Something More

"That was torture. Pure torture," you said, plopping down onto the couch in exhaustion. It was hard to believe everything that had happened in the past couple of hours from making out with Bucky to practically getting caught when Natasha and Steve came over with food.

"It wasn't that bad," Natasha said, sitting down next to you.

"Were we at the same dinner? Because it was awful. You couldn't stop making jokes about everything. Steve couldn't stop staring. Bucky couldn't stop laughing at your ridiculous comments which by the way weren't even that funny! It was horrible," you muttered, covering your face as you thought back to what had taken place only an hour ago.

After coming out of your room with Bucky each of you had been rooted to the spot, your faces burning with heat of embarrassment, your hair messed up, clothes rumpled, hickies adorning each of your necks as if you were teenagers instead of adults and Bucky was still standing behind you shirtless. 

It had taken a couple of minutes for the shock and surprise to wear off from Nat and Steve's faces at seeing the two of you like that, but once it did it was downhill from there. 

It started with Nat and her jokes which Bucky found hilarious. You and Steve? Not so much. Steve couldn't seem to stop staring at you and Bucky and though you wanted to ask him what he was staring at, what he was thinking about you couldn't. All you could do was sit there, pretend to enjoy your food while hoping and praying for a giant hole to open up in the floor and swallow you whole. 

"Maybe you should have waited until you were both in your room before stripping off your clothes," she teased, laughing when she heard you groaning in embarrassment.

"In my defense it was only his shirt and I didn't think you were going to be home until later! And I definitely didn't think you were bringing Steve over." 

Looking back you knew that maybe you could have handled things differently. Like telling her about your arrangement which you had planned to do earlier, but when Bucky came over to hang out things had... escalated. "You know I meant to tell you about... everything, right? I didn't want you finding out like... this." 

Chewing on your lower lip you glanced over at Nat. She didn't look mad, more amused and you could almost read on her face all the questions she was dying to ask you. Better to get it over with now you thought. It wasn't like this night could get any more awkward. "Ask away."

Tilting her head to the side Natasha glanced over at you, a smirk curling up her lips as she reached over, her fingers tugging down the collar of your shirt. "How many hickies did he leave on you?"

"Hey!" You yelled, swatting her fingers away. You tugged your collar up, your hand touching your neck, partly in embarrassment, partly to trace the marks he had left you with. It still didn't feel real, this arrangement, this hookup, whatever you wanted to call it and it had not been for the visible marks left on you you swore you'd have imagined it.

"I give you a chance to ask a question and that's what you go with?" Her smirk only grew.

"Okay, fine, serious question. What changed your mind I thought you wanted to lose your virginity to a stranger?"

"I did, at first. And then I don't know. The more I thought about it the more I knew that it didn't feel right. I wanted it to be with someone I trust."

"So you chose Bucky?" she asked, her eyebrows raising in equal parts curiosity and amusement.

Shrugging your shoulders you shifted on the couch, her gaze feeling intense and all knowing. 

"I mean... yeah? Aside from Steve I've known him the longest and I trust him." You watched her nod her head her gaze never leaving yours and you can feel yourself going on the defense and you don't know why. Narrowing your eyes you ready yourself for the inevitable lecture that's sure to follow, but her next words catch you off guard and if you weren't sitting so close to her you weren’t sure you would have heard her mumbling them.

"Bet he jumped at the chance when you asked him."

"What are you talking about?" You asked, confusion lacing your words. When she only looks at you blankly you frown. "What?"

Shaking her head Nat only chuckled. For someone so smart you can be so clueless sometimes, she doesn't tell you that though, she would never tell you that. "Nothing. I don't want to have to kill him if he hurts you is all." Despite the lightness to her voice there's a slight edge underlining her words. 

"Calm down, he's not going to hurt me," you said, with a roll of your eyes. While you appreciated how she always looked out you for sometimes she took it a little too far. There was still a trace of doubt in her eyes however. 

"Any other questions you're dying to ask because if not I'm going to take a shower and go to bed." Until the words had left your mouth you didn't realize just how tired you really were. Your eyes felt heavy as you fought back a yawn and all you could think about was crawling into bed and sleeping. The thought of going back into your room, back into your bed where you and Bucky had spent much of the afternoon had you biting your lower lip.

"Looks like someone will be having sweet dreams tonight," she teased, watching as you got up from the couch and headed towards the bathroom. "Hey, be careful, okay?"

"With taking a shower? I think I can handle it," you teased.

"You know what I mean. I don't want to see you get hurt again, Y/N," Natasha said, her voice serious for maybe the first time tonight.

You want to tell her that you'll be fine, that you're not going to get hurt, but you don't say anything, you know that there's nothing you can say after she had been with you through your last heartbreak. All the hours she had spent holding you as you cried, all the alcohol you had drunk to numb the pain, all the ice cream you had eaten, all the yelling and screaming you had done. It hadn't been easy for any of your friends to witness, but as your best female friend and roommate she had seen the worst of your heartbreak and it wasn't something she was looking forward to dealing with again. 

"I'll be okay," you assured her.

Bucky couldn’t stop smiling as he walked next to Steve down the crowded streets of New York. 

The dinner hadn’t been as bad as he thought it would have been. Natasha had made some good jokes, the food was good, the company better, but he wished that he had been able to spend a little more alone time with you before being interrupted. 

Maybe it was selfish. After all you guys had spent the whole afternoon together wrapped up in each others arms, kissing, touching, exploring, but it wasn’t enough, he didn’t think it was ever going to be enough. He was addicted to you. Addicted to your kisses, to your touches, to the beautiful whines and gasps and moans. And listening to you moan his name? Jesus he didn’t think he had ever heard anything more beautiful. 

The memory of you spread out underneath him begging him to touch you, begging him for more mixed with the memory of you straddling his waist, your perfect breasts pressed against his chest, your hips moving so deliciously over his hardened length. Jesus. The thought was making him grow hard already and all he wanted was to turn around barge back into your apartment and pick things up where you left off. 

In the back of his mind the part that wasn’t lust filled and hazy he knew he was walking a tightrope of bad decisions. Friends with benefits was a slippery slope.

 He knew that. He had warned you about that. Yet here was, walking next to his other best friend his mind consumed with thoughts of you. Shaking his head he pulled open the door to the bar. 

Squinting into the darkness Bucky’s blue eyes swept over the near empty bar searching for someplace private. Steve surprisingly hadn’t brought up what had taken place earlier and he knew it was only a matter of time before he did. It was better to have this conversation in private like he had promised you he would. Slipping into a booth near the back he nodded to Steve when he slid his drink to him.

Watching with narrowed eyes the way his best friend clenched his jaw, his grip tight on his own bottle of beer Bucky frowned. It wasn’t the first time he had seen him look so disappointed and angry, but it was weird having it directed at him. Steve had stayed quiet throughout most of the dinner. His gaze too busy staring holes in Y/N and you to say much of anything. 

“I was going to tel-,” Bucky started, before Steve grunted and cut him off.

“What are you doing, Buck? Are you guys dating?”

“No. It’s more of a friends with benefits thing.” Silence greeted him and Bucky found himself sighing. It was uncomfortable having Steve’s ire pointed at him. 

“You think that’s a good idea?” Rubbing his hand over his face Steve set his beer down. Resting his elbows on the sticky table he frowned. “We’ve been friends for a long time with Y/N. You’ve been friends with her since you guys were in diapers. I don’t want to see you guys get hurt over this is all I’m saying. Think about what you’re doing.” 

“What was I supposed to do? She was going to have Natasha set her up with some guy she didn’t even know, Steve!” Bucky yelled, anger coursing through his veins at the thought before he settled down realizing they were in public. 

“I didn’t wanna see her get hurt again. I know what I’m doin’. Nobody’s gonna get hurt. Nothing’s going to change with any of us,” he said repeating the same words you had told him the morning after your proposal.

“Be careful,” was all Steve said before picking his drink back up and taking a large swig. 

After bidding Natasha goodnight and taking a long, hot shower you crawled into bed. Pulling the covers up you leaned back, your eyes fluttering shut before the sound of your phone ringing had you groaning in frustration. The thought of not answering it flitters through your mind, but the thought that it could be important has you grabbing it, a smile curving your lips up when you see the picture of you and Bucky taken at Coney Island last summer. Both of you smiling, his arm wrapped around your shoulders pulling you closer. It's one of your favorite pictures. 

"You're not tired of me yet?" You teased.

"Of you? Never." His voice was low and you can hear his warm laughter on the other end of the phone. "Wanted to check on you. Make sure you were okay after tonight."

Shrugging your shoulders you forgot that he can't see you. His question filled you with a warmth and you can't stop the smile that stretches across your face. This is ridiculous. He's your best friend you shouldn't be feeling these butterflies in your stomach shouldn't be smiling this much from a question he's asked you thousands of times before. But something about this feels different. 

"I'm okay," you said. "Still a little mortified I guess, but I'll survive. Are you okay?" 

Chewing on your lower lip you can't help wondering and worrying what the real reason for this phone call was for. If he wanted to check on you he would have texted like he usually did at night. Not that you're complaining though. You like talking to him on the phone it reminds you of when you guys were younger and you'd spend hours at night on the phone talking and laughing and falling asleep together. 

"'M okay. Ya know Nat called me earlier."

Taking a deep breath you flinched, again forgetting that he can't see you. 

"And?" You prompted making a mental note to talk to her in the morning. While you knew that she was only looking out for you this was getting a little ridiculous. You were surprised that Steve hadn't called you to tell you to be careful, though you were sure that was coming probably tomorrow in person. 

"-said she'd kill me slowly."

Bucky heard the silence on the other end of the phone and for a moment he thought you had fallen asleep, but when he heard the rustling of sheets he could picture you readjusting, picture you laying down, your head on your pillow, the covers pulled around you, the phone tucked between your ear and shoulder as you settled in for a night of conversation. 

You hadn't heard a word he had said and though you wanted to ask him to repeat it before you got a chance he was speaking again.

"'Sides I thought we could play a game, maybe get your mind off what happened tonight at dinner."

"What kind of game did you have in mind?"

"Honesty," he said. 

It was a game the two of you used to play when you were younger and though he can't remember who started it or why he does remember that it always brought you guys closer. It was during a game of honesty that he found out your parents were getting divorced when you were a kid, it was where he had told you about his first kiss, his first crush, it was where you told him about your first awkward date and he told you about his first time. It was something for the two of you.

Exhaling you glanced up at the ceiling smiling. You hadn't thought about the honesty game in months, it had to have been at least a year since the two of you had last played it. 

"Okay. But if you ask me what I'm wearing I'm hanging up on you."

Bucky let out a hearty laugh and though it wasn't intentional his mind wandered to what you were wearing. "Honey, I already know what you're wearing.

"You do not. There is no way you can know that!"

"If I'm right I get to ask you two questions instead of one, deal?"

"And when I'm right I get to ask all the questions, deal?"

"Sure, but I already know I'm right," he drawled. Without giving you a chance to say something he's talking again. "You're wearing one of my shirts and a pair of shorts." Smirking as he hears you sputtering on the other end of the phone he prepares his two questions.

Glancing down at your pajamas you hate to admit that he's right. You are wearing one of his shirts and a comfy pair of pajama shorts. "How did you know that?" 

"Nope. I get to ask the first two questions," he said, smugness dripping from his voice. He waits a minute to see if you're going to say something, but when you don't he only smirks. "First question. When was the last time someone got you off?"

"Seriously, Bucky?" You groaned. "Out of all the things you could ask me that's what you go with?" 

"You gotta answer it."

"I hate you. So much." He can't see you, but that doesn't stop you from clenching your eyes shut. You don't want to admit the answer, but you have to say that in someways it's easier like this on the phone instead of in person. 

"I don't remember." Sucking in a deep breath you bite your lower lip as you wait for him to laugh, wait for him to ask if you're joking, wait for him to say something, but all there is on the other line is silence and it's jarring. "Second question?"

"How do you not remember?" He didn’t mean to blurt it out, didn’t mean to sound so shocked either, but he can't help it. Sure, he knew that your ex was an asshole, knew that your relationship was far from perfect, but this... this he wasn't expecting. 

Running a hand over his face he sighed. "He got you off, Y/N, didn't he?" Bucky gritted his teeth, both wanting to and not wanting to hear the answer.

"Because I don't remember, okay?" You snapped, beginning to regret this game. There's silence on the other end of the phone again and part of you wanted to apologize, but then you heard his next question, heard the tenseness that laced his words and you find yourself flinching at his tone. 

"That's two questions not one which means it's my turn. Why are you so obsessed with my relationship with him Bucky? When we were together you'd practically run out of the room anytime his name came up or I wanted to talk about him and now that he dumped me and you agreed to sleep with me it's like... god it's like you're weirdly obsessed with knowing everything that we did or didn't do. So why?" 

The question spilled from your lips before you had a chance to really think about what you're asking him. But even if you could take it back you don't think you would. 

When Bucky had suggested this game he hadn't anticipated it taking such a turn, though he should have. After all he was the one that started the game off. Sighing he struggled to find the right words to say, struggled with trying to explain himself, struggled with how to answer your question in a way that wouldn't upset you more than he already did. Switching the phone from one ear to the other he exhaled, leaning back against his pillow. 

"'M not obsessed," he started, trying and failing to keep the anger out of his voice. 

Taking a deep breath he tried again, his voice softer, but there's still a hint of anger in his words. "'M tryin' to understand why you wasted your time on him. He didn't care about you or your needs you made that pretty fuckin' obvious today whenever I touched you actin' like it was the first time anybody had taken the time to make you feel good." 

Bucky wanted to add more, but when he heard you sniffling quietly on the other end he can feel his blood run cold. The last thing he wanted to do was make you cry. "Y/N, I’m sorry."

Swiping at your eyes you grit your teeth frustrated that every time you think you've moved on from the hurt he caused somebody or something reminds you of it again and your heart feels as if it's being ripped open all over again. Part of you wanted to hang up on Bucky, but you don't, it's something you guys have never done before and you're not willing to start now. 

"It wasn't always like that." 

You don't know why you're defending your ex and it makes you angry. Your relationship with him had been far from perfect, but in the beginning it had been good. He had been charming, funny, sweet. It wasn’t until you guys had been together for a couple of months and weren’t ready to sleep with him that things had taken a turn. He became short tempered, snapping at you, making comments about how if you really cared about him you’d sleep with him, how it wasn’t even a big deal. 

Again, the signs had been there that he was an asshole. Hell, even your friends had seen the signs in the beginning of your relationship, but you had been so desperate to have someone like you that you had stuck around. Even when things took a turn for the worse. You had never wanted to be one of those people so desperate for love and affection that you stayed in a bad relationship, but that’s exactly what had happened and you hated yourself for it everyday. 

The tears that had slipped from your eyes only moments before turned to anger as his question hung in the air between you. "

Yes, Bucky he got me off. You want to know how many times and how and if I enjoyed it too? Or maybe you'd be more interested in knowing how many times I got him off. Or hey, since we're playing honesty maybe you wanna know something that actually pertains to you like how he didn't like you or trust you, but how I defended you against him every single time you came up in a conversation. Or better yet why you don't you give him a call and the two of you can compare notes about me." 

If it wasn't for the sound of Bucky's quiet breaths on the other end of the phone you'd think he had hung up. Both of you are silent for a couple minutes and once again you're caught in a game of chicken with him over who's going to say something first. You hate fighting with him. It's something the two of you rarely ever do. 

"I’m sorry," Bucky tried again. 

Your words are a lot for him to unpack and he's not sure where to start. He shouldn't, he knows he shouldn't but he feels a sense of warmth when he hears you say that you defended him against your ex. And he knows he should drop the conversation, should move on he's caused enough damage, but he can't let it rest he needs to know even though it shouldn't matter it does. 

"Can I ask one more question and then I'll drop it?"

"Fine."

"Why didn't he trust me?"

Snorting you bit back a laugh. Whatever you had been expecting him to ask it hadn’t been that and it takes you a couple of minutes to compose yourself. 

"He was convinced you were in love with me which is ridiculous." Your sigh drowned out the sound of Bucky's sharp inhale of breath. 

"We used to fight about it all the time." Shrugging your shoulders you feel stupid again that you ignored all the warning signs of your relationship with him.

 "Can we not talk about him?" You asked softly.

"Yeah, sure, of course," he said, stumbling over his words. Clearing his throat he struggled to gather his racing thoughts. "I think it's your turn if you're still up for playing."

"I'm still up for it." You left out the part about how you'd be up for anything if it meant you could avoid talking about your ex and dinner. "Okay how did you know what I was wearing?"

It's Bucky's turn to laugh at your question and his warm laughter fills your ear. "Easy. You always wear one of my shirts when you're having a bad day and I figured after dinner you'd be wearing one. You wanna know what I'm wearing?" He teased, smirking when he hears you laughing.

"Pretty sure this how phone sex starts."

"You have a lot of phone sex?"

"Bucky!" Even though he can't see you that doesn't stop you from burying your face in your blanket. After everything that happened today his question shouldn't be making heat crawl up your face from embarrassment, but it does. Chewing on your lip you focus on the gentle sounds of his breathing hoping that if you don't answer he'll move on, but he doesn't.

"Well? You gonna answer?" His voice is low and sexy and it has you biting down roughly on your lower lip to hold back your whine as you clench your thighs together.

"I hate you." 

"You do not."

He's right. You could never hate him. Not even when he's making you answer embarrassing questions you don't want to. "No, I haven't. Have you?"

"A couple times," he replied easily and though he knows it shouldn't matter he's kind of glad to hear that you haven't he wants to be your first. 

"You want to?" His words are teasing for the most part, but he still sucks in a breath as he waits for your answer and when he hears you yelling his name again he can almost hear the embarrassment lacing your words. "You know there's nothing to be embarrassed about, sweetheart. Might help get your mind off tonight and help you relax." 

"We are not having phone sex, Bucky." Even as you say the words you hate to admit that he does have a point. It probably would help you relax and you really hate to admit it, but you're still annoyed that you didn't get to finish today after being so close. 

"I'm not embarrassed," you mumbled. "Why should I do all the work when you were the one who promised to get me off?"

"Jesus, Y/N," he groaned, not expecting to hear those words come out of your mouth. Tilting his head back against his pillow he closes his eyes for a moment, inhaling deeply as he struggles to focus on anything other than the uncomfortable tightening in his boxers. Opening his eyes when he hears your soft giggles he groans again. "Tease."

"You're one to talk." 

"Didn't hear you complain' earlier."

That shut you up for a minute as your mind drifts back to earlier. He's not wrong. You want to tell him to shut up again, but you don't. You don't say anything for a couple of minutes until you do, the question tumbling from your lips before you have a chance to even think about if it's a good idea or not. 

"Speaking of earlier... you never told me what you were going to do if I kept biting my lip."

"Don't think it was your turn, honey."

"Oh, now you care about taking turns? And since when do you try and avoid questions?" You teased, enjoying the way the tables had turned.

"'M not avoiding the question."

"Yes, you are."

"You really wanna know?"

"Yes. Who's being the being the tease now?"

Inhaling Bucky considers not answering your question, but he's never not answered one before and he's not going to start now. Besides he'd be lying if he said he's not interested in hearing your reaction. 

"If you kept biting your lip after I told you not to I was goin' to flip you over, pin your wrists above your head and kiss every inch of your body until you were beggin' me to touch you." He can hear your sharp inhale of breath, can practically feel you gnawing on your lower lip and though he knows he should stop, knows that once again the two of you are entering dangerous and foreign territory in your friendship he can't stop not yet. 

"And once I had you beggin' I'd touch you slowly exploring every inch of your body and I wouldn't stop until I made you forget everyone's name except mine. I'd have you screamin' my name, Y/N," he murmured lowly, enjoying the way all he can hear is your shaky breath on the other end of the line. When he doesn't hear you say anything after a minute he's worried he's crossed a line. After all this isn't exactly something best friends are supposed to talk about and he can feel the lines starting to blur between friends and something more. "Still with me?"

"Y-yeah," you breathed out, hating the way he's turned you into a stuttering mess. 

Your heart is pounding heavily beneath your chest and not for the first time are you glad this conversation is on the phone instead of in person. The thought of him seeing you with one hand curled tightly around your phone, your other hand clenching your blanket, your breathing heavy, your eyes closed, your lips parted, you're a mess and all because of some words. You can't even begin to imagine him actually doing those things to you, you're not going to survive and just the thought has you whimpering. You've never wanted anything so badly in your life and you pray that he didn't hear you. 

“Y-you shouldn’t say stuff like that, Bucky,” you murmured.

“Why? Cause we’re friends?”

“No. I mean yes. I mean... you shouldn’t say things like that if you’re not going to do them.”

"You know we could still have that phone sex," he drawled, smirking when he hears you whimper. 

The tension is thick, neither of you saying anything for a minute as his question lingers in the air. 

"Nice try, but the answer is still no." It takes a couple of minutes, but you're finally able to string a full sentence together. Your breathing is starting to return to normal and as your eyes flutter open you loosen your hold on both your phone and your blanket. 

“You could come over here,” he offered, hope lacing his words at the thought of you laying beneath him naked, your wrists pinned by his pillow, his lips and hands exploring every fuckin’ inch of your body and not stopping until he has you so completely satisfied his name is the only thing spilling from your swollen lips.

“And be your late night booty call? Again, nice try, but the answer is still no.”

“You’d be more than a booty call, Y/N, you know that, right?”

Gnawing on your lip you want to ask him what he means, but before you get a chance he’s speaking again.

"Well don't say I didn't offer," he teased, his laughter coaxing you into joining him and just like that the tension is broken and you're back to acting more like best friends instead of something more. 

Bucky glanced over at the clock, surprised to see it's after midnight. He doesn't want to, but he knows you have work today. "It's getting late I should let you get some sleep."

His words cause you to frown. Even though you've spent most of the day with him you're reluctant to hang up the phone. "One more question?"

"Sure, one more question." He never could say no to you.

"I know it's dumb and we haven't done this in years, but will you stay on the phone until I fall asleep?"

Bucky smiled to himself thinking of all the times the two of you would talk on the phone only for one or both of you to fall asleep. It wasn't unusual for one of you to wake up in the morning only to find the phone still on gentle even breaths on the other end. 

"You're not tired of me yet?" He teased, using your earlier words against you.

"Not quite yet. So... is that a yes?"

He doesn't have to think about it, he'd do anything for you including staying on the phone with you all night. "You really have to ask?"

Yawning you snuggle into your bed your eyes fluttering shut and you realize just how tired you are. "Thank you," you mumbled.

Bucky isn't sure how long he stays on the phone listening to the sound of your gentle breathing before sleep overtakes him, but he does know that he'd do this every night if you asked him to.