulus sounded so angry.
James was so scared to get his heart broken.
Before he could realize he was being irrational, or impulsive, he walked towards the door, opened it, and full on sprinted out of the apartment, not caring Remus was shouting after him because James knew he couldn't run, and hoping he had enough of a head start that Sirius wouldn't catch up to him.
In some sense was aware that running away from his problems was childish, but his mind was doing weird things and he couldn't sort oy out because all he wanted to do was beg Regulus to not break up with him. He liked Regulus so much, and they fit so well together, and James felt he needed Regulus like how humanity needed the Sun for light.
He wasn't aware of where he was running too, and he didn't know how long he was running until he eventually ended up in the same park that James had his picnic with Regulus at.
James wanted to cry. No more picnics with his boyfriend at Green Park for him. He couldn't process this right. His brain was doing weird shit and he just wanted to turn it off. He clamoured up onto the tree branch that Regulus and himself had sat on when they had their picnic. James remembered it all to well. They'd even had their first kiss here.
He wished that the could've had a longer go at dating. There'd been a small part of him that hoped that Regulus wouldn't mind that James was messed up, but hearing him shout like that on the phone crushed that.
He started crying, and hid his face in his arms, slightly regretting running here, as he wanted to just scream and cry and shout and throw things without people thinking he was losing the plot.
Oh wait, he already was.
So when an arm wraps around his shoulders is first instinct is to cry on it, but then another arm wraps around his other shoulder and suddenly Regulus and Sirius are beside him, and James doesn't know what to do, so he just cries, trying to make sense of everything.
He wonders why Regulus is there after James lied and lied to him over everything that wasn't good in his life because he was scared that Regulus would leave. Yet here Regulus was, comforting him on a tree branch while James cried.
He realized then if Regulus was maybe there was nothing to cry about, and he looked up, wiping tears from his eyes, a million questions in his mind.
"Why are you here?" Was the first one. He figured it covered every base fairly quickly.
Regulus looked at him softly. "Why wouldn't I be? My boyfriend is upset."
The way Regulus said it was so sweet, and James wondered how Regulus could even look at him right now.
"But I kept secrets from you!"
"Because you didn't want to hurt me! Yes, I am a bit angry over it, but it wasn't my secret to share. And I see your reasoning," Regulus said, pulling James closer and Sirius pretended to be disgusted. "I only wish I could've been told by you though. But James, why did you think I would leave because of it?"
James was so confused. Why would Regulus even ask that?
"Because I have a lifelong mental illness that effects the people close to me as they have to put up with it!" James replied, looking Regulus in the eyes. "Can you say many people want to put up with that? I'm a fucking mess."
"You're the most beautiful mess I have ever seen."
Sirius looked revolted.
"Ew. Tone the lovey dovey stuff down."
"No way. I have to put up with you and Remus."
"But James, you aren't your illness. You're kind and you care and you're so nice. And pretty. You listen and try to understand me, something people haven't done in a while," Regulus continued, and James swore he saw him look at Sirius. "So what if you have bipolar? We can work through it together. Because that's what couples do."
James kissed his lips lightly, and Regulus' shoulders relaxed, like he was worried over James.
Sirius rolled their eyes.
"See James? Doesn't want to break up with you," they smirked, and James sighed. "Now, why don't we go back to the apartment?"
"I'm sorry I thought you would want to break up with me," James said to Regulus, putting his head on his shoulder. He felt very tired all of a sudden. He gathered it was all the crying and feelings. But he did feel better. When Regulus called him a beautiful mess, he felt like he was floating with happiness. He loved being loved.
"Good. I was offended you thought I was that bad."
James didn't mean to hurt Regulus. He opened his mouth to apologize, but the fear must've shown in his eyes, because Regulus quickly cut him off. "I was joking."
"Oh."
James saw Sirius whisper something to Regulus, who nodded in understandment, and Regulus took James' hand and they got off the branch, and took the underground back to the apartment, and James held Regulus' hand the whole time, terrified it could be ripped away from him again.
James knew he'd have to explain everything to Regulus once they were back in the apartment, by James really didn't want too. He wanted to pretend he was normal for a little while. He wanted to live in his bubble of fantasy, where he didn't have his therapist informing him that he's gonna have a bipolar episode and there's nothing he could do about it.
Remus was waiting for them when he got in, which made him feel even more guilty, but Remus just hugged him.
"You're strong James. Don't ever forget that."
James nodded, and went to the sitting room, and Remus made tea and a coffee for Regulus.
Regulus looked at Remus stiffly.
"Nice to meet you, brother fucker," Regulus said, but then turned to Sirius. "I'm sorry. I didn't even ask. Pronouns?"
James didn't miss the pained look in Sirius' eyes, but he couldn't tell if it was from being called brother or having to try and figure out what feels right.
"They/he?" Sirius said like it was a question. "It's been changing all day. It's exhausting."
Regulus nodded, before turning back to Remus.
"Whatever you see in them, you're probably just wearing rose tinted glasses," Regulus deadpanned, and took his coffee. Sirius scoffed while Remus snorted.
"I like him," Remus smiled at Sirius.
"He's my boyfriend," James said proudly. Regulus sighed, and sat down beside him, wrapping an arm around him. James smiled.
Nobody spoke for a couple of minutes, letting the silence take over, which James appreciated as he wanted to put off explaining anything as much as possible.
Sadly, Regulus did speak, breaking the silence.
"James, when we're you diagnosed?"
James didn't need to ask with what.
"At 17. Usually they try to not diagnose personality disorders until you're in your twenties, but my behavior was so unpredictable and it matched every symptom. I wasn't well in the head at all. I was radiating pain and hurt and I couldn't understand why. Getting a diagnosis as like a blessing and a curse. Other people were going through what I was going through. But it meant I faced a scary road ahead."
Regulus nodded, and James could see he was struggling for words.
So James kept talking.
"When I had my first depressive episode, I refused to believe that I could be sad for no reason. I hid them like my life depended on it. And I was able to, until the manic ones came. Everyone noticed them, and not just Sirius and my parents. It was fucking scary. It runs in my family. On my Dad's side," James sighed, running a hand through his hair.
He didn't like the look of pity that Regulus gave him.
Remus let out a low whistle. "Even I didn't know that."
James nodded. "My granny, my aunt, three of my cousins, had it."
"That sucks," Regulus said softly, brushing a curl out of James' face, and James allowed the pity, because when Regulus touched any part of him it sent sparks flying through him. "Have you ever been hospitalized?"
James' breath hitched. He really didn't want to tell the truth, and was fully prepared to lie, but he looked at Sirius, who nodded gently. He had to tell the truth. Because it wasn't going to ruin James' life.
"Yeah. Twice," James said, avoiding Regulus' gaze. "At 20 and 22. When Taylor says she's feeling 22, I hope she isn't feeling James Potter 22."
James Potter 22. Where your life goes to shit and you end up in a psych ward because you had an alcohol addiction and cut yourself. Not fun.
Regulus didn't know what to say, so cuddling up to James was happening. James wasn't complaining. James wouldn't know what to say if someone told him all this either.
"I'll always support you," Regulus said, and James smiled as Regulus was looking at him so sincerely. "When you need me, I'll be there."
James tried his best not to cry again, but it didn't exactly work, as tears came anyways, and he had three bodies on top of him, group hugging him and slightly crushing him.
"Ew Sirius your hair is in my mouth," Regulus grumbled, putting an end to the hug.
"Bet it tastes good," Sirius grinned.
"It tastes like stale cigarettes," Regulus replied curtly, crossing his arms. James sighed. Of course this was going to lead to fighting. Tensions were high and it's the black brothers.
"What are stale cigarettes even? Let alone what do they taste like? Why do you always have to be such a shit?"
James knew Sirius' emotions were running high because of him, but did he really have to take them out right now?
"What's your problem Sirius?"
"You."
"You called me here. Told me to get my ass over here like a good boyfriend."
"Doesn't mean you don't annoy me."
Regulus huffed. "What the fuck is wrong with you Sirius? Like seriously? You--"
"I'm always Sirius," Sirius grinned, and Regulus stomped his foot in frustration.
"I can't deal with you Sirius."
James saw Sirius flinch, and Remus stood up.
"Regulus, stop."
Regulus went to snap at Remus, but looked at James' expression, and stopped short. He sat down, resuming his place next to James, but Sirius stood there, looking like they had so many things to say and didn't know which one to choose.
"Mum said that all the time too," he said, and Regulus cringed. James hoped Regulus would apologize. His breakdown earlier had really drained him and he just wanted to sleep.
Regulus looked down at his feet.
"I just wish you would listen to me, you know?"
"When have I not?"
"When you were blinded by stupidity," Regulus said, earning a snort from Remus. "Reg, that's most of the time."
"Don't call me that," Regulus snapped, but smiled slightly at Remus.
James thought Remus and Regulus could be good friends. They both were introverts, liked reading, sarcastic, and weren't good at emotions. The perfect foundation for a friendship. And don't forget the trauma of dating Sirius and him.
"I'm sorry if I didn't listen to you," Sirius said, looking at Regulus earnestly. "I'm listening now."
James felt a wave of sleep crash over him, and yawned widely. Regulus noticed. "Do you want to sleep?"
James nodded. "Please."
James showed Regulus around the apartment, and when they got to his bedroom, Regulus let it a pleased hum, looking around at all James' stuff. His bedroom was rather messy, clothes stewn on the floor, photos of him, Sirius, Remus and Peter taped all around, along with a poster of Taylor Swift. Not to mention converse laying around, the other shoe not in sight.
"This room is so you," Regulus smiled, and James pulled him in so that Regulus was on his tiptoes looking up at James. James couldn't help but laugh. He looked so adorable, so gorgeous, as he looked at James with soft eyes.
"Do you like it?" James asked, and Regulus nodded, and kissed James.
"The bed especially," Regulus said, and kisses James' neck, sucking so that a hickey was sure to be left there.
James pushed Regulus down to the bed, and moaned as Regulus bit his neck gently.
Regulus started to undress James from the waist down, and James let out a sigh of delight as Regulus started working magic.
James pulled at Regulus' hair, his fingers getting tangled in his hair.
James loved the feeling of Regulus. He loved every part of loving him.
As they lay in bed afterwards, Regulus' chest littered with kisses and James' too, James wondered how he could've been so lucky to meet him. All because Remus suggested he sign up to learn about the stars.
He definitely learned a lot about one particular star alright.
"If Remus didn't tell me to sign up for these classes we never would've met," James said sleepily, feeling his eyelids getting heavier with each blink.
"And if I didn't lose a bet to Evan, i wouldn't have been there," Regulus murmured back, cuddling James.
"What bet?"
"If I lost, I had to to astronomy classes. Clever, as he knows I hate people who know less than me."
Of course he did.
"Dunno how you put up with me," James replied.
"Because I really fucking like you," Regulus said, and James could hear the smile.
"I like you too."
James finally allowed the sleep to wash over him, and it felt like heaven.