I’m Here, I’ll Be Your Crutch

Marvel Cinematic Universe Thor (Movies)
M/M
G
I’m Here, I’ll Be Your Crutch
author
Summary
Loki visits Thor after the events of Ragnarok and the destruction of their planet. Things get emotional, and Loki learns that despite how strong Thor always seems, even his big brother can break from the pressure and grief of things weighing him down.

Loki quietly stepped into Thor’s field of view on the mirror he was looking into, letting the other know he was there, quietly watching. It was a moment Loki didn’t want to break the silence on, it seemed like it was important to Thor. His brother had gently touched, and traced the area around his eyepatch, examining it, getting a feel for it, before noticing Loki in the mirror.

Loki gave him a soft smile, it was one of sadness and regret. It was one of love, ready to rekindle their dying relationship.

“It suits you,” Loki said, when Thor didn’t say anything to acknowledge him there. Thor turned from the mirror to actually face Loki.

“Thank you.” Thor replied, returning the soft smile Loki gave him before. “If you were here, I might actually give you a hug.” He said, tossing the stopper up and down in his hand a couple times, before throwing it Loki’s direction. Thor had expected his brother to be lost to him for some time after Ragnarok, possibly abandoning him again, travelling in his own provided ship until he was ready to join Thor again. That was assuming he wasn’t killed in the explosion… Seeing him here now did ease some worries and fears he held.

When Loki caught the stopper, instead of the stopper going straight through him like Thor had expected, the air of tension that had slowly built up between them had disappeared, both males visibly relaxing. Loki took a couple steps closer to Thor, before stopping. “I’m here, brother,” He promised, his voice soft spoken.

Thor closed in the small gap between them quickly, pulling Loki into his arms, holding him tight. He wrapped one arm around Loki, the other clutching the back of his head, as he buried his face against the other’s neck. Loki had dropped the stopper in favor of returning the hug, his hands clutching Thor’s cape.

They stayed standing like that for a few moments, before Loki could feel Thor begin to shake against him, and feel wetness hitting his skin. It broke his heart, to witness Thor suddenly break down like this in front of him, when he didn’t expect it. Yet, he was glad to know Thor still trusted him enough to allow himself to. He began to gently rock them back and forth, quietly repeating to Thor that it was okay, that he was here, and things will get better.

It wasn’t entirely uncalled for though, and Loki understood that. He’s broken down like this before when things got too much for him too, a few years earlier when he was locked up. When everything in his life just piled on top of him - his Jotun heritage revealed, being mind-controlled by Thanos, being sentenced a life in prison - it all finally came crashing down on him once he heard the news of their mother’s death. It was too much to bare anymore. Though, he didn’t have anyone to hold him through it like Thor does.

And now it was Thor’s turn, as the loss of everything he had, at the loss of their father, their people, hit him harder than it did Loki. And Loki swore to himself he’d be there for Thor now.

“I thought I’d lost you too…” Thor said in between his quiet sobs, his voice cracking.

“Shhh…” Loki hushed gently, running a hand through Thor’s short hair, suddenly missing the long hair he once had. “I’m okay, I’m here,” He said again, repeating the motion.

He moved his hands to move Thor’s face off him, holding the sides of his face in front of him, and wiped the tears away with his thumbs, when he felt that Thor was mostly done and had let it all out.

“Loki…” Thor said pathetically, weakly.

“I’m sorry, Thor.” Loki said, looking into Thor’s one eye. It was hard to look at Thor like this, to know he had to deal with this disfiguration of himself on top of everything else. He meant his apology, even if he wasn’t very clear what it was for, but he put all his emotions and honesty into it. That he was sorry for what Thor was going through, that he was sorry for everything he’d done to his brother, that his own actions caused all these events to come to light. He felt eternally guilty for it.

Loki’s own thumb raised up, touching the skin on Thor’s face just below the eyepatch he wore, just as Thor had done earlier. “The eyepatch really does look good on you, brother.” He tried to lift his spirits just slightly. He wanted Thor to feel confident about it, and not let it bring him down and feel any less of a person because of it. He regret that he couldn’t be there when Thor had the wound cleaned and patch applied. “Does it hurt?”

Thor shook his head gently, not enough to dislodge Loki’s hands from his face. “No,” He sniffled. “I’ve had some pain killers…”

Loki gave Thor another small sad smile at that. He wished he could take away his big brother’s pains. His brother was always so strong, and nothing in Loki’s recent memory or long-term memory had ever broken him quite like this.

“Can I take a look?” Loki asked, watching as Thor’s face went through varying expressions and emotions about it. “It’s okay if you don’t want me to see, brother.” He reassured.

“I…” Thor hesitated, his one eye looking off to the side, not realizing he was holding his breath until he finally exhaled through his nose. “I suppose you can…”

He wanted to trust Loki, let him back into his life. He wanted to believe Loki only wanted to look because he was concerned for him, and not to later mock him for it when it was convenient for him.

“Okay,” Loki replied. When he lifted the eyepatch off Thor’s face, he made sure to keep his expression schooled, and not show any immediate reaction, if only to keep Thor more comfortable. Sadness, however, was clearly seen in his eyes. It, well, it wasn’t pretty, what Loki was seeing. What once held one of Thor’s brilliant blue eyes, was now a marred, eye-less, raw socket. “Norns…” He remarked quietly.

It felt somewhat ironic, that Loki had spent a lifetime threatening to stab Thor over trivial things, and actually stabbing him when their fights went too far, but it was Thor’s actual blood-related sibling, who took it further and harmed him irreversibly. Loki never, ever, would have done that to Thor, and harm him in such a way, even after his past threats of killing him. He always did love Thor too much.

A green swirl of magic flowed from Loki’s finger tips, to Thor’s eye, healing all the damaged skin there, repairing it. Making it as good as new again, saving Thor from further pains from it that he might not be able to later help him with.

“That should help,” Loki said when he was finished. It certainly looked better than it did, but it wasn’t any more pleasant to look at. He placed the eyepatch back on for him, a small part of him feeling happier, content, that he could help and be there for Thor, even if it was such a small thing he did for him.

“Thank you, Loki,” Thor said, placing his own hands on top of his brother’s, pulling them away from his face, so that he could hold them. “Thank you, for coming back…For being here, truly.”

Loki’s calm demeanor nearly dropped with that, not having expected something like that from his brother. It broke his heart again, just as before when Thor first broke down, that Thor didn’t believe he would come back home to him until Loki proved him wrong.

“Thor…brother,” Loki started, and now it was his turn, as he let go of Thor’s hands, and wrapped his arms around the other again, his face against his shoulder. “I know, I’m sorry.” He let out a long shaky breath.

Loki let himself be held by Thor, giving the other the support back that he knew he needed. Again, no words were said between them, just taking comfort of the other’s presence in their arms.

Loki was the first to pull back again, not fully, keeping contact with Thor with his hands gently holding on his arms. “Thor, listen to me,” He said, looking straight into Thor’s eye. “You…you really are the strongest person I know.” He started, his eyes softening. “You always have been, our whole lives. Through our thick and thin, you always came out stronger, better, more knowledgeable. It’s okay, that you cried, brother. I don’t look at you any differently, literally and figuratively.

"But you..you’ve survived this mess. You’re here, standing with me now. After the loss of our father, after the loss of our planet, you’re here. Ready to continue moving forward, and take a lost people to find a new home.” Loki said, wiping away a tear on Thor’s face that fell, until he rested that hand against Thor’s neck, much like what Thor always did to him. He brought them closer, resting his forehead against his brother’s. “I’m so proud of you.” He said quieter.

Thor only sniffled again, not knowing what to say to Loki’s little speech to him. It warmed his heart, it made him realized just how far apart he and Loki had strayed from each other, that Loki hasn’t been this brutally honest with him in probably decades. He missed this Loki, his brother who he’d grown up beside, the one that his heart felt an infinite amount of love for.

“I promise I’ll stay by your side.” Loki continued, when Thor didn’t say anything in response, lifting his head from Thor’s. “You’re, well.. We’re the only ones we have left, brother.” He said, with a breath of a chuckle, giving a sad smile, his own heart aching. “I know I can’t tell you yet all that’s happened to me, but if you need it, I’ll be there for you again, I’ll be your support, just like I am now.”

“Loki, thank you…” Thor said again. This really felt like a brand new start for them. Along with everything else in their life, it was a blank slate, ready to be forged anew. Loki was ready to stay by Thor’s side permanently, it seemed, all his previous rage and jealousy towards Thor gone, and replaced with support and encouragement. It also seemed like Thor wasn’t the only one who had changed over the years. “I’ve missed you.”

“And you as well.” Loki replied. “Let’s forget the past,” He suggested. He didn’t mean it in a completely literal way, but in terms of their rocky relationship the past few years. Especially their time on Sakaar, where things had been especially ugly between each other, and betrayal came around to both of them, using the other for their own gain. It was just unfortunate that it took that, and the loss of their home to realize how much they needed and relied on each other, “and forge a new future, yes?” Loki asked, giving him a hopeful smile.

“Agreed.” Thor said. He felt better now, after letting out a bit of a cry, overwhelmed with his emotions at the time, and having this small, yet meaningful chat with Loki. He knew there were many more things left unsaid between them, actions left hanging with no apologies or explanations, but they will most likely come at a later date. Loki had promised to stay, and Thor believed him. His brother never took his promises lightly, and whenever he made them, he meant and followed through with them.

“I love you, little brother.” Thor said, leaning in to give Loki a kiss on the crown of his head.

“And I love you, Thor.” Loki responded. “Never doubt it.”