Barton Family Farm part 1 of 3
"Ironman? What are you talking about? Just be honest with me Clint. Is-" There was a pregnant pause in Laura's speech as she winced, "is he yours? Is he Nat's? Who's child is this, and why's he at my house?"
"Jesus, Laura! Of course he's not mine!" Clint removed his hand from Tony's back and scrubbed it against his face, "He's not Nat's either. He's Howard and Maria Stark's, and he is really Tony Stark: Genius, Billionaire, blah blah blah. He got hit by some sort of spell in battle, and he's stuck like this for a month. It's... it's a long story, but this little guy needs a nap, so maybe we can continue this conversation inside?" Laura's face softened, and while she still appeared to be in shock, she took pity on the obviously sleepy toddler and opened the door to the farmhouse.
After a very enthusiastic greeting from the kids, everyone migrated into the living room. Clint had Lila sitting on his lap, rapidly signing stories about every single thing he'd missed since he'd last been home, and Cooper tucked against his side already engrossed in the book about spies he'd brought home for him. Natasha was perched on the back of an armchair with Tony half asleep in her arms, and Laura was flitting around the room, seeming unsure what to do with herself. There was a billionaire in her house, and not only was he in her house, he had some kind of magic curse on him or something! Finally she settled on the couch next to Clint when he patted on the cushion invitingly.
"Alright," He started, "I guess it's explanation time. Like I said, we were in battle against this alien army-"
"What?!" Laura interjected, "Clinton Francis Barton, why didn't you tell me you fought an alien army?" The heads of both children perked up, and Clint ducked his head like a scolded dog, much to Natasha's amusement.
"It wasn't a big deal, Laura. Besides, that's off topic. The moral of the story is that they used their freaky alien magic, and now Tony Stark is stuck in his two-year-old body for the next month. He retained all his memories, but he kind of switches between baby- sorry toddler" He corrected himself at a drowsy protest from Tony, "toddler and adult mindset." He paused to allow his wife some time to absorb all the information he'd dropped so far. "Sometimes he switches cause he's sleepy, sometimes it's a change in emotion or when he gets hurt, sometimes he just changes at the drop of a hat." Clint shrugged, "We aren't really trying to understand it so much as we're just trying to give him the care he needs. Right now he's pretty little by the way. And when he's little he loves cuddles, so I bet he'd be happy if you held him." Clint looked pointedly at where his wife was now hovering over Natasha and fondling the hair of the admittedly adorable toddler.
After a moment of hesitation, Laura accepted a now sleeping Tony from Natasha's offering arms.
"Oh," She breathed as Tony curled himself in against her, "he's such a gem, huh? But, that doesn't really answer my question. Why's he here? Bruce couldn't take care of a toddler for the weekend, or Steve? It's not that I'm not happy to have him here, but we're gonna have to set up a crib somewhere and- oh, it doesn't really matter does it. He's so sweet." Clint smiled,
"Yeah, he's a cutey."
Don't tell him that, though. He already has a big enough head." Natasha chimed in with a teasing smile. "Bruce doesn't really like taking care of him, he's always scared of a hulk-out. Steve, well Steve and Tony never really got along when Tony was an adult, and Thor's not on earth, so..."
"So he's here with us." Clint finished.
"Poor baby," Laura cooed as she returned to her place on the couch, "we'll have to get out Lila's old crib and highchair, and-"
"No, mama! I'm a big girl!" Lila protested from her father's lap.
"Not for you sweetheart, for Tony. He's gonna be staying with us for a few days. Anyways, we'll dig that stuff out of the basement, and- wait, I doubt you already had any of that stuff at the tower, what'd you do when you took him home?" Clint was a little bit shocked at how quickly Laura accepted the situation, and welcomed in the toddler, but he supposed that after years of Clint getting pulled into crazy situations at work, she'd developed a little bit of a thick skin towards absurd events and people crashing into her life.
"JARVIS did some shopping." Natasha responded with a smirk "Tony won't even notice the drop in his bank account it'll be so minuscule to him."
"Well, for now he can sleep in Lila's bed with her. It has a side bar anyways."
"I'll take him to bed." Clint offered, "And then, I think it's time for Harry Potter with these two monkeys!" Clint grinned and ruffled his son's hair. "Tomorrow, you and I are up bright and early, kid. We're gonna repair that rotted front step." Cooper groaned loudly as Clint scooped up the toddler and bounced him a little. "Don't wanna do any work? Sounds to me like you've been slacking off while I was away, lazy bottom."
"Nuh-uh." The boy argued, "I'm the man of the house when you're gone, dad!" He puffed his chest proudly, "I helped mom with all kind's of stuff!" Clint chuckled and began leaving the room,
"I'm sure you did, Squirt. I'll be right back, gonna put Tones to bed."
"Dad?" Cooper clambered onto his knees, "Is that baby really really Ironman?" There was an excited sparkle in his eye. He'd been listening to the whole conversation in awed silence, and was waiting raptly for Clint's response.
"Yeah, kid. He's really really really Ironman."
"Woah!" He breathed, "He's a super hero! Like Auntie Nat!" Natasha cackled at the same time that Clint scoffed indignantly,
"Wait a dam- darn minute! What about your old man?" Cooper giggled before schooling his face into an uninterested expression and shrugging,
"Meh. You're not really super. Ironman flies, and Auntie Nat is all bendy and cool, and you... you just do archery." Another giggle slipped from the boy's lips. It was obvious he was just teasing.
"Hear that? I'm bendy and cool. What's your power, old man?" Natasha poked Clint in his side.
"I don't have to stand here and be bullied like this! I'm going to take Tony to bed." Clint wiped a fake tear off his face dramatically, "He's the only one in this house who truly cares about me!"
After Tony was changed, tucked into bed, and joined by Lila a few minutes later; after the popcorn was devoured, and the movie was watched; after the plot holes were discussed, and Cooper drifted off into sleep in the middle of a debate over which Marauder was the best; the remaining conscious people cracked open a bottle of wine and spent hours exchanging stories the others hadn't been there to experience with them.
Clint was naturally close with both his wife and his work partner, but the two women had also developed a deep connection over the years, and they were now chatting and laughing like they saw each other every day. Even though it'd been months since Natasha had been able to join Clint on a visit home, it felt like no time had passed since the last time she'd been on that exact stool in the Bartons' kitchen clasping Laura's hand in her own as they laughed and laughed over trivial things. Clint's home, like everything else belonging to Clint felt like nothing but safety and acceptance to Natasha, and there were few other things in the world that made her feel safe or accepted. When Clint had first recruited Nat, she'd felt ostracized at work, and unwelcome in her new country, but Laura hadn't even blinked an eye before accepting the girl in with open protective arms. That first time coming with Clint to the farm, her gaze untrusting, her eyes young, and her Russian accent barely concealed, Natasha had known the moment she stepped in the door that she'd found her family and home within the Bartons. She was so damn happy to be back.
"-and you should've seen her face!" After being lost in thought, Natasha drifted back into the moment, just in time to catch Clint telling some story that was presumably detrimental to the tough image she worked so hard to maintain.
"Oh my god!" Laura sat down her wine glass to wipe a tear from her eye, "did that actually happen, Nat?" She let out a mirthful laugh.
"Of course it happened! I wouldn't lie!" Clint was also laughing. She snorted in response,
"You're a spy, Clint. You lie for a living." Natasha released Laura's hand from her clutch to pour herself another glass of wine. It was her third glass of wine; she should've been at least a little drunk, but she had a high alcohol tolerance, and even if she was hammered any behaviours displayed by drunk people had long since been trained out of her. She knew Clint was the same way, and while they were both perhaps laughing a little more than they usually did, that was more from the company rather than the alcohol. The only proof she had that he was drunk at all was that when he swung a dart he had in his hand, aiming for the dartboard around the corner and down the hall, the thunk told her that it had landed in the bullseye, but had entered the target on an angle. Clint always tried to avoid landing any projectiles at an angle, seeing as that kind of technique could be less lethal when used on an opponent. "Weak aim, Hawk." She smirked and clicked her tongue, "Think maybe you've had one too many?"
"No," Clint pouted, "Shuddup, Tasha."
"Oh ho, watch it, you're starting to sound like Tony." Laura who'd been laughing previously went quiet at the comment.
"How's he doing? Poor man, that can't be easy." Natasha smiled softly in her best 'everything is okay' expression.
"Well, poor is certainly not a word I'd use to describe Tony, but all jokes aside, he's doing alright. As well as one could be doing, what with his history and all."
"History?"
"Yeah," Clint grumbled, "history of having a total asshole as a dad."
"Oh."
"It doesn't come up often, and I wouldn't bring it up, but any mentions of violence are not recommended. Also, he doesn't like water on his head, so baths are sometimes... difficult." Laura nodded, her face somber,
"Dually noted. Anything else I should know?"
"Um..." Clint hummed thoughtfully, "He likes magic school bus, but he can't stand Doc McStuffins, and he likes to deny his situation. 'Not a baby' are probably the words I've heard the most frequently over the last few days." Laura laughed again, and promptly conversation moved on to more pleasant topics.
The trio were back to laughing and chatting in no time, till close to midnight pitiful wails were heard coming from Lila's bedroom, quickly accompanied by a second sobbing voice. For the Bartons it brought back memories of when Lila had just been born and Cooper was only a toddler, cause it's a known fact that when one baby cries, the other one is going to cry too. Clint stood, followed soon after by Natasha when Tony let out a desperate wail for his mama.
"Mama?" Laura echoed.
"It's a nickname." Natasha grumbled as she went down the hallway to the bedroom.
Inside the bedroom was pretty bright due to the night light illuminating it, and Natasha could clearly see Tony kneeling at the edge of the bed, hands gripping the rails of the side bar.
"Mama!" He sniffled reaching out for Nat, "Wan' mama!"
"Hey now, what's wrong Anton? You woke up your little friend with all those tears!" Lila, who was now nuzzled against her father let out a muffled sob against his chest.
"What's going on baby?"
"No' baby! Big!" Laura, who was standing in the doorway of the room let out a chuckle.
"What'd I tell you?" Clint gave her a knowing smile as he bounced their daughter up and down.
"No!" Tony argued, "Dis time weawwy big, Cwin'!" Clint's face softened as he realized that Tony wasn't lying.
"Sorry, Tones, didn't realize. What's going on, bud? I didn't expect to see adult Tony tonight." Clint passed a once again sleeping Lila to his wife, and took Tony from Natasha, giving him the same bouncing treatment he'd given his daughter. This time however, instead of being met with a soft yawn and a sleepy toddler, he was met with an offended scowl.
"I had, um..." Tony scrunched up his nose as his already flushed cheeks went a deeper red, "I had nigh'mawe. Was baby, bu' woke up big." It was probably the first time Clint heard Tony call himself a baby. It could've been a testament to how tired he was, but it also could've been a testament to how difficult the word little was for him to say.
"Sweetie," Clint cooed, "I'm sorry you had a nightmare. I know you're big, but maybe we can go out into the living room and have a little cuddle, hm? You never know, it just might help." Clint knew that Tony was still firmly in his adult headspace, but he was also very, very tired, so it didn't surprise him that much when Tony agreed with only a few protests about still being an adult. Laura tucked Lila back into bed, and then the three adults plus Tony made their way into the living room.
Tony snarled at Natasha who was holding out a sippy cup of milk to him.
"Really, Tony? You know I can't give you a regular glass, you'll just spill it."
"Tha's fine," Tony turned his head away from her, "Don' wan' miwk anyways." Clint, who was holding Tony, chuckled and took the cup from Natasha.
"Stubborn no matter what headspace you're in. What if I take off the lid?" Tony's face changed from stubborn to satisfied as he made grabby hands for the cup. "But," the scowl returned, "I'm holding it for you. I'm not having you spill on my couch, and that's final." Tony let out a groan, but allowed Clint to pop the lid off of the drink and tip the cup up to his mouth. "Hey, you know what i just realized?" Tony swallowed and shook his head, "This is the first time Laura's meeting adult you?" Laura smiled, looking flustered,
"Yeah, I guess that's right. It's nice to meet you, Tony... or, not meet you, because I've already met you. But, that wasn't you, you know? I mean, I gue-"
"Laura, hon? Calm down, you're rambling." Clint chuckled good-naturedly.
"Oh," Laura flushed, "sorry. I, um... hi." Tony grinned, and leaned back against Clint to whisper,
"I wike hew."
"Yeah?" Clint responded in a stage whisper to match Tony, "I'm glad. I like her too."
The adults spent the next half an hour or so chatting, quieter this time, as Tony sat on Clint's lap slowly sipping away at his milk and watching them converse, too tired and drowsy to voice any thoughts he had on their topics of discussion. At around quarter to one, Tony's head fell forward against his chin as he conked out, and the adults after getting him to bed, finally went to sleep themselves. Clint went to bed happy. Not only was he back home with his wife and family again, Tony and Natasha seemed really happy. This was going to be a good weekend, he could feel it!