In Another Universe

A month passed and I thought I couldn’t be worse than I already am. Look what I’ve become. I’m throwing up a lot lately, I feel dizzy a lot. I guess my health is failing me as well. I don’t even care now, but then I have to tell myself I should stay strong. If not, I’ll miss the chance of getting another chance to undo the snap. Yes, I’m still hoping.

Each day passes and my body slowly changes.

Few more weeks and I knew I’m pregnant. I know the thing that kept me from bearing will eventually wear off but I didn't expect it to anytime soon. I don’t know what to feel.

Should I be happy, Steve left me this life. Sad because Steve is not here to raise his child, which I know he would’ve loved to.

‘Promise me you’ll live a life.’

I don’t want to without you in it. That’s what I thought but now I have to, for this life you gave me.

Two months. It’s a boy. You’re going to have a son, Steve. You will raise your son.

Four months. In the past month I kept thinking what would you want to name your son. I came up with few, in case you don’t come back in time.

James. James Rogers.

It could be after Bucky for you or could be after Rhodey for me. It’s a win for both of us.

Few more days.

You’re a father now Steve. Come back, we need you.

____

A little over four years. It’s 2023. You’re still not here. Each day I kept holding on to the tiny hope of getting you back, all of you.

I remember how Sam once counseled me about moving forward and to live a life, though I know he himself is struggling to get back to his normal one. He, by the way continues to do his counseling and been a great help to me, visiting me as often as he can, and being a really good uncle to James. His words rings in my ears again, and yours followed.

You've always been telling me this when we were on the run. And now, I'm imagining you here telling me those exact words again.

‘We should get a life.’

I couldn't get answer to that until now, Steve.

‘You first.’

You first, because you didn’t get to have yours for five years now. A tear fell from my eye.

“Mommy.”

I thought I could live a life, but the damage is too big. For James, I tried to hide the pain, the devastation. With James, I momentarily forget all of those, and I’m happy for a short moment til I get reminded of how his eyes are a complete copy of yours. Still I smile for him, I tell him stories of how his father is.

I wiped my tear away, smiling for my son in front of me.

“You miss daddy.”

“Always, James.”

“Can’t we get him back yet?”

“Soon, baby. I’ll make it happen.”

I'm not sure if I'm doing this right, am I giving him false hope? Is it false hope when I myself can't stop from hoping? Tell me Steve.

His short arms are now holding me close to him. I wish you could experience everything I did with James, it’s the only thing that kept me sane from everything.

Like a cue a man I once saw from long time ago came to the compound. How? He's supposed to be among those we lost. Did he came back all of a sudden. If so, from where. Is he alone? Is everyone there from where he came back from? So many questions, I feel like I'm about to have a panic attack. I don't know, I'm excited yet I'm scared. I felt hopeful yet fearful.

"Mom, let's let him in. I think he needs help."

"Yeah, of course."

I'm facing him, hearing him out. I guess this is how desperate I am. Soon as I heard his story I was even more hopeful. I'm a little more hopeful, yet I still worry for failure.

Together with Sam and Scott, we went to Tony. We had to, there's only him left who could make this work... or at least closest to successfully make this work.

His at his cabin, with his family. With his daughter. I know this is something hard to ask from him.

"I got my second chance right here, Sam."

Tony didn't want to take part of this, and I don't blame him. He got the life he deserves, he's not gonna risk it. But here I am, still hoping that that side of Tony is still there. The man who's restless, trying to save lives. I didn't want him to be that, being restless and all but this is the time I need that side of Tony the most. As selfish as it is, and once again I am sorry for being so, I just really want everyone of my family back.

"What we gonna do? We gonna stop?"

"No. We gonna need a really big brain."

"Bigger than his?"

We met Bruce and I'm glad he found peace with the big guy. He isn't confident of this, it isn't his area of expertise but he's willing to help with everything he could. And with that I'm very thankful and excited... and worried.

After we built the machine, Scott volunteers to do the test. It was a fail. I know the probability of it working is thin,  but I can't give up. I haven't for five years without anything, how much more this time when I have this... this time machine thing? I just have to try to look much harder.

I went out for a bit. To think. Where did we go wrong? How far are we from doing it right? Before I went deep with my thoughts a familiar sound resonated in the empty space of the compound. I squinted my eyes to see what's coming, far from where I stand I could already tell what car it is and who's driving.

Tony. This has to be something good, or else he wouldn't be here at this exact moment. My heart is lifted from what's weighing it. I know Tony, and I know why he's here. And I'm already thankful.

He lowers down the window, and we shared subtle smiles. Then he starts...

"Let me guess, he turned into a baby."

"Among other things, yeah."

"Well I fixed it."

He shows a what seems to be a watch, as he continues.

"Fully functioning time space gps."

"Thanks, Tony."

"I got to tell you my priorities. Bring back what we lost, I hope, yes. Keep what I found, I have too, at all cost. And maybe,"

"not die trying, would be nice."

We said the last sentence in rhyme. I found myself praying again, please make this work without having to loose anyone again.

"Deal."

Tony moved over at the back of his car, opening the hood behind revealing, Steve's shield.

"Tony."

"What? He made it for him and I believe the owner of this thing will be here soon enough. Plus, honestly I had to get it out of the garage before Morgan takes it sledding."

"Thank you."

"Can we keep that a little quiet? Didn't bring one for the whole team."

____

Few days later, we got location on Clint and soon as I saw him it broke me. He's at his worse.

"You shouldn't be here."

"Neither should you."

"I got a job to do."

"Is that what your calling this? Killing all these people isn't gonna bring your family back."

I walk over to him. I just wanna hold him and let him feel his not alone. That I'm here for him, I'm still here.

"We found something. A chance, maybe."

"Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't give me hope."

"I'm sorry I couldn't give it to you sooner."

____

We managed to get only one set of particle for each person and two test tries.

One.

Clint volunteers.

Few seconds later, Clint came back. I felt relieved, I was afraid I'd lost him too.

"It worked!"

And I thought I'll never feel any more relieved. It worked! It did. I felt a huge weight released from my body. It works and I will get everyone back. A tear fell from my eye, a tear of joy, excitement, hope.

Hang in there you guys.

Hang in there, Steve.

I'll see you soon. I will all see you soon.