I want you forever
Natasha's entrance to Tony's lab was unceremonious and loud in order to make his headache so much worse which - from the way he flinched - seemed to have worked. She smirked triumphantly at that and popped the box down on the counter before she folded her arms across her chest. He glowered at her before he rose and glanced toward the cuffs and swept them out trying to keep a safe distance from the potentially angry Russian assassin.
It seemed like the smart play in his head. She had after all threatened to kick his ass for throwing her a party and he knew Natasha well enough to wholly believe she'd stick to it. She didn't seem to move though which was - admittedly - a relief.
"Wasn't sure you'd come in today," Tony admitted as he studied her, "Thought you might be stuck in the honeymoon with Barnes."
Natasha rolled her eyes dramatically at him and laughed as she shook her head.
"No, you hoped I was so I wouldn't come in here and kick your ass for throwing me a party you knew I'd hate," she corrected him, "Don't bring him into this."
Tony shrugged his head though and laughed.
"You seemed to enjoy yourself actually," he pointed out, "after a while you actually seemed to enjoy yourself so technically it was a party you did like and then there was your whole epic romantic moment, it was very cute. ."
That was actually a good point, as much as she didn't want to admit it he had a good point and thus she sighed and nodded her head; Natasha never did like to concede to anyone or any thing but then again she was stubborn that way.
Tony however had a point, once she got past wanting to kick his ass for it she actually did enjoy herself and what had happened with James just made the whole evening perfect.
It had admittedly been nice to spend time with her friends and nice to actually celebrate her birthday and that was something she never thought she'd say.
"I don't celebrate my birthday," she admitted with a shrug, "there was never much point, I had a couple of beers with Clint a few times but that's the only thing I've done in years."
Just for that one brief moment, Natasha seemed almost human; she seemed more human than Tony had ever seen her appear and that piqued his curiosity.
He sat down at one of the stools at his worktop and placed her cuffs down in front of him.
In his head, he was mulling over whether or not he should ask her anything at all but Tony Stark - lacking tact in absolutely any manner - decided to do it anyway.
"Why?" Naturally that was his first question. "Because your boyfriend was still under control?"
That - almost immediately - he wished he hadn't asked because he sighed and offered her an apologetic look.
"Sorry," he sounded genuinely apologetic as he spoke, "That wasn't supposed to sound cold."
"It didn't," she replied as she moved to sit down, "I haven't celebrated my birthday properly since I was a child."
Drumming her fingers idly against the top of the counter she found herself humming a lullaby that she hadn't heard in decades, one that her mother had used once upon a time to lull her into slumber on nights where the wind howled and the rain hammered so loudly against the windows that it had frightened her; it was almost too strange for her to think that something so pedestrian once had scared her so much but then she'd been a child just like any other.
She hadn't been tainted by a world of darkness and evil just yet. There was still innocence in her that had been stamped out mere months after that had last happened.
Closing her eyes, she was back there for just a second as her humming became soft singing and she pictured it in her mind. Her head rested on her mothers lap as she stroked her hair singing to her as the storm raged outside; it had been going on for three days now and each night it just seemed to worsen, her mother had promised her that it would start to ease off soon and she found herself hoping it would because more nights like this would be a terrible thing; she was so small. Her tiny frame shook with the shaking of the windows...
Then she was back.
She blinked a few times rapidly as Tony looked quizzically at her.
"What happened?" He looked worried; she tried to wave it off dismissively but he wasn't buying it, "What happened?"
"I just had this flashback to when I was a kid, the lullaby, my mother used to sing it to me whenever I couldn't sleep," she explained, "I guess sometimes I do remember things sometimes from before. When I was younger before I got taken into the program I was just like anyone else, I had a family too. I wasn't born there, I'm not some test tube baby."
She sounded almost amused as she spoke.
"For one that kind of tech wasn't possible back then even for people with the capabilities to do what they did to girls like me."
She had no doubt though if it was possible they'd have literally just created their perfect little assassins that way. She didn't much talk about the kind of life that she'd had before she went into that place.
No one had ever really gotten all that much truth about Natasha from when she was just a child and that was the only information Tony would get but it was something. Clint, Clint was the only other one beside James that knew anything about her.
Everything she'd told SHIELD back then had been pretty much lies.
"Well! Now that I know you're not a test tube baby I really feel better about things, thanks for that," Tony spoke with a laugh. "So, are we done bonding so I can show you how these things work or...?"
He didn't mind actually getting to know something about Natasha one bit but it didn't take a spy to read the fact that this kind of thing wasn't something that she was comfortable with. Natasha Romanoff wasn't an open book and she never had been, Tony suspected in truth she never would be and that would have to be okay because as her friend it was his job to respect that.
Yes he was the kind of man that liked to know things but Ultron had taught him that there was such a thing as knowing too much.
"Yes," she replied emphatically; it wouldn't be any use getting into any more of it than she already has anyway.
"Okay good, I was getting uncomfortable. You know how I feel about all that touchy feely stuff." Tony a grin at least made her laugh as he inclined his head back to her weapons. "Let's show you how these things work, hm? Let's not use me as human target practice though."
Weapons were good, weapons were familiar to her, weapons at this point were even a safety as masochistic as it sounded.
It pulled her back to the here and now anyway so that was good.
It had been another day that she as glad to get back from this time not because it was stressful rather because she happened to miss him too much, only unfortunately for her she did so a good two hours after James and by the time she let herself into his apartment he looked up at her with a warm smile as he gestured to the table in front of him and the food laid out there.
"Figure you might be hungry," he sounded so blissful and calm that it made her smile fondly. "So, I thought I'd make you dinner."
She loved him more than she could ever tell him but then she knew he felt the same about her, after all that they'd been through only to find their way back to one another it would probably be hard to find people who deserved happiness more than they did and they'd somehow found it. In all of the chaos and all of the pain and turmoil they'd found their way back to one another and it was something that she didn't intend to lose.
They'd fought so hard for what they had now and neither him nor her would allow absolutely anything in the world to ruin that; they'd been through so much over the years, they'd spent so much time being torn apart and she knew that they'd never let that happen again no matter what happened.
"Thank you, " she replied as she walked over to place a kiss against his lips before she sat down at the table snow poked around with her food. "Did you have a good day?"
"Yeah, yeah I just uh, I just talked to Steve, did a little training with Wanda. Nothing major." He shrugged then. His day had been relatively calm and he was happy for that. His mind was racing enough with his plans for the evening. "What about you?"
"Minor bonding with Tony?" she offered with about small laugh, "which wasn't as terrible about it sounds. I didn't beat the hell out of him so."
He nodded, her spending time with Tony and Tony coming out of it unscathed made him want to laugh and poke fun at her making some playful jibe or another about her going soft but he refrained.
"Nat, I wanna talk to you about something..." he began uncertainly, he inhaled a deep breath. "You know I love you right?"
Okay, okay, he could do this. He could do it. He had to...He'd spent so long wanting to and tonight he would. Breathe, Bucky. Just breathe. You can do this.
Immediately Natasha dropped her fork causing it to clatter against the surface of her plate with a somewhat shocked and worried expression she frowned. Nerves rose up inside of her as she fought to read him, she searched his face desperately trying to figure out what might be going through his head right now. If there was something wrong she hoped like he'd have just told her rather than it coming down to something like this.
No one in the world liked the words 'I want to talk to you about something' or 'We need to talk' because it almost never ended well.
"James what's going on?" If this was a breakup... If this was a breakup she'd rather he just got it over with; given everything that they'd been through she couldn't deny that the pain of even thinking about it was almost more than she could stand. Why would he break up with her after everything? "If you're gonna end it can you just get straight to the point please? Don't drag it out it's not fair."
She didn't want that to happen but if it was what he wanted then she'd respect it. She had to respect that, she owed him that much. It wouldn't stop her from being blindsided by it nor would she ever stop questioning why but she'd respect his decision if that was what he needed to do.
"I'm not breaking up with you!" The words tumbled quickly from his lips so fast he was amazed they came out in order.
"What would I do that? I love you more than anything why the hell would I wanna lose you?" he protested, he was clearly growing more and more exacerbated by the second cursing himself internally for how he'd started this whole thing to begin with. This wasn't what he'd intended. "I, I'm trying to- Natasha I wouldn't break up with you!"
Okay not going according to plan. Completely pissed at himself for messing up, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a box to place it on the table in front of her because at this point he was desperate to salvage something of the situation. This wasn't going well at all but he was definitely trying to save it; Natasha didn't need to be thinking he was breaking up with her and he didn't need to be losing her.
"I'm trying to ask you to marry me and I'm trying very badly apparently," he murmured sheepishly but his eyes didn't leave her for even a moment. "I had a big plan, speech and everything and this was definitely not it so I guess I'll make the best of this one instead because I'm apparently very bad at this stuff: Natasha, I love you more than anything else in this world, we've fought our way back through everything life's thrown at us and I can't stand the thought of ever losing you again so will you marry me? I don't want to spend another day without you."
Reaching for the box in front of her she flipped open the top to study the beautiful emerald and diamond set ring finding it romantic that he'd chosen the emeralds because of her green eyes and Natasha nodded her head. Tears in her eyes, she nodded her head and she brought her hands over her mouth and fought back a sob.
"Yes I'll marry you," she answered, her voice laced with years of pent up emotion; there was nothing in this world she wanted more than to spend the rest of her life with him. "Of course I'll marry you!"
Within a moment he'd stood up and pulled her into his arms; some of the panic inside of him was starting to abate now though he could still hear his heartbeat so loud it was almost deafening him.
"Yeah? For real?" He looked so hopeful, so in love with her in that moment that nothing else in the moment mattered.
"For real," she confirmed. "I love you James Barnes."
"Oh thank god, I was worried you were gonna say no," he admitted which earned him her frown and she shook her head profusely.
"I love you, this is the life we wanted all those years ago, why would I say no?" She questioned with a soft smile, "I'd never say no. I'd have said Yes all those years ago if you'd asked me, too."
"I don't know, I guess it's just me worrying I'll lose you again somehow," he admitted. "I don't want to lose you again."
"Never again, " she promised before he walked over to her and pulled her into his arms and kissed her, it was one moment out of eternity but it was one moment he'd spend with her that he'd hold onto for that eternity.
He'd have asked her decades ago if they'd had the chance to do it and now he had the knowledge that she'd have said yes; he lamented on the fact that they hadn't had that chance at the normal life they'd wanted but they had that now. They had that now and he'd be damned if he was going to lose that to absolutely anyone.
"I love you, James Barnes," she whispered, "I love you more than anything else in this world."
A breath broke his lips and in that moment he felt as though the weight of the world was on his shoulders. This wasn't quite the proposal story he'd had in mind but it was apparently the one he'd ended up with and it ended in her saying Yes and so it'd be one that he'd take quite happily. She would be his wife and for that this was the most perfect story in the world with the most perfect ending to the chapter and he knew he couldn't wait for the next one. Being with her was the only thing that he wanted.
Being with her was the only thing that he'd ever wanted and now that he had that he'd protect it with all he was. Now and forever.