It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
In a different world he wouldn’t have to break into the apartment because it would be his, too. He wouldn’t care how much noise he made as the door closed behind him. A coat may be thrown on the floor as shoes were pulled off.
The apartment was small. Though he couldn’t imagine needing much space. All his current possessions he had gathered in four years were to create an illusion that he wasn’t lonely.
But if he lived here, the apartment would belong to two people who knew that all their life needed was the other.
He imagined, in this world, newspapers wouldn’t be covering windows. No. The sun would willingly shine through to brighten up the room.
Peeling wall paper would have been replaced. Or maybe stripped away entirely so walls could be painted. Tarps would cover the floor as they worked on different sections. Occasionally leaning over to dab paint on the other’s nose or smudge some on their cheek.
Steve smiled sadly, imagining how they’d make a day of repairing the cracked tiles in the kitchen.
The small mattress in the corner would only have to be slightly larger. Neither of them needed the over-the-top beds from this century, just enough room for the two of them to fit side by side.
Walking over to the kitchen, Steve took a notebook off the top of the fridge. He thumbed through it. Maybe they would have used its pages for shopping lists. Or torn out pages used to write sickeningly sweet love notes on, then left around the apartment for the other to find.
He heard Sam warn him about the German Special Forces. He responded promptly.
Though in this world he was imagining, Captain America would be in their past. The world would still need Cap, but he wouldn’t— they wouldn’t. His suit would be stowed away. Maybe the shield would hang on a wall. They would lead peaceful lives while the Avengers continued without him.
Steve knew he wasn’t alone anymore. He’d heard the door close softly.
In another world, Steve would throw himself into the other’s arms when he returned home. The feeling of being in in his arms would be nothing but familiar.
In this beautifully perfect yet impossible world, he’d never have to ask “Do you know me?” while staring into steel-blue eyes which obviously did not.