She might just shoot someone.
After his talk with Wanda, he had a sort of plan which was better than he had this morning so he'd made his way back to find everyone else. Well, almost everyone anyway. Tony, Steve and Clint sat in the room that could literally only be described as a den, it had everything in here from a TV to a dart board so it made for a good place to hang out, Tony had put in a bar which wasn't all that surprising at all.
He couldn't get drunk and neither could Steve or Natasha but Natasha played along and Clint and Tony could. He'd seen it.
It was an amusing sight. Tony reminded him of Howard when he was drunk.
Clint was playing darts, or at least he was until Bucky walked in and then he decided to toss them idly between his hands as he turned to regard him with a nod and a slight wave. Barton didn't seem too overly bothered about Bucky or his presence; Tony however seemed on edge even if it was far less than he had before which was at least good. He still gave him a weak smile and a hello by way of greeting which seemed to make Steve happy at the very least.
He knew how much the conflict between his friends had bothered Steve.
Steve though glanced at him as he sat down and he smirked, Bucky had seen that look before and it had him grimace. He'd guessed that Steve had spoken with Wanda and she had - harmlessly no doubt - told him about Bucky's 'girl trouble' for lack of a better term. Bucky rolled his eyes and shook his head.
"Alright, what?" He was trying to act like he had absolutely no idea what Steve was looking at him like that for.
"Who's the girl?" Steve had an amused smile on his lips as he spoke.
Bucky honestly at this point wanted to whack him upside the head. It was probably the brotherly instinct he had but instead he settled for rolling his eyes. He was trying - and failing by the way - to think of something that he could say just to brush it off because he was worried anything he did say could be misconstrued and hurtful in some manner or another toward Natasha so he didn't want to sound overly dismissive. He ran his hand through his hair.
He was quite frustrated by it all and he was internally cussing out Wanda. She meant well he was sure. He'd probably have done the same if he was honest, if he thought it'd help her figure out her predicament because he had been quite bothered by it and she knew that everyone was worried about him, Steve especially.
"Just someone I know." Bucky sighed as he spoke.
Steve immediately looked quizzical. He wasn't going to take that as an answer and Bucky knew it. He huffed out a sigh and rolled his eyes once again at his best friend. Bucky instead grinned at Steve and shrugged his shoulders; he was going to regret what he was going to say next no doubt because it was far from true anymore.
"I always did do better with the girls than you did, buddy." He wasn't that person anymore.
Still, he hoped the small hint toward him remember more of his past would satisfy his friends curiosity. It didn't, but Tony made his way over and sat down assessing both of them with one of those arrogant smirks he usually wore.
"Who's birthday is it?" Clearly he'd been listening to at least some of the conversation.
Both Steve and Bucky looked at Tony who rolled his eyes at them looking clearly exacerbated at the pair of them.
"You were talking about gifts thus given that it's nowhere near Christmas would dictate it's someones birthday so, who's birthday is it? Anyone I know?"
"It's Natasha's in a few days." Clint offered as he walked over swiping a beer off the table.
Immediately Steve's brow cocked and she studied Bucky who shot him a glare and shook his head. Nope. Don't even go there. Steve shrugged his shoulders and turned to look at Tony. It didn't take a genius to work out what the next words out of his mouth were going to be.
"Great! We'll throw a party."
Oh, that was not going to go down well with Romanoff. She hated that shit. Clint was the first person to pipe up and shook his head.
"Naw, Tasha wouldn't go for it." He shrugged.
Bucky agreed wholeheartedly but considering he was supposed to be acting like he was casual friends with Romanoff and not in a relationship with her he simply shrugged his shoulders indifferently. He wasn't one for parties and he was glad no one bar Steve and Natasha knew when his birthday was, it didn't surprise him one bit that Barton knew when hers was though, they were best friends.
"Who doesn't love a party?" Tony shot back immediately.
"The angry Russian assassin who will literally kick your ass if you even try it?" Clint replied with an incredulous look.
Tony didn't look bothered in the slightest. He clapped his hands together and grinned.
"So it's settled: We're having a birthday party for Romanoff."
Oh that was not going to end well. Bucky rolled his eyes and stood up clearly looking at Tony like he was absolutely certain he had a death wish before he made his way over to the bar and reached behind it to pluck a bottle of Vodka up before he sat on one of the bar stools turning to face the rest of the group; Steve made his way over after less than 20 seconds and Bucky sighed. He glanced sideways at Steve who leaned against the bar and shook his head.
"I can tell when you're lying or deflecting, you know that right? You might be the superspy but I know the person you were before and I can tell when he's lying to me." Steve didn't sound angry which was a good thing, more amused than anything else which he thought was quite interesting.
"I'm not lying." He muttered. He didn't sound remotely convincing.
"It's okay if you wanna get your friend a gift, Buck." Steve looked thoughtful then.
Ah. He'd seen that look on his face before. Bucky grimaced. Penny drop. Steve turned to him with blue eyes that studied him in a way that simply provoked a frown and Bucky shook his head immediately knowing where he was going with that look.
"Don't. Don't even go there." He warned.
"You and Natasha are-" Steve spoke but Bucky cut him off immediately.
"What? No. No. I just- Like you said we're friends and I wanna get her a gift. She's been good with helping me since-" Bucky shrugged.
He was trying his best to dismiss everything. He was trying his best to convince Steve Rogers that absolutely nothing was going on but he could see it in his eyes that he wasn't buying it. Natasha's history had to stay private, it was her life, her secrets. He wouldn't expose that by saying absolutely anything at all about their connection or their shared history.
"You can tell me." Steve was trying to convince him to talk without pressing him to talk.
Bucky shook his head at him. He truly, truly wanted him to believe there was nothing there worth saying. He wanted him to believe that he and Natasha were nothing but friends. They'd reached a point where they'd tried their best to just stay friendly but when they were alone he was beyond glad to just be who he was with her. He was glad when they were alone to just be them. He was glad to just be with the person he loved.
And he did indeed love her which was why it was so difficult to be stood here now next to Steve lying. He didn't want to lie to his best friend but he'd promised Natasha. It'd be their decision together. He couldn't bring himself to expose her.
"There's nothing to tell." Bucky replied insistently.
Steve looked like one of those wounded puppies you see at the pet store that really wants someone to take them home; he'd had that same look his whole life when he felt like he was being discluded or lied to somehow.
"You know I don't believe you..." But Steve shrugged regardless. "But it's your call, Buck."
And Hers Bucky added silently in his mind but he poured a shot and held it up to toast his best friend. Clear deflection but Bucky Barnes was used to doing that better than almost anyone else. Natasha, Natasha deflected every single day of her life while she maintained this cover of hers but it wasn't his to blow. It wasn't his secret to expose and he knew the careful balance she had between this life of hers and who she really was and it was hard for her.
All he wanted to do was look his best friend in the eyes and tell him that he loved her but that just wasn't possible. Not right now anyway.
"Y'know she's gonna kill Tony for the party right?" Steve broke the silence between them up with a laugh, shaking his head.
"Yeah, I think at this point I'd almost pay to see her kick his ass but if we get a free show..." Bucky grinned as he spoke.
"Yeah, he's doomed." Steve almost looked sorry for Tony and the hell he was about to unleash from what was going to be a doubtlessly less than pleased Natasha Romanoff.
It'd probably been a heck of a long time since Natalia had last celebrated her birthday, as far as he was aware she hadn't at all since she was a child but then he hadn't asked her about it. He hadn't asked her and he thought now perhaps he should've done. Maybe he would...
Bucky was playing with the glass in his hand and Steve seemed to notice it because he sighed and shook his head, he patted his best friend on the shoulder which caused Bucky to offer him a bemused look.
"I didn't mean to upset you."
"You didn't." His reply might have sounded automatic but it came with a smile. While he wanted to tell Steve the truth, he knew that couldn't happen... At least not right now.
By the time six rolled around and he was making his way down the hallway to Natasha's apartment he felt exhausted. It had been an emotionally trying day and he felt like he was to blame for the fact that Natasha was now doomed to a birthday party by Tony Stark, a fact that he could tell she was already aware of when her eyes fell on him as he walked inside and she rose a brow at him and huffed out a sigh.
"I hate birthday parties." She stated with a roll of her eyes as she walked over to him.
He almost immediately offered her an apologetic look.
"I really didn't mean for that to happen I just-" She made her way over to him and spoke, silencing him with a kiss.
"It isn't your fault Tony is overzealous." She shook her head as she pulled back to stand in front of him. "I still haven't ruled out shooting him for it though."
He traced a line across her cheek with his finger that traced down her neck to distract him from the fact that he wanted to laugh and she released a content sigh. Despite the fact that Tony was insistent on throwing her a party she seemed altogether calm which he was happy about. He grimaced though.
"Steve asked about us too..." He dropped his hand to his side as he spoke. He couldn't meet her eyes then.
"I know." She replied with a easy shrug. "Clint thought it was hilarious when he told me about it. He might not look like it but he notices everything. It's a real pain in the ass sometimes."
Clint Barton - Natasha's best friend - was a bit of a mystery to him if he was going to be honest. He couldn't quite read him the way he might have wanted to, he was a conundrum. One minute he seemed like the serious spy-type thrown in with the hero stuff while others he seemed like a complete and utter goofball. Most would call it idiotic but Clint Barton wasn't dumb. He'd walked in on him tinkering with some new arrows last week and that had made him pretty sure dumb was the last thing he was.
Dangerous but not dumb. He was a good man though. Natasha was obviously very fond of him and he was glad that Clint had saved her when he had. She deserved better than the life she'd had back in that place. Clint had given her a second chance and he was glad she'd taken it.
"Oh yeah?" He questioned trying his best to sound casual. "What'd he say?"
Natasha immediately picked up on the undertones because she burst out laughing before she offered him a sympathetic look and placed her hand against his cheek. She looked almost sorry for laughing. Almost.
"He said the thought of me dating was even weirder than him dating which has happened exactly once in the fifteen years I've known him." She placed a kiss against his lips again.
"Barton is suspicious." She stated almost like she were telling him what she'd had for lunch.
Immediately his brow shot up and he offered her a curious look. Honestly, he hadn't known that Clint had had girlfriends or anything but then he really didn't know him at all. He thought he probably should given the fact that he was best friends with the love of his life and all but he'd been so transfixed with trying to fix things with Natasha and Steve and get himself all back to normal - whatever that was these days - that he really hadn't bothered to spend as much time as he should've getting to know everyone else.
When things came out between he and Natasha he was pretty sure he'd have to spend time with Clint so it might be a good idea to get to know him at least a little bit. Hell, maybe they could even be friends. Steve was probably the only actual friend he had unless Natasha counted too. Sam was Sam, Tony was... Just as complicated.
"He knows I've been doing something lately but I haven't told him what exactly, I mean... He's noticed my free time isn't as free as it used to be." Shrugging, she turned away then and walked back toward her sofa falling down with a sigh.
"I told him we'd talk about it when I was ready to talk, Clint knows better than to push." Not that he would.
He could tell that she was hoping to set him at ease with it all. He could tell that lying to her best friend was no easier on her than him lying to his best friend was on him which was why when he made his way over to her and sat down, he reached out to brush a tendril of her hair behind her ear.
"What's up? Something's bothering you." He could read her.
He knew all too well when there was something on her mind even if she didn't want him to. She tended to hide a lot from the world, it had become something of a habit for her given this life that she'd chosen to live. He knew that it was hard for her to walk in two worlds while pretending to understand only the surface of the other. She'd tried her best to say something to Steve without saying anything at all when she'd told him that going after Bucky was a thread he might not want to pull.
A part of her was afraid she'd be exposed too but she wouldn't be selfish, if that was to be an outcome then so be it as long as he got his best friend back and still, she'd tried her best to dissuade him because in truth she too was afraid to know there was nothing left in there of the man she'd known. It had been hard for her but she'd put aside her own feelings for Steve's sake. She released a soft sigh and shook her head.
"Nothing." She couldn't meet his eyes though.
"I know you better than that, Romanoff." Bucky studied her with a gentle frown. "Talk to me."
He wanted her to be open and honest with him at the very least but he could tell she was still used to having to shelter herself from a world she feared wouldn't understand her and under any other circumstances he'd know exactly why she was doing it but this was him. He understood her better than anyone else in the world. He didn't want her to feel like she couldn't trust him.
"I'm here. You're not alone so talk to me. You don't have to hide with me." He spoke earnestly.
She flicked her eyes to meet his then and she softened and relaxed. Her posture became far less rigid. Her hand reached for his just as it did lately every time she sought comfort or just wanted to know that he was there. She did the same in the night and it made him wonder if she was aware of doing it or if it was just subconscious.
"Maybe after the stupid party we should tell them the truth." Her voice was strained and filled with a lot of uncertainty.
It was hard for her to say he could tell. He'd been thinking about what came next all day. He knew sooner or later their world would have to be opened up to everyone else especially if things were to continue the way they were. It was getting harder and harder for both of them to hide it around everyone else. It was getting harder and harder for each of them to keep up their casual behavior toward one another especially when one of them could tell the other was troubled. It was instinct for them to want to comfort one another.
"If that's what you want, that's what we'll do." He leaned over to kiss her on the side of the head as he spoke. There was nothing he wouldn't do for her and she knew it.
She curled into his side, her hand coming to rest over his heart and he placed his hand over hers.
"You know that's yours sweetheart, it always was."
It always would be.