dangerous?
When they arrived at the tower Pepper and Tony walked him to his room. It was on the same floor as Steve. They showed him where the common areas were and the gym as well as the med bay and a few other places. It was still clear that there was tension with Tony. Pepper tried her best but there was only so much she could do. They agreed to have dinner with everyone since it was his first night in the tower. Dinner could have gone a bit better. Everyone seemed too nervous around him. Their questions were careful and almost patronizing. Morgan was quiet around him. She seemed afraid of his arm. That had to be it. She was afraid of him.
Things broke up and he headed back to his room. He couldn’t fall asleep despite how tired he was. Everything felt wrong. The bed, the walls, all of it. He went out to the common room and got a cup of coffee. He’s not sure when he fell asleep but he woke up to Morgan on his lap examining his arm. He was about to move when he saw the plate at his wrist completely removed. He stared at her unsure if he should panic. She smiled. “I wanted to fix the squeaking.” She whispered. “You should have asked me” he whispered back. She shrugged. “You would have said no. I thought you would have stayed asleep longer.” She got the plate back in place gently attaching it. “What powers it?” She was absolutely Starks. “The battery is powered by kinetic energy.” She looked at him and moved his arm up and down a little.
The lights suddenly flicked on and Tony was standing in the doorway. “What are you doing Morgan?” He saw the tools on the floor. “Were you seriously letting her play with your arm? Are you insane? What if she had activated something and got hurt?” He was trying to stop Tony in order to get a word in edgewise. “I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to her doing it. All she did was fix a single gear that's it.” She held the piece up. It was a rusted out gear. “I fixed the squeaking daddy.” He plucked her up. “His arm is not a toy it is dangerous you can’t just go taking it apart.” He quickly took her back to her room leaving Bucky alone. He was right. No matter what he did, part of him would always be dangerous.
At breakfast Steve made plans for them to spar together before his appointment with the therapist. He was pulling punches as they fought and Steve knew it. He finally escalated things and socked him in the jaw. Bucky reeled back from him "what in the flying fuck was that for?" He roared as he hurled his fist toward Steve
"You're the one pullin' punches ya jerk. Talk to me what's going on?" He sat down on the mat with his head in his hands. "I shouldn't be here." Steve sat next to him. "You are exactly where you need to be and where i want you to be." He shook his head. "I'm dangerous and there's a kid in the building and if I hurt her I won't be able to forgive myself." Steve was so confused. "Why would you harm Morgan?" He looked up at him and quickly glanced at his arm. "I'm always going to be dangerous" he quietly whispered. He couldn't bear to tell Steve what happened knowing that Steve would tear the world apart for him. He got up and went to his room leaving Steve confused and worried.
When it came time for his therapy appointment he was surprised when she came to him. Steve entered the room with her. "Buck this is Dr. Fitz. She's your therapist. I'm gonna leave you two. I'm across the hall if you need me just ask Friday to send me over." He left them standing in the apartment alone. "Friday please enact privacy mode while I’m here with James."
"Sure thing Dr. Fitz there will be no recording per dr. Patient confidentiality." She nodded. "Let's get started. Sam provided me some excellent notes to start and Steve has also provided information. We'll start simple how are you doing right now?" He took a seat at the table.
"I'm not sure I should be here. Stark doesn't want me here. He wants Steve here so he tolerates me but given half a chance he would put me out on the streets." She was listening to him as she went through her notes. "Sam mentioned you struggle with your worth. I think you have shown great progress in the last few weeks. If you were a danger to anyone Im certain Pepper would not have helped Steve fight so hard for you. Tony will be uneasy for a while. He's a hard one to crack but give him space he'll turn around. Now what were you doing before I got here today?”
He went through his routine with her. She stopped him after he got to the gym.
“Nowhere in that routine did you shower. Part of self care is hygiene.” He looked back towards the bathroom and sighed his cheeks turning red. “I don’t know how to operate the shower. I’m used to knobs not buttons. The settings I know are hot and cold. Here you come look at this bullshit thing Stark calls a bathtub.” He led her to the bathroom. On the wall was a panel full of buttons and settings. Even for her it was quite overwhelming. “Did you ask for help?” He sat down on the side. “I didn’t have the spoons and I felt stupid for having to ask how to take a shower in the technology indiced hell hole.”
It was becoming clear how overwhelming this adjustment was. He bounced from hydra to living on the run to wakanda and then here. She was aware he was living on a farm in Wakanda so he was used to simple accommodations. “Everythings moving a bit fast here isn’t it?” He let out a groan. “You have no idea. I spent 70 years having every decision made for me then I got to make my own and that went horribly wrong and then the thing with Steve and Stark and siberia… I just don't want to disappoint anyone.” She was still taking notes even there in the bathroom. “Well let's see if we can figure out this thing together. Mind if I try something?”
He stood up gesturing to the room. “Be my guest.” She looked at the panel. “Friday, how do you operate this thing?” Friday was launched into a long explanation of functions and features. “Ok Friday hold it. Is there anywhere in this building that has a normal bathtub?” Friday scanned the building. “Both Clint and Natasha have standard showers in their unit’s” She made a note. “Ok my session is just about done. What I would like for you to do is go to either Natasha or Clint and ask them if you may use their shower. Explain the problem with the technological monster here. I want you to keep a log of all nightmares you have and any other things that cause anxiety. I also want you to keep note of good things. If you make a new friend or have a good conversation even if it's something small that makes you smile. We are going to get you adjusted. I will see you next monday.” She gave him the list of “homework” and left.
He saw Clint head for the shooting range. He grabbed a rifle from the shelf and followed. “You mind?” Clint looked over. “Nah. Surprised, Stark showed you where the shooting range was.” He set up next to him. “He didn’t. He barely let me bring my gun here.” Clint stopped a moment but continued to fire at the target. “Ah gotcha. Well I don’t like Starks rules either. He’s a bit of a nanny goat when he wants to be.” He laughed as he loaded his gun. “He and Steve were meant for each other.”As he focused on his targets he was caught off guard by one of Clint’s arrows hitting his target. “You missed.” Clint smirked at him “Oh no I NEVER miss.” So he was challenging him.
“You sure you want to do that? I got well over 70 years of sniper experience on you.” Clint pulled a leaver on the wall and the targets were reset this time they were moving.” I think I have a pretty good shot old man.” Something about Clint felt comfortable. They fired at the targets until they both emptied their amo. He beat Clint by one target. It wasn’t that Clint had even missed he was just able to shoot his arrow out of the way and still hit the mark. “Damn” clint whistled as he looked at Bucky’s shots. “You are even better than Nat said. How about you come up for a drink?” He finished cleaning the rifle and smirked. “I’m not that easy of a date.”
Clint laughed. “Well either way I’m gonna have a beer so you in or not?” He placed the gun back in the case and followed him to the elevator. “So how many kids?” Clint looked at him. “Three how did you know?” He laughed “Steve mentioned you had a family but didn’t go past that. Figure you had to have kids in there somewhere.” They stepped out on his floor. The apartment was nice and simple, small. “Nice to see not everything in this building is loud.” Clint laughed. “It was a fuss to get it this way. I live in a farmhouse when I’m not here. I don’t need to feel like I’m on the enterprise when I’m living somewhere.” They sat and talked a bit about Stark’s horrible floor plans. “Can I ask you something weird?” He chuckled. “Ask away I don’t think anything you could ask is weird.”
“It’s just ...Can I use your shower? I don’t know how to operate the one in my apartment.” Clint smiled. “That’s it? Yea sure. I bet he gave you one of the super fancy ones like Steve and the others have huh?” He nodded “Yea. It’s a bit overwhelming.” He nodded. “Yea Stark can’t understand anyone not wanting to live the life he does. He means well but I like a shower and a tub with knobs.” He leaned back and hummed. “This is a lot like Sam’s place. Simple and comfortable. No pressure.”
“Sounds like No one considered what you needed before setting you up here. If you need to get away from it all, you are free to hang here anytime even if I’m not around.” The door opened behind them and Nat came in “Oh you busy?” He shrugged, “I always have time for you. Barnes and I were just commenting on Starks' technological horror of a bathtub.” She rolled her eyes and sat down. “Oh god you have one of those things? Who thought that was a good idea?” He shrugged. “No clue but I hate it. Stark already has issues with me so I would rather not bring it up.” She kicked her shoes off and placed her feet across his lap while she leaned against Clint. “The man needs to learn how to tone it down a few notches.” Bucky laughed. “He’s a stark he can’t.”
Bucky wasn’t sure why but before he stopped himself his hand was on Nat’s foot. He quickly pulled it away and blushed. “You remember that?” He looked at her confused. “The red room. I sprained my foot on a job. You used to do that when we would sit together after training.” Clint looked over “Dude she let you touch her feet? She doesn’t even let me touch her feet and I was there when she broke her foot.” He closed his eyes and tried to remember. “Sorry Natasha. I can’t really remember it except clearly some of me does. Was I good to you? I remember bits and pieces.” She smiled. “You were a great teacher. You never handled discipline if that's what you are asking.” He shuddered at the thought. They were all children in the Red Room. He looked over at Clint. “Mind if I use that shower now? I really should have taken care of that sooner.” He nodded.
Once he was in the other room Nat turned on the couch to face Clint. “He’s gonna need our help. Stark’s gonna eat him alive if he sees how unsure he is of his tech.” Clint crossed his arms. “He’s such an ass sometimes.”
“I believe he prefers the term futurist” Friday piped in. “Friday are you being snarky with us?” The AI was silent for a moment. “Yes. Tony can be quite irritating, even I grow tired of him at times.”