“Are you ready?” Pepper asked Morgan, a smile stretched wide as she looked at her daughter.
“Yeah,” Morgan nodded.
Bucky and I sat on a love seat across from the couch Pepper found herself on. Sam leaning against the couch opposite us, watching Morgan. It wasn’t to often that we gathered at Pepper’s, usually, we hosted at the compound; but Pepper thought it would be important to hang stockings where Morgan would be waking up. After all, this was her first Christmas without her father.
“When did you get a mantle?” Sam asked noticing the new construction over the gas fireplace.
“Yesterday,” Pepper laughed. “Can’t really have her hang stockings over the fireplace if there’s no mantle.”
“Fair,” Sam agreed.
“Why are there so many extra stockings?” Bucky asked.
“I thought it was just going to be the four of us,” I added.
“It will be,” Pepper pulled three of them out of the stack. “These are from last year,” She handed them to Bucky. “I’m having her hang them, so we don’t forget who we're missing.”
The three stockings Bucky held were for Natasha, Steve and Tony. Last year we had celebrated Christmas as family, a broken one with missing pieces. But we had stockings for Sam and Bucky while they were gone, so it made sense to keep the tradition. I felt tears start to well up at the emotions of it all. Sam and Bucky exchanged a glance that I couldn’t quite figure out what it meant; I laid my head on Bucky’s shoulder and interlaced our fingers.
“This one first, baby.” Pepper handed Morgan’s stocking to her. “Right in the middle.”
Morgan went through and hung each of our stockings, hers in the middle with mine and Bucky’s on one side, and Pepper and Sam’s on the other.
“Do you want to hang them?” Pepper asked us.
I shook my head, barely holding in my own tears back.
“Here munchkin,” Bucky said softly. “Can you hang these for us, right next to aunties and mine.” He smoothed her hair as came to take them.
A tear finally brimmed over and slid down my cheek, wetting Bucky’s shirt. It was a sad thing, but I should not be this overly emotional about it, I tried to rationalize it in my own mind in conjunction with the exhaustion I’d been combating.
“Pep, why don’t you hang this one,” Bucky said holding out Tony’s stocking.
She smiled at him halfheartedly, standing up she took it from Bucky’s grasp hanging it on the hook next to her own. A row of candles were placed along the mantle, while she was up she lit them. I could see the glossiness in her eyes from unshed tears as she turned back around to us.
“Morgan, sweetie,” Pepper said crouching down. “Will you go grab the treats you made?” She asked tugging on the little girl’s pjs.
Morgan didn’t say anything, but she ran out of the room with a smile.
“How are you feeling?” Bucky asked me softly.
I shrugged, pulling back to look at him. “Emotional,”
He smiled, “I knew that much. How’s your stomach?”
“Okay for the moment,” I replied.
“Have you been sick?” Pepper asked.
“Off and on since Thursday night.”
“Was it something you ate?” She questioned.
“No, I think I’m just overtired. It’s been a long month.” I replied
I could see Bucky shaking his head out of the corner of my eye; I rolled my eyes at him.
Pepper laughed, “You have a different opinion, Bucky?”
“People who are overtired get better after they sleep. Saturday, she slept for sixteen hours, broken up some, but she wasn’t better after that. Then slept for twelve straight hours on Sunday. Still having issues.” He stated.
“Glad I missed most of that,” Sam muttered.
“But I don’t feel sick.” I pointed out. “I’m tired, which is making me over-emotional,”
“Grumpy,” Sam mumbled.
I rolled my eyes at him, “And I’m sure that’s what’s making me nauseous.”
Pepper's eyes opened wide and she started to speak before Morgan ran in the room with goodies. She came back with three beautiful packages of homemade candies and cookies, handing one to each of us.
“Momma said we aren't giving presents, so I make these.” She said standing in front of me.
“Awe, I love them.” I gushed setting the package down next to me.
Scooping her up into my lap, I kissed the top of her head. Pepper asked Sam a few questions about Maria and where she would be spending the holiday. They chatted about his recent experiences with his situation. Bucky chiming in once in a while. I heard bits and pieces of it, but primarily just sat with Morgan trying to enjoy the moment.
“I’ll be right back,” I said sliding Morgan on to the couch.
Scurrying from the room I beelined straight to the bathroom. I was really over being sick. This was not how I wanted to spend my Christmas eve. I had just finished washing my hands and rinsing my face with cold water when there was a soft knock on the door.
“Buck, I’m fine, promise,” I called out.
“It’s me,” Pepper said softly.
I opened the door and frowned at her. “You’re not going to start fussing over me too, are you?”
She smiled, pushing her way into the bathroom. “You say that like us caring is a bad thing.” She closed the door behind her. “I’m going to be really nosey, sorry not sorry.” She said rummaging through the cupboards.
“Nosey about what?” I pulled myself up on the counter.
“When was your last period?” She asked stopping to look up at me.
I looked at her confused. “Right around Thanksgiving.”
“Are you clockwork regular?”
“Far from it.”
“Found it,” She called out.
“Found what?” I asked. “Pepper, you’re confusing me.”
She stood up in front of me. “I know I’ve only been through it once, but I feel like this is one of those things that, once you’ve been through it, you just know.” She explained.
I looked at her still confused.
“I think you’re pregnant.” She stated.
“You think I’m what?” I asked completely shocked.
“You have a lot of early symptoms and timing-wise it makes sense.” She handed me a box.
I looked down at it with a hundred things running through my head. “I can’t take this,” I stated.
Pepper rested her hand on my thigh, “It’s okay to be scared. I know the last time I said anything, you and Bucky were at odds about it.”
“You mean him actively dodging the question and will do anything to avoid talking about it,” I replied.
She grimaced. “You can take it here if that’d make it easier.”
I let out a heavy sigh. “Aren’t you supposed to take them first thing in the morning?” I asked.
“You can, they say that’s when the hormone is the most potent, but you can really take it anytime.”
“Can you let Bucky know that I’m okay? I don't want him to come looking for me. But, I think I’d rather know now.”
She nodded “Make sure you set a timer when you’re done.” She turned to open the door.
“Hey, Pep,” I called out.
She turned back to look at me.
“Thank you.”
She smiled at me, stepping out of the door.
It was the longest three minutes of my life.
A million things ran through my head, I don’t know biologically how any of that worked for Bucky. I doubt Hydra ever did any fertility tests on him, that’s for sure. The serums were different, but I wondered if Steve and Banner had ever done any testing, or even talked about it.
I text Pepper and asked her to come to the bathroom. I couldn’t look at the test alone and I wasn’t ready to tell Bucky.
She opened the door, “I’m sorry, I didn’t even think about it.” She grimaced.
“It’s okay, I thought I could do it alone.” I smiled at her halfheartedly. “I think regardless of what this test says, I think I want Bruce to do some blood work.”
“I think that’s a good idea.” She agreed. “I’ll text him. I have a lab set for a blood draw for him already.”
I laughed, “Only one?”
“Well, no. A few actually, I couldn’t get rid of them after Tony.”
The timer on my phone buzzed.
“I can’t look at it,” I confessed.
“Are you sure you want me to?” She asked.
I nodded, words failing me.
Taking ahold of my hand, she looked at the test. Her expression was unreadable. I tried to find humor in it, I could only imagine the poker face that was required to live with Tony. My heart pounded so hard I felt like I could hear it in my ears.
“I don’t have the right words, sweetheart.” She turned to me with a smile. “I think Bruce should do the blood work to confirm since it’s not solid. But you have two lines.”
“Two lines good, or two lines bad?” I asked. “I’ve never taken one of these in my life. What do two lines mean?”
She smiled, “Morgan will make a great big cousin.”
“I’m….” I stammered, “I’m…” I couldn’t finish the sentence.
She nodded, “Yes.”
It suddenly felt impossible to breathe, my palms started to clam up and my neck felt hot. I tried to catch my breath, but I felt like I was taking in water rather than air, my ears started to ring. The room started to spin, I could hear Pepper call out my name, but it sounded like she was in another room. Next thing I knew I was on the ground having fainted.