Peter takes a sip of his coffee, before grimacing and putting it down. When he catches MJ eyeing him, he plasters on a smile.
“You don’t have to drink it if you don’t want too,” she says, running a finger along the rim of her mug.
Peter shakes his head, swallowing thickly. “No, I like it.”
Her face is blank as she says, “You’ve always been the worst liar.”
Peter snorts, “And you’ve always been brutally honest.”
MJ hums, taking a sip of her coffee, and then adding more sugar. No matter how many times they come to Malone’s, no matter how many times they get coffee and cinnamon twists; Peter will always feel baffled by the amount of sugar MJ puts in her coffee.
It was something so simple. Something so stupid to be astonished by every time. But it was also something so uncharacteristic for Michelle Jones. Empty pink sugar packets litter the table in front of her, and Peter knows from experience that when she finishes her cup, she will make tiny origami out of the paper packets.
“What are you going to make this time?” Peter asks, raising the cup to his lips. He doesn't drink, he just makes it look like he is to satisfy his friend.
“Learning how to make giraffes,” MJ says, immediately picking up on what Peter is asking. “But I know you like frogs and spiders.”
Peter shrugs. “What can I say? They're anatomically interesting.”
“I think it’s a little biased.”
“Sure, that too.”
At that moment, their waitress steps up to their booth. She smiles her familiar smile and flips open her small notebook, although Peter knows she won’t need to write their orders.
“Good afternoon,” Jenny says, her tone light. Over the years, the way she talks to Peter and MJ has become more of banter, and less of a formality. “How was school today?”
“Good,” Peter says, happily returning the grin. “Kicked my chem test’s butt.”
“Average,” MJ says, offering her own response. “Spent another day trying to dismantle the patriarchy.”
Jenny chuckles. She tucks her notebook in her apron and pushes a piece of dark hair behind her ear. “What a life you two lead. Sometimes I wonder how you’re even friends.”
“You’re not the first,” MJ mutters.
“No Ned?” Jenny asks.
“His family’s in Barbados,” Peter answers, “They’ll be back on Tuesday.”
“I’ll be happy to see him,” Jenny bounces momentarily on her toes. “So, the regular? Or is MJ vegan again this week?”
“Nope,” MJ says dryly. “I was a few days ago, but the promise of cinnamon sugar twists has turned me. Two please.”
Jenny gives her a famous side smile. “Dave started a fresh batch as soon as you two walked in. I’ll be back in a jiff.” She winks and saunters away, slipping behind the counter and into the kitchen.
Peter deflates as soon as the woman is out of view. He liked Jenny a lot, but even after knowing her for two years, he still didn’t feel like she would be the right person to unload all of his emotional baggage onto. So when they spoke, he always tried to look his happiest.
Sometimes he wondered if she could see right through his bullshit just like MJ could.
He watches her now. She takes another sip of her coffee. It must have enough sugar now because she doesn't add any more.
“It’s weird,” MJ says, looking around the half-full diner.
“What is?”
“How normal everything still seems to be.”
Peter stills, his eyebrows scrunching closer together in confusion. “What are you talking about, MJ.”
She turns her head so now she was looking out onto the bustling New York street. To Peter, the world looked the same as always. A part of him wondered how the city felt when half of it was erased. How quiet did it become?
On the window beside them was the diner’s sign stuck up onto the glass. In red cursive, it read, “Malone’s: food done right”.
“Over seven billion people on Earth, Peter,” MJ says softly, “and suddenly half of them were gone-- you and I included. And then, poof. We’re back, and life goes back to before. Like nothing ever happened.”
“MJ,” Peter starts, running his finger around his mug’s rim again.
“You gotta think about it,” MJ doesn't let him finish. “Even here. Even at Malone’s, a place we have been coming too since the beginning of high school. Don’t you notice that the decor has changed? The walls are cream instead of pink? But still… people go through their day like they didn’t just miss five years of their lives.”
MJ sits back, staring across the table and waiting for Peter to respond. She sighs heavily. Peter lets what she said sit in the air for a minute, before responding with what he was told when he brought up her exact argument after the snap.
“MJ… some people just can’t afford to think about it.”
“Peter--”
“I’m right, though. This might be what you want to dwell on, but not everyone has the time. Not everyone has the emotional willpower. If we all just sat down and thought -- sat down and grieved -- no one would be able to move on.”
MJ bites the inside of her cheek. For once, she doesn't have a response.
Of course, that is the exact moment Jenny glides up to their table. “Two cinnamon twists, extra sugary for the lady.”
The doughnuts are placed down in front of them, each on their own diner quality, porcelain plates. MJ nods in acknowledgment. Peter actually thanks Jenny as the waitress tops off MJ’s mug. Peter happily declines a second helping of coffee.
He instantly rips his doughnut in half as soon as they are alone. “But I guess we’re really avoiding the obvious here.”
MJ picks at her pastry. When she pulls her fingers away, they are coated in a thin layer of shiny seasoning. She diverts her eyes.
“How have you been?” Peter asked, his voice stiff. MJ usually was the one leading these questions.
The tiniest flicker of a smile gleams over her lips. “Didn’t expect you to be so blunt, Peter. Especially following a statement like before.”
“Somebody has to be.”
MJ sighs, “You know how I’ve been.”
“I don’t. That’s why I asked. The snap--”
“Why don’t you just talk to Ned about this? Or May? Or… or--”
“I already have, but it’s obvious that no one has talked to you.” Peter stares at her until she looks up at him. Her eyes sparkle with an emotion he didn’t know she could possess. “Just tell me, MJ. I know you trust me.”
She takes a moment. He waits.
When she finally spoke, her voice was thick. “It’s just been hard. But, I guess it’s been hard for the rest of the world. My mom and dad… I--” Tears gather in her eyes. “I just never thought they would end up like this. It’s definitely not like they ever expected this to be the thing to drive them apart when they first met.”
MJ sniffs, and she quickly wipes away a tear that escapes. She crosses her arms over her chest protectively.
Peter doesn't hide his sorrow for her. He knows what happened after MJ and her mom snapped. Her dad was left behind in the dust. For Lord’s sake, he was holding onto his wife’s hand as she melted away into thin air.
So, after a year and a half has passed and there was no sign of him getting his family back, he did what anyone else would try to do. He moved on.
He found a woman who had also lost her partner, except she had a child who needed a second parent. In his words, he was reminded of his daughter and took to this new pair. He had found some purpose once more.
But when those five years ended. When that gauntlet had snapped its fingers. When everyone had come back to the land of the living; MJ had a terrible reality to face. Her father had fallen in love with someone new and he had a new family.
Five years felt like a blink to her, and yet, her entire world was ripped from its hinges.
“The divorce was finalized last week,” MJ whispers, trying to hold back tears. “But I don’t think Mom is anywhere close to accepting it.”
“How’s your dad?”
“Happy… he, he seems happy.”
Two tears run down her face and she swats at them angrily. Her eyebrows narrow and her eyes darken.
“MJ,” Peter says, reaching out a hand across the table.
“You know what, I’m done,” she says in a huff. “We shouldn’t have talked about this. Especially not here.” MJ stands and looks to Peter before saying, “Don’t text me later, and never try to play therapist with me again.”
She’s gone before Peter can say anything more, leaving him with both doughnuts and the bill.
----
It’s 2:47 a.m., Peter is doing English homework, and MJ is calling.
He allows it to keep ringing as to not look desperate to talk. May was pulling a graveyard shift, so he didn’t have to worry about waking her. It was on the fifth chime that Peter actually picked up.
“Hello?” He says, leaning back in his chair. His cursor on his laptop blinks back at him in some strange, needy way.
“Parker. Didn’t think you were going to answer.”
“I was sleeping,” Peter lies, and then adds a yawn for extra effect. “It’s after midnight.”
MJ sighs, “Oh, right. Sorry.”
Peter’s eyebrows narrow. She most likely didn’t believe him, as she knew how much of a nighthawk he was, so it weird when she didn’t call him out on his bullshit.
“You okay?” He asks, pushing down the screen of his laptop.
MJ suddenly sniffs on the other end, and Peter’s breath hitches slightly.
“Yeah, I’m good,” she finally says, “but… can we talk?”
“Sure,” Peter says maybe a little too quickly.
“Not on here, though,” MJ’s voice is small. Peter can tell she’s holding back tears. “Can- can I come over?”
Peter pushes away from his desk. “Yeah. May’s not here. Do you want me to meet you at your building?”
“Actually, can you just buzz me in? I’m at your front door.”
Peter is out of his room in a second, racing down the hallway and to the entrance hall. Beside the apartment’s front door is a small, white box, and he pushes a button after hanging up abruptly.
“Come on in, MJ,” Peter says into the box’s speaker. He can hear her laugh faintly through the grainy system.
Five minutes later, she was standing in his apartment. Here in person, he can definitely see that she has been crying. Her eyes are shiny, and tears have dried to her cheeks. MJ wrings her hands nervously as they stand in silence.
He can tell that she’s searching for something to say, so he helps, despite not having anything to talk about himself.
“Here,” Peter says, walking into the kitchen. MJ follows. “I saved this for you.”
He pulls a plate from the fridge and places it down on the table. On it was MJ’s abandoned cinnamon twist. Her eyes light up briefly.
“Peter,” she says, but he cuts her off.
“Just sit. You kinda look like you’re gonna fall over.”
She made a face at his statement but sits anyway. Her fingers immediately start pulling apart the doughnut. Peter pours her a glass of water before sitting down himself.
“Thank you,” she says, her mouth full.
Peter smiles, a small laugh slipping past his lips. “You know, I think this is the most sincere I’ve ever seen you be.”
“It’s hard to be constantly sarcastic, Parker. Your state of mind looked easy. Thought I’d give it a try.”
“And we’re back.”
MJ’s face softens and she pauses. “I’m sorry,” her voice is a whisper.
“No, no,” Peter’s eyes fall on the table. “It’s fine… do you wanna tell me why you originally called?”
MJ swallows, her plate now empty. “I couldn’t be at home.”
“Does your mom know you’re gone?”
“She’s at work,” MJ’s face falls. “She hasn’t been coming home a lot lately.”
“I guess she doesn't like the new apartment.”
“Something else we have in common,” her eyes look to the plate, then to Peter’s hands. “Look, I’m sorry for snapping earlier. It’s just… I guess I wasn’t expecting the mood to get so heavy.”
Peter shakes his head, “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have tried to be your therapist--”
“Peter, it’s okay. Really. Honestly, I probably should be seeing a therapist anyway. Dad has been trying to force me, but I’ve been resisting.”
That’s when her breath hitches, and before Peter can even process what is happening, MJ is crying. Her chest heaves with sobs she fails at hiding, and a shaking hand comes up to cover her mouth.
“Hey… hey, MJ,” Peter reaches across the narrow table and takes her spare hand in his. She only resists the touch for a second before letting him keep his grip.
“I’m sorry,” she sobs, “my- my Dad told me… earlier, he told me that him and his wife are having a baby. I just can’t help but feel like I’m being- being replaced.”
Peter didn’t have an answer to that. But as if MJ knew he didn’t know what to say, she speaks in his place.
“When- when I was a kid, I used to think that my parents were the only thing that mattered,” MJ’s thumb runs along the side of Peter’s hand. “They were always there for me when I needed them. There to push me when I was stuck; hold me when I was sad; laugh with me when I was happy… but now… but now…”
MJ’s free hand covers her mouth as her breath hitches, and Peter tightened his embrace. He waited for her to continue, but her eyes shut forcefully as tears spill down her cheeks.
With a sigh MJ probably couldn’t hear, he begins, “I know you probably don’t believe me, but I understand how you feel. All my life, no matter who left, I had someone to fill their place. First May and Ben taking over after my parents… then Tony after Ben… but with the snap…” Peter pauses, feeling his own eyes burn. MJ’s sobs have only quieted slightly as she listens to him. “I came back alone and felt as though I had no one to be by my side. Everyone was just so lost in their own problems, they weren't able to be with me.”
Peter shakes his head slowly. He chuckles, yet there is no humor in it. “I realize now how selfish that sounds. But it was true. I get what you mean. Loneliness is unnerving, especially when it creeps up on you for the first time out of nowhere.”
MJ pulls her hand away from her mouth, wiping under her eyes before placing it over Peter’s hand still holding her opposite.
Peter looks up, his gaze meeting hers and his heart-melting. “May had met Happy; Tony had gotten married and had a daughter. I felt replaced. I was heartbroken; but since then, I realized that everyone had just had to find a way to move on. Five years is a long time… I couldn’t have expected them to spend that time grieving and waiting, no matter how much I would have liked things to stay as they are.”
MJ sniffs, and finally says, “I get what you’re telling me.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. I know I have been harsh on my parents. This is just as difficult for them as it is for me. I should give them a break. Probably talk things out.”
Peter’s lips turn up slightly. “You have kept them in the dark for a while.”
MJ laughs, but it feels like it’s meant for her and not him. She pulls her hands out of his, runs her fingers over her face, and sits up a little taller. “Ugh, Jeeze, Parker. All of that was poetic as shit. How long have you kept your secret therapy skills under wraps?”
Peter smirked, “I thought you didn’t want me to be your therapist.”
“Yeah, well, never trust angry MJ. She only says bullshit.”
Peter laughs so loudly his shoulders shake. MJ smiles.
“No, but seriously,” she says, tucking her bangs behind her ear. “We should put being a therapist on your list of future careers.”
Peter just stands, his chair legs squeaking against the floor. “I feel like you’re gonna be here a while. Coffee?”
MJ looks at him incredulously. “Who is this person who has taken over Peter’s body. Parker hates coffee.”
Peter shrugs. “I think I’m coming around.”
MJ gets up and walks over to the cupboard where May keeps the mugs. “How about cocoa? That’s something we can both agree on.”
Peter picks up the kettle and smiles. “You got yourself a deal.”
----
When Peter knows that MJ is sleeping soundly, he carefully gets up from the couch and tiptoes to the bathroom. He only starts dialing when the door has been closed behind him.
It takes a minute, but when the recipient of his call finally answers, Peter melts.
“Hey, Pete, for what do I owe the honor of this late-night call?”
“Tony,” Peter says, and his relief seeps out of his words like water in a sponge.
“What’s up, Bud?” Tony asks once more, his voice softer this time.
“I didn’t wake you, did I?”
“Oh no, I was actually just about to head to bed. I guess I just knew that my spider-baby was gonna call,” Tony chuckles, “call it fatherly-instinct.”
“I just wanted to hear your voice,” Peter says, sitting down on the lip of the tub.
“Everything okay?”
Peter laughs, but it’s thick with tears, and the backs of his eyes burn. “Yeah, yeah. Everything is fine. Today was just… kinda a lot.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Peter shakes his head despite it just being him in the room. “Nah, too much to unpack right now. Too tired for that.”
He can hear the smile in Tony’s voice. “Okay, how about tomorrow? Lab day?”
“That would be perfect.”
“Good, well if that’s all you needed, then--”
“Wait, Tony, I…” Peter sighs, thinking his next words over carefully. “This may sound stupid, but… did you ever stop missing me when I was gone?”
Even though Tony didn’t gasp, Peter could tell he was surprised by the question.
“Peter… no. Never. I never stopped missing you. From the day you left to the day you came back. Even right now, I miss you. And I know that sounds silly because I’m talking to you, but I still need my Peter-hugs.”
Peter hums, his fingers finding the hem of his sweater and start picking absentmindedly.
“I don’t want you to think that I did what I did for any reason other than you, Bud. I did it because I missed you so much it was unbearable. I’m shocked I made it five years without you.”
Tears rolled down Peter’s face, and he sniffs, wiping the underside of his nose with his wrist.
“There are four people I love more than life, Pete,” Tony says, his voice breaking slightly. Peter can hear him sniffle. “And when one of those four is ripped from my arms, I’m not going to stop fighting until I get them back. Peter, I never want you to feel like you were not missed, okay? I love you more than anything.”
Peter nods once more, “Yeah, of course.”
“We’ll talk more tomorrow.”
“Definitely,” Peter has to stop his breath from hitching. “That would be perfect.”
“It’s good to hear your voice, Peter.”
“It’s better to hear yours.”
Tony laughs lightly, “Love you, Buddy.”
“Love you, too. Sleep well.”
Peter hung up with a smile. When he finally does leave the bathroom, MJ is still asleep, and when Peter slides back into his spot on the couch, her arms wrap around him. Peter freezes for a second, but then melts into her embrace when she doesn't let go.
“Goodnight,” she mumbled, obviously still deep asleep.
Peter holds her close. “Night, MJ.”