Rhodey's visit
After tucking in Tony, Natasha asked JARVIS to take her down to the gym. When she got there, Clint was on the mat stretching and waiting for her to come spar, but instead of joining him she went over to the opposite side of the gym, and slipped on a pair of boxing gloves. The gloves were worn to the point of nearly falling apart, and a little too large for her, probably because she and Steve had the same habit of boxing their demons away. She approached the nearest punching bag, and began attacking it furiously. The frustration she was feeling must have been noticeable on her face, because even though Clint made no move to approach her, he signed,
"Okay Nat?" from across the room. Or, maybe her expression hiding skills were as good as she'd initially thought, and he was concerned because she'd beaten the punching bag so brutally it was spilling sand at the seams. She shook off the oversized gloves and walked over to him, accepting the water bottle he offered her. As she drank, she noticed for the first time that she'd been abusing that poor punching bag for a solid 20 minutes, and there was a muted pain radiating from her knuckles. She learned to shrug off pain a long time ago, so she pulled her self together, walked over to the sparring mat, and waved over her partner. He wasn't wearing his aids (they could survive a lot of things normal aids couldn't, but they couldn't survive a fight the way Nat and Clint fought), so she signed her response,
"He was scared. Children shouldn't feel scared adults will hurt them." She shook her head, "Ever. Children shouldn't have to worry. Adults should be safe." her signing skills were mediocre at best, but he still got the message.
"Tony safe Nat." even as he comforted her he got in a fighting stance,
"I know, but doesn't feel safe. Not fair. Not right." She felt the frustration bubbling up inside of her. He knew from the moment she walked in that while she was upset that Tony was scared, he wasn't the only one Natasha was upset for, though she'd never admit that. He wasn't sure if what he did next was the right thing, and he knew she'd kill other men for less, but he did it anyways,
"You safe too." When her eyes met his there was fury in them. He continued anyways, pointing at his ear in an obvious reference to the scars that travelled from behind the appendage down his jaw,
"You know I know your pain, and your fear, but you're safe now Nat." She ignored the broken smile he gave her and assumed position as well,
"Not a child Barton. Know I'm safe." When they began fighting, he was expecting the painful crack of his jaw as she swung ruthlessly at him. He knew she was probably being so vicious because of what he'd said, and for a moment he actually felt scared. Did he push her too far when he brought up her past? But, he quickly reminded himself that she would never intentionally injure him, and that no matter how painful her punches were, she always avoided crucial nerves. He was safe with her, and he hoped she knew that she was safe with him too. As he dodged her leg he caught her lips moving in what looked suspiciously like the word weak, so he signed stop, and straightened himself up to meet her eyes,
"Could you repeat that now that I can see your lips?"
"Don't ever insinuate that I'm a weak child again Barton, I mean it." Okay, so she was really mad. He didn't even have to hear her to sense the venom in her words,
"I never called you weak, or a child." He said patiently, once again handing her the water bottle, "I said that you're safe." He raised an eyebrow at her, daring her to contradict his words, "Children aren't the only ones who deserve to feel safe Nat. Do you feel you don't deserve to be safe."
"I feel fine." She snapped, though most of the sharp dangerousness had drained from her facial expression. He smiled at her as though she hadn't just been threatening him a moment ago,
"I'm glad to hear it." And he was. He assumed position again, and the fighting continued, if a little less intensely.
In another part of the tower, Tony woke up alone in his playpen. He didn't sleep that long, and when he woke up he was surprised to find that he still was feeling big enough to have little to no interest in the toys scattered around what he had fondly come to call his "child cage™," so he waited patiently for someone to come and collect him. After a few moments of no one coming into the room, he started calling out the names of his teammates,
"Cwint? Bwuce? Mama?" He winced, not even realizing what he'd said until it'd slipped out of his mouth. He didn't want to start mentally dissecting why younger him seemed to be desperate for a mom, but never once had he felt the urge to call one of the men on his team dad. Still, he couldn't help himself from mulling over it, and as he travelled into the deeper regions of his brain, he decided that it might have something to do with good ol' Howard. He could feel himself slipping into a younger state of mind the more he thought about how much he wanted his Mama, and he began to whimper childishly, but he shot back up into an adult mindset when Steve entered the room.
"Hey there Tony." Steve practically cooed, "you didn't call me, but is it okay if I pick you up? If not I could go find Bruce." the man looked sheepish, like he was expecting Tony to turn down his offer. Tony wasn't sure why, but they could talk about that later. Tony nodded, even though he was feeling very adult, and didn't exactly like the idea of being carried. Steve scooped him up, and held him delicately, shifting him in his arms every few seconds.
"Da' ta'k abou' you wots." Steve blinked in ill-concealed surprise, obviously under the impression that Tony was still mentally young. The little boy decided to let him think what he wanted to think. Perhaps it would be easier to speak to Steve this way, because he didn't seem to have the judgement in his voice when he spoke to young Tony that he did when he spoke to old Tony. "When I was bad, he tew me my Uncah Stebe is Cap'n 'Merica, an' he wou' ha'e me." Tony looked up Steve with those big eyes, but he didn't look sad necessarily, just curious. It was almost like he was asking Steve if it was true.
"Tony," he said, pulling the little boy in closer, "I don't hate you I promise. I love you very much." Tony nuzzled himself closer into Steve's chest, and let out a relieved breath. The adult part of him knew that Steve didn't hate him, but the child part of him still had to check.
"Wike you too Stebe." He reached up a tiny hand to pat Steve's cheek, causing Steve to laugh despite himself.
"Now that that's out of the way, do you want to go eat lunch with Bruce? He's in the kitchen, cooking ...well, I'm not sure what it is, but it smells good."
"No highchaiw." Steve laughed a little more freely,
"Hmmmm," he pretended to consider it, "I'll think about it." Tony couldn't find the energy inside himself to have a fit when Steve took him into the kitchen, and clipped him into the highchair, but he still pouted. "Don't be sad Tony," Steve cooed again, making Tony pout even more, "Bruce is making some really yummy - what is it you're making Bruce?" The scientist smiled at the pair,
"Hi Tony. I'm making dal khichdi Steve, it's Indian." If Tony didn't know better he would have thought that Steve looked a little worried at that answer, "Don't worry, it's not spicy unless you put the Achar on it, just really buttery." It made sense that the captain didn't like spicy food, seeing as he grew up mainly on potatoes and other flavourless foods, but Tony couldn't help the giggle at how relieved Steve looked,
"Right. I'll make sure to avoid the achar, which is the-"
"The pickles Steve." Steve was blushing slightly at his lack of knowledge,
"Right. The ones that are called pickles, but are actually spicy mango?" Bruce chuckled,
"Those are the ones. Adult Tony likes them, but I'm not sure how baby Tony will feel." Tony stuck his tongue out defiantly at his friend,
"No' baby."
"So I've heard. Natasha and Clint told me their theory, but I don't think that being in an adult mindset is going to change your taste buds, or anything physically for that matter." Steve looked wholly confused,
"Tony's brain is adult again?" Bruce barked a laugh,
"For now at least. Tony's just so childish all the time, it's hard to tell when he's a two year old or not." He shot a smirk at Tony, obviously not noticing the guilty expression on the child's face. Tony hadn't really done anything wrong, but he still felt a little bad that he'd used Steve thinking he was young to get answers.
"I bet we could figure out right now if your mind set will effect your feelings about spice, if you're up to a little experiment," Bruce gave Tony his very specific wanna' do science? look he had, and Steve had a feeling that this "experiment" was going to entail a little more than feeding Tony some pepper. At Tony's nod, Bruce left the room for a moment, and returned with the Hulk pacifier. Tony looked at it with disgust, despite the fact that he often used it. "Do you want this Tony?" Bruce asked amicably, ignoring the insulted look Tony gave him.
"No. Don' wan' Bwuce."
"Good, just making sure. It's crucial for the experiment." For the first time ever, Tony and Steve looked equally confused about something Bruce was saying. Bruce leaned in a little closer to Tony, offering him the soother, "I know you don't want to, but can you put this in your mouth for me?" The toddler grumbled for a few seconds, but accepted the pacifier in the name of science. Then, for reasons incomprehensible to Steve, Bruce began tapping the pacifier with his index finger, and suddenly Tony was sucking on the pacifier, which had previously been hanging loosely from his lips. The scientist straightened with a satisfied smile, as thought that one little motion answered anything. Bruce must've sensed Steve's confusion, because he began explaining his theory, "What Tony just demonstrated for us was the instinct all infants-" Tony made a garbled noise of indigence at Bruce's choice of words, "Sorry, that all people under two have to perform non-nutritive self-soothing when prompted by a pacifier accompanied with any motion similar to tapping. I'd even say he's a little old for that instinct," Tony huffed in protest, "but if that one's still around than the pre-pubescent instinct to dislike foods with acquired tastes is definitely still around."
Tony began whining when instead of taking away that god-awful pacifier, Bruce (whom he'd previously thought was his friend) clipped it onto his shirt, and turned to continue preparing the food. Steve looked uncomfortably at Tony, like part of him wanted to take him out of the highchair and hug him, and part of him wanted to take back what he'd said earlier since he knew that Tony was lucid enough to remember it. Tony wasn't exactly sure what to do with himself either, but thankfully after a few minutes of silently avoiding Steve's scrutinizing glances at him, Bruce brought sweet salvation in the form of a bowl of curry. At first, Steve tried to feed Tony, but the toddler was not having it. Throwing his head from side to side, he could feel himself slipping farther away from his adult mind. Finally, Steve gave up, and let Tony feed himself, trying not to smile as the little boy giggled and buried his hands in the food.
By the time Tony had finished his lunch, he was an absolute mess. Bruce was fussing over him with a wet cloth when JARVIS made an announcement,
"Dr. Banner, Colonel Rhodes is scheduled to have lunch with the young sir today, and is currently waiting in the elevator. Should I let him in?" Bruce straightened, obviously deciding to quit trying to clean Tony.
"He was bound to find out eventually," he looked to Steve for confirmation, "I think we should just let him in." Steve nodded, though he looked apprehensive,
"Might as well." The elevator gave a pleasant ping, and Tony bounced excitedly, having caught on that his friend was coming. The moment Rhodes walked into the room, Tony started calling out to him,
"Whodey, Whodey! Pwatypus!" Rhodes stopped in shock before even stepped out of the elevator,
"I swear to God, if Tony had a kid and taught him to call me platypus-"
"That's the thing." Bruce cut him off, looking nervous, "Tony didn't have the kid... Tony is the kid." Bruce undid Tony's buckle, and placed him wriggling on the ground. He promptly ran over to the colonel and reached up his arms to be carried.
"Up." He demanded. Rhodes didn't pick him up, instead he laughed, like any sensible person would do.
"I'm not joking." Bruce said apologetically, "Tony got hit with some magic, and now he's one."
"Awmost two!" Tony contradicted as he tugged on his friend's pant leg. Rhodes finally picked up the eager child, and held him out to get a good look at him,
"How long has he been like this?" Bruce sighed tiredly,
"Three days, but it's gonna last at least a month."
"Whodey!" Tony declared proudly as he tugged on the man's ear. Rhodey swatted his hand away, not unkindly, and bounced Tony a little,
"What did you get yourself into this time Tones? You look almost as little as you did when I met you at MIT."
"No' wittah Whodey!" Tony giggled, "Big!" The man laughed, "Sure you are Tones." Rhodey walked over to the nearby couch, and greeted Steve for the first time on his way,
"Good to see you Steve."
"Colonel Rhodes," Steve slipped into his Captain America voice, as he often did while talking to military personal, "long time no see."
"Yeah," Rhodes paused for a moment to give Tony attention, since the little boy was tugging on his shirt, "I was out of the country on a mission, just flew back in last night."
"Whodey!"
"What is it bud?" It seemed the colonel was still Tony's exasperated older brother, regardless of the latter's age.
"Wanna' show you toys, an' Cap'n 'Merica pwate." Rhodes chuckled at the way Tony had whispered like his belongings were a very important secret.
"Oh, I'm gonna' have so much blackmail material when he's back to normal!"
"Don't worry," Bruce smiled mischievously, "he'll be back in a few minutes, then you can tease him all you want."
"Now I'm confused, I thought you said he's like this for a month?"
"He is, but he's been shifting between an adult and toddler frame of mind every few minutes." As if on cue, Tony squirmed out of Rhodey's hold, tumbling to the ground in an attempt to get over to his toy bin, and the shock of the fall seemed to be enough to send him back into a much more (if not all the way) adult state of mind. He pushed himself up from where he'd face planted on the ground. His bottom lip wobbled at first, but he cheered up exponentially when he saw his friend, as though he hadn't noticed him before. "You back Tones?" Bruce asked calmly as though his colleagues shifted from baby to adult all the time. Tony huffed when Rhodey picked him up and bounced him in his arms, looking more embarrassed about his situation than he had since the first day.
"Fine." He muttered dejectedly, "No' hur'" Rhodey laughed at him, and ruffled his hair,
"Look at you diaper butt. I like you more like this actually, you're cute." Tony looked shocked and offended,
"Speaking of diapers," Bruce collected Tony from a cackling Rhodes, "I've gotta go deal with this."
"Bwuce!" Tony squirmed indignantly in his hold. He'd gotten pretty used to being changed, but this was utterly humiliating. He was just grateful that Bruce took him out of the room to change him.
"Relax Tony." Bruce instructed sternly as Tony struggled against getting changed. Halfway through changing Bruce popped the pacifier clipped onto Tony's shirt back into his mouth. and used the tapping trick he had earlier in the kitchen. Tony growled at the other man, Bruce rarely forced Tony to take a pacifier when he knew he was adult. "You have two options Tony; you can calm down and spend time with your friend, or you can go in your playpen for the rest of Rhodey's visit. Tony whined from behind his pacifier, but calmed down almost instantly, aside from the occasional nasty glare at the scientist. Bruce smiled at him gratefully, praising him about how good he was being, and kissing his tummy before closing the onesie again.
After Bruce helped him up off the changing mat, Tony shot off like an arrow into the living room, where he threw himself into the tired-looking colonels arms. Rhodes spent the rest of the afternoon trying to slip in quick conversations with the rest of the avengers as they trickled into the room, but mostly failing because Tony was dragging him around the floor showing him every single item he'd acquired since he'd changed. Thankfully, it only took an hour or so for Tony to collapse in his friend's arms, dead asleep. Which admittedly, worried Bruce a little.
"Clint, did you say that Tony slept at the park earlier?" the question was conversational enough, but he could see traces of concern in Clint's eyes too.
"Yeah, on the way home, and again when we got home." Bruce worried his bottom lip as he looked at the sleeping child.
"Maybe I should give him another checkup." Rhodey stood up and handed the sleeping child to Bruce,
"I gotta go anyways." He said his farewells to all the Avengers (minus Thor), who were chatting in the communal lounge by that point, and made his way over to the elevators. "Keep him safe Bruce, and keep me in the loop, k?" He tangled his fingers in Tony's hair, "Christ, he's so little!" He gave one last wave to the Avengers, wished them good luck with Tony (he knew they were gonna need it), and left. Tony woke up a few seconds after Rhodey left, and looked around confusedly. Bruce noticed that his eyes were glazed over, and he was shivering a little in his arms.
"Hey babe," Tony had no reaction, which was another bad sign, "you feeling okay?" Tony scrunched up his nose like he wasn't sure then shook his head with a whimper,
"Don' feew good Bwuce!" He whined pathetically, then began to wail at the top of his lungs. Bruce groaned, knowing right then and there, it was gonna be a long afternoon.