Shame

"Peter!" Aunt May is overcome with joy the instant he walks into the apartment. She laughs and smiles and pulls him into a bone crushing hug as she declares with a volume that shows no concern for their neighbors, "I got the job! Peter, I did it! Get dressed! You and me! We're totally going out to celebrate tonight!" 

"Aunt May, that's great!" Peter says, hugging her back. Thank heavens. Something inside him is finally able to relax again - well,  for now. He wishes he didn't have such little confidence in her, because he knows how great his aunt is and how hard she works, but she doesn't exactly have the best track record when it comes to keeping a job. Peter, of course, does not blame her for that. How could he after what she went through? Plus, Aunt May never went to college and doesn't have any real qualifications for almost all the jobs she's ever had. She's had a CNA certificate, and used to do a couple shifts down by the hospital, but that's a job she can no longer bring herself to do. Not anymore. And again, Peter doesn't blame her. She's tries her best still, working now wherever else she can.

"Dinner?" He asks.

"Yeap," she beams," how does Le Noir Chaise sound?"

Like some place Peter's never heard of. 

"That's... not our usual thai place?"

May laughs, giving him a light slap on the shoulder, "no, it's not. I was thinking we try somewhere new, more upscale. You know, cause this is a special occasion."

Peter's smile goes taut. He's not sure if May getting a new job can really be considered a special occasion, and even less so if it's one worth spending so much money on. Peter does not mind having thai like usual, in fact, he would definitely prefer it. But May seems happy, and the last thing he wants is to take away her happiness. Lord knows she's already had enough of that. Plus, Peter reminds himself, he did give her back all that money she wanted to spend on his trip and she didn't even bother to get up set about it. 

So maybe, if only just this once, splurging won't be so bad?

Le Noir Chaise is a nice little upscale restaurant on the more polite side of Queens. All the tables and, of course, chairs are black. The waiters are immaculately dressed in black and white suits with their hair slicked back with gel. There's a pretty white tablecloth covering the table and on top is a vase of blood red roses. The sound of jazz music hums in the background, but even if the sound was ringing right in his ear, he wouldn't be able to understand the foreign words. 

"So," May exchanges a sweet smile with the waiter as he pours her a glass of Dom Perignon, "what do you think, Peter?"

"No thank you," Peter says to the waiter with an awkward smile when he tries to fill his glass too, "some water will be fine." May laughs and Peter flushes a bit. "It's lovely..." He mumbles softly in answer of her question, burying both his eyes and fork in a bowl of - what was it again? Ah, right. Bœuf à la Bourguignonne. Or, you know, beef stew. It's good - mouth watering. The best meal Peter thinks he's had in years. So much so he's almost happy they came. Almost. Even if the food is amazing, he still prefers to eat at somewhere less expensive. 

May looks beautiful in a sleek black dress, silver necklace, earrings, with her long hair wrapped up into a neat bun. Peter isn't the best when it comes to dressing up, so May is the one that helped him find an old suit and a pair of leather shoes that didn't look too oversized on him. She also fixed his hair with some gel. Thanks to her, they managed to not look too out of place in this fancy restaurant. 

"Well, I'm glad you think so, Peter." She says digging into her cassoulet. "Cause, you know, it's okay for you to enjoy lovely things too." She pops a piece of meat in her mouth with her fork then uses it to point at him, "I want you to know that. Like really know that." 

"Yeah, I know." Peter says, smiling, but May gives him a flat look like she doesn't believe him, and Peter can't exactly blame her.

"Good enough," she cheers still, "I'll show you. This is only the beginning. I promise we'll eat out like this more often in the future."

"We -" Don't have to "-that sounds great." Peter somehow manages to say, not how he really feels. He reaches for his glass of water and takes a gulp. Well, nothing to do but continue what he has been doing. He'll save every cent he earns working with Mr. Delmar for the next time they find themselves in a pinch. 

"So," May says, her face splitting into a suspiciously large smile. She clasps her hands beneath her chin and leans forward and Peter has a very bad feeling he knows what she's going to say. "hows things going with Liz?" And he just knew it.

Reaching for another gulp of water, Peter's hands are shaking so much he almost spills the water all over the table. 

"It's not," Peter explains with flushing cheeks, "I'm not stupid enough to actually talk to her."

Aunt May giggles, "you gotta be braver than that, my boy. You gotta learn to take the initiative Peter. The worse case scenario is she's uninterested."

"Easy for you to say," Peter mumbles, "have you ever even been rejected?"

"Of course!" May widens her eyes at him as if she couldn't believe he would ever ask such a thing, "believe it or not, looks aren't the only important things! Plus, even if it was, it's not like you're lacking? I mean, you're a Parker after all."

Peter gives her a looks that clearly explains that as his aunt she was obligated by blood to think that about him. 

"Don't think so?" May rolls her eyes. "Have you tried maybe taking off your shirt?"

"Aunt may!" Peter hisses in a whisper, cheeks flaming again, and the sight sends her to fall into a fit of laughter. "T-that's so- there's no way I could- um-"

"Gosh, Peter," she shakes her head, hiding her smile behind a cupped hand, "you're so innocent."

"I'm fifteen." Peter frowns. 

"Sixteen, soon."

"Yeah," Peter scoffs, "in six months."

"Okay, okay, Peter," she smiles, reaching over to pat the crown of his head. "It was only a joke. I know my little baby wouldn't do anything like that."

Peter resists the urge to roll his eyes at her. 

"Well," she hums, "hows about the other way around? Surely someone at that snooty school must have noticed how adorably handsome my nephew is?"

"No." Yes. Harry Osborn. But Peter is not sure he's ready to have that sort of talk with May yet. For starters, he's still not sure how he feels about... boys. Before Harry approached him, truth was, Peter had never even considered the possibility. But afterwards, he decided to at least give it some thought - or, well - so Harry made him promise.

Although Peter does not understand what Harry finds so likeable about him (there are tons of better looking boys at Midtown), he isn't worried that Harry is just messing with him or something like that because Harry has been out about his sexuality for almost a full year now. Plus, Peter has never seen him behaving like guys like Flash. So, no way is Harry some asshole. Plus he's loaded, an evil little voice whispers in his head, but Peter quickly shoos the abnormal thought away.  

The most important part here is that when Harry asked him out, Peter felt no sense of disgust or aversion. He only thought one thing. Oh. And that was it. But as his first ever confession, of course Peter isn't just going to treat it lightly. After all, there is a person out there that actually likes him - Peter Parker - and trusted him enough with their feelings to tell him about it. Peter can only wonder when he will become that brave. How can he not admire Harry? Harry who is so far out of Peter's league in every aspect that, sexuality aside, the boy should have been offended that a loser like Peter didn't swoon and fall into his arms right away. 

May huffs, "kids at that school are so blind."

Peter can't help but crack a little smile, "sure you aren't just bias Aunt May?"

"bias my ass!"

Peter full on laughs.

Peter full on scowls. 

"Aunt May... What is this?"

May peeps out the bathroom, a toothbrush hanging from the corner of mouth, "What?" 

"This." Peter hisses, gesturing at the object resting on his bed that wasn't there five minutes ago. 

May stumbles into his bedroom trying to put on her heels. She's wearing a neat light gray pantsuit with her long hair tidily pulled back into a ponytail. 

"Oh sweety," she smiles when she sees the object Peter is gesturing at, "that's your suitcase. I packed it all up for you!"

"Aunt May!" Peter groans.

"What's the matter?" She asks, brows furrowed, and Peter just knows she's feigning confusion.

"Tell me you didn't!"

"Didn't what?"

"Didn't pay for that stupid trip!" Peter stomps his feet, hating how childish he sounds, "I left that money for you and - oh my god - you - we ever went out to eat at that expensive ass restaurant last week when-"

"Whoa, Peter, breath please!" May says softly,  walking up and cupping his face in her hands. "Everything's okay, alright? Yes, when I got home from my interview, I saw you left the envelope in the bathroom and dropped it off at school for you before it was too late. Why do you think I said we were celebrating a special occasion? It wasn't just for me. Peter, it was for both of us."

"B-but the money-"

"It's okay, Peter." May sighs, and he can see in her eyes how deeply she wishes he would just believe her, "look, I know I haven't been the most responsible in the past, especially well... since Ben, but I-"

"Aunt May, no. You don't have to say anything I-"

"No, Peter I do," She insists, folding her lips into a line to stop them from trembling, "I- if I hadn't gotten so wrapped up in my feelings... didn't forget that there was someone else alive who still depended on me, you never would have... would have been forced to grow up so quickly. I don't want because of me you end up loosing anymore of the childhood you deserve."

"Aunt May..."

"Please, Peter? At least for me?"

"Yes... I'm sorry."

"Please don't do that either.... never apologize, honey."

But how can Peter not? He never meant to make May worry this much. He never meant to make her feel guilty. He never blamed her for what happened, still doesn't. She had every right to be hurt, to grieve. She lost the most important person in her life and, however she chose to deal with that, whether she wanted to drown herself in alcohol to or to break every single object in their home, including Peter, he would accept it - so long as she didn't hurt herself in the process.

But here she is, now desperate to shower him in a kindness that he certainly does not deserve, not when the one responsible for her greatest loss is Peter himself.

Peter will never forgive himself for what happened to his Uncle Ben, but he's still relieved that somehow, May can still wrap her arms around him without planting a knife between his shoulder blades - not that she ever would, because Aunt May isn't that kind of person - not that he would ever try and stop her, even if she was.

"Thank you, Aunt May." Peter smiles, sincerely, pulling her into his arms. Thank you for not hating me.

May smiles at him, pecking him on the cheek, absolutely clueless to his actual thoughts. She would probably have lots more to say if she was. 

 She's then shoving him to the door with his suitcase, as if scared he might change his mind, "Great. That's more like it. Now you better get going before you miss your bus." She says, chipper, "you better have a lot of fun cause I'm going to ask you a ba-zillion questions! Bye!!"