Riddles of the Heart
Day 301
“That little girl, the one with early onset Huntington’s? My nanobots can act as replacement neurons while repairing existing ones. And we can also use them to trick the neural stem cells into making the correct trineucleoride repeats!”
Taking a breath, Tony heaves. He’s just run all the way across the hospital to get to Steve’s room, because this is groundbreaking. The girl only has a few more months left at best with current treatments when she should have her whole future, and this – this could save a child’s life. This could change the entire field of neuroscience and medicine. And it could save even more lives.
Tony’s buzzing with energy and Steve’s staring at Tony because of course he should be, Tony’s just revolutionised science again, and –
“Sorry, who is this?”
There are two mothers in the room, and Steve’s holding a thermometer to their child’s ear, looking fondly amused at Tony.
“I’m sorry,” Tony says without any remorse and with all the charm he has – which, judging by their faces has no effect on them and all the effect on Steve. It doesn’t bog Tony down, he’s giddy with the exhilaration of discovery, and he points a commanding finger at Steve, “talk to me. ASAP. We have a life to save.”
As Tony spins out of the room, not bothering to close the door behind him, he hears Steve shout, “only if Peggy approves!”
The Director will, of course, approve 93% of all of Tony’s harebrained schemes, and Tony grins even wider at the barely restrained excitement and awe in Steve’s voice.
For all their differences, they both became doctors to save lives, and in times like these, when Tony’s entire being feels full and overflowing, Tony thinks they became doctors to save their own life above all else, because it is times like these that remind Tony life is worth something.
That life has meaning.
Day 311
“Pops? Are you and dad happy again?”
Tony smiles at Peter. They’re at Tony’s place, snuggling in Pepper’s sofa and enjoying JARVIS’ services in streaming Peter’s favorite Captain America episodes while DUM-E whizzes around to bring them blueberry smoothies and deformed pancakes.
“I’m always happy when I’m with you, Pumpkin Eater.”
Peter shakes his head, ignoring Hawkeye’s supreme shooting skills on screen in favour of glaring at Tony with too sharp eyes, “I mean, are you happy with dad?”
When Rhodey told Tony way back in MIT with a terrifying certainty that Tony would get karmic retribution for being a smartass, Tony hadn’t thought of the possibility that his own too smart kid would be the one delivering it. How does one explain the complications of the heart beyond its four chambers and four valves?
Am I happy? Tony asks himself. If it were a simple yes or no question on a test, which would he circle? It shouldn’t be that hard. He could ask JARVIS to scan him for serotonin and dopamine and oxytocin.
He’s not as happy as he used to be, curled up blissfully ignorant in Steve’s arms, but he’s certainly happier than he used to be before he came here. Now, Tony realises, he’s content. And in some ways, that means more than being happy.
So he lets his smile turn softer as he fondly wraps Peter in his arms, pulling them even closer together. “I’m happy,” he tells his son in simpler terms.
After one last scrutinizing look that’s far too intelligent for a child his age, Peter finally shifts his eyes back to the screen with a smile of his own. “Good. ‘Cause dad’s been smiling more lately, and I want you to be happy too.”
Tony doesn’t know what to say to that, so he just presses a lingering kiss into Peter’s curls as the boy gasps excitedly at Iron Man lifting Captain America into the skies. He wants more, he wants more than one day a week with Peter, wants to go back, wants to move forward, wants Steve’s soothing voice bringing him safe home from a nightmare, and wants everything in between and even more.
But he’s content with what he has. And that has to be enough.