missing
May must have held at least twenty different coloured ties up to Peter’s chest in deep thought before she finally settled on a nice navy with light blue stripes. Normally he would have complained about the extended, boring experience, but Peter simply felt too touched to see just how much of Ben’s stuff May still had stored away in her room. He tried to keep the solemn sadness off of his face while she straightened up his suit and gave him a calculating once over. Peter tried a smile when May’s eyes reached his face. Licking her thumb and flattening down a stubborn curl of hair with it, she returned his grin.
“Ready?” May asked, holding his shoulders with an affectionate glint in her eyes as he nodded affirmatively. She pulled him against her chest and sighed as his arms wrapped tightly around her in return. “When did you grow up, Peter?” Somehow her tone was simultaneously overjoyed and forlorn. “How did I miss that?”
“You didn’t miss it, May,” he chuckled lowly. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“Well you remember that when I’m old and grey,” she playfully chastised him in response. “And come and visit me.”
“Hm. I’ll definitely think about it,” Peter teased, earning himself a playful whack on the head that he laughed at. “Hey, c’mon. I’m not going anywhere just yet.”
“Nowhere other than college in a couple of months.”
“Doesn’t count,” he continued to insist, interrupted in his point by the sound of a car horn outside. Finally. A rush of excitement ran through Peter so suddenly that May thought she could quite literally see it take hold of him, and before she knew it he was making a mad dash for the front door. “Gotta go! Love you!” Peter was calling as he made his way out.
“Be safe!” She yelled after him, but he was long gone by then. With a simple smile and a shake of her head, May walked to the window to see Peter scurrying into the back of slick black car, nothing but oblivious, teenage excitement in his demeanour. He was so undeniably out of place and it didn’t seem to matter to him at all. That was all she could have asked for.
Trusting somebody else to take care of him now was bound to be difficult, after being alone in it for what felt like so long, but May figured if she couldn’t rely on Tony for Peter’s sake, then she couldn’t rely on anyone.
---
“Cheers?” Tony said with a beaming bright grin. As soon as Peter was in the car they were taking off, and Mr Stark was offering him a crisp glass of what he assumed was champagne.
“I’m not old enough to drink,” Peter said with a simple smile as he strapped himself in.
“Good answer,” Tony nodded, tipping the drink back himself and finishing it in only a few gulps. There was a tut from beside Mr Stark that made Peter jump. He hadn’t even noticed Pepper sitting seriously on Tony’s other side, dressed in a brilliant blue gown that matched the man’s suit and wearing an irritated look in her eyes. They looked perfectly important together and Peter almost found himself a little bit flustered in her presence, since getting to see Pepper was even rarer than it was to see Tony. “What?” Tony laughed at her sound of frustration. “It was a good answer. I’ll drink to that.”
“Hi Miss Potts,” Peter piped up in a small voice.
“Hey Peter,” her features softened as she turned to face him, offering a warm smile that served to make Peter feel more comfortable with her almost instantaneously. Naturally, Pepper gave off an intimidating air (particularly when she was unhappy with Tony) but it only took a moment of talking to her for Peter to be reminded of her kind nature. “You look smart.”
“Ah, thanks, I… May helped.” Peter blushed at the admission, but it only garnered an even sweeter smile from Pepper and a quiet chuckle from Tony too. It drew Peter’s attention back to the man and he was surprised to find his glass full to the brim again.
Regardless of that though, Peter was relieved to see how much better Tony looked tonight. The way he had stumbled upon the man yesterday… it was hard to believe this quick-witted, coherent and sharply dressed man was even the same person at all. This was the Tony Stark that Peter knew and he couldn’t be more grateful for that.
“This is empty, Tony.” Pepper was suddenly saying, clutching a very empty champagne bottle in her hand. There was nothing sweet about her tone anymore.
“That it is,” Tony responded flatly. Peter didn’t think it was possible for him to tense another muscle in his body at this point. All of that relief he had felt seeing Tony back to his usual self had instantly evaporated. Something felt incredibly off. “I’m okay. Look, I’m done for the night.” Mr Stark’s voice came across softer then, more reassuring than dismissive like before, and Peter felt a little of the weight in the air shift as Pepper’s face changed. She seemed uncertain, but she was definitely gentler now.
“I’ve heard that before, Tony,” Pepper’s tone had lost some of its edge, but the seriousness of her words was still blatantly clear. Peter looked to Tony then, awaiting his answer. It never came.
---
When they arrived at the awards ceremony, Peter was out of the car like a bolt. The ride had eased up after that uncomfortable start, and the three of them were actually able to laugh over stories of past events Tony and Pepper had attended, even talk briefly about Peter’s thoughts on college. He had been researching a few different places with May most evenings, but Peter hadn’t really given any extensive thought to it yet. Doubtlessly, May was far more invested in his future than Peter was. Pepper and Tony insisted, and he already knew, he probably should take a more active interest. Peter wanted to go and was desperately excited for college. It was just that right now, going out and being Spider-Man after school was way more appealing than sitting in his living room and googling course fees. Education was important. Getting the chance to be a kid was just as important. Peter knew all of that but for now, college applications could wait.
As soon as Tony stepped out of the car beside him, Peter was blinded by the flashing lights of cameras, something Pepper had warned him to prepare for but his heightened senses never got along with environments like this no matter how much he tried to ready himself. None of the reporters seemed to notice his distress though, and in fact none of them seemed to notice him at all. That was to be expected, and definitely for the best anyway. Peter rushed ahead to get away from it all. Of course, he ended up having to wait by the doors since there was no way he was getting in without Tony’s direct approval, but he didn’t mind that. He hung out at the front and watched the praise roll in for Mr Stark. This was already an incredibly rewarding place to be and he hadn’t even gotten inside yet. An event dedicated entirely to appreciating Tony Stark? Peter had never felt more at home.
It took Tony a while of stopping to answer questions or pose for pictures with Pepper but eventually, Peter was being ushered past the red velvet ropes and into a stunning building. Happy bustled in behind them too which seemed to surprise Tony, but he was brushed off with a ‘wouldn’t miss it for the world’ and the two shared knowing grins. There were pictures of Tony everywhere, mixed in with some of Pepper too, and a variety of Iron Man memorabilia that surrounded the room. The floor was absolutely packed with people. Peter assumed that pretty much everything in sight was worth more than his house and did his very best to keep to himself because of that, but he was practically bursting at the seams with exhilaration and joy. Tony was so deserving of this. After being introduced as Mr Stark’s intern to a few people who dripped with importance, Peter was tugging childishly on Tony’s sleeve and asking his permission to explore; it was stupid, but Peter didn’t want to step a foot out of line in such an unfamiliar environment. Best to ask questions first in this situation. Still, he desperately wanted to cover every inch of this floor, admire everything that was set up for the pure purpose of offering Mr Stark the respect and recognition that he deserved.
“What am I, your keeper?” Tony chuckled. “Go, go, do your thing. I needed a little breathing room anyway.”
It was all the encouragement that Peter needed. He was rushing off with an excited grin, just barely avoiding running around the venue in his glee.
Tony watched him go with something of a smile on his lips. Peter was absolutely enthralled to be here, so easily impressed but that was a very endearing quality in him. When Tony had first met Peter, he was just a kid with a once in a life time opportunity to become the superheroes he admired. He had grown an awful lot since then, but Peter never did seem to let go of the child within who thought Iron Man could simply do no wrong. Watching him quite literally double-take and gawk at the hero’s own ice sculpture that acted as the centre piece in the room made Tony feel a certain kind of warmness in his heart, and he chuckled to himself at the sight. Being reminded that there were still people who could look at Iron Man that way was reassuring.
He could have done without having pictures of the Avengers shoved in his face though. People he had last seen behind bars. Friends. They were everywhere he looked and Tony could have sworn the room was growing warmer by the second. How was everybody else breathing in here? Suddenly feeling awfully lonely in this crowded room, Tony searched manically for Pepper. She was caught in deep conversation that he couldn’t bring himself to interrupt. Happy had captured a few wandering patrons and began a story that Tony had heard too many times to count.
He tugged uncomfortably at the collar of his shirt; it was too tight, for sure. Things were moving too fast and excruciatingly slowly at the same time. Was there a need for everyone in this damn room to shout? The obnoxiously large, blown up poster on the wall beside Tony was the final straw. New York. Steve’s eyes were burning.
It was probably about time he busied himself elsewhere now.
---
As the lights dimmed and the stage brightened, Peter elbowed his way as close to the front of the crowd as he could possibly get. Having spent the majority of the night snapping as many pictures as he could, there was no way in hell he was going to miss the best shot of the night. Tony being handed his award. This was something that Peter knew he would want to remember forever.
An elderly man with greying hair, who Peter assumed was far more important than he could comprehend or ever dream to be, was giving an introductory speech that played liked music to his ears. Praising Tony’s accomplishments throughout his life, commending his bravery in standing up to his teammates for ‘the good of the people’ and so on. It was a speech that encapsulated the meaning of everything in this room. All of these pictures, sculptures, suits and ties. All of it here for no reason other than the celebration of Tony Stark.
Small, yet strong as he was, Peter had managed to carefully shove his way right to the stage front where he found the best angle for a shot and eagerly awaited the official announcement of Tony’s award. From here, Peter could get a good glance at the side of the stage where Pepper was stood. He went to offer her a gleeful wave, but something about her was frantic. He couldn’t quite make out what she was saying from all the way over here, especially not with the man on the mic booming his praise, but it was clear in Pepper’s eyes and the way she could barely stand still that something wasn’t right. Before Peter had a chance to figure out what was going on, the man on stage commanded the attention of the room.
“It’s my absolute honour and pleasure, to introduce your official Person of the Year; Anthony Edward Stark!” The eruption of applause was rightfully deafening. Cheers and whistles surrounded Peter, leaving him enveloped in noise and staring with absolute dread at the stage before him wondering just what had gotten Pepper so worked up right before Tony was supposed to be on. He should have been cheering the loudest but instead, Peter was searching the room insistently for some sign of whatever was troubling Pepper. Slowly, the celebrations around him were beginning to fizzle out. Things had quietened to an awkwardly continuous applause and still, there was no sign of Tony. Suddenly, Happy was beside him. He wasn’t here for Peter though, instead signalling to the man on stage with a frantic insistence.
“Cut to the video!” He was mouthing the words to the man in some attempt to avoid anyone around them hearing. Peter glanced to the stage-side just in time to catch Pepper doing exactly the same, making filming motions with her hands and appearing positively humiliated. Someone had apparently answered their prayers because soon enough, the stage lights were dimmed, allowing a video projection of Tony at the Avengers Facility to begin. There were mumbles of confusion around the crowd, people who knew Tony should have been present to receive the award as they had seen him here tonight, but ultimately the recording received just as much attention as Tony himself probably would have.
Peter could barely believe what he was seeing. He shoved his phone back into his pocket, gawking at the video footage and barely hearing a word of what Tony was saying on it. There was little point in snapping a photo of this and he was sorely upset by how it had transpired, that much was obvious in his face. This was a huge and impossible disappointment. No matter how hard he searched the room, Tony was nowhere to be found. Why would he drag Peter all the way here for this?
Happy was looking down at Peter now with some hint of sympathy.
“Sorry kid,” he mumbled, patting Peter on the shoulder awkwardly.
“Where is he?” He didn’t mean to sound as upset as he did, but it was the only question on Peter’s mind. How could Tony miss something like this? Sure, he had won lots of awards and probably been to way too many of these types of ceremonies, but Peter had thought he would make something of an effort at least. Why bother bringing him here otherwise? Perhaps he had been delusional to think that Mr Stark would try to cater to him in anyway. Maybe this had been the plan all along and Peter had been childish to think otherwise. Tony probably had more important things to do than hang around collecting up awards just so that Peter could watch and feel proud of him.
“He’s… not feeling well. Went out for some air.” That was a lie and Peter could tell, but he bolted for the balcony doors immediately anyway. Maybe he had at least told the truth about where Tony was, even if the excuse was blatantly false. He could hear Happy calling out for him to stop. Peter wasn’t in a listening mood right now.
And while the kid’s inability to adhere to instructions may have been the bane of Happy’s life at one point in time, he couldn’t deny the part of himself that hoped Peter wouldn’t listen this time. It shouldn’t have been up to Peter to solve this, but they were trying everything they could.
Sure enough, as Peter shoved open the heavy wooden doors Mr Stark was there with his back to him, stood admiring the stars. Peter was ready to explode with a betrayed kind of rage. That was until Tony turned and their eyes met. Mr Stark’s were puffy and red and the moment that Peter noticed that, all of the anger in him dissipated into absolutely nothing; he didn’t know what to say anymore, so he said nothing at all. With some caution that even he couldn’t quite understand the purpose of, Peter approached the edge of the balcony and stood beside Tony without meeting his eyes again. The man had turned to face the sky once more and he didn’t seem like he had any plans of looking back. They stood in the cold for only a moment longer before Tony’s busy mind couldn’t take the silence anymore.
“Pete,” he sniffed. “How’s it going in there?”
Tony was slurring his words again but Peter tried to make out like he hadn’t noticed.
“It’s good,” Peter nodded.
“Did you like the video? Take number three. Finally got it right.”
There was a disappointed and poignant pause then, where Peter pouted and Mr Stark finally looked at him, concern in his eyes. Tony had grown accustomed to feeling like a failure as of late, but something about leaving even Peter disappointed made his chest ache. “Yeah. It was good.” When the kid didn’t add anything else to his half-assed lie, Tony looked away again. “Why are you out here all by yourself?” Peter finally built up the courage to ask.
Tony let that question hang in the air between them for a moment before he laughed at the sheer gravity of it; Peter had asked it like it was nothing. Like the answer wasn’t crushing Tony, and as though it wouldn’t hurt Peter even more to hear the truth of it. “Just—admiring the night.” He settled on. Peter didn’t seem impressed by that, so Tony felt a compelling need to go on. “Besides, I couldn’t deal with so many me’s everywhere. I swear those eyes follow you around the room.” Peter’s soft and contained laughter brought Tony his first genuine smile of the night. “I can be incredibly judgemental in photographic form.”
That was the fullest sentence Mr Stark had said all night. It made it easier for Peter to remember he was stood beside the man he had admired his whole life and not some random drunk dude with not much of anything to say for himself. It had always been a fulfilling experience to listen to Tony talk. Peter was grateful to be probably the only person here to get that tonight.
“I think that Pepper’s gonna be mad at you,” he said in thought, glancing over to Tony and sliding along the railing to playfully nudge him. It threw Tony way further off balance than it should have done and Peter practically had to catch him before he fell. Both of them laughed, but Tony felt no humour in it at all. Here he was, relying on the kid he was supposed to be mentoring to stop him from falling on his ass like a loser. Tonight was supposed to be his night.
Peter’s, not Tony’s.
“I think that you’re probably right, kid.”
---
The car ride home was undeniably uncomfortable. Peter was sat in between Tony and Pepper, the absolute last place that he wanted to be right now but he had been pretty much ushered into this position and used as a wedge between the couple while they refused to even look at each other. Happy kept on sparing him sympathetic glances in the rear-view mirror. Peter only willed him to drive faster and get him out of here before somebody lit a match and started a fire with the aggressive atmosphere between them.
Unfortunately, it seemed he wasn’t getting out of all of this that easily.
“Are we not even gonna talk?” Tony said, and Peter found himself desperately scouring the streets outside, searching for an area that he recognised, a road sign to tell him they were close but ultimately coming up short. Pepper sighed, finally averting her irritated gaze from the window. She faced Tony across Peter, and in this moment he thought he would rather be anywhere else in the world but the middle seat of this car.
“What would you like me to say, Tony?” Pepper sounded exasperated and Peter couldn’t blame her. “I’ve already said everything I could possibly say and nothing’s changed.”
“Well, you haven’t said everything,” Tony grumbled. “’Congratulations’ would have been nice.”
“Congratulations for what?” Pepper’s voice was colder now. “Bailing on another award ceremony? Leaving me to clean up your mess for you, without saying a single word about it, again?”
Things were heating up and Peter hardly knew whose side he was on here. Of course he had no intentions of getting involved or adding anything to the discussion at all. Quite the opposite, in fact. Peter did everything that he could to make himself as small as possible, trying to disappear and allow the two of them to battle it out as though he wasn’t even here at all.
When Tony didn’t answer, Pepper went on. “You told me it wouldn’t happen tonight, not in front of Peter, and I believed you. I only want to help you.” Her voice went soft then, and she looked away from Tony; Peter wondered if that was out of choice or need. “I just don’t know that I can anymore.”
Tony seemed particularly riled at the mentioning of Peter. If either of them even remembered that the topic of their conversation was sat right between them, they didn’t make it obvious. “You’re being ridiculous.” He insisted. Pepper looked at him with such incredulity that Peter could barely stand it. “You made me make that video and I thought it would be an awful shame for it to go to waste.”
Pepper actually laughed out loud at that excuse. “You’re in denial.”
“You made me make that video,” Tony repeated again. “Like you wanted something to go wrong. It’s great for you, right? Because then everything can be my fault.” This was getting way too personal for comfort and Peter felt like he was underwater, holding his breath and praying he could last long enough for all of this to be over.
“Tony, you’re embarrassing yourself-“ Pepper had started to say, but she was cut off by an abrupt outburst from Tony.
“Who’s embarrassed!?”
The car came to a stop outside of Peter’s apartment block then. Pepper and Tony were both staring right at him, but he couldn’t bear to look at either one of them. His head was bowed and he sat there for a moment longer, stuck between them with nothing to say.
“Goodnight Mr Stark… Miss Potts…” he mumbled, turning to Tony’s side and waiting for him to get out, which he did after an uncomfortably long pause.
“Goodnight Peter,” Pepper’s voice was deeply apologetic.
He spent a moment too long standing outside of the car with Tony, to the point where it was obvious that Peter was waiting for him to say something, and even more obvious that Mr Stark had no idea what it was. In the end, he clapped Peter affectionately on the shoulder and nodded to him. “You did great tonight, kid.”
Peter fiddled with the bottom of his tie and didn’t meet Tony’s eyes. “Thanks, Mr Stark.”
The car didn’t leave until Peter was inside, making his way up the stairs and not knowing what to make of anything that had happened that night.