III
James didn't know how to text Regulus.
Did he start with hi? A flirty comment? A random thing he found funny? What could he say that wasn't you're super duper cute and was wondering if you wanted to go on a date?
He honestly had no clue.
So, of course, he got in Sirius and Remus.
"Guys! I have no clue what to text him," he complained as they were watching shitty British tv on a Friday evening. "Am I casual? Cute? Flirty? Funny? Mysterious? Do I dive in?"
"Hold up," Remus said, putting his own phone down. "What do you want to say?"
"Marry me," James replied instantly.
"That won't scare him off Remus said sarcastically.
"Will you marry me?"
"James!"
"Okay, okay!" James tried to think about what he wanted. He would love to take him out. Not too casual, but not full on.
"Ask him out for coffee?" I don't know what to say beforehand though," James sighed. This love business was tough.
"Start with 'hey,'" Remus advised.
"Hey is for horses," Sirius chimed in, as they walked in.
"Fuck off," Remus replied, not even looking up. He was scary sometimes. "You can say that you had a really great time yesterday."
"Learning about the stars?"
"No, on how Obama was the best president," Sirius deadpanned.
"He's lovesick, leave him alone," Remus retaliated.
While they fought over him, James typed up a message.
Hey, it's James. I had a really
good time talking to you yesterday,
and was wondering if you wanted
to get a coffee sometime?
He pressed send with a slightly shaky hand. His head was racing. He just had to hope that Regulus reciprocated some feelings.
"Sent," James smiled, holding his phone up proudly.
"What did you say!?" Sirius asked immediately, nearly toppling him over in order to see what he text. They read it, and put his head in his hands. "God, you're smitten."
"I knowww," James groaned, and flopped onto the couch like a potato.
"Well done for sending it though," Sirius said. "I hope he says yes."
Sirius just wanted the best for his friend. They were glad James was able to put himself out there again. It was nice to see.
A ding from James' phone made Sirius and Remus shout.
"What did he say?!"
"That's mum message notification sound," James said, not even bothering to check. Since he didn't, Sirius grabbed his phone, and sighed.
"Yeah, just Effie," they said. "How did you know it was her?"
"Do you not customize the notification sound for each person?"
"No," Remus and Sirius looked at him funny.
"Do not give me that look! Just because you're both boring doesn't--"
James stopped dead at a ping from his phone.
He knew that ping.
That was the one he set for Regulus. It was short, and wasn't as bright and happy as the other pings. But it sounded hella cool.
"It's him," was all James said before immediately checking his phone.
Why not. Any places to recommend? I'm free tomorrow.
"Oh. My. God!" James actually squealed with happiness. "He said yes! We have a coffee date! Tomorrow!"
James jumped up and down happily, before spinning in a circle.
"He better be good looking. And kind. Mainly kind. As long as he isn't a dick to you or anyone else, I'll happily support," Sirius huffed.
"What if I'm into that?" James asked, still spinning.
"I would say I would kick your ass, but don't think that'll work," Sirius laughed. "But if you're actually into that, get out."
"So that's your limit? Not the personality disorder? Or maniac episodes? It's the masochism?" James teased.
"Everyone has their limits."
Tomorrow is perfect. My friend actually works in a cafe, so we could go there?
He continued spinning.
Sirius sighed. "You're hopeless."
"That's what the last therapist said too."
Sirius laughed, and Remus put his head in his hands.
"I'm making tea," he announced, and went to get some.
James' phone beeped again, and Sirius picked it up and read the message out.
"'Sounds good. What's the name of the place?'" Sirius had put on a deep voice, and James didn't even blink. He had grabbed his phone and was texting faster than the speed of light.
It's called 'the Luna cafe'
Very fitting, isn't it?
How?
James, Chris literally went over this. Luna: moon in latan.
What can I say? I need the lessons. But maybe, just maybe, someone was distracting me when he said it?
I'll meet you at 1
:)
James clapped, and stood up on the couch.
"I, James Fleamont Potter, have successfully secured a date," he declared, before wrapping a blanket around his shoulders. "King James!"
"King James, your tea is ready," Remus called in a motherly voice as he walked in with the tray of tea.
"Thank you so much, Wolftone," James replied, stepping down.
"James for the last time I'm not Irish!" Ever since James got Irish history 101 from Marlene, he liked going around saying all the funny names.
"Have you taken a DNA test?"
"... No."
"Then how could you know?"
"Have you taken a DNA test for being Indian?"
".. No? C'mon Remus that's different," James pleaded.
"But how could you be sure?"
"Eh, Remus love, you swore I was the hottest French dude you ever fucked, and only, but I don't look French?" Sirius grinned, rather enjoying the conversation.
"You're taking James' side! He started it!" He looked over at James, who was far too smug. "You dirty bastard."
"Yeah, but see James can speak indian. You can't speak Irish."
"Exactly! So how am I Irish? Your logic is fucked up."
"None of the Irish can speak Irish, mate," James sighed. "Marlene confirmed it for me."
"I'm leaving," Remus huffed, bringing his tea with him.
"Back to Ireland?" Sirius asked.
"Yeah. Up the 'RA," Remus said on his way out.
"How is that lad British?" Sirius clutched their chest. "He just betrayed us!"
"To be fair, we did just invade Ireland and took six of their counties," James reasoned.
"True," Sirius said, putting his feet up. "Now, how about we continue watching the same episodes from the same shitty British tv shows that they air twice a week?"
"Count me in," James said, settling into the couch.
But he couldn't focus. His mind was overactive: one part was a stream of chatter over him hyping himself up for the date; another was singing Taylor Swift and another was thinking about how he wanted to go visit his mother next weekend.
It was quite a lot to think about.
As his brain came up with the possibility of his mother meeting Regulus if things went well, he decided to shut all this down before it got too much. He didn't need to argue with himself. And now another thought was telling him this is why you take meds. But James didn't want to take his meds. He always took his meds and it ended in a month long depressive episode. Well, maybe if he took his meds during it it wouldn't have lasted as long, but he couldn't find the energy. His hands were shaking from all this.
"There's too many thoughts in my head," James sighed, looking at Sirius with his sad eyes.
"Good or bad?"
"Completely random," James replied. "But nothing bad."
"Taken your medication?" Sirius asked, but got a very severe look from James so changed tactic.
"Okay, okay. Wanna paint and talk about nothing with music that's way too loud?" Sirius suggested. It was his favourite way of relieving thoughts. They usually done it late at night, sometimes joined by James, but they preferred to do it alone. But if James needed it, Sirius would gladly do so. They always had each other's back.
"If it works for you, it'll probably work for me," James shrugged. Currently, his thoughts were fighting to be the top. No one ever talks about how draining it is to have a mind that never stops. Not even when you're about to sleep. It's always go go go.
And there's nothing you can do about it.
Sirius got out the paints and a canvases for them, and James sat down.
"Welcome to therapy with Sirius," they grinned, gesturing to the set up. And by set up, it was two canvases, paint and paintbrushes on the table.
"Thanks for having me."
"Any song requests?" He asked, pulling out his phone.
"Nope. You go for it. As much as I hate to admit it, you have the best music taste," James said, and Sirius laughed maniacally.
"AT LAST! You admit it!" Sirius laughed, clapping his hands. "Time for some celebratory Conan Gray."
"What happened to David Bowie?" James asked.
"He died. And we'll mourn him by listening to Conan," Sirius replied. "We'll start happy."
'Don't even finish that sentence babe.
Already know where it ends
You say we're breaking up what a shame'
"... Good choice?"
"Whatever you choose is a good choice," James replied. Did he need a break up song? No. But was it a really good dance song? Oui.
James let the music wash over him as he painted. Focused on every lyric. Let Sirius skip family line.
When Sirius first heard that song, he had immediately broke down crying to James. He didn't even have to explain to James, the song playing on repeat was self explainatory. Conan hit way to close to home with that one.
James realized this painting method wasn't that effective, his mind was still spinning but not in a bad way. It was calmer, like a small breeze instead of a hurricane.
And he also had a rather strange painting of colours.
Sirius' was a lot better, he was good at everything, the wanker, but James was pleased with his.
"This could be the start of a very promising career," James said happily.
"And the end."
"You're just jealous I'm done first," James said, watching Sirius paint a tree.
"And you're jealous that I'm a better artist than you," Sirius teased.
"I'll have you know that the children think my art is a work of art," James informed him, Washing his brushes.
"They also think that staying up past six is impressive," Sirius replied wittily.
"You know what?" James said, folding his arms. "I don't like this negative energy. I'm going to go plan my outfit for a date with one of your relatives tomorrow."
"Piss off! Star names are cool!" Sirius called, and James just laughed at him.
**************
James has decided for a classic James Potter.
Red converse, boot cut jeans and a very fashionable block coloured jumper. (Sweater or whatever tf you call it now)
James was ready for this. He had spent most of the morning doing his hair and stressing, using mousse for one of the first times ever.
His second first impression was going to blow Regulus back into the constellation he came from.
Sirius had even commented on how he looked. James was feeling confident enough, and was hoping Regulus would fall deeply in love with him and James would never have another episode of any sort he would never know and see him as the happiest man alive.
Was that likely? No.
But James wanted this to go well. He really, really liked Regulus. He had even taken his medicine without Sirius reminding him. Regulus didn't need to know this side of him. Regulus was so perfect, imagine if he found out James was bipolar?
That wouldn't be good.
As the clock ticked closer to 1, James eventually decided he must leave. He would've liked to have stayed in the house all day, and watch movies, but if things went well, they could be doing that in the future.
"I'm heading out," James said as he walked out the door.
"Good luck!"
"He'll love you!"
James smiled. He decided it didn't matter that his head was all jumbled up right now, he knew he liked Regulus, and maybe Regulus liked him.
So the other jumbled up thoughts didn't matter. He had the most important straight.
James hummed as he walked to the cafe. It helped ease his nerves.
He was starting to wish he had asked Remus or Sirius if they could've walked with him. That way he could get all the word vomit out of his mind first, and save himself from the embarrassment of talking to Regulus about it.
When James arrived at 1:01, he saw Regulus was already there, looking just as pretty as he did the first time he saw him. Regulus was wearing a dark long jacket, checked trousers, and a dark grey top.
It was very, very, hot.
James was sure he forgot how to breathe.
But then Regulus approached him.
"You're late," he said, showing the time on his phone.
"By a minute!" James retorted. He couldn't think properly, Regulus was looking at him without a smile. James knew his was as wide as possible.
"Still late," Regulus said, the corners of his mouth slightly raising up.
"I'm so very sorry. Will you forgive me if I buy you a chocolate brownie?" James asked, looking at Regulus with pleading eyes.
Regulus sighed, by he didn't seem too annoyed. More amused.
"I'll tolerate you," Regulus decided.
James decided to ignore the choice of words, and went ahead to buy him one.
"Sit down, charming man. Don't tire yourself over standing in line. Besides, if you get the table in the corner, it'll make me happy as it's my favourite spot," James smiled, pointing to the empty table. Oh god, word vomit. This wasn't even the worst of it.
Regulus raised his eyebrow.
"I like my coffee black," was all he said, before turning around and walking to the table.
"Like your soul?" James teased.
"Like my heart, actually."
James laughed, and Regulus sat down.
James knew that if he could become the emoji with heart eyes, he would right now. Regulus was so gorgeous. And he had a sense of humour. Maybe not everyone's cup of tea, but James found it cute.
"Hi James, what can I get you?"
James turned around, and saw Lily at the counter. She was dazzling as ever, her red hair in a bun on top of her head.
"You look very pretty today," James said, and Lily smiled. She usually ignored his strange and unnecessary comments, knowing that James would tell anyone that if he felt the need to. "I'll have a black coffee, the spring mint special coffee with two pumps of coffee, only because I feel like being giddy, a chocolate brownie and a slice of apple pie please."
"Is that your date over there?" Lily asked, pointing directly at Regulus.
"How do you know?" James asked her, suspicious. There were at least four other people sitting alone.
"You ordered him a black coffee and chocolate brownie," Lily answered. "The order matches the person. And I know you don't drink black coffee, you said it tastes like tar."
"I still stand by that," James insisted, folding his arms. Why would anyone have black coffee when they could have a fancy coffee with vanilla pumps? He loved vanilla pumps. He could drink them for the rest of his life.
"Well, wait here and I'll get your order," she said, and James food off to the side.
He was so happy. He was here, with Regulus, in his favourite coffee shop. And Lily was here too! He couldn't decide if the universe was being helpful or not. Lily was one of his favourite baristas, so he decided the universe was being helpful.
As James returned to the table, he noticed that the whole time Regulus had just sat there. No phone, no diary, he had just sat there, watching James. James found it odd. But maybe Regulus had a good attention span.
"Who was that barista who pointed at me?" Regulus asked him as James set down the drinks.
"Oh, just Lily. She's my friends other best friend. I'm the first, of course," James said cheerfully, handing Regulus his brownie.
"Thank you," he said, taking a sip of his coffee. James decided then and there that Regulus Black definitely looked like a black coffee person. Also like a cat person, too.
"So Regulus, what do you work as? Or study in college? Or do to make money? Or maybe you do nothing and I'm sorry--" James was cut off by Regulus pressing his finger to his mouth. James was not expecting that. No way would he do that to someone he didn't like. James felt special.
"I work in a bookshop," he answered, and James even saw him smile slightly. "A queer bookshop. You probably know it. Or don't. It's called 'the rainbow side' and one day, I'm going to set up my own gay bookshop in parts of England that are homophobic and shove it in their faces."
James was surprised by the amount of information Regulus had given him. He couldn't help but find it incredibly cute. Which reminded James of one important thing.
"What are you pronouns?" He blurted out. "Because no one should judge by looks, but this time I did and I'm very sorry and if you don't use he/him I apologize very much so and hope you don't hate me."
"Well, I'm glad you assumed," Regulus actually smiled. "He/Him is absolutely perfect. And you?"
"He/Him too," James replied, letting out a sigh of relief. "I think your bookshop is super cool. I love the idea of having loads of gay books in one shop and don't have to worry if their just friends or not. You're doing amazing work."
James almost missed that a slight, and I mean slight, blush that appeared on Regulus' pale cheeks. But he didn't.
"It's an obscure idea," Regulus huffed. "And I don't fancy getting hatecrimed all day."
James but his tongue. He wanted to say he'll help him do it, but that would imply that James has thought about the relationship for the long term. The last thing he needs to do is scare him off. He just got him.
"I think you need to turn the people slowly," James responded, drinking his coffee thoughtfully. "Like, maybe set up one in a popular town and expand from there."
"I suppose," Regulus said, stirring his coffee. "Enough about gay books. What do you do?"
"I'm a playschool teacher," James replied, smiling.
"If that job was a person, it would be you," Regulus said. "You're the human embodiment of joy."
No I'm not.
You haven't seen me.
What would you say if you found out?
"I'm not sure I agree with you," James answered, eating his pie. "I think that title goes to you." James was good at diversions. Especially if people were getting too close to a topic he didn't want to discuss.
"You are joking."
It was a statement, not a question.
James laughed.
"You amuse me, Regulus whatever your last name is," James laughed. "I think if you smiled, you'd be the prettiest boy in the whole entire world."
To his delight, Regulus smiled a small bit. It wasn't big or bright, but it made James feel safe. And at the end of the day, wasn't that important?
"I think you're going down a dangerous path, James whatever your last name is," Regulus said. "People don't like me. I'm cruel. And mean and grumpy and cold-hearted. Whatever you see in me, i think your eyes needs to be checked. Maybe you need a new prescription."
"I think that I can warm my way into your heart," James said assuredly.
"Try."
"Okie Dokie," James shrugged. He was very, very, pleased with himself. He liked Regulus very much, and this was a very good quest. He liked quests. They helped keep track of everything.
"I think you've gorgeous eyes, and that your hair is so smooth to the point i wish I could trade my lushous locks for it."
"It's called conditioner," Regulus deadpanned. "And a straighter."
James clutched his heart in shock.
"Don't tell me you straighten your hair?" James cried. "How could you hurt your hair like that?"
"I meant you! You said you wanted my hair, I gave you the key," Regulus rolled his eyes in exasperation.
James still felt very offended. How could any suggest he straighten his hair? That felt like a crime!
"I'll have you know that my curls are the finest you'll ever see," James retorted, crossing his arms. His curls were his pride and joy.
"You know what? Whatever you say," Regulus sighed. "However, I must say, that this brownie is delicious. Not to dry, not to moist."
"That's what she said," James giggled, and he was sure at this moment, Regulus would up and leave. But he didn't.
"Not funny."
"Then why are you smiling? Like actually smiling?"
"Because I'm looking at you," Regulus replied softly.
This was the first time James saw part of the real Regulus. Yes, the sarcastic one was still Regulus, but it was a defense mechanism. This Regulus was rather sweet. James hoped he could see more of him in the future.
"And I thought I was a romantic," James said, laughing. "But thank you. And looking at me? Might get old."
James saw Regulus hold back. This made James incredibly happy, because this meant his feelings were reciprocated to an extent. Perfect!
"Maybe. But I like familiarity," Regulus replied idly.
James decided that this moment was the hand holding moment. Reaching out, he gently brushed Regulus' hand with his fingers. Regulus looked up, and James noticed that he almost looked shy. Like James having feelings for him was something to be worried about. And maybe it was. It probably was. James was bipolar, for crying out loud! Relax. Relax.
James took a deep breath. When Regulus found out, it would be his decision then. Nothing James could do. So enjoy the moment.
James took Regulus' hand, and smiled.
"Your hands are so cold," James giggled. "It's like holding ice. Except it's good ice."
"Are you supposed to make sense?" Regulus asked, arching an eyebrow.
"If I made sense life would be too easy," James grinned. He was so happy. Regulus hadn't brushed him away.
And they sat like that for the rest of the date.
James found out that Regulus was only a year younger than him, and that his favourite colour was forest green. He liked murder mysteries and fiction. He liked odd numbers because they annoyed most people, but especially the number 3.
James knew that this was going to go somewhere. That this was the first chapter of their story. Because James talked about the small little things too and they both listened to each other, like they were making mental notes for later.
"Well," James said, as the clock neared three. "This has been absolutely amazing. I'm not gonna lie."
"I must admit, I did enjoy myself," Regulus added. He was still holding his hand. James was on cloud nine.
"So does that imply that you will reply to my constant texts consisting of anything and everything? And go out with me again?" James asked, sounding hopeful.
"As long as it means I also get to text you about the books I just finished reading," Regulus replied, looking him in the eye.
"It would be an honour to receive any texts from you, Regulus," James said, and brought Regulus' hand to his mouth, before giving it a gentle kiss. He saw Regulus smile, and the best part was, he didn't try to hide it.
"You're playing a dangerous game," Regulus warned.
"Good thing I have a strategy."
"Goodbye, James."
"Goodbye, my dear Reggie," James walked out with him, sad to see him go.
"Reggie?"
"Yep. Sounds cute," James said easily. "I guess this is where we part."
"Fortunately."
"Don't lie, you know you're sad," James rolled his eyes patronizingly.
"I think you're right," Regulus murmured. "But I have a train to catch, so I can't linger any longer."
James sighed.
"Au Revoir," Regulus said, and James managed to splutter out a "slán," which was the first language that came to mind. Irish. It of all the languages that there is, he chose Irish. Clever.
James was very happy. He somehow managed to make his way back home, unscratched, and buzzing with ideas. He had so many plans on dates the could go on with Regulus, he couldn't help but hum with happiness. The beach, stargazing, movie nights, dinners, James would do anything. When he walked in to the apartment, he saw Remus and Sirius snuggling on the couch, and felt a flutter of happiness as that could be him and Regulus one day.
"Did he say yes?" Remus asked, remembering James' thoughts of marriage.
"Only a fool would say no to me," James replied, beaming. "But he agreed to another date!"
"That's my man James!" Sirius said proudly, and used their hand and Remus' to clap, as his other was slung around Remus' shoulders. "I need a word for word telling of this date. Tell me everything."
"He drinks black coffee," was the first thing that came to mind. "And his favourite number is three, he works in a bookshop, he loves reading, obviously, he called me the human embodiment of joy, and he said he'd put up with my texts," James grinned, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, before spinning happily.
"Found yourself a Moony?" Sirius teased. "He sounds similar."
"Found myself a Moony," James confirmed. "And we got to hold hands. And I kissed his hand before leaving."
"You sure know how to make them swoon," Remus said, laughing slightly.
"I'm taking it slow, Re-mus," James huffed. "I'm not messing this one up. He's too good."
"Not doing a Sirius?" Remus asked, and Sirius blushed.
"Just because I made out with you on the first date-- you didn't stop me!"
"Because you were very hot?"
James slowly shook his head at Remus, and Remus' eyes widened in shock.
"WERE?! I'll have you know I'm every bit as handsome now as I was then! How dare you!" Sirius had stood up, folding his arms angrily.
"I time you're actually more handsome now. You're beautifully hot."
James laughed.
"Good save."
"I know."
They high fived, and Sirius sighed.
"This is homophobic," they muttered, sitting back down.
"We're all gay."
Sirius opened his mouth, like he was about to say something, but contemplated it before switching to another.
"Transphobic then," they almost blushed, and he looked like he was about to continue, but stopped last second.
Remus and James shared a quick look.
"Are you trans? Because, if you are, we love and support you," Remus said sitting down beside them gently.
"I'm not a girl. Or a boy. I'm Sirius," They corrected, looking scared. "That's all I know."
"What pronouns do you want us to use? Because I don't want to get them wrong," James asked, sitting down too. Sirius seemed very scared, as if Remus and James wouldn't accept them. James accepted everyone into open arms.
"I don't know! That's the problem! One minute I want he/they, but also they/she, and sometimes I want they/them," Sirius huffed a frustrated sigh, folding their arms. Their nails were painted black, and they buried their face in his arms.
James could tell it clearly wasn't a new revelation, and didn't feel hurt that Sirius hadn't said anything earlier. It must be terrifying, to learn that everything you thought you were is becoming all warped and disoriented.
"How about, every morning, to just tell us what pronouns you want? Because I don't want you to feel bad, or uncomfortable. There's no pressure to label yourself. Just because I know doesn't mean you have too. Gender is a social construct. Be you Sirius. Because you're beautiful. You shine so bright," Remus smiled, and Sirius buried their head in Remus' arms, and James could hear muffled sobs.
"Sirius, it's okay. I'm sorry you felt you couldn't tell us earlier," Remus stroked his hair. "What pronouns feel right right now?"
"I don't know. They/he?" Sirius said, their voice muffled. He sniffled, and took their head out of Remus' arms, and James hugged them.
"Thanks for telling us," James replied. "Remember, we'll use them. Correct us if we get them wrong. There's nothing wrong with that."
Sirius nodded slowly. "I just don't even know what I want half the time, and that's the problem."
"Good thing I love decision making," James laughed, and they sat there, talking about how Sirius felt, and how James and Remus were supporting them every step of the way, and Sirius said "I really am glad I'm alive." And they all agreed.
James only wished it could last forever.