Something More

“Hi,” you whispered, your voice cracking on the one syllable word. “C-can we talk?”

Opening his door wider you stepped inside. Aside from your sniffles and ragged breathing his apartment was eerily silent. No old school sitcom laugh tracks drifting through his walls, no sound of your giggles, his hearty laughter, your animated conversations filling the familiar space. His apartment felt like a ghost of happier times.

The door shut with a click causing you to jump at the sound. Shooting you an apologetic glance he gestured to the couch, shaking your head you bit your lower lip. Wrapping your arms around yourself you shifted your weight from to foot watching as he plopped down onto his couch. His eyes held equal parts wariness and concern as they stared into yours. 

Filled with a nervous energy you weren’t sure where to start. You had known that opening up was going to be difficult, but you weren’t expecting it to be this difficult.

“Just... don’t say anything until I finish. Please?” You asked softly, your eyes filling with another round of fresh tears.

“I’m sorry,” you started, your feet moving on their own as you began to pace back and forth across his floor. “For everything. For not believing you when you tried to tell me how you felt, for pushing you away.”

Sucking in a deep breath you paused your hectic pacing only for a moment as you summoned all the courage you could muster. “You’re the first guy to ever tell me you love me,” you said, flicking your gaze from his to your bare feet. “And it scared me, Bucky and I know that sounds stupid a-and I know that I hurt you and I’m sorry. For everything, but mostly for not realizing sooner how I felt about you.”

“Y/N.”

“You said you weren’t going to say anything until I was done.”

His plump lips curled up into a slow smile and despite the seriousness of the situation and the heaviness of words unspoken you had trouble holding back your own smile. 

Moving to the couch you gingerly sat down keeping an intentional gap of space between your bodies. Plucking at the hem of your shirt you struggled to keep your eyes on his. 

“I love you, Bucky Barnes. I’m in love with you.”

The room was still, your heart pounding in your ears, your body trembling, weak knees, shaky breaths, lingering and intense gazes that left you second guessing everything.

Saying the words out loud to him lifted a weight from your shoulders, but the silence that greeted you sent your heart plummeting. For the first time you realized how scary it was telling someone you loved them. You were handing them your heart, your whole body, trusting that they wouldn’t turn you down, that they wouldn’t shatter you into a million tiny pieces. It was laying yourself bare, asking someone to accept everything about you, all the good and all the bad. You understood why he had been so hurt that night at the bar when you had refused to admit your feelings. And the longer he sat there staring at you with an open mouth the more anxious you grew over his eventual reply.

"Say something," you begged. "Please."

Scooting his body closer to yours his large hands cupped your tear stained cheeks, the pads of his thumbs wiping your falling tears away, resting his forehead against yours you closed your eyes, waiting with bated breath for him to say something, anything. But the longer he stayed silent the more convinced you were that he had changed his mind, that you had fucked everything up by waiting too long to talk to him and the worst part was you wouldn't have blamed him if he pushed you away. After all how many times had you done the same to him? Everything in your body was telling you to run, to get out of here, but you couldn't, not until he gave you some kind of answer. 

"Bucky," you whimpered.

"Say it again," he demanded, his breath hot as it brushed your lips.

"What?"

"Say it again."

"I-I love y-."

Your words were cut off with a searing kiss that left you both eager for more and breathless. Keeping one hand on your wet cheek he slid his other hand to the back of your head, his fingers curling around your hair as he deepened the kiss. 

"Do you know how long I've waited to hear you say that?" He asked, his breath ragged, his voice husky. Without giving you a chance to speak his lips were on yours again, stealing your breath, your words, your heart. "I love you, Y/N."

Hearing those words felt different after learning the truth. The first time he said it had been in the middle of a fight, red with jealously and rage. Now it was pink bursting with love and blooming flowers.

Four words. That was all it took to send your world exploding. You hadn’t expected falling in love to be so emotional, so all consuming, so overwhelming and as tears of happiness and relief and exhaustion rolled down your cheeks you were so thankful that Bucky was there to not only catch them, but to be your first love.

Breaking the kiss he pressed his lips to the corner of your mouth, to your cheeks kissing away your tears, to your forehead where he let his lips linger. 

"You're not mad at me?"

Pulling his lips back he frowned at you. "Baby, why would I be mad at you?"

Shrugging your shoulders you searched his eyes. After coming clean and admitting your feelings opening up to him should have been easy, but you were still finding it difficult. "I don't know. For not realizing sooner how I felt. For not believing you, but believing Steve."

"C'mere." Pulling you into his arms you buried your head in his chest inhaling the scent that clung to his shirt. "'M not mad, but I wish you would have talked to me instead of running away," he sighed. "I understand why you didn't. I know I hurt you that night at the bar and 'm sorry, Y/N."

"I wanted to talk to you, Bucky, but I couldn't. I know that we're supposed to tell each other everything, but I was scared and hurt a-and..."

"Scared of what?" He asked softly.

Lifting your head up from his chest you frowned. 

"Everything," you whispered. "You're my best friend and when you told me you loved me I didn't know what to think. I never thought that anybody, least of all someone like you would fall in love with me and I didn't know how to react. And the longer we didn't talk the more scared I got. You've been there for me pretty much my whole life and I didn't want to lose you or ruin our friendship. And I still don't and I'm still scared, Bucky. I-I know it sounds stupid and..."

"You're not gonna lose me, Y/N," he promised, kissing your forehead before staring deeply into your eyes. "You're never gonna lose me, sweetheart. 'M always gonna be here for you." 

Resting his forehead against yours he cracked a smile. "'Sides I think the friendship was ruined when I fell in love with you. And when you asked me to sleep with you and we definitely ruined it when we started having some pretty amazing sex."

Despite the seriousness of the conversation you couldn't help laughing at his words. It felt so good to be open and honest, to laugh with him again. No matter how many things had changed in your relationship over the past couple of months, no matter how many ups and downs the two of you faced, the one thing that remained a constant was your unwavering bond with each other. 

"Promise me if you get scared you'll talk to me. Don't run away from me again."

"I'm done running, Bucky.” And you were. To prove your words you tilted your face up capturing his lips in a gentle kiss. It was slow, a little tentative as if after a month apart you had to relearn each other's bodies, but he was quick to take the lead, molding his lips to yours, coaxing out those beautiful moans he loved to hear so much. "I love you, Bucky," you whispered, breaking the kiss.

"I love you too," he said, leaning down to kiss you again. His lips were warm against yours, moving slowly as if he was afraid if he moved too fast you’d disappear. Curling your fingers around his shirt you moaned when he swiped his tongue against your lower lip begging for entrance. Opening your mouth wider his tongue slipped in, tangling with your own and causing him to groan. The vibrations went straight to your core making you whine pathetically against him. Swallowing your growing sounds he broke the kiss, his teeth nipping at your lower lip before he kissed you again, rougher this time. Sliding his hand from your cheek down to your waist he hummed when you climbed into his lap, your legs straddling his waist. 

"Love you so fuckin' much," he groaned in between heated kisses. 

Uncurling your fingers from his shirt you kept one hand pressed against his chest as your other hand curled around his luscious locks. "Show me," you gasped, your words needy. "Show me how much, Bucky, please." Breaking the kiss you stared down at him with eyes that were wide with lust. Your lips were already swollen and wet, your breath coming out uneven and you could feel a dampness growing in your underwear. Biting your lower lip you slid off his lap. Standing between his legs you offered him your hand, a small smile creeping onto your lips when he interlaced your fingers before dragging you to his room. His pace was frantic and it was a confidence booster knowing that he needed you as much as you needed him. 

Heated kisses, needy gasps, your hands tugging on the hem of his shirt, the waistband of his pants urging him to undress. 

Quick to follow directions he stripped himself of his shirt and his pants leaving him in boxers that showed off his growing bulge. 

Hands slipped under your shirt, caressing your lower back, skimming higher to run over the clasp of your bra, his other hand resting on the hem of your shorts. A quick nod of your head, a surprised gasp when his teeth nipped at your neck. Tilting your head to the side you clawed at his chest when his gentle nips turned to sloppy kisses, the sloppy kisses turning to rough sucking, marking you as his. 

“B-Bucky,” you moaned, when his lips trailed lower, sucking roughly on the juncture between your neck and shoulder. You know you’ll be covered in marks, but you can’t bring yourself to care. “Oh.”

Splaying his large hand against your lower back to hold you he steady he left a trail of kisses across your throat, up your jaw, across your cheek before finally kissing your lips.

Pushing gently on his chest you break the kiss, your teeth tug on your bottom lip as you take a tiny step backwards. Pulling your shirt off you toss it to the floor, your eyes stay locked on his as you tug your shorts down your legs. Stepping out of them you boldly reach behind you, your fingers quickly unclasp you bra, but before you have a chance to pull the straps down your arms he’s closing the distance, his lips crashing against yours the force knocking your knees against the back of his bed as you fall backwards pulling him with you.

He wasted no time in settling himself between your parted thighs, his hips rocking against yours as he roughly slipped his tongue past your parted lips. Everything is rough and fast and hot, yet it’s not fast enough for you. Hitching your leg around his waist to pull him closer you moan into his mouth at the feeling of his hardness pressing against your slicked underwear.

“Fuck, I missed hearing that,” he groaned against your lips. Desperate to hear the sound again he captured your bottom lip between his sucking on it roughly before dragging his lips down your throat. “Don’t hold back, wanna hear every fuckin’ sound you make, baby.”

Whining you arched your back granting him the opportunity to slip the straps of your bra down your arms. The garment is quickly tossed to the side and he wastes no time in wrapping his lips around your hardened nipple. Cupping your other breast he kneads the flesh, his fingers twisting and toying with your nub until it’s a hardened peak. 

Squirming underneath him you tangled one hand in his hair threading your fingers through his dark locks as your other hand curled around his bedsheets fisting the soft material.

“Bucky,” you gasped breathlessly. “Oh god.”

Letting go of your nipple with a quiet pop his darkened eyes admired the wet, puffy, swollen nub before he kissed his way to your other breast to give it the same treatment. Humming the vibrations send your back arching, your hand tugging on his hair as his name spilled from your lips again. Lifting his eyes up to meet yours he smirked at the way your eyes were closed, your head thrown back amidst the pleasure.

“That’s it,” he murmured. “Let me hear how good I’m makin’ you feel.”

You wanted to tell him exactly how good he was making you feel, but the words became lodged in your throat when he pulled his lips away from your nipple again. Whining at the loss he more than made up for it when he kissed his way back up your chest, his lips attaching themselves underneath your jaw as he roughly sucked another bruise into your skin. 

Giving a harsh tug to his hair you guided his lips back to yours kissing him slowly. “Please,” you begged between kisses. “I need you.”

Another kiss, a silent conversation of confirmation, his body rolling to the side, boxers pulled down his thick thighs and legs, your underwear following close behind before being tossed to the side. It’s quick and slow and too much and not enough all at once when your hand wraps around his hardened length stroking him. And when he slips two fingers past your soaking, velvet folds, his thumb circling over your clit the low appreciate moan he emits has you unable to wait any longer. 

“Bucky,” you whimpered. 

The tone of your voice had him thrusting his hips into your hand, had his fingers moving faster inside of you, a squelching sound filling his bedroom as he smears a kiss to the side of your head.

“I know, baby. I... fuck,” he groaned. “Hold on.” Removing his fingers from your folds you whined at the loss watching as he fumbled in his drawer for protection. Ripping the foil package open he barely got the condom rolled down his length before you were pushing him onto his back and straddling his waist.

The look of love and lust mixed with surprise and adoration that colored his eyes had you falling even harder for him. It was so rare that you were able to catch him off guard in the bedroom that you basked in the feeling for a moment before the overwhelming need to have him took over.

Chewing on your lower lip you shakily reached down gripping the base of his erection as you lined him up. Sinking down you hissed at the pleasurable stinging of him stretching you. A month of not being with him made you forget how big he was, how full he always left you feeling. Panting you dug your nails into his chest leaving crescent shaped moons behind.

Giving a tentative roll of your hips you gasped at the pleasurable surge that shot through your body. You had never ridden him before avoiding the position for how on display you were left, but the need to have him immediately outweighed any insecurities over your body. 

“Is this okay?” You asked, your teeth pulling on your lower lip, your nails digging further into his chest when he gripped your hips helping to lift you up before slowly lowering you back down. “Oh.” Tossing your head back your eyes drifted shut at the sensations of having him inside of you again.

“Yeah,” he ground out, his fingers digging bruises into your hips. “Keep movin’ just like this, sweetheart.”

Following his guidance you set a hesitant pace before growing more confident which each downward shift of your hips until you were moving against him with such speed that the headboard knocked against his wall.

“That’s it, just like that, fuck Y/N.” The praises spilled from his swollen lips in a pace that matched that of your hips and had you whining atop him. 

The bed creaked beneath your moving bodies, moans and gasps filled the space as the smell of sex drifted through your nostrils, but instead of turning you off it only spurred you on. As you continued to lift and lower your hips you leaned down, your lips capturing his in a sweet kiss. 

His hands moved from your hips to your ass kneading the flesh as he took control thrusting up into you at a punishing pace. You knew you’d be sore and covered in bruises, your body unaccustomed to the sometimes rough give and take, but you were hardly complaining.

“It feels so good, Bucky don’t stop,” you begged. 

You kissed your way across his pink tinged cheek covered with the beard you had come to love seeing on him. Pressing a kiss behind his ear you worked your lips down his neck alternating between nipping at his skin and swirling your tongue around the light red marks as you searched out his sweet spot. You knew you found it when he let out a deep growl, his fingers digging into your ass, his thrusts growing harder. Smirking against his neck you sucked roughly intent on marking him the same way he had done to you. Satisfied with the large bruise you left behind you kissed your way back up his cheek eagerly searching out his lips in another kiss.

“‘M not gonna stop, honey.” To prove his point he thrusted his hips harder into yours, the force nearly knocking the breath from your lungs. Gasping against his lips you clawed at his chest begging for more. 

Sitting up you rocked your hips against his keeping up with the frantic pace he had set. Heavy gasps and breathy moans escaped your lips when he eased his hold on your ass, his large hands slipping around your waist, sliding up your stomach before cupping your breasts. His thumbs brushed over your hardened nipples causing your back to arch at the added sensations he was providing you with. “Oh god, oh god. Keep going, Bucky, don’t you dare stop,” you cried out. You had never been so needy, so desperate, so in control before.

“‘M not gonna stop,” he said again. “Not when you feel so fuckin’ good ridin’ me like this, baby, fuck.”

His words had you switching from rocking your hips to bouncing and when his hands massaged rougher against your breasts, his head tilting back against his pillow, a string of muffled groans flowing from his lips you knew you were onto something. The powerful feeling that came with between in control washed over you again and you knew right then there was no better feeling than making someone else feel good.

“You keep ridin’ me this good ‘m not gonna last,” he choked out, one hand releasing your breast as it crawled down your stomach, his thumb moving over your clit in slow, easy circles that had you tossing your head back, your walls clenching around him at the added pressure.

“I-I don’t care,” you panted. “I need you.”

“You have me, Y/N,” he murmured. His words were delicate, a stark contrast to the filth that had been spewing only moments before. “You always had me.” Lifting your hand from his chest he brought your palm to his lips, kissing your skin gently before interlacing your fingers, holding your hand as you continued to bounce on his cock. “You’re always gonna have me.”

“Bucky.” He sat up eliciting a surprised gasp from you. The new position allowed him to hit those delicious spots deeper inside of you. Wrapping your arms around his sweaty shoulders you pulled him closer to you. “I love you.” Your voice shook, both from the movements of your body and the emotion in his words. Burying your hand in his dark locks you guided his mouth to yours kissing him deeply.

“I love you too,” he managed to get out between kisses. “So much, sweetheart, so fuckin’ much.”

Resting your forehead against his your eyes fluttered shut. “I’m close,” you whimpered, your body shaking with need, his words only further spurring you on. “S-so close.”

“Yeah? Shit,” he moaned. Rubbing the pad of his thumb quicker over your clit he buried his head in your neck, his lips alternating between kissing and nipping at your bruised skin. “I’ve got you, let go for me, let me make you feel good.” 

Your body tensed, a blinding white flashed behind your closed eyes and you were falling, falling, falling. Chanting his name through the fog that filled your brain, your senses, you clung to him, anchoring yourself to his sweaty, tensed body. With his help you rocked your hips against his helping him to reach his own release moments later with a low groan and a messy kiss. 

The smell of sex and sweat lingered in the air. Heavy breaths as each of you climbed down from your highs filled the quiet. Raking your nails through his hair you made a move to get off of him, but he wrapped his arm around your waist, holding you securely to him as his lips pressed gentle kisses to the heated skin of your neck.

"You okay?" Lifting his head from your neck his lips brushed across your cheek in a whisper of a kiss before landing on your forehead. His kisses were soft and full of reassurance and love so different from the heated and spit soaked kisses you head been exchanging only moments before. 

Everything was different from before. Gone was the carnal desire, the burning fire that ignited in your bodies turning your eyes as black as coal, the overwhelming need to rip each other's clothes off and be buried to the hilt with him inside of you filling you up, showing you how much you loved each other in the most basic physical way. In its place were loving touches, the follow up questions that always sent your heart fluttering. He was the master of aftercare when it came to you and that mixed with the way you had jumped him mixed with the emotional highs of the day, of the past month had tears pooling in your eyes.

Not trusting yourself to speak you buried your head in his neck inhaling the scent of his sweat and soap that clung to his skin. His arms tightened around your waist pulling you closer and though he was still buried inside of you the thought of separating even for a second to get cleaned up, to find a more comfortable position was too much for you. "I'm sorry," you mumbled, voice muffled against his skin. "I just... I really, really missed you, Bucky a-and I didn't think this was going to be so emotional."

"You have nothing to apologize for," he soothed, pulling back so he could look into your eyes. The pad of his thumb collected your tears, his lips turning up into a soft smile meant to ease your pain. "I missed you too, Y/N and I meant what I said earlier. You have me, you're always gonna have me and 'm not goin' anywhere." Kissing you softly he groaned when you eagerly moved your lips against his, your hips unintentionally grinding down against him. "But, baby," he choked, his hands squeezing your hips gently. "Need you to move."

"Sorry," you giggled. 

Climbing off his lap you slipped beneath his welcoming sheets, pulling the sheet up to your chest you chewed your lip watching the way he removed the condom before climbing into bed next to you. Curling into his side you rested your head on his chest listening to the rhythmic sound of his heartbeat lulling you into a sense of comfort. 

Between the emotions of the day and the sex you were exhausted, but even with the way his fingers were soothingly stroking the heated skin of your back, the way he pressed kisses to the top of your head, the way he kept murmuring how much he loved you, how much he missed you, how beautiful you were, things that would normally help you drift off to sleep happy and content it wasn't happening right now. Kissing his chest you listened to the way he hummed in approval, the way his arms tightened around you pulling closer.

"Bucky?" When he didn't answer you thought he had drifted off to sleep. Lifting your head up you were surprised to see him still awake, his bright blue eyes focused on you. Moving your head to his shoulder you pressed a kiss to his neck, your fingers smoothing down his chest. "Can I ask you something? And if you say I just did I'll slap you," you teased.

"You know you can ask me anything."

"When did you know you were in love with me? I know you said since you were nineteen, but I mean... when?"

"You wanna know the exact moment?"

His words surprised you. Shifting your body so your head was laying on his pillow to get a better look at him you watched as he rolled onto his side facing you. In some ways this new position was more intimate both of you staring deeply into each other's eyes. Lifting your hand up you stroked your fingers over his beard. "Do you remember the exact moment?"

"Of course I do, honey. 'S not something you easily forget." His own fingers reached up to trace the shape of your lips, the shape of your jaw before ghosting down your neck, down your side, his fingers searching out your hand. His touch was electric, sending sparks down your back, causing your arms to breakout in goosebumps. Unintentionally scooting closer to you he interlaced your fingers, his eyes dancing between yours and dropping down to stare at your lips. "Remember when you graduated high school and I told you I'd take you wherever you wanted you to go?" 

His voice was barely above a whisper and as you nodded your head your own gaze switched between his and his lips you wondered how much of the story he would get through before losing interest and taking you again.

"Because I had just gotten out of my first relationship and you felt bad for me," you teased. It wasn't entirely true. While your first relationship had ended and you had been bummed ever since you and Bucky had been kids he had always told you when you graduated you'd take a road trip somewhere, wherever you wanted. "I said I wanted to go to Italy so I could eat all the pasta and bread and you said-."

"Choose something more reasonable, sweetheart." Your laughter filled his room, a melody of two people deeply in love reminiscing of times past. "And you ended up choosing Michigan because you wanted to see the lighthouses."

"And that was when you knew?" You asked skeptically.

"No," he scoffed. "That was when I knew I was going to take you to Italy someday so you could eat all the pasta and bread. You remember that storm we got caught in on the way? We were in Ohio I think and you were worried about Steve and I driving and you begged us to pull over and find a hotel we could spend the night at."

"And you guys stopped at the first hotel we came pass which was a horrible mistake!" You added, shivering at the memory. 

For the middle of summer it had been deserted which should have been your first sign that it wasn't a good idea, but you guys had still stopped. Opting to wait in the car while Steve and Bucky ran to get checked in you had been spooked by the quietness. Handing you your room key you had grabbed your bag telling them goodnight before stepping into your room which was sign number two that this wasn't a good idea. 

The wallpaper had been floral and looked like it had come straight from the nineteen sixties. The quilt on the bed had been dusty making you wonder when the last time the room had been cleaned. You had tried to give it the benefit of the doubt, but when you tried to settle down to sleep you heard weird knocking through the walls.

 At first you had thought it had been the boys playing tricks on you, but there were two rooms separating you. Your next thought had been maybe the wind rattling what you were convinced had to be old pipes throughout the building. The knocking had continued freaking you out so much you had grabbed your bag leaving the hotel room door open as you fled down the corridor to the boys room. 

Pounding on the door until they opened it you had flown into their room with shaking hands. Telling them about the noises, about the creepy vibe you got you had told them you weren't staying in that room. Steve had offered you his bed telling you he'd stay in your room, but one look over at Bucky and he had offered to share his bed with you. 

"You were convinced your room was haunted," he laughed.

"I did not you jerk! Steve said that. I just said it was creepy and it was."

After that night when you had to get a hotel room you only got one. Steve in one bed and you and Bucky in the other. It was an arrangement that left the three of you with hardly any alone time on your trip, but in a lot of ways it brought your relationships closer.

"That wasn't the moment I knew," he said, predicting your next question. "I just like telling that story kinda like how you enjoy telling people I kidnapped you."

"Jerk," you said again. Laughing you pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. "You did kidnap me though."

"Baby," he whined, sending you on another round of laughter. "I didn't kidnap you."

"And I never said my room was haunted!"

Brushing his nose against yours he smirked when your eyes fluttered shut. His breath was warm against your lips and all you wanted was for him to kiss you again and never stop. Tilting his head down his lips barely touched yours. "You gonna argue with me or you gonna let me finish my story?"

Sliding your hand from his cheek to the back of his neck your fingers curled around his hair as you pressed your lips to his. Sighing at the kiss you inched forward pressing your chest against his. "Can't I do both?" You whispered between kisses.

"No," he teased, breaking the kiss. "You remember that first lighthouse tour we took? Fuck, it was so hot that day and there was barely anybody on that tour, but that didn't stop you from being so excited. You couldn't stop smiling, couldn't stop taking pictures and anytime the guide asked if anybody had questions you had at least twenty." 

Chuckling at the memory he dipped his head down again to press another kiss to your lips. "You were so reluctant to leave beggin' Steve and I to stay just for a couple more minutes cause you needed some more pictures. As we were leaving you turned around to get one final look and fuck, sweetheart the look on your face. You couldn't stop smiling, you were so happy even though you were sweating and exhausted and you looked so beautiful. Didn't matter that it was startin' to get cloudy you lit up that whole beach. And that moment I knew that there was nothin’ more I wanted in my life than to try and make you that happy."

"And that was when you knew?" Your voice was barely above a whisper, your eyes filling with tears again as your mind replayed that day in flashes. 

You had gotten up so early too excited to sleep. Spending the morning hours sightseeing you had dragged them on the tour in the afternoon. By the time they had managed to pull you away you had been exhausted from the excitement, the sun, the lack of sleep. You guys had made plans to go out to eat afterwards, but you had barely been able to keep your eyes open in the backseat of the car. 

Asking them to drop you off back at the hotel Bucky had flat out refused to leave you alone despite the venue being a lot safer than the one in Ohio. Sending Steve to get takeout Bucky had taken you back to your shared room and as soon as you had entered you had collapsed onto the bed and fallen asleep. 

"That was when I knew."

"God, Bucky." Uncurling your hand from his hair you slid it back to cup his cheek. His eyes were filling up with tears matching your own teary eyes. Resting your forehead against his you rubbed the pad of your thumb over his cheek. "Steve said..."

"He knew right away," he murmured. "After that tour when you wanted to go back to the hotel by yourself and I told you no he came back with food and saw us. You were so tired you didn't even put your pajamas on you just slept in your clothes curled up next to me. Your hair was a mess and you were so hot you begged me to turn to the ac up as high as it would go and after it was on for fifteen minutes you were shivering, but I couldn't get up and shut it off because fuck you looked so beautiful, so peaceful laying there. When Steve came and saw the way I was holding you I blurted out that I was in love with you. He said he knew and told me I should tell you."

"And then you spent years not telling me and I spent years ignoring my own feelings."

"But we're here now."

"We're here now."

When he kisses you it's slow, but passionate and it doesn't take long for that fire to reignite in your bodies, but unlike before when you jumped him you both know that you can take your time, that you can savor this round, but you don't. His tongue dips into your mouth exploring the dark crevices, tangling and toying with your own. 

Moaning you roll onto your back urging him to follow and he does because Bucky Barnes is wonderful at following directions, at predicting what you need and right now you need him. The bedsheets rustle, his thigh parts your leg, you gasp into his mouth when he settles himself between you. He's already hard, hot as he presses against your soft skin. Your fingers rake through his hair, down his neck, his shoulders, the taut muscles of his back before journeying back upwards. You don't think you'll ever get tired of exploring his skin, his muscles, him.

The kiss is broken reluctantly, each of you panting heavy and hot, eyes that are black, skin that's begging to be touched. Your teeth pull at your lip, your head tilts to the side and Bucky Barnes is wonderful at reading you. His head dips down, his lips traveling the well bruised skin of your neck peppering every inch of your skin with his chapped lips, his long tongue, his hot mouth, his sharp teeth, his scratchy beard. Cries of pleasure, whimpers of need fall from your lips, your back arches, the sheets rustle. It's a melody of music between two lovers desperate to become one.

Trailing his lips lower you swear to god your lip is going to break open from the way you're biting on it so hard, but Bucky Barnes is right there, his lips on yours, coaxing you to stop, to stop torturing him, to stop torturing yourself. He doesn't have to say anything, not when his eyes convey everything, not when that long ago phone call of truth replays through each of your minds. His hands are gentle when they grasp your wrists pinning them to the pillow by your head and when he interlaces your fingers, when he kisses you softly, when his lips trail across your jaw to go lower, lower, lower you gasp out that you love him, that you'll always love him.

His lips wrap around your nipple already hard and when his teeth graze across providing you with the barest amount of pain you hiss, your hands pushing up against his, your head sinking into his pillow, your back arching. But Bucky Barnes is right there, his tongue swirling over the hardened nub, his mouth enveloping your breast. By the time he pulls away your nipple is hardened and puffy, wet from his spit and tongue and he thinks it's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen before he moves on to the next one.

You're a mess. 

Drenched with sweat and slick with desire. Burning with love and gratefulness. You feel like you're floating and falling at the same time. It's light, fluffy clouds and shooting stars. It's loving kisses and delicate touches. It's whispered words of I love you, I love you, I love you and dancing on the edge of falling over. But he doesn't let you fall. He would never let you fall. Not anymore. Not after tonight. 

And so with a final soft kiss, a conversation without words, he's releasing your hands, his own digging through his drawer as he pulls out another condom. By now it's a practiced dance that you've both nearly perfected and in no time at all Bucky Barnes is between your parted thighs again. You can read the worry in his eyes, the worry over hurting you, of making you sore, but you can't seem to bring yourself to care about that right now. Hitching your leg over his waist you draw him in closer and when you lean up to kiss him it's full of reassurance, of want, of love, of need.

And when he pushes into you so slowly, so gently you flashback to your first time together. It's just as emotional and try as you might you can't help the tears that pool into your eyes at the loving pace he sets. Unlike last time which had been of full of lust and need and want this time is all about love and connection and he's keeping his word showing you how much he loves you and oh god does he love you. His own eyes are filling with tears the emotion of the moment choking you both up. But it's beautiful and perfect.

Resting his forehead against yours you smile through your tears, your head tilting up every few thrusts to catch his lips, to remind him that you love him and oh god do you love him. 

It's magic in his room. Rustling sheets. Creaking bed. Headboard rocking against his wall. Sweaty bodies. Moans. Gasps. Whimpers. I love yous. I love yous. I love yous. His name. Your name. Honey. Baby. Sweetheart. 

It's a mess in his room. Groans. Skin slapping against skin. Moans of fuck. Cries of don't stop. Whines of right there. It's bruises digging into already bruised skin. It's teeth nipping at already sore lips. At necks. It's tongues battling for dominance. Spit filled kisses. Teeth clashing. 

It's beauty in his room. The come down. His heavy body laying on top of yours. You holding him close. Kissing his forehead. Kissing his cheek. Running your hand down his back. Through his hair. It's him pulling you close. Your head on his chest. His heartbeat in your ear. Your eyes closed. Content. At peace.

It's love in his room. It's a friendship born from childhood. It's skinned knees. Shared ice cream cones. Childhood secrets whispered in the dark. It's awkward first kisses. Dances in school gymnasiums. The taste of first heartbreak. It's always being there for each other. It's road trips. It's conversations that last all night. It's sunrises and sunsets. It's first love. 

There's nothing quite like it. Laying in Bucky Barnes arms you're so thankful that your first love is him.