What have I done
Tony stood up from the bed and stood in front of Peter awkwardly.
It was never awkward between the two of them. Even when they first met, Peter was really shy and stuttered a lot but Tony never felt awkward when he was with the kid. But now it was awkward and he didn’t know what to do.
Tony had no idea if Peter had any memories from what happened during his time as a two year old, he wanted Peter to remember everything if it wouldn’t push him away out of embarrassment or anything else.
Tony placed an awkward hand on Peter’s shoulder. “Are you Uh, ready to go back out?”
Peter nodded his head. Tony wanted to hear him talk to hear what he sounded like. If he could even talk, he had no idea.
“O-okay, Mr. Stark.” Peter said as he shrunk in under Tony’s hold and walked beside him towards the living room where everyone still was.
Tony felt like he got slapped in the face. Mr. Stark. They were passed that by now. They were way passed that and moved on from the formal greetings and now, after everything here they were right at the beginning.
He let go of Peter’s shoulder and walked in bit ahead of him. When they reached the living room, Pepper looked at Tony as if someone had just died. He looked away from her but he didn’t want to look at Peter either.
May rushed towards his kid, his kid who was back to calling him Mr. Stark. “Peter, baby. Are you ready to go now?”
Peter looked over at Tony and Tony just made eye contact with him for a quick second before looking away. He wanted Peter so badly to stay with him but it was up to Peter and May, he didn’t feel like he had a say in it even if he wanted to so badly.
“Peter? Are you okay, baby?” May asked and rubbed a hand over his cheek.
Peter looked over at Tony again but he wasn’t looking at him so he nodded his head reluctantly. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
“Do you need to get anything before we leave?” May spoke as if she was talking to a baby but wasn’t that what Peter was. It was still hard to look at Peter like this when he spent the last few weeks looking at him as a baby.
“No. We can go.” Peter said quietly. He looked over at Tony again and caught the man’s eyes. Tony wanted so badly to stop him from leaving.
He wanted so badly to keep him here with him at the tower but it wasn’t up to him and if Peter wanted to leave, which he so obviously did, then he wouldn’t stop him even if it was killing him inside.
May shook hands with Bruce and thanked him. “Thank you so much. For everything. Thank you.”
While May was thanking Bruce, Tony sucked it up and approached Peter. He awkwardly held out his arms for him. “Do I at least get a hug before you leave?”
Peter looked at him with an odd look on his face. He looked like he wanted to say something but his lips weren’t moving. After a long five seconds, Tony was about to put his arms down thinking that Peter didn’t want to hug him but then Peter was throwing himself into Tony’s arms.
Tony held Peter tight as Peter pressed his face into Tony's chest. They stayed like that for a few moments, neither wanting to let go of each other but they wouldn’t say it.
Peter was the first one to pull away when May came back to his side so Tony let him go reluctantly. May went in for a hug with Tony next but it was stiff and awkward. “Thank you, Tony. I really appreciate you taking care of him this whole time. I know how hard it must have been to do all the diaper changes and baths and everything else so I really appreciate it.”
Tony looked over at Peter’s whose face was red and he was looking at his feet. He then turned back to May. “Yeah, it was no problem. Um, yeah.”
Tony wanted to say something more. He wanted to hold Peter and tell him that everything was going to be okay but he didn’t.
He watched as May put her arm around Peter and walked into the elevator, taking his kid away from him.
He stood there for a few minutes just replaying everything in his head. He thought about how May arrived without Peter but left with him leaving Tony alone.
Pepper came to his side and wrapped her arms around his stomach in a backwards hug. It didn’t do anything to comfort him. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Tony. I know you wanted him to stay with you but why didn’t you say anything?”
Tony was scared of the rejection that he knew he would have gotten if he asked Peter to stay with him. He didn’t say that though. “It doesn’t matter. I’m going down to the lab and I’ll probably be down there all night so don’t wait up for me.”
Tony pulled out of Peppers grip and made his way into the elevator where he would be spending the rest of the night.
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Peter didn’t want to leave Tony.
He wanted to stay at the tower but he didn’t want to ask Tony to stay. He knew the man would say no since he was most likely sick of him.
He did have to change his diapers after all. Peter cringed at the memory of it all. He remembered everything.
The diaper changes, the baths, the milk bottles, the running around naked in front of Tony and Pepper and everything else that happened while he was two years old. Peter cringed at the fresh memories playing in his mind like a mantra as he climbed into the front seat of Mays car.
He put his seatbelt on and immediately rested his head against the car window. It was still kinda early in the morning but all Peter wanted to do was go home and sleep. He didn’t want to have to talk to anyone or do anything but sleep.
May got in the car and started it but before pulling away, she turned to look at Peter. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you feel okay?”
Peter turned to her with a blank expression on his face. “Of course I’m not okay. I was just turned into a-a baby and Tony Stark took care of me. Nothing about me is okay.” Peter didn’t mean to snap at her but it was a stupid question.
May placed her hand on Peters knee which was supposed to be in a comforting way but it wasn’t. May just didn’t understand how to comfort him sometimes. Not the way that Tony always did.
That thought sent tears burning Peter’s eyes and threatening to fall so he moved his leg away from May and leaned his head back against the car window.
“Okay. Just know you can talk to me.” May tried to say but Peter just wanted to go home and sleep.
“Okay. Can we just go home now?” May didn’t say anything but she did pull away from the tower and Peter watched it slowly get smaller and smaller as they got further away.
As they reached the busy city of Queens, Peter could no longer see the tower due to other houses and buildings blocking his way.
He shut his eyes and tried to think about anything but the last few weeks but that’s all he could think about. He hated it.
Peter opened his eyes and tried to see how close they were to arrive at home. Thankfully they were close and Peter debated jumping out of the car and running the rest of the way since he could probably do that faster at the rate they were moving in midday New York traffic.
Less than fifteen minutes later, they were at home and Peter was immediately running into his bedroom. He heard May sigh as she shut and locked the front door but Peter didn’t want to be near her right now.
He lay on his bed but it felt weird. He was used to sleeping with his crib bars blocking him in and making him feel safe or sleeping with Tony and making him feel safe. Now he had neither and for some reason that thought made him want to cry.
Peter sat up in bed when he heard a knock on his bedroom door. May walked in right after.
She sat by his legs on the bed and Peter sighed as he lay back down. He wanted her to leave.
She placed a hand on his thigh and squeezed to try and comfort him but again, it did nothing to comfort him. “You know I love you. I just want you to be okay and you don’t look okay.”
Peter looked away from her.
May continued. “Do you remember anything? You haven’t said much.”
Peter took a few seconds to answer. He debated if he should lie and say that he doesn’t remember anything but he knew he was too tired to lie plus he was horrible at it anyways. “I remember everything.”
May sighed. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Peter shook his head. “Why would I want to talk about it?”
She sighed again and leaned over to press a kiss on Peter’s cheek. “Okay. I’m here if you want to talk about it.”
Peter watched her leave his bedroom and once she was gone, he got off his bed and grabbed some clean clothes so he could shower.
May watched Peter go into the bathroom but she didn’t say anything.
Once Peter was inside the bathroom, he took off all his clothes and tossed them into the corner before looking at himself in the mirror.
He looked… different. He didn’t know why or what exactly made him look different but he just did and he didn’t like it.
Looking away, Peter turned the shower on and stepped in. He let the warm water, fall down on his head and run down his body. It’s been so long since he’s had a shower because the whole time he was with Tony, Tony had given him baths. Part of Peter missed that, it was nice to be so carefree knowing that Tony would take care of him and protect him no matter what. He missed that but it could never be like that again and Peter sadly knew that.
His shower ended up taking a lot longer than he expected it to. He lost track of the time when he was in there. When he got out of the shower, dried off and got dressed, May was sitting on the couch. Her head turned towards him but Peter looked away and made a beeline for his bedroom before she got the chance to say anything.
Once safe in his bedroom where May couldn’t hound him for questions, he sat down on his bed and let his head fall to his pillow. He was exhausted and he didn’t even know why.
He remembers sleeping really well last night. He also remembers Tony being there and now he wasn’t.
Peter shoved his face into the pillow and felt it get wet underneath him with his tears. He didn’t know why he was even crying, he guessed it’s because he missed Tony but he didn’t want to say anything. He didn’t want the man to see him as a baby anymore than he already did.
Peter hated how now Tony definitely hated him. He was basically forced and felt obligated to take care of him since he feels that Peter is his responsibility after recruiting him as Spider-Man and giving him a suit.
He wished that Tony could have just given him to May to watch… wait no. Peter’s remembers when May did have him and she was so stressed out trying to juggle work and him as a two year old.
He remembers how he didn’t let May even change his diaper because he hated being with her and wanted to be with Tony.
It’s the same thing he feels now but the only difference is that he’s not about to scream and cry for Tony. Well, maybe he’ll cry for him like he is now but in the privacy of his bedroom.
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Peter doesn’t remember falling asleep.
It took awhile for him to fully wake up and then all of his memories of the last few hours all came rushing back to him. Usually he’ll wake up and immediately crawl over to Tony so he could be held but now Tony’s not here.
The last thing he remembers is thinking about how badly he misses Tony and then… that’s it.
Peter sat up and felt pathetic. He literally just cried himself to sleep because he misses Tony so much. Peter looked down and saw that his blankets have been put on him meaning that May must have come in while he was asleep and covered him up.
He pushed the blankets off of him and went to find May. His head was killing him from worrying about Tony so much and he just wants to talk to her about it.
Peter slowly and quietly leaves his bedroom. It’s still bright out so he knows that he couldn’t have been asleep for that long, plus he also knows that May would have woken him up if he was going to sleep the day away.
Peter finds May sitting on the couch with a cup of tea in her hands. She looks over at him and once she sees him, her face softens so Peter can only imagine how bad he looks.
May looks Peter up and down a few times before patting the seat beside her. Peter immediately takes the invitation and sits down.
They don’t say anything for a few minutes. Peter knows that May is waiting for him to talk but he doesn’t want to talk just yet.
After another long couple of minutes, Peter takes a breath and speaks. “Do you think Tony hates me now?”
May is taken by surprise. She did not expect Peter to say that but she guesses that she should have. She knows how sensitive Peter is and how he takes everything to heart.
Mays silence makes Peter worry more. “I mean-I mean he took care of me that whole time and-and I know it wasn’t easy for him. Having to do all that and I remember he was…”
Peter trails off. He remembers Tony being happy but for some reason he thinks that’s just how he remembers it because he was the happy one.
“He was stressed. You know? And I just… I don’t want him to hate me.” Peter finished off sadly and looked down at his hands. He hated how he sounded so weak but it’s just May so he tried not to care that much.
May ran her hand through his hair. “Oh baby. I don’t think Tony hates you. In fact, I know he doesn’t hate you.”
Peter still doesn’t believe that although it does make him feel just a little bit better. “You don’t know that for sure. There’s no way for you to know.”
May laughed weakly and for a long second Peter thinks that his Aunt is laughing at him and it makes him feel subconscious. “Peter. Honey. I do know because I spoke to Tony on the phone while he was taking care of you and he was so happy.”
That makes Peter smile. He tried to hold it back but the thought of Tony actually being happy while he took care of him when he was a baby made him happy.
Then Peter thought about how he’s not with Tony right and he felt sick. He wasn’t sure why the thought of not being with Tony made him feel so alone and sick but he hated feeling that way.
“I miss him.” Peter admitted to May before he really got the chance to think about what he was saying.
May pulled him in for a side hug and that’s when Peter let his tears fall. He didn’t care how pathetic he sounded or what May thought of him but he regretted leaving the tower. He knew he should have stayed.
“How about you call him? Maybe you can stay with him until you go back to school?” May suggested and Peter wanted that more than anything but he was still scared.
If Tony wanted him then he would be the one calling. No, he wouldn’t even have let Peter leave if he wanted him.
Peter shook his head against May’s shoulder as he pulled away from her and wiped the tears and snot off his face. “N-no. I’m fine. I’m gonna be fine. Just… I’m not calling him.”
“Peter,” May sighed as she watched Peter retreat off to his bedroom where he was probably going to lock himself in there for the rest of the night.
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Tony had been in his lab for over five hours.
He wasn’t even working on anything important since he was having a hard time concentrating because his thoughts were racing with all things Peter.
He regretted sending Peter away. He knew he should have fought harder for him to stay. He wished he did but he knew the kid didn’t want to and so he didn’t want to force him to do anything that he didn’t want to do.
Tony pulled up a video of Peter from last night before he went to bed and he couldn’t get the smile off his face. It was a sad smile though because he knew that Peter was no longer a baby and no longer needed him.
Tony picked his phone up and debated calling Peter.
He wanted to call him so badly but he thought better of it and put the phone down.