Chapter 11
If you would have asked Phil if he thought it was a good idea for Clint to visit Barney he would have said no in a heartbeat. He thought that the two would pass a codeword between the two of them that would convince Clint to up and leave. Or that the little progress with Clint on behaving and expressing emotions would have been thrown away. Or even worse, he was worried Barney wouldn’t be excited to see Clint.
He was happily proven wrong, though.
In fact, since leaving the precinct, Clint’s behavior was equivalent to what it was for the past few days if not better. Once they got home, he went right to working on his homework, only stopping once everyone else got home so he could join them in the kitchen. He even joined Natasha and Pepper when they went outside to hang out.
It was so exciting to see the boy interact with the house, even if it was a bit shyly, and they all just hoped it lasted longer than the day. Phil smiled as he watched the boy sit near the girls in what seemed like a gossip circle that he was just glad to be a part of. However, Barney’s words of buzzing with energy stuck with him, so a new idea struck him.
“Hey, Clint, you wanna come with me to pick up Thor and Steve from practice? And maybe Bucky wherever he is?” Phil asks as he sticks his head out the door.
“Uh, sure,” Clint says as he unfolds himself from the seat and makes his way towards the front door where Phil was now waiting.
The drive over to the highschool is quiet but nice, and soon they’re pulling up to the parking lot. Phil notices Bucky watching over the track practice so he assumes the boy had a detention and was just waiting for Steve and Thor to finish up practice.
“Hey, bud, so we’re actually about 20 minutes early, but there’s a playground over here if you wanna go play and run around for a bit? Or I brought a soccer ball along if you wanna kick that around?” Phil offers as the two begin to make their way towards the field.
“C-Can I go play on the playground?” Clint asks with wide, shy eyes having just noticed the play set.
“Yeah go for it, bud, I’m just gonna be waiting on these picnic tables. Please watch your wrist and ribs, though.”
And with that Clint is running off with more energy than Phil knew he was capable of possessing. He immediately makes a move for the monkey bars and easily swings himself across before flipping upside down so he could pull himself to be sitting on the bars. Phil was about to tell him that’s exactly what he was referring to when he said be careful, but then a familiar hand was placed on his shoulder.
“He’s fine, Phil. He’s small, he’ll bounce,” Bucky says with a cheeky smile.
“Well if you’re so sure then you’ll have no problem going over to watch him and make sure he doesn’t bounce too hard,” Phil says with a raised brow, to which he gets an eye roll in return.
“Yeah whatever, I was going over anyways,” Bucky mumbles as he makes his way to the playset. “Bet you can’t do the monkey bars backwards!”
“Yes I can!” Clint says with furrowed brows.
“Oh yeah? Then stop sitting on the monkey bars and prove it. Forwards and then backwards.”
Clint glares at the boy as he flips back over into a normal position and easily does the bars forwards. He manages to do them backwards pretty easily until the last bar where he misjudged the distance and ended up missing. Rather than falling or dangling until he regained his balance, though, he found his lower half being held so he easily could grab the bar.
“Thanks,” Clint mumbles as he jumps down, not making eye contact with the older boy.
“You almost had it, your hair got in your eyes,” Bucky says with a smile which seems to confuse Clint a bit. “Plus, couldn’t let you fall on your butt with Phil right over there monitoring our every move.”
“I would have landed on my feet.”
“Uh huh, I’m sure you would have.
“I bet you couldn’t do it!” Clint taunts back in frustration only for Bucky to shrug as he grabs a seat on one of the swings.
“You’ve got me there. As advanced as my prosthetic looks, it definitely isn’t advised to use it to swing my entire body weight across monkey bars,” Bucky says casually, however, Clint immediately regrets having said what he said.
“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” Clint replies, awkwardly fiddling with his fingers and refusing to make eye contact with the older boy. Well, that is until Bucky lightly kicked at the boy’s ankle to get him to look at him.
“Hey it’s alright, I promise my feelings aren’t hurt. It just goes to show you don’t even notice my prostheses which is kinda what I want people to treat me as. Like I’m assuming you want people to treat you like with your hearing aids. I’m sure you don’t want people speaking at like volumes 10 times too loud and overly enunciating words.”
“Yeah I guess,” Clint mumbles while grabbing the swing next to Bucky. “Why are you here still? Do you do track or football, too?”
“No I am an elite member of the always-in-detention team,” Bucky chuckles as he starts to swing himself a bit. “Most sports teams here don’t really want to accommodate themselves to someone who isn’t fully able bodied, so detention is where I get to thrive.”
Clint can’t help but scrunch up his nose at that because he didn’t really follow the logic. But also if what he’s saying is true then does that mean he won’t be able to do any sports or things once he went back to school because of his deafness?
“You don’t need an arm to run! You could do track or cross country. Or even like soccer since you can’t use hands for that,” Clint tries to reason.
“Not much of a fan of running. I was big into baseball before everything. They say the arm offers more strength or whatever,” Bucky replies casually.
“That sounds stupid.”
Bucky doesn’t reply after that and instead the two continue to swing for a bit.
Clint enjoys that swing, however, it doesn’t really do anything to get the energy out of his legs. So quickly the boy jumps off the swing, runs over to Phil where he finds the discarded soccer ball before making his way back over to the playground area. He’s set on just kicking the ball back and forth to himself against one of the walls, however, Bucky once again surprises him when he also gets off the swings.
“Come on let’s go onto the side of the field,” Bucky says while nodding over to an area to the side of where the football team was practicing.
“You don’t have to play with me, you know. I can play on my own,” Clint says with half of a scowl cause he’s still not positive if Bucky is just waiting to start mocking him.
“Oh look we’re back to the angry puppy dog all excited to go and play,” Bucky teases before shaking his head. “I promise you, Clint, if I didn’t want to kick the soccer ball, I wouldn’t. If I didn’t want to hang out with you, I wouldn’t. But believe it or not, I’m actually on your side and I’m just trying to be a friend.”
Clint eyes the boy up and down before his scowl finally drops.
“M’sorry, not used to people being, uh, being I don’t know,” the boy trails off, not sure what he was even trying to communicate.
“On your team? Yeah don’t worry, you’re not the only one. We’ve definitely got more in common than you think, kiddo. C’mon now, though, practice is almost over and Phil won’t be keen to wait too much after that with still four other kids at home.”
And with that the two boys began to kick the ball back and forth, From a distance, Phil couldn’t help but smile at the two, but especially when he heard Clint letting out a laugh and the smile that followed suit on both boys’ faces. After about ten minutes, Phil notices the two practices going on come to an end, followed by two boys making their way over to where Clint and Bucky were hanging around.
Thor came up from behind Clint and Phil could see the flinch clearly from where he was seated, however, nothing seemed to evolve from that. The four kick it around just a bit more before Steve accidentally sends the ball over Clint’s head. Without even hesitating, Clint takes off after it as the three remaining boys make their way towards Phil. As they arrive at the table a sprinting Clint joins them, his breathing only slightly heavy.
“Alright, are we all ready to head home?” Phil says as he claps his hands while standing up.
“Yeah, can we get McDonald’s for dinner?” Bucky asks as he grabs his bag and makes his way towards the car.
“If you honestly tell me why you had detention today, then yes,” Phil counters. Secretly though he was going to pick up takeout anyways because apparently they were having issues with the oven at the home.
“Got called Mr Bionic, so I nicknamed someone Oscar the Grouch while throwing them into a trash can,” Bucky replies without hesitation which causes Steve and Thor to snort, Clint to giggle, and Phil biting back a smile.
“Well a deal is a deal I guess. We’ll talk about that more later, though, alright?” Phil says while opening up the car. “Someone call the house and get the rest of the orders, I’m gonna have you guys go in to order the food because I need to go to the CVS next door.”
Getting all the food and making their way back home turns out to be a much faster process than Phil expected, but soon enough everyone is piled around the bonfire outside with their bag of food settled on their laps. Apparently, Tony thought it unfair that half the house got to spend time outside, so he took it upon himself to make sure they’d get some time in the fresh air during group.
Phil didn’t mind, he actually preferred when they had group outside because everything felt less clinical? He could never put an exact reasoning to it but whenever they have group outside, everyone just seemed to be more involved and tensions were less high. He couldn’t help but smile at Clint as the boy sat in between Thor and Steve who were both raging over the boy’s happy meal because they didn’t realize the toys that come with it are just so cool. Phil could tell that they weren’t even playing up on the admiration because not once but twice has Thor attempted to snatch the thing, however, Clint was easily able to block it the first attempt as well as snatch it back after the second attempt.
Eventually they start up group, everyone partaking in giving their highs and lows, before continuing on with their more usual conversations. Today’s theme revolving around ambitions and planning for the future. It’s a hard topic to delve into with the group, particularly the older kids, because no one’s really sure what will happen to them once they age out.
As much as Phil and Maria are guardians as well as parental figures to them, at the end of the day they are part of the system and technically once they turn 18 they aren’t supposed to remain in the home. Luckily so, Phil has never kicked someone out just because they turned 18. Everyone that has entered under this roof has always finished school and have been assisted in their future endeavors, but it doesn’t make it any less daunting.
Not everyone that leaves the house ends up like Sam. Not everyone gets a scholarship for college that covers housing and their meal plan. Phil and Maria always stress that they are here to help these kids for as long as they need, but it still needs to be reminded that these are the kids that the system broke. These are the kids that the system essentially gave up on, and it’s up to Maria and Phil to put them back together and make sure that they know they have a place in this world. They like to think they succeed in doing so with most of their kids, however, there are always the few that fall through.
That’s why Phil puts so much time into Bucky. He knows if he’s not there for the kid and pushing him to do what’s best for himself, that Bucky would leave the day he turns 18. It’s why he constantly pushes to humble and keep Tony in line because if the boy had the chance the day he turns 18 he’d cash in on the inheritance his parents left for him.
It’s why Phil knows he needs to be there for Clint at every turn in the road because Clint’s survived on his own more than most people in the house. If the boy sees an opportunity to leave, he will and he won’t hesitate if people aren’t on his side.
Most people ended up participating in group which Phil and Maria can’t help but smile about. Clint was his usual quiet self, but they weren’t shocked because this conversation might be a bit too big for him to have an input on just yet. It’s more something he needs to just hear and contemplate about. But Bucky was also quiet, and that didn’t sit too well with Phil so he knows they’re gonna need to have a longer one-on-one than usual today.
Slowly, everyone makes their way inside to hang out, finish homework, or just lounge around until their lights out notice is called. Phil had decided to just do a quick one-on-one with Clint before bed, and then once the boy was tucked in he and Bucky would meet in his office for a long session until the older boys' lights out were called. Currently Clint was laid out on the floor by the couches and TV working on his spelling and vocabulary homework while Natasha, Pepper, and Bruce watched some new Netflix show.
Phil smiled at the group, especially when he would notice Bruce leaning down to point something out to the boy only for Clint to vigorously begin erasing, re-writing, and then looking up to check with Bruce on whatever he corrected. This went on for about another 30 minutes before Clint seemed to finish up on his work only to immediately look over at Phil.
“Go on up and shower and get ready for bed, buddy. We’ll do just a small one-on-one,” Phil says.
Clint nods as he grabs his books and runs up the stairs, causing Bruce to chuckle a bit to himself.
“It’s funny having a little kid in the house,” Bruce says to answer Phil’s raised brow, which only seems to go higher. “He’s just so obedient. Like I know he’s gives attitude and I know he has his own issues, but like the rest of us fought you tooth and nail for at least the first month of us being here when it came to you giving us a bed time.”
“I say give it 2 more weeks and he’s gonna start returning that same attitude. He’s testing boundaries right now,” Natasha supplies which causes Phil to roll his eyes.
“Let’s hope not cause we all know what happens when people start boycotting their bedtimes,” Phil says with a chuckle as he makes his way up the stairs.
He rummages around in his room for a bit until he hears Clint leave the bathroom and then he waits another five minutes before going over to the boy’s room. He knocks before allowing himself in upon gaining permission and immediately smiles at the boy who’s half laid under his covers with the now familiar stuffed dog just visible on the other side of his body.
“Long day, huh, bud?” Phil starts as he pulls up the chair from Tony’s desk.
“Yeah,” Clint agrees while his fingers fiddle with the blanket. “Thanks for helping make it happen. A-and for letting me continue to reach out to him.”
“Of course, Clint. After meeting and talking to Barney, I would never want to keep you two from each other,” Phil promises. “You know, I’m really proud of you for talking about everything you did. That isn’t an easy thing to do, and not only is it something that’s going to help you but it’s also going to help Barney in being able to get out sooner than expected.”
“D-do you think if Barney gets out I’ll get to go live with him again?”
“I don’t know, buddy, if we’re being honest. If Barney manages to find a job that’ll be able to fund both you and him as well as finds you guys somewhere to live then probably. But that may take some time. Barney might have to work for a bit to save up some money before you can just go and live with him.”
“I could get a job and help him with money,” Clint offers with a hopeful look.
“Not until you’re 15 or 16, buddy. And that’s not so much the point. The point is that the state would want to make sure that Barney is able to care for you in all aspects. I know he can emotionally and personally support you, but they need to make sure he’ll be able to support you in having food and clothes that fit and a bed that keeps you comfortable and warm.”
“I don’t need all of that, though.”
“I know you’ve grown used to not having that, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t something you should have. That’s why until Barney can do all these things, you’re gonna be here. Where we can make sure you have food, clothes, a bed, an education that’s able to be catered towards your needs. And in the meantime, Barney’s gonna be able to continue to provide you with the emotional and personal support he’s always given you-- even if it is from a distance.”
Clint seems to contemplate everything Phil says for a while before slowly nodding his head.
“A-am I- Am I gonna have to talk about that stuff from today again?”
“Not until you’re ready to talk about everything, Clint. I am really proud of you for speaking up today, though, that wasn’t something easy to do. And now you won’t have to talk about it until you want to talk about it.”
“I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“And that’s okay. You don’t have to talk to me, the police, or even Nick about any of it unless you want to. I’m not gonna push you to do anything on this, but I do want to let you know that I will always be ready to talk with you about anything you want to discuss.”
“Wh-what if I never wanna talk about it?”
“Then it’s not something we’ll have to talk about. If that’s the case, though, might I suggest writing out your thoughts? You might not think so right now, or you might not even recognize it, but keeping things like this inside isn’t a great thing. So a lot of times just writing it all down so it’s not stuck inside you can make all the difference,” Phil offers.
“I don’t wanna anyone to read it, though,” Clint says with his brows furrowed.
“You might not trust everyone in the house just yet, but I promise no one would read your journal. Everyone in the house has one, and we’ve never had an issue before.”
Phil can see the contemplation on Clint’s face, however, he knows the boy isn’t going to be agreeing with him just yet.
“I actually have something I want to show you, which might make you more open to the idea,” Phil says while pulling out a small package. “This is a lock for your side table. The only people who will have the code for this is you and me, and I would only ever use it when we’re having room checks. You’d be able to keep your journal in there, safe from anyone tempted to look through it.”
“What’s the catch?” Clint immediately asks because he knows he wouldn’t just be given this, especially when none of the other boys in the room have the option.
“After you left with Nick, Barney talked to me a little bit more. And just like I am, he’s concerned about your lack of sleeping. Now I didn’t tell him anything, but he didn’t need me to because he could see on your face and in your behaviors,” Phil begins, and right away Clint is looking away. “He gave me a little bit of advice on what might get you to sleep easier, for instance letting you around a bit. I don’t know if we can do the park every day cause I don’t pick the boys up every day, but maybe a couple times a week with Sam and it’ll go towards your PE sector of classes. You can also run around the yard whenever you want, and we can try to do some walks around the block for our one-on-ones before bed if you ever want.”
“Can we do that?!” Clint asks as he starts to stand up which causes Phil to chuckle.
“Tomorrow night, bud. We’re almost done here for today,” Phil assures with a smile. “But Barney also told me some other things. For instance, making sure you take out your hearing aids.”
Almost immediately Clint’s hands were covering his ears with a look of absolute anger.
“No way!” Clint shouts.
“Clint, let’s talk about this. Not only does Barney say this is something you should be doing, but I called your doctor and even she recommended you not sleeping with them on. It isn’t good for you.”
“I’m already deaf! What else can it do?!” Clint argues.
“You’re not fully deaf, Clint. That’s why you don’t have a cochlear implant. Your hearing could get worse and then these hearing aids wouldn’t be that efficient.”
Phil can see the gears churning in Clint’s head, so he decides to continue before Clint chooses without further encouragement.
“Listen to me, Clint. Your side table lock can also be used to hold your hearing aids at night. That way you don’t have to be scared about anyone taking them in your sleep like I’m sure was one of your fears. And as much as I want to be able to compromise with you on things, this isn’t one of those things. Your options are either you hold on to the hearing aids at night, or I take them with me each night to hold onto in my room.”
Clint looks up to Phil in shock with tears pooling in his eyes, however, Phil’s stance doesn’t change. It’s a couple more minutes, but finally Clint sniffles as he nods his head while reaching for the lock. Phil gives a sad smile as he helps the boy set it up.
“Alright, I know you normally read for 20 minutes before going to sleep for Sam, but I think it’ll be alright if we skip that tonight because you looked absolutely drained, kiddo. There’s just one more thing that Barney said might help,” Phil says as he makes his way to the other side of Clint’s bed.
Clint continues to sniffle as he watches Phil’s movements. The man crouches down in between where Clint’s desk and bed is as he removes one of the outlet coverings. Immediately Clint blushes as he sees the man plug in a rather discreet, though still noticeable, nightlight.
“I-I don’t need that,” Clint says as he reaches down to unplug it, only for Phil to stop him. “That was just Barney trying to mess with me. I-I’m not scared of the dark.”
“Clint, it’s alright to be scared of things. Like I said last night, you wouldn’t be the first person in this house to need a nightlight in their room. How about we just try it out for tonight, alright?”
With a whine of embarrassment, Clint nods his head which causes Phil to once again chuckle as he flips the switch on.
“Alright, buddy, well aids out and it’s time for bed. I want you to remember, though, you can always come wake me up if you need anything. It doesn’t even need to be because you’re scared, it can be simply because you can’t sleep, alright?” Phil offers in the most genuine tone that Clint has ever heard.
“Sure,” Clint mumbles as he slowly takes the aids out of his ears and even more slowly tucks them away in the drawer.
“Good night, Clint,” Clint is able to read Phil’s lips as he speaks.
“G’night,” he thinks he mumbles back before the lights are turned off and the only thing left for Clint to focus on is the soft blue glow coming from beside his bed.