A Dog's Bark

At first, Tony thought he was in some sort of fever dream. He tried rubbing his eyes, pinching himself, and sighed when they didn’t seem to work. So this was real, huh.

“Peter.” 

“I… I can explain!” The boy cried, holding the puppy close to his chest. 

“Please do.” Pepper asked. See, this was why they were engaged! That was his fiancé, goddammit.

“Okay, so hear me out, alright. I was doing my typical patrolling business, you know, thwip thwip. And suddenly, Karen told me there was a mugging somewhere near, so I went where she told me to, and I found this lady surrounded by 4 guys, and they didn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon, you know. So, I did my thing, thwipped them up, Karen called the police for me, and this lady was crying, so naturally I tried to comfort her for a bit, and she goes…” Peter stopped a bit by that point, as if he were thinking of something. However, after only a 2 second pause, he continued. 

“She tells me that she was scared, not for herself but for her purse! So I’m like, ‘okay, what’s happening? Whatcha got there?’ and she pulled out a puppy! Can you believe it? An entire, living, breathing, puppy! I didn’t know what to say, but I accepted it, because I don’t know if  May has ever told you but I’ve always wanted a dog, but we were never able to have one because of obvious reasons. So blabla, she says she’s fine and that she can walk to her apartment on her own, I accept it and well my first thought was to get to my apartment, but then I remembered that we can’t have pets there, so I made my way here, and as I was waslkingitbeganrainingand--” He stopped, probably because he ran out of breath. (Tony would never understand how he managed to spew out words at such a hurried pace)

“Wait Peter, did you just say you walked from Queens to here?” Pepper asked him, shocked. Tony had to recognize that that was impressive. Queens was about 3 hours away on foot.

“Uh, y-- no? I… took a taxi?” Peter tried, almost wincing.

“Peter, I’m not mad, I’m actually impressed. How long did it take you?” She asked. 

“Oh! About an hour? I walked quickly and once it began raining I ran for a bit.” Peter explained. Darn. Tony realized that it’d been a while since the last time they’d ran tests on Peter’s stamina. The boy seemed to be as good as ever.

“Wait! Oh my god, I have to feed it!” The teen exclaimed, scaring the crap out of Tony who was still immersed in his thoughts. “According to Google, puppies should be fed two or three times a day. The girl gave me a small bag of food, I’ll go serve it real quick! I’ll be right back!” He then ran into the kitchen. Pepper and Tony exchanged looks, and Tony was surprised to find a fond look in Pepper’s face.

“Tony…” She began, and Tony knew that tone. It was the ‘I-know-I'll-be-choosing-the-right-choice-however-I’ll-still-let-you-have-the-final-decision’ tone. He hadn’t heard it in a long, long time. Not since she had stopped being his assistant.

“There’s no way in hell a freaking dog will be staying here, Pep.” He began. “Have you ever smelled one of those things? They’re stinky, loud, dirty, and clumsy. They keep you up all night, and sure they may be loyal but--” He noticed Pepper’s sly smirk, and stopped. 

“Did you just describe a dog, or yourself? You can also be all of those. Actually, I think you have about three of those characteristics.” She chuckled.

Tony gasped. “Did you just call me stinky?” He brought up his oil-stained MIT sweatshirt and smelled the collar. It didn’t smell bad. Right?

Pepper laughed that hearty laugh of hers that Tony knew and loved. Smiling, she gave him a quick kiss. “Let’s go check on Peter, god knows what he’s doing.” She began walking towards the kitchen.

Once in the kitchen, they were greeted by a heart warming sight. Peter was laid out on the (very clean) floor, laughing and giggling as the small puppy was on top of him, nipping and licking his face, hoodie, and hands. The puppy was certainly no threat to Spider-Man, but the same could not be said for Peter Parker. The teen was laughing like Tony had never heard before, and the genius’s heart warmed at the sound. 

Peter however, seemed to have realized that he was no longer alone, as he stood up, still chuckling, and looked at the couple. He grabbed a random bowl he left on the counter, poured some dog food on it, and served it in front of the puppy. The dog immediately perked up and began eating it. While petting the dog’s back, Peter turned to look at them. 

“Peter, we…” Pepper began, but before she could finish, Tony cut her off.

“I want you to give it back.” Tony spoke before he could really think it through.  Both Pepper and Peter turned to look at him. Both with frowns on their faces.

“But, Mr. Stark, I don’t know where the lady lives! I can’t just drop it off on the streets either, can I?” Peter said.

“Then take it to a shelter, or look around for the woman. We will not have a dog.” Tony insisted. He hated having this talk, not being able to give Peter what he wanted.

“Tony, it’s 11PM. You can’t expect shelters to be open this late, nor the woman to keep walking on the streets after what just happened to her.” Pepper tried to reason with him, too.

“If by tomorrow afternoon the dog isn’t gone, I’ll take it to the shelter myself. Alright, Pete?” Gosh, he hated talking to Peter like this. But the kid should really understand, a dog was not something you could just pick up from the streets, you had to have thought about it before. It was a life, and therefore, a huge responsibility.

The worst part, however, wasn’t how he spoke to Peter, but the kid’s reaction. Tony was expecting a flare up, angry shouting, even crying. Not resignation. The teen deflated completely, his head looking down. He gave off a sigh.

“Okay, Mr. Stark. I better head home soon. I’ll be late if I don’t. However, please let her stay the night. I really can’t take her to the apartment, our landlord really dislikes dogs.” He looked up at Tony. “I promise I’ll come by tomorrow morning to pick her up, yeah? Please just let her stay.” He begged. Tony pinched the bridge of his nose, and before he could say anything else, Pepper spoke for him. 

“It can stay Peter, don’t worry.”

As soon as Peter left, Pepper and Tony went their separate directions. Tony knew that she most likely disagreed with him, he knew it deep in his soul. She was most likely going to ignore him for a while, or try to reason it out once they were both in bed. While Pepper headed to the living room, Tony went to the workshop. He tinkered to no end, came up with new ideas for possible new suits, both his and Peter’s, and even created a small Dum-E sculpture. While he worked and built, he listened to music as usual, top volume and bass boosted. While he was working on a device to help house his nanobots, a thought struck his mind. 

Where is the puppy right now?

He stopped tinkering and thought about it, then realized he’s an idiot because he has an AI that knows everything that is happening at home.

“Hey, Friday? Where did Pepper put the lil’ mutt?”

“Miss Potts seems to have placed the dog on the balcatio.” She responded, voice as smooth as ever.

Huh, so the balcatio? (When Stark Tower was built, he decided to add a big enough balcony on each floor of the living quarters. Obviously, his was the biggest, which led Pepper to begin planting several types of flowers and trees, which then covered up the balcony. Tony liked to joke around that she had created a patio on a balcony, which then led to the strange mashed-up word that was ‘balcatio’, a mix of ‘balcony’ and ‘patio’. The balcatio could be accessed from the living room, which was probably the main reason why Peter always entered through there.) 

Apparently, Pepper thought it to be the perfect place for a dog to be in.

Almost automatically, he rose from his chair and began making his way to the balcatio. The dog couldn’t stay there! It could mess up Pepper’s hard work, it could dig up all of the plants! He was about to enter the living room, when he realized. Where would he even leave the dog, if it wasn’t in the balcatio? 

His foot wavered between the living room and the hallway. His mind racing. Where could he set the dog?

With a heavy sigh, he realized what he had to do. 

He began to head back to the workshop, however, instead of taking a turn to the right, where the stairs to enter the room would be, he took a turn to the left, where the bathroom was. He took a quick look, then opened the cabinet under the sink and grabbed a towel. Towel in hand, he then headed towards the living room again. With another heavy sigh, he accepted his fate and asked FRIDAY to open the window for him.

“Are you sure, boss?” 

“Well, it’s not like I have any other options, do I?” He answered back. He knew, deep inside, that yes, he did have other options. However, night made his thought process fuzzy. He wasn’t thinking straight. (Or at least that’s what he told himself.)

As the door opened up a small bit, a small whine could immediately be heard. Tony looked down and observed the small fluff ball looking up at him. They had a staredown (a very intense one, in Tony’s opinion) and finally Tony spoke.

“Listen here, fluffy. I do not want you making a mess in the balcatio, so I’ve decided to bring you with me. This however, does not mean anything. I still despise you, and you will not be staying any further than tomorrow. Am I clear, puppy?” Tony realized a bit too late that he was talking to a dog. 

So this is what craziness felt like.

He bent down and (very carefully) grabbed the pup, with the towel covering his hands. He fixed the towel so that it was covering all of the dog’s body, and then proceeded to pick up the puppy. He took a quick look at the balcatio and noticed that nothing seemed to be dug up or dirty. He eyed the furball in his hands. 

‘It was probably because it was asleep’ He reasoned. ‘Dogs sleep during the night too, so it’s normal that it hasn’t done any mess right now.’

Therefore, if he wanted to avoid any messes in the workshop (he needed to keep an eye on the dog!) he had to make sure the puppy stayed asleep. So, he made a sacrifice. 

“FRIDAY, turn off the lab’s music.” He grumbled. It was a normal occurrence for Tony to be locked in his workshop, with the only indicator of his survival being the constant, blaring music. He can’t remember a time where he was inside a silent workshop.

Once he arrived, he set the towel in a corner, set the pup next to it, and went straight to continue working. However, his thoughts were interrupted by something touching his ankle. At first, he shrugged it off, choosing not to bother. 3 seconds later, however, he remembered there was a dog in the same room as him. He prayed to Thor, Odin, and Loki that it wasn’t what he was thinking, but as he took a look under his desk, his worst fears were confirmed:

The dog had abandoned its towel and instead decided to nap right next to Tony’s foot. 

“I’m sorry God, I truly have been an asshole. However, I think this is a bit much. Please rid me of this curse.” He dramatically said under his breath. He stood up, and the pup seemed to have sensed it, as it groggily blinked, stretched, yawned, and stood up next to him. Their eyes met, again. The puppy began wagging its tail.

Tony  sighed and walked over to the towel. The dog, seeming to understand, walked over, too, and sat down on the fabric. Tony waited by its side, and as soon as he saw the dog lay down, he went back to his desk. 

The pup stood up and followed him, too. Tony sighed and tried to push it away with his foot. (He was obviously wearing socks.)

The puppy seemed to find this entertaining, and so it pushed itself against the genius’s foot, rubbing itself all over the fabric. A little voice inside Tony’s head spoke up, saying how all of the creature’s hair was getting on the man, the floor, and was therefore being messy. Tony decided to ignore it. 

Somehow, the dog had found just the perfect position so that instead of pushing it away, Tony was petting it. 

With his foot.

His body seemed to come to the realization faster than his mind did, as he immediately stood up. He took a quick look at his watch. 3:08 AM. Shit, he had an agreement with Pepper that he wouldn’t enter the bedroom if it was later than 3:00AM. Although it sounded a bit mean, it did wonders, ‘cause Tony would keep special track of time and make sure to exit the workshop on time. 

He sighed and headed towards the living room, its sofa was the best thing to sleep in. It wasn’t until he was laying down on the sofa that he remembered the cause of him missing bedtime. Quickly, he stood up and lo and behold, sitting in front of the sofa was the cursed dog, head tilted and looking straight at Tony.

Tony considered his options. Stand up, pick up the dog, and leave it on the barcatio? Stand up, go to the workshop, pick the towel and bring it back to the living room for the pup to sleep in? He hated himself for not agreeing with Pepper to put a carpet under the sofas and center table. This whole dilemma could have been avoided if he just had a carpet.

He groaned onto one of the cushions. With a last defeated sigh, he psst-psst’d the dog to make it come closer, took it in his arms, and closed his eyes as he felt the pup cuddle next to him, putting its head on top of his armpit, leaving its snout right in front of Tony’s face. He could actually feel the air exhaled by the dog. Somehow, it was relaxing him to no end. Still, Tony made a mental note to buy a carpet sometime soon.

(He was never going to buy one, let’s all be honest with ourselves)