“You might have to think they’ve all forgotten to buy their god-damn Christmas presents until the very last minute,” Happy curses, pressing on the honk for the tenth time since entering the city.
“Another reason why I think Christmas is horribly overrated. I’m telling you, most of these crazy, belligerent people out there have forgotten what Christmas is even supposed to be about.”
“Oh yeah? And that would be…?” Happy’s amused eyes bore into Tony’s reflection in the rearview mirror. It’s obvious he doesn’t believe that cynical, not-exactly-the-religious-kind-of-guy Tony Stark has even one bit of actual Christmas spirit in him. Well, he’s not exactly wrong, but that doesn’t mean Tony can’t prove him wrong.
“It’s about the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Not about grown-ups running around like jolted chickens fighting over who gets the best and cheapest corn, trying to buy as much crap as possible for their ungrateful, spoiled children.”
“Ever heard of altruism or ‘Christian love’ before?”
“Altruism? It’s not altruism if you only buy all that nonsense to try and gain your family’s and friend’s affection. Some parents act like they don’t even think their kids would love them if they didn’t put a shit ton of overpriced presents under the tree.”
“Why exactly have we come all the way down here again?” Happy’s voice is dripping with so much sarcasm that Tony feels the need to pout. “This is different. I’m different and… he’s different as well. Everything’s different. You can’t compare that to anything of what I’ve just been talking about.”
Happy snorts, but before he could have made a snide remark, Tony has already closed the partitioning between the front and back seats. Although he’d rather die than admit it, he can’t help being excited by imagining the look on Peter’s face when he sees the advanced Spider-Man mask Tony has secretly been working on for weeks now. The kid will freak out
Half an hour later they arrive at an apartment building in Queens. Happy agrees to wait in the car, so Tony walks towards the building alone. A resident opens the entrance door just when Tony is about to ring the bell, so he takes his chance, slips inside and takes the elevator up to the sixth floor.
Even though he’s only been here once, he still remembers where to go and knock. A few seconds go by before the door opens a few inches, revealing a few inches of Peter’s very puzzled face. “M-Mr. Stark? What are you doing here?”
“Hey, Underoos. I happened to be in the neighborhood and thought I’d stop by to wish you a Merry Christmas. Can I come in for a second?”
The fifteen year old's eyes widen. “Uhm… s-sure, that’s… very nice of you, but you didn’t-you didn’t have to do this.” A little reluctantly, Peter opens the door wider, revealing to be wearing worn-out, outdated ‘stay at home clothes’. A rather unfamiliar sight, if Tony rules out that one time after the ferry incident when he made the boy wear a ‘I survived my trip to NY’ shirt and Hello Kitty pajamas.
The man walks in and Peter quickly closes the door. Nobody makes any attempts to move, so they keep standing at the doorway, glancing at each other rather awkwardly. “I uhm. Merry Christmas!” Tony eventually cheers.
The corners of Peter’s mouth turn into a smile, but it never reaches his eyes. “Merry Christmas, Mr. Stark.”
“I actually got you a present.” Tony casually takes out the wrapped gift and hands it over to the teen, who blushes. “Oh, y-you shouldn’t, uhm… I mean, t-thank you, but… you d-didn’t need to-“
“I wanted to, kiddo. Why don’t you open it up? Or should I put it under the tree?” Tony looks around the small apartment and frowns when he doesn’t catch sight of anything looking even remotely like a Christmas tree. “Where’s your tree?”
“We, uhm... don’t have one.”
“Why not?“
“Because we didn’t want one.”
Duh. “Well, in that case I guess it’s all right if you open it now.” Tony tries to keep his voice calm, but fails; he definitely sounds excited. Too excited…God help him. Fortunately, the kid doesn’t seem to have noticed anything because he simply nods and rips the cheesy Christmas wrapping paper off. When Peter sees his gift, his mouth drops open, pupils narrowing as if trying to flee from the expanding whites of his eyes, causing Tony to grin widely and blather on about the technical refinements of the mask without even waiting for a proper reaction. Only when Tony breathlessly concludes his rambling, he notices how silent and numb the kid is. Feeling insecure all of a sudden, Tony clears his throat awkwardly. “Yeah, uhm, that’s it. I thought you’d like it.”
“It’s amazing, thank you so much. I love it,” the boy says, clutching the gift tightly. There’s no real joy in Peter’s eyes but an odd, oppressive sadness Tony has never seen before.
“Are you sure? You don’t seem like it.” The engineer’s voice sounds so disappointed he’s instantly ashamed of himself, but he can’t help it… This is not what he expected.
“No, really, I-I’m sorry if I… I-I love it, I just don’t feel so good today.”
It’s almost impossible to believe him, but what other choice does Tony have? “Okay. But just in case you don’t, I can get you something else, it’s no problem, really. Or I can work on it some more if you tell me-“
“Trust me, Mr. Stark, please. You couldn’t have given me anything better. N-Not that you’d have to give me anything at all, I-I meant that… A-Anyways, it’s amazing and I can’t wait to put it on later.”
Tony sighs. “Okay, I trust you. But I don’t think your Aunt Hottie would appreciate you spidermanning around today, especially if you don’t feel good. Where is May anyway?”
“S-She uhm…she’s out buying some more groceries for dinner. She’s going to be back soon.”
Another lie. “I hope you don’t mind me waiting for her, then.” Tony raises his eyebrows challengingly.
The blush on Peter’s cheeks darkens. “A-Actually… She’s at work already.”
Already? It’s five pm… Then Tony remembers that May is a nurse. “Is she working the night shift?” Peter remains silent and glances down at his toes instead, giving Tony an idea about why the boy is so bummed. “Okay, what hospital is she working at? I’ll give them a call, they can’t force her to work when you’re here all alone and-“
“They’re not forcing her, she volunteered.”
“Excuse me?” Tony knows he sounds reproachful, but he doesn’t care. If his own father thought business was more important than family time, all right, but May? She’s the only family the kid has left.
“Christmas Eve is a very busy night at the hospital.”
“You don’t have to defend her, Peter. I know this is not my business, and if she thinks it’s okay to leave you alone on Christmas, fine, but I won’t have you sitting here all by yourself. Get dressed, I’m taking you to the compound with me.”
Peter’s eyes widen, though not in excitement. In shock. “N-No, I’m fine, I really am.”
“Cut the act, kid! Pepper would love to officially meet you and after Germany…” - Tony hesitates and clears his throat - “I mean, the Avengers are all busy this year, so there’s no danger of anyone finding out about your identity. Go change, we’re leaving in five minutes.”
“No, please, Mr. Stark, d-don’t make me go with you!” Shocked? The kid’s not shocked, he’s terrified. There are tears in his eyes and he’s visibly shaking. Tony has never been more confused in his life. “'Make you go with me? I’m sorry, but… What am I missing?”
“N-Nothing, I just don’t want to-to have to go anywhere, please!”
Tony let’s out an exasperated sigh. “Peter, this is not normal behavior. I can see you’re horribly upset, and I gotta say, I’m disappointed that May’s apparently too egoistic to-“
“She’s not egoistic,” Peter hisses through clenched teeth, glaring at the older man, letting the tears fall freely now. “In fact, I begged her to volunteer, and trust me, she didn’t give in easily.”
At first, Tony’s too stunned to respond, and when he finally speaks, his voice is somewhat rasp. “But… why?”
Peter takes a deep breath. “Because it will distract her from… certain things.”
And suddenly, Tony knows. At least, he thinks he does. “Is this about your parents?”
“N-Not really. Partly, maybe, but… she never really knew them that well. She’s not related to me by blood, my father was my uncle’s brother, not hers.”
Oh. Tony suddenly feels very stupid. He knows the boy had an uncle but he has to admit that he’s never given him a lot of thought before. Automatically, his eyes glance over to the pictures hanging on the wall almost right behind Peter. “Is this… the first Christmas without him?”
Peter looks down on the ground again. “No. He died December 20th last year.”
Tony has never felt worse in his life. There he is, an arrogant billionaire insulting a teenaged orphan’s last living relative whilst trying to buy his affection by overwhelming him with a ridiculously expensive gift, too ignorant to realize that the boy’s grieving the loss of his uncle. “I…I’m so sorry, I didn’t… I didn’t know.”
“It’s fine. You couldn’t have known.”
“Actually, I could and should have known. I’m sorry I never asked you about what happened.”
“It’s fine,” Peter emphasizes, “I don’t want to talk about it anyway.”
“Well, now I’d feel even worse about leaving you alone today.”
“I won’t be alone, Mr. Stark. I’ll have a chat with all those criminals who can’t even keep themselves under control on Christmas Eve. And before you ask, May’s fine with it. Knowing that I’ll be distracted too is what made her agree to work the night shift.” Peter gives a teasing, half-hearted chuckle. “What about you, though? I never took you as someone singing Christmas carols under a decorated tree, but seems I was wrong?”
He’s not. Regardless of his shitty childhood memories, what would have been the point of celebrating? After all, Tony never had any kids he could have spoiled with presents, but now that he has one – sort of; kind of; where the fuck is he going with this? – he intended to do exactly that. Not that he would admit it, though, especially not after it completely backfired. "What can I say, I’m full of surprises. Anyway, if you change your mind about it, you can always give me a call.”
“That’s really nice of you, Mr. Stark, I really appreciate it. But as I’ve said a million times already, I’m fine. We haven’t really celebrated Christmas ever since I was eleven and went to the zoo or to the theater or something instead. And that’s what May and I will do tomorrow. To, uhm, revive the tradition after p-pausing for a year.”
Okay, now Tony’s even more confused. “You were eleven when your parents died?”
Peter looks like he deeply regrets what he’s just said. “Uhm… n-no, they died when I was six.”
“Then why did you stop celebrating when you were eleven?”
What happens next, Tony hasn’t seen coming at all.
“Nothing happened,” the boy snaps at him, face distorted in irritation. “And I’d really appreciated it if you stopped interrogating me and… treating me and my family like freaks just because we’re not acting like all those fake people out there stressing themselves over literally nothing while pretending everything’s fine although it’s not.”
“Wow, wow, wow, wait a second… I thought everything is fine? Or were you actually just pretending yourself?”
“Why do you even care all of a sudden?” Peter hisses, eyes swimming in new tears, “You have no idea how I feel because you hardly even know me, and just like you said, you never bothered before, so don’t act as if you suddenly do.”
Great, now Tony’s angry too. Mostly at himself. “You know what? You’re right, in one point. I don’t really know you that well. However, you’re wrong if you think I don’t care about you. I might not win any ‘mentor of the year award’ but I… I do fucking care, all right? And I’m going to prove it to you.” With that, Tony walks away from the stunned teenager and flings himself onto the couch like he owns the place. “I won’t leave until you’ve told me everything that’s bothering you. And don’t think I’m not serious. I’ll stay here until next Christmas if I have to.”
“You…you are…” Peter’s lost for words when he thuds over angrily, “I can easily throw you out or call the police if you don’t leave.”
“You won’t, though. Come on, kid, you can talk to me. I know you’re hurting… you can trust me.”
“Oh yeah? Like you trust me, huh?”
“What do you mean?”
“You forget I’ve been an actual fan of yours for as long as I was a little boy. I’ve read and seen enough interviews to know that you hate Christmas, and yet you’re giving me crap because I don’t like it either. How come I have to justify myself but you don’t?”
Tony grits his teeth. “Okay. Fine. I did hate Christmas because my father mostly didn’t give a shit about spending time with me or mom, so she mostly locked herself in the bedroom all night, crying. Until James Barnes took her from me, leaving me with no-one to spend even a depressing Christmas with. Only through the Avengers I found out that celebrating can actually be kind of fun, but now most of them don’t talk to me anymore and I admit I had been a little bummed about it until I realized I still had Pepper and…and you. I thought you’d be happy if your old, grumpy mentor brought you an upgrade for your suit, but I guess my own excitement for finally having a… uhm, a young person to give a present to made me blind to your actual feelings. I don’t want to be blind, though. I want to see, understand and… make it better, but I need your help for that, kid.”
Peter’s openly crying again. “I-I’m really s-sorry, Mr. Stark. I-I wished I could tell you b-but…I d-don’t know how.”
Promptly, Tony feels guilty. “Hey, there’s nothing you have to apologize for and… gosh, I didn’t mean to force you to talk about anything. I mean, I guess I did by threatening to stay here until you talk, but I only said that because-“
“No, I… It means a lot that you’re so… p-persistent, but…” Peter takes a deep breath and tries to calm down. “It’s just… everything bad that has ever happened to me has happened around Christmas time. The accident my parents got into… it happened on December 10th. I don’t remember a lot from that Christmas apart from crying non-stop, but at least, it wasn’t my fault it had happened. Not like… the other two things.”
“What do you mean? Why would it be your fault that your uncle died? That’s certainly not true, Pete, and you can never think it is.”
Peter chokes out a sob. “Y-You don’t even know w-what happened, so s-stop saying that.”
“Then proof me wrong.” It’s an obvious bait, but the poor, desperate teenager immediately takes it.
“R-Remember the day we met? I told you that I’ve had my powers for six months… Actually, I got bitten on December 13th, j-just a week before my uncle died. It was…so confusing. I suddenly had powers I didn’t know how to control and I couldn’t even tell anyone about it. When I finally stopped freaking out about it, I started sneaking out at night to test my abilities on roofs of buildings a few blocks down the road. One day, Ben and May realized I was gone and tried to call me, but I didn’t have my phone with me.”
Peter pauses for a second to catch breath. “I hadn’t had any webshooters yet so I-I walked home, not knowing that U-Uncle Ben had gone out to go look for me. When I was passing a drug store two blocks down our street, I heard the alarm go off and then a guy was coming out of the broken door and rushed by me. I-I already knew how strong I was… I could have run after him and easily beat his ass but I w-was still scared. Scared he could hurt me, scared Ben and May found out about my powers, scared I’d end up getting delayed and caught…So I let him go. I remember thinking that it wasn’t my job or responsibility to stop him. U-Unfortunately, U-Uncle Ben t-thought it was his.”
Tony’s heart clenches in horror. “He saw him too?”
“H-He’d been l-looking for me in the street l-leading up to the c-corner right in front of me. S-Some other witness cried out t-to stop the thief and w-when he turned around the c-corner, he… s-stumbled across B-Ben, who didn’t hesitate one second and t-tackled him to the g-ground and tried to k-keep him at bay… T-Then I heard his scream. I immediately ran over b-but… I-I couldn’t do anything to help him. T-The guy had stabbed him f-five times in the stomach. H-He died half a minute later.”
“Peter,” Tony croaks weakly, “This wasn’t your fault. It-“
“Y-Yes, it was, didn’t you listen? If I h-hadn’t sneaked out, this w-wouldn’t have happened. If I had taken my phone with me, it might not have happened. And if I had s-stopped the guy, it definitely wouldn’t have happened. I could have done it, but I didn’t, because I was scared and selfish.”
Tony has a sudden flashback to Peter telling him his reasons for becoming Spider-Man. “When you can do the things that I can, but you don’t, and then the bad things happen… they happen because of you.” Why the fuck has he never questioned Peter about it? He really is the worst mentor, friend, surrogate-dad-whatever-the-fucking-shit ever.
“No, Peter. It’s NOT your fault. If this is your argumentation, then you’d have to blame the guy’s mother too, or your mother, for that matter, because if neither of you were born, this wouldn’t have happened either. That’s not how it works. Trust me, I’ve been blamed by so many people for letting their loved ones die or ‘killing’ them because I did or did not do what they thought I should have or should not have done. Even if some of them might be right in a way, I realized I had to stop making myself go crazy over things that are unforeseeable consequences of events completely out of my controllability. And you have to stop too. We make hundreds of choices every day, and each and every one could lead to something utterly unexpected. The only one who’s to blame for your uncle’s death is the guy who decided to use that knife.”
Peter has been listening silently, a tear dropping from his cheeks onto his lap every now and then. His voice is shivering when he finally speaks again. “W-What about S-Skip, then?”
“What’s a Skip?”
“A, uhm… a g-guy I knew. W-We’ve been friends when… when I was eleven and s-shortly before Christmas-” Suddenly, the boy breaks into heartbreaking sobs, causing him to shake so violently he can hardly speak. Oh god. Please, don’t let him be another person who had died. “I-I trusted h-him because I t-thought he g-genuinely liked me b-but…but t-then he…”
Tony quickly puts a hand on Peter’s shoulder, trying to calm him down. What the hell is going on? “Hey, hey, shhh, you don’t have to tell me, it’s fine, kid.”
“M-Mr. Stark I-I’m so sorry. I don’t want y-you to…to t-think that… I d-didn’t want it, b-but he was s-seventeen a-and w-way s-stronger than me.”
And just like that, Tony freezes in shock. The boy can’t possibly be implying that- “Did that guy abuse you?”
“Y-Y-Yes,” Peter chokes out and the man forgets to breathe. “O-One d-day when I c-came over, he…he m-made me t-touch him and t-touched me too… I d-didn’t even understand it at f-first but then he…If I-I hadn’t been s-so s-stupid and n-naïve to think t-that someone w-would actually want to be my f-friend then he c-couldn’t-“
“No, Pete, stop. Look at me, now.” It takes a few seconds, but then the teen eventually glances at him with his wet, puffy eyes. Tony gently grabs the boy’s shoulders and turns him further around to face him, trying desperately not to break into tears himself.
“You have to listen, Peter. There are cruel, sick men and women out there who’d do anything to get what they want. If that guy wanted to… do this to you, he’d have found a way, no matter what. There’s nothing you could have done to prevent it, nothing. It’s not wrong to want a friend. I know what I’m talking about… I was horribly lonely too when I was a young boy. And you… you’re so pure and kind-hearted… I’m so proud that you didn’t let that disgusting man take that away from you. I knew you got physically strong when that spider bit you, but now I know that you’ve always been strong. Stronger than I could ever be.”
“R-Really?” Peter sobs, looking doubtful.
“I swear. Without my tech, I’m nothing but a weak, bitter, middle-aged man who’s used to drown most of his pain in alcohol and drugs instead of speaking about it. I know you won’t ever end up like this, but…I still want you to promise me that you’ll talk to me if you need to, okay?”
“O-Okay. I promise. B-But you’re not-”
“That’s what I want to hear,” Tony interrupts, smiling fondly. “Do you want to tell me more about this guy?”
“I…N-Not really, if t-that’s okay.”
“Fine by me. But you have to tell me if May knows and… if he got what he deserved.”
“S-She knows, yeah. Actually, she and B-Ben… they were so sweet to me. They wanted me to-to talk to the police and at first I didn’t think I could do it, but then I saw y-you and General Rhodes on a newspaper title page …I realized that you wouldn’t let him get away with it and risk even more children getting hurt. He’s in jail and will be f-for a few more years.”
“And that guy from the drug store…?”
“He’s been arrested a few weeks after the incident. I… I actually helped with that…”
Tony lets out a sigh of relief. “You really are an extraordinary kid, even more so than I had thought all those past months. I really couldn’t be more proud of you. You are an inspiration, and I feel very blessed that I’ve had the luck to get to know you.”
Peter snivels, and when he leans forward, apparently aiming for a hug, Tony does too. Before he knows it, he's holding the kid in a tight embrace, absentmindedly rocking him back and forth softly, trying to get Peter to stop shivering. After what feels like forever, the boy eventually speaks, voice slightly muffled due to Tony pressing him so close to his chest. "Uhm, Mr. Stark?"
"Hm?" Tony hums affectionately.
"I-I was actually going for the tissue box."
Tony's eyes shot open, heart leaping in his chest. Dumfounded, he turns his head while still holding onto the kid for dear life, muscles tensing up when he sees that there’s indeed a tissue box on the coffee table right next to them. Oh crap. He lets go of Peter so fast it looks like he's been stung by a bee, face blushing in embarrassment. "S-Sorry, I-I thought-"
He's cut off by Peter breaking into a series of soft giggles, rewarding him with the mischievous, yet shy smile that has won over Tony's heart long before he even knew it. "I'm just kidding, Mr. Stark."
Okay, should he shout at the kid or hug him again? Tony settles for the latter when Peter's infectious smile eventually rips a barking laugh from the man's throat. Relief washes over him and a comforting warmth is spreading through him from head to toe. "You’re such a dork."
They embrace again and Peter finally stops shivering, snuggling closer, even. Tony doesn’t know when exactly he’d overstepped the mark of ‘We’re not there yet’, but one thing he knows for sure: He won’t let anyone or anything hurt Peter ever again because if by his life or death he can protect this kid, he will.