and love is not a victory march
august thirty-first
“Have fun, guys!” Tony said, waving to the four oldest as they joined the throng of children heading into the school building, some with more excitement than others. Natasha had already found Peter, and she was talking animatedly to him as they went inside. Tony had made Bucky and Steve promise earlier that they would be nice to each other, and he was happy to see that they were walking side-by-side. Clint seemed the least enthused, and he was dragging his feet and looking at the ground. Tony sighed, pulling around to the separate kindergarten entrance.
“Okay, Sam!” Peter said cheerily. “Ready?”
“Yes!” Sam was practically vibrating with excitement.
“All right. I’ll walk you in, then. Say goodbye!”
“Bye, Wanda!” Sam yelled. “Bye, um-” He paused. “What should I call you?”
“Uh-” Tony looked at Peter helplessly- “What about Uncle Tony?”
“Okay! Bye, Uncle Tony!”
“Bye, Sam.” Tony turned to Wanda, who was sitting calmly in her car seat. “You have your first tumbling class today, darling.”
“Tumbling class,” Wanda repeated.
About four days ago, Wanda had simply begun talking, at what Tony thought might even be a slightly advanced level for a three year old. He was very happy to see that she had language skills, but less happy to see that every night since then, she had woken up with nightmares. He couldn’t figure out why, but both he and Peter were losing a lot of sleep over it.
“Where Pietro?” Wanda asked. Her brother had also been a current theme for the past few days, but she never seemed too upset about it.
“He’s not here right now, but I’m sure you’ll see him soon,” Tony said, his standard response when she asked about him.
“Okay!” Wanda bounced in her car seat.
“I’m back!” Peter said, climbing in the passenger seat. “Sorry that took so long, the teacher wanted everyone to stay for an introduction- oh yeah, I signed you up for some stuff, by the way-”
“Like what?” Tony asked incredulously.
“Uh, like to bring in cupcakes for their Halloween party or something, I don’t really know,” Peter explained, making funny faces at Wanda. She laughed and reached out her hands for him.
“Halloween is in two months,” Tony complained.
“Yeah, so you have a lot of time, and she’ll send out a group text too.”
“Whatever,” Tony muttered. “How did Sam seem?”
“Sam!” Wanda interjected. “I like Sam!”
“I know you do,” Peter said, grinning at her. “He seemed really excited.”
“I’m worried about Clint,” Tony said. “I’m afraid he won’t integrate well.”
“Well, first days are always hard.” Peter had pulled his phone out and his fingers were flying over the screen now.
“Who are you texting?” Tony sighed. “Pete, I thought the rule was no screens in the car.”
“But you let Bucky use his iPad on the way to Clint’s gymnastics,” Peter complained.
“Okay, first of all, it’s a StarkPad, don’t disrespect my technology, and second of all-” Tony cut himself off. “Why am I arguing about screen time with you?”
“I guess you’re just always in dad mode,” Peter said, smirking.
“Dad!” Wanda yelled. “Dad! Dad! Dad!”
Tony ignored her. He knew by now that she wasn't actually trying to get his attention, she was just repeating things she heard. “Pete, just get off your phone. You’re supposed to be setting an example.”
“Fine,” Peter sighed, shoving it into his pocket. “Are you happy now?”
“I’m still mad that the first real words out of Wanda’s mouth were her calling me a fucker.”
“For the last time, that was Bucky’s fault,” Peter muttered.
Tony pulled up outside the school. Six hours had flown by, with Wanda’s tumbling and Peter’s “homeschooling,” not to mention the chores he had to do. Why did the kids seem to go through five changes of clothes a day? The pickup line was crawling, and Tony looked over at Peter.
“That phone better be put in your pocket before the kids get in.”
“Yeah, yeah, it will be,” Peter said, engrossed in the level of some game he was playing. Tony didn’t know the name.
“Hi,” Natasha said. Tony jumped in surprise.
“Hey, Nat. How was your day?”
“Fine. Peter and I- wait.” Her eyes narrowed. “How come he gets to be on his phone?”
“Peter, I told you to put it away!” Tony said in exasperation.
“Sorry,” Peter said sheepishly. “In my defense, I didn’t know that she had gotten in the car.”
“I want to be on my StarkPad, then!” Natasha said.
“No, sorry,” Tony replied. “I’m sticking to the no screens rule in the car.”
“But that’s not fair!” Natasha replied.
“What’s not fair?” Bucky asked as he got in, with Steve lagging slightly behind.
“Nothing,” Tony said, hoping that Natasha would get the hint. Unfortunately, the little assassin's people-reading skills seemed to have disappeared with her age as well.
“Peter got to be on his phone!” Natasha tattled.
Steve frowned. “But I thought the rule was-”
“Well, I was allowed to break the rule yesterday,” Bucky butted in, smirking and clearly trying to cause a problem. “I was allowed to be on my StarkPad for the entire car ride to Clint’s gymnastics!”
What a little shit, Tony thought to himself, not for the first time.
Natasha looked outraged. “They both got to break the rule?”
“How come I can’t break the rule?” Steve complained.
“Guys, everyone needs to shut up- be quiet- please,” Tony said, giving Peter the stink eye.
“Shut up!” Wanda contributed, clapping her hands together. The door opened again, and Clint got in quietly.
“Clint!” Bucky looked genuinely happy to see him, which was interesting. “How was school? Did you make friends?”
Clint shrugged, but he was smiling slightly. “One kid invited me to sit with him at lunch. But I don’t think he has any friends either because he sits alone.”
“I’m glad you had someone to sit with,” Tony said, choosing to disregard the second half of his statement. “Steve? Bucky? How was your day?”
“It was good!” Bucky said immediately. “I made three friends! Their names are Gamora, Draconius, but he goes by Drax, and Darcy!” Tony still couldn’t get over how much the normally broody assassin talked as a kid.
“I hope you included Steve,” Tony said. “I’m happy you made friends, though.”
Bucky pouted. “Steve didn’t wanna play with us.”
“Why not?” Tony asked.
“They were mean to me!” Steve said. “Bucky said I was a pussy!”
“Bucky!” Tony yelped. “Did you say that?”
“Well, yeah, but only because Steve didn’t want to go on the jungle gym!” Bucky retorted.
“Pussy!” Wanda sang. “Pussy!”
“I don’t want to hear that type of language from any of you,” Tony said. “You’re setting a bad example for Wanda. Bucky, please be nice to Steve.” The kids sat in silence as he pulled up to the kindergarten pick-up area. Sam was outside with the teacher and a few other kids, but he ran up to the car as soon as he saw it.
“Hi, Uncle Tony!”
“Hey, Sam!” Tony attempted to match his level of enthusiasm. “How was school?” Sam fumbled with the door before finally dragging it open and buckling himself in.
“It was so good! We got to draw pictures and watch a video and-”
“Wait,” Natasha cut in. “How come you called him Uncle Tony?”
Sam faltered. “He said I could.”
“But you’re not his real uncle!” Bucky interrupted.
“You guys are different colors!” Steve chimed in.
“Well- well- he said I could!” Sam insisted, his lip wobbling. “Uncle Tony, tell them!”
“Sam is right, you guys,” Tony said. “All of you can call me Uncle Tony, okay?”
“I don’t want to,” Bucky said. “You’re not my real uncle.”
“Well, you have to call me something,” Tony said wearily.
“I’m going to call you...Mr. Tony!” Bucky decided triumphantly.
“That works too,” Tony said.
“How come Peter calls you Mr. Stark?” Natasha asked suddenly. Her eyes narrowed. “I thought you said he was your son.” Tony exchanged a panicked glance with Peter.
“I just call him that as a joke sometimes!” Peter said hurriedly. “I usually call him Dad, though.”
“It’s true,” Tony confirmed. “He does call me Dad. Because I am. His dad, I mean. And he’s my son.”
“Then where’s his mom?” Natasha said, still looking unconvinced.
“She, um, died!” Peter said. “A long time ago. While she was giving birth to me, actually!”
“Oh.” Natasha mulled this over. “Okay.”
“You can die from giving birth?” Steve said.
“Of course you can, stupid!” Bucky sneered.
“Hey!” Tony sighed. “Bucky, come on. What did I say about name-calling?”
“Sorry, Steve,” Bucky said extremely unconvincingly.
“Wait. Does it hurt to give birth?” Steve asked.
“No,” Bucky said, sounding extremely confident. “The doctor puts their hands on the woman’s belly and then the baby pops out.”
“Pops out where, though?” Sam wondered.
“All right!” Tony elbowed Peter, who looked dangerously close to popping a vein in his forehead because of how hard he was trying not to laugh. “We’re here!”
“Where?” Natasha asked.
“He’s giving us back,” Clint mumbled. Tony startled. He had almost forgotten Clint was in the car.
“You’re giving us back?” Sam said.
“I’m not giving you back,” Tony sighed. “I said I wouldn’t give you back, and I meant it.” The children looked unconvinced. “This is actually a therapist. All of you will have weekly one-on-one meetings with her.”
“We’re going to be here forever,” Bucky moaned.
“Well, that’s why I brought StarkPads for all of you,” Tony said.
“Never mind,” Bucky decided. “We can stay as long as you want.”
The therapist met them at the door. Tony had picked a woman on purpose, thinking that it might make them feel more comfortable.
“Tony Stark, right?” The woman reached out her hand, and Tony barely hid a wince as her grip mangled his fingers. “I’m Carol Danvers. It’s nice to meet you and your children. Let’s go inside, shall we?”
The waiting room was brightly colored. A stack of children’s books lay on one table, and there were comfortable-looking couches and chairs spread around. The kids immediately scrambled with their StarkPads to find seats.
“So, Mr. Stark,” Carol said. “Who would you like to start with?”
“I was thinking we would go oldest to youngest,” Tony said. “And please call me Tony.”
“Okay, Tony.” Carol shrugged. “That’s fine with me. Steve is the oldest, correct?”
“Yeah, that’s him over there.” Tony pointed and then lowered his voice slightly. “You were, um, briefed on our...situation, right?”
“I was,” Carol said. “This introductory session is just going to be for me to get to know them a little better and see if I can diagnose any major issues.”
“Great.” Tony let out a relieved sigh. “Then I guess I’ll just let you get to it, then.”
“Steve?” Carol called. “You’re first, okay, buddy?”
“Why do I have to go first?” Steve whined.
“Because we’re going oldest to youngest. Don’t worry, everyone will be having a turn, even Tony.” Carol held out her hand, and although Steve didn’t take it, he did stop complaining. The door swung shut behind them, and Tony tried to relax.
“So, Steve, how are you feeling?”
“Bad.” Steve didn’t even look up from the blocks he was moving around.
“Can you tell me why?”
“Everyone is lying to me.”
Carol wrote something down. “What are they saying that’s a lie?”
“They said that it’s 2018, but it’s not!”
“Well, Steve,” Carol said calmly, “has it ever occured to you that they might be telling the truth?”
Steve stared back at her. “Then why am I here?” And he began to cry. Carol handed him a tissue.
“It’s hard to explain, but you should know that you’re being well taken care of. Is there anything else that you’d like to tell me?”
“You’re going to tell Mr. Tony,” Steve sniffled.
“Steve, I want you to look at me, because this is important for you to understand.” Carol waited until he lifted his head. “Unless what you tell me is dangerous to you or someone else, I will not tell Tony anything you say in here. That is a promise.”
“Bucky is really mean to me,” Steve muttered.
“Who’s Bucky?” Carol asked, scribbling some more stuff down.
“He’s my best friend,” Steve whined. “And he’s here with me.”
“Why do you think he’s mean to you?”
“I don’t know.” There was a pause. “Can I be done now?”
“If you want to be.”
“Okay.” Steve got up and ran for the door.
“How are you today, Bucky?”
“I hate it here.”
“Why?”
“I just do. And I don’t like Mr. Tony.”
“Why don’t you like him?”
“He’s lying to us.”
“What is he lying to you about?”
“I don’t know. That’s the problem!”
“Do you know what year it is?”
“Yeah. 2018.”
“Was that a shock for you?”
“Does it matter if it was? It’s not like anybody cares.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Clint.”
“Nice to meet you too, ma’am.”
“Please, call me Carol. How are you?”
“Fine, I guess. There’s a lot of food.”
“How do you feel about Tony?”
“He’s fine.”
“Do you feel safe with him?”
“What kind of question is that?”
“I’m just wondering how you feel about staying with him.”
“Can I be done?”
“If you want.”
“It’s Natasha, right?”
“As if you don’t already know.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Why am I here?”
“Where should you be?”
“Russia.”
“What would you be doing in Russia?”
“Training.”
“I see. Do you like being here?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“It’s confusing.”
“What’s confusing about it?”
“Everything. I don’t understand how I got here, and no one will tell me!”
“That must be frustrating.”
“I want to go back to Russia.”
“Why?”
“Because I knew what to expect there.”
“Okay, Natasha. Thank you for sharing. You can be done if you want.”
“How much time do I have left?”
“About fifteen minutes.”
“Can I sit in here until my time is up?”
“If you want.”
“Hi, Sam. How are you?”
“Okay! School is a lot of fun.”
“Do you like school?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you like Tony?”
“Yeah, but I don’t understand why I’m living with him now.”
“Who else would you be living with?”
“My mom. Uncle Tony said that she died, but I don’t think that that’s true.”
“Why would Uncle Tony lie to you?”
“I don’t know. Maybe because he’s a bad person.”
“Do you think that he’s a bad person?”
“He seems okay so far. I just really want my mom.”
Tony was finally relaxing on the couch after putting all of the kids to bed. Most nights it was close to a two-hour process, and he was usually ready to go to sleep right after. Peter had already said good night and retired to his room.
Wait. Tony paused as a thought came to him. Didn’t one of the kids have a birthday coming up? He quickly pulled up their files, and sure enough, Natasha’s was right in the middle of September. He would have to start talking to her about a birthday party. He covered his mouth as he yawned deeply. Getting up, he checked that all of the kids’ backpacks were ready for the next day, and that the sports bags were too. Tony mentally ran through what was happening tomorrow. School, then taekwondo for Clint and Bucky. Tony would have to drop them off and then take Sam straight to soccer, which meant that Peter would have to be responsible for driving Steve to his ceramics class. Then on the way back from picking Clint and Bucky up, Natasha would need to be dropped off at piano. Tony was exhausted just thinking about it.
“Hey, Mr. Stark,” Peter said from the doorway. “I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be going to bed soon, but I’m going to call Shuri first.”
“Yeah, that’s fine. Don’t stay up past eleven, though,” Tony said. “I’m going to be checking on you.”
“I know, I know,” Peter sighed. “I won’t.”
“Am I acting like such a dad?” Tony suddenly gasped, horrified. “Oh my God, I am, aren’t I.”
Peter just smirked.