Are these friends?
Chapter 9:
Hela did not think she had ever been so tired in her life. She had been on numerous war campaigns, thought in battles unnumbered, spent entire days just training, and yet, they had never made her so exhausted. Mainly because they did not randomly wake her in the middle of the night, depriving her of well needed sleep.
Since she had taken Utgard and become Queen Regent of Jotunheim, she had been residing in Laufey's old chambers. She had of course had to order a smaller bed, that would also provide her with more warmth, but that was simple.
She had placed Vidar in the nursery Laufey had constructed for Loki. She found it remarkable that he had kept it after their child had been believed lost, and it caused a strange, unusual pain in her chest.
In any case, the only thing separating her from the babe was the main room where all the other rooms in her chambers led off from. This main room was also intended for more personal social visitors, more personal than those she would meet in her private study. She supposed it was intended for family meetings, but she was hardly going to have any of her family over for tea.
She became quite acquainted with the main room, mostly due to her having to go through it from her room into Vidar's.
For such a small child, he was extraordinarily loud. Even through the thick walls and doors, she could hear him clearly. At first, she had been thankful for this, as she would know if Vidar was in danger. But now...
She had already been tired from the battle of Vanaheim. All she wanted was some sleep.
But oh no, Vidar had other plans.
She had been on the brink of sleep when she had first heard that shrill cry. She had immediately jumped up and summoned a sword to her hand. But when she had entered the nursery, she saw no attackers. Vidar was just in his cot, crying.
She had been confused and had put the sword away. She had picked him up, trying to rock him gently. After that didn't work, she tried to think of why he could be crying.
And then it hit her. The child had not been fed in... She wasn't even sure if he had been fed, actually.
It wasn't as if she could feed him of her own breast, she had no milk to spare. A frost-giant wet nurse was out of the question. Vidar could easily freeze if he tried consuming something from a frost-giant's body.
Eventually, she had had to contact Freya for advice via her Vanir mirror. Much to her embarrassment, the Vanir queen found this amusing. She had arrived through a portal, with a wide smirk on her face.
"Not as easy as you thought." She had said smugly.
If Freya had not been her ally, and if she wasn't holding a small infant, Hela would have stabbed her.
Eventually, Freya taught her a very simple spell that even she could preform. As it turned out, due to the Vanir's gifts with fertility magic, they had a spell for helping in the production of breast milk. Freya had informed her that if she wanted to sustain a natural, healthy flow, she would have to reapply the spell approximately once a week. Hela had thanked her, before the Vanir queen left, still grinning. Hela finally put Vidar to bed again, completely fed and content.
Hela was relieved to be returning to her own bed.
Until only a few hours later, when she had heard the cry again.
This time, Vidar had needed changing. She was determined not to ask Freya for assistance this time, even if it took her almost an hour to figure out how the blasted thing worked.
She had thought that was the end of it, but no. The child had to be fed at least twice more, changed once, and Hela had had to fill a basin with water to wash her hair after he had been sick. She had rushed him to the healers after she had washed her hair, worried that the cold climate of Jotunheim was negatively affecting her ward.
Only for the healers to inform her that a little spit up was expected when you were helping an infant rid of their leftover gas after a feeding.
The sun was now rising above the horizon, and Hela felt as if she had not had any sleep. She had just finished changing Vidar again, and she thought that trying to get some sleep now was pointless. Soon, she would have to begin the day. She had to plan for her next attack against Asgard, she had to manage the affairs of Jotunheim, and she wished to get to know her new ally a little better.
She was just walking into her sleeping-quarters, Vidar in her arms. She did not trust anyone with the child, so she was planning on keeping him with her at all times, excluding for when she was off leading a battle, of course. She was intending to get dressed for the day. However, there seemed to be a surprise visitor, standing by her window and looking at her with an unreadable expression.
She tried to smile, but she suspected it came out as more of a smirk.
"Well, this is a surprise." She said. "How did you manage to get in here, completely undetected?"
The man raised an eyebrow.
"I am the God of Mischief."
Hela's smirk widened.
"So Loki, what brings you here at such an early hour?"
Loki did not answer her. Instead, his gaze flicked to the child in her arms.
"Do I even want to know why there is a child in your arms?" He asked dryly.
"His name is Vidar." She replied. "His parents died in the battle of Vanaheim."
Loki raised an eyebrow.
"Am I correct in assuming you killed his parents?"
"Perhaps." She replied. "I found him alone in a house, cold, crying, suffering. He seemed to have only been born mere moments before. I could not just leave him there, so I..."
"Adopted him?" Loki interrupted. "Well, as the Midgardians say, I suppose the apple does not fall far from the tree."
"How do you mean?" Hela asked.
Loki smirked.
"For someone who claims to despise Odin so much, you are truly a lot like him."
"I am not." She argued.
"Oh really?" Loki asked, raising an eyebrow. "You attacked another realm out of your own ego, and took a newborn child as your own..."
"This is not the same situation." She growled.
"Tell me, will you raise Vidar to believe that Asgardians are a race of monsters, only to reveal that he is in fact Asgardian by blood?" Loki continued. "Will you push him into the shadows in favour of another? Will you try to force him to be someone he is not, and scorn him for not giving into social norms..."
"No." She interrupted, startling Vidar.
She quickly tried to hush the child. Loki chuckled at the scene.
"This is amusing." He said. "The goddess of Death, trying to care for another life."
"Why have you come here?" Hela demanded, becoming quite frustrated with her son.... Or, she guessed he was now her elder son.
All amusement left him. His expression darkened, and his eyes narrowed.
"I have spoken with Freya," He began. "To enquire as to why she would side with you."
"And?" Hela asked.
"And she has informed me of... Certain pieces of information which had been hidden from me." He continued.
Hela grinned.
"So, she has told you of why Odin banished..."
"Yes." Loki replied.
He stared at her with a level gaze.
"I do not trust you." He finally said. "I trust you, and Freya, just as much as I trust Odin."
"And yet you believe what Freya told you?" Hela asked gently.
"After much thought." He replied.
Loki sucked in a breath.
"I am not doing this for you, or Freya. I am doing this so I can at least try to not be as much of a failure of a parent as you or Odin." He said. "I could potentially have a child out there. And even if they would be in the middle of their adolescence by now, I still feel I must try to find them, to explain everything. And hopefully they, and Sigyn, will forgive me."
"And if they are dead?"
Loki clenched his fists.
"Well, thanks to Odin's banishment I have somewhat become an Avenger." He grinned bitterly. "So I suppose I will avenge them."
Hela smirked.
"I new you would see it my way..."
"Only one thing." Loki continued. "Thor, and the Midgardians known as the Avengers. They are not to be harmed."
Hela frowned.
"If they choose to stand in my way..."
"You will spare them." He interrupted.
Hela stepped forward, studying Loki.
"Is this love Loki?" She asked gently.
"Love is for children." He replied quickly. "I owe them a debt."
Hela raised an eyebrow.
"Truly?" She asked. "Tell me?"
Loki walked around the bed towards her, his eyes never leaving her own.
"Over a year ago, I attacked their world." He began. "I fought against them. And then, two months ago, Odin banished me to their mercy. They could have easily had me locked away, never to see the light of day. But they decided to give me another chance."
The corners of his mouth twitched in a slight smile, but it was quickly hidden once again.
"After we dealt with the army of draugar you had sent to distract us, Odin sent Asgardians to return me to Asgard, to my cell. Thor and the Avengers stood between them and I. Never before had I had such support from so many. Therefore, I owe them a debt of gratitude."
Hela grinned.
"And what will you do if I vow to spare them?"
"I still won't trust you." He replied.
"Oh, but I like this." She said, amusement on her face. "The Nine Realms in the balance and you beg for six individuals."
"It is really not that complicated." Loki retorted calmly. "I have red in my ledger, and I hope that by helping them, I can wipe it out."
"Can you?" Hela asked. "Can you wipe out so much red?"
She stepped closer to him.
"You killed eighty people in two days. You destroyed one of their major cities, killing countless more."
She did not know why she was taunting Loki like this. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep making her temper worse than usual, maybe she still stung from his original rejection of her, or perhaps it was his earlier comparison of her to Odin. It did not matter.
She reached out a hand towards him.
"Do you honestly believe they actually trust you, after all you have done?" She asked gently. "Your ledger is dripping, it's gushing red, and you believe that you can be so easily forgiven?"
Loki court her hand in midair.
"The Avengers know things that you could not even begin to understand." He said.
"Such as?" Hela asked.
"Love, loyalty, kindness, mercy." He replied.
"Love, loyalty, kindness, mercy." Hela repeated. "No, these are foreign concepts to me. But only because I was never shown them."
She gazed into his eyes.
"But perhaps you could show me." She continued.
"What?" Loki asked her in surprise.
"Show me, what power there is in love." Hela said.
Loki chuckled.
"Love is something that not even I can define accurately."
Two sets of identical emerald eyes stared into each other.
"I apologise if I seemed a little harsh before." She began.
"It does not matter." Loki said, waving her away. "My desires are still the same. I did not come here expecting any form of motherly affection. This is a means to an end, nothing more."
Hela nodded, though there was a smile on her face.
"I was planning on organising the assault of Alfheim today." She began.
"When will you be attacking the Asgardian colony on Alfheim?" He asked.
"In approximately a week." She replied. "Depending on how quickly we can coordinate with Frey."
Loki nodded.
"And what of your defenses on Jotunheim and Vanaheim?"
Hela chuckled.
"Loki, do you honestly believe I will tell you that much?"
Loki smirked.
"Of course not." He replied.
"And what of your plans?" Hela asked.
"I will not be openly siding with you yet." He began.
Hela nodded.
"If you could keep an eye on the Avengers activities..."
"I thought we agreed they would not be harmed."
"Only if you keep them out of the main conflict." Hela replied. "Convince them that keeping Midgard safe should be their main priority."
Loki nodded.
"That should not be too difficult." He said. "But you will not be attacking Midgard, will you?"
Hela shook her head.
"It is relatively independent of Odin's influence. I will not attack them unless they become involved."
Loki nodded.
"I should leave before they notice my absence." He said.
Hela nodded.
"Thank you." She said gently. "It is truly wonderful that you..."
"Remember, Hela, I am not doing this for you." He interrupted.
"Of course." She said, before Loki disappeared in a flash of green light.
She sighed and sat down on her bed. That was an intense confrontation, but at least Loki was now allied with her. Even if it was only for that Sigyn girl, it was still a start. Perhaps this was a step in the right direction.
She was about to Nestle Vidar in her pillows, so she could get dressed, when the child suddenly began crying and a foul smell permeated the air.
"Oh, dam it." She muttered.
Vidar had to be changed, again. Honestly, Hela was beginning to think that war was easier than sons.
Loki returned to the tower just in time to see Steve preparing breakfast.
"Hey Loki." The man greeted.
"Good morning." Loki muttered, heading towards the kettle and coffee machine.
"Are you okay?" Steve asked.
"I am fine." Loki replied.
"Okay." Steve said skeptically. "It's just you seem a bit distracted..."
"I am fine." Loki repeated, a little sharper than he had intended.
Steve raised a hand.
"Okay, sorry." He said. "I'm just making sure."
Loki sighed.
"I am sorry." He said. "It is just... After yesterday..."
"Yeah." Steve replied. "It's okay, I get it."
They both worked in silence after that. As the rest of the Avengers walked in for breakfast, Loki greeted them, though he was still a little tense.
"Brother, are you well?" Thor asked.
"I am fine Thor." Loki replied. "I am only still a little tense from yesterday."
Thor nodded gravely.
"I still cannot believe Freya has sided with Hela."
Loki nodded absently.
"It is a truly devastating blow." Thor continued. "But I can only imagine it is worse for you, considering how close you were to Freya, and considering that she was Sig..."
"Yes, thank you Thor." Loki interrupted.
"Hey, easy there." Steve interjected. "Can we just please all stay calm."
"I am calm." Loki snapped.
The rest of the team stared at him in concern. Loki sighed.
"Perhaps I should go for a walk, to clear my mind."
Before anyone could argue, Loki had left the tower.
Loki liked Midgard. It had so many diverse climates, from blazing deserts to frozen wastelands. He and Sigyn used to enjoy exploring the realm. He still thought it was a miracle they were never court. Either that, or their mothers actually approved of their wanderings. He supposed he may never know.
Midgard had changed a lot since those times. The technology had advanced dramatically, and the population had grown exponentially.
Unfortunately, so had the pollution.
The air was harder to breathe, the climate was warmer, and the oceans were full of waste. Which made what he wanted to do all that much harder.
He walked along the shore, ignoring the stairs of the people he passed by. No doubt they were wondering why a former war criminal was allowed to walk freely. He did not care what they thought. He had more important concerns.
Finally, he was able to find a deserted stretch of beach. He removed his shoes and was thankful for the Midgardian creation of short legged trousers. Not only was he much cooler in the late summer heat, but he did not have to roll up the legs for when he stepped into the water.
The wave lapped at his ankles, and he summoned his magic. He called out to an old friend who he hadn't seen in so long.
After only a few minutes, a large head emerged from the water. Though the creature was forced to remain in the deeper waters, due to his size, his neck was still long enough to reach where Loki stood in the shallows.
He smiled as the large serpent bent his head and he stroked the massive scales.
"Hello again, old friend." He said gently. "I know, it has been a while. Sorry, I am afraid I have not brought you any treats this time... Oh, don't act like that."
He chuckled as the reptile rubbed his head against him.
"Loki?"
Startled, Loki turned to see Natasha, walking up the sand towards him.
"Were you following me?" He demanded.
Natasha did not reply until she reached them. She remained on the sand, staring at the serpent.
"That is a very big snake." She said.
Loki smirked.
"Yes, I am aware." He said.
He stroked the scales lovingly.
"Would you care to meet him. I assure you, he is perfectly safe."
Natasha glanced from Loki, to the snake, and back again. Finally, she removed her shoes and waded into the water.
Loki smiled.
"Beautiful, isn't he?"
Natasha extended a hesitant hand and began to stroke the serpent's head, next to where Loki had been doing the same thing.
"Does he have a name?" She asked.
Loki smiled.
"Jörmangandr."
Jörmangandr nuzzled his head into Loki as he said the snake's name. Loki laughed and Natasha's lips twitched in a smile.
"So where did this big guy come from?" She asked.
Loki smiled, though the memory made him feel both glad and sorrowful.
"I found him on Vanaheim." He began. "He was so small, he could wrap around my arm."
He smiled sadly.
"The day I found him was also the last day I saw..."
Natasha nodded. Loki sighed and continued.
"Through those dark days, he was the only one who kept me somewhat sane. Well, him and my Mother."
Loki stroked Jörmangandr fondly.
"Eventually, Odin discovered the snake I had hiding in my chambers. Mostly because said snake got to big for my chambers. He ordered I get rid of Jörmangandr, so I brought him down here. And he has lived in the oceans of Midgard ever since."
"How has no one noticed a big freaking snake in the ocean?" Natasha asked, an amused smile on her face.
Loki also smiled.
"He is very good at concealing himself. Though, he can sometimes be a bit too obvious."
Jörmangandr took obvious offense to this, as he flicked his tail in the water, causing a massive wave to knock Loki and Natasha off of their feet.
The two ended up wet, covered in sand, and tangled in each other's arms and legs. Eventually, after a lot of rolling around, they managed to untangle themselves, laughing.
"Oh, really funny!" Loki yelled up at the serpent.
Jörmangandr sent another wave towards them before he disappeared back under the water. After Loki and Natasha shook off the water from this latest attack, they laughed and smiled at each other. After a few minutes, they both calmed down. Natasha turned to him.
"Are you okay?" She asked.
Loki sighed and stared off into the distance.
"I am fine, it's just..."
He sighed again and turned to her.
"Yesterday, when Sif and the Warriors Three tried to take me back to Asgard, and all of you stood between them and myself... Why?" He asked.
Natasha raised an eyebrow.
"Why what?" She asked.
"Why did you do that?" He asked. "After what I tried to do to your realm..."
"You didn't do it willingly." Natasha argued.
"I know, it is just..." Loki sucked in a breath. "Why?"
Natasha studied him for a long time.
"You are one of us now." She said. "We are a team, Loki. A team stands by each other, no matter what."
"I know, but..." Loki continued.
"Don't you think you are worth fighting for?" She asked.
"No one has ever thought that." He said quietly. "Well... At least not so many people before."
"You are not a bad person." She said. "You're just... Broken."
"And you think that I can be fixed?"
The assassin stared into his eyes.
"Anything can be fixed, given the right amount of care." She said finally. "I think that, deep down, you are a good person Loki."
"You are a good person Loki."
The words that Sigyn had said so long ago echoed in his mind. He wandered just how true these words were.
"My ledger is dripping red." He said quietly. "Do you truly think I can wipe out so much red?"
"I don't know." Natasha replied, just as quietly. "But that does not mean you should not try, right?"
They lay in silence for a long time.
"Do you like me Natasha?" He asked.
Natasha raised an eyebrow.
"What do you mean by "like"?"
"I mean, are we... Friends?" He asked.
Natasha studied him. Finally, she nodded.
"Yeah, I'm your friend. Just like Steve is, and Tony, and Bruce, and I guess even Clint now."
Loki smiled.
"You know, I have never actually had a proper friend before." He mused. "The closest thing I had was Sigyn but... Well, we did not stay friends for very long."
They both lay in the sand in silence for a long time. It was quiet, with just the two of them. Loki found he enjoyed the peace.
Unfortunately, the quiet could not last forever.
"Hey, there you guys are! We've been... Oh, shit, sorry. Didn't realise I was walking in on something."
The two of them suddenly jumped away from each other. Loki had not realise how close they had been. They both looked up to see Tony and Steve walking down the sand towards them, the former with a large grin on his face and the later with his face flaming red.
"Errr, what were you umm..." Steve began awkwardly.
"We were talking." Natasha said quickly. "Just talking."
"Oh, really?" Tony asked, raising an eyebrow. "Then why are you both all wet and covered in sand?"
"Oh, for the love of." Loki muttered. "Stark, if you are thinking what I think you are thinking, it was nothing like that. As you can see, we are both fully clothed. The reason why we are so dishevelled is because an old friend of mine decided he wanted to cause a massive tidal wave."
"What kind of friend?" Tony asked.
"A giant sea serpent." Natasha replied.
Tony blinked. Then, he laughed.
"Your friend's a giant snake?" He said through his laughter. "Knew it, Reindeer Games is the poster boy for Slytherin."
Both Loki and Steve stared at Tony in confusion.
"What in the Nine Realms is a Slytherin?" Loki asked Natasha.
The assassin rolled her eyes.
"It's from this book series."
She pointed to Steve.
"I'm surprised you haven't heard about it. Cap, you've been in the 21st century for what, two years?"
"I've got a very long list, okay." Steve said defensively.
"Perhaps we could read these books together." Loki suggested.
Steve nodded in agreement.
"What is so amusing?"
All four turned to see Thor walking down the sand towards them.
"Brother, why are you and Natasha covered in sand?"
Loki rolled his eyes.
"Jörmangandr was in one of those moods."
A wide grin instantly appeared on Thor's face.
"You saw Jörmangandr?" He asked happily.
"Wait, you know Loki's snake friend?" Tony asked.
Thor nodded happily.
"Yes, we are often competing against each other in feats of strength."
"That's it, Loki, call back Yur... Jar... Whatever his name is."
"No." Loki said quickly. "New York is still the from recovering from the attack last year, they do not need to be destroyed again in one of Thor and Jörmangandr's little play fights."
"Aww." Tony said. "But I want to see Thor wrestle a giant snake."
"Maybe if Loki is able to move them somewhere a bit safer." Steve suggested.
Tony's face brightened.
"After we deal with the current conflict." Loki interjected.
"Oh, fine." Tony said, slightly disappointed.
Thor walked over and clapped a large hand on the Midgardian's shoulder.
"Do not worry my friend." He said. "Once we have dealt with Hela, Jörmangandr and I shall show you a duel to remember."
Tony smiled.
"Great." He said happily. "Come on, let's go back to the tower."
"Yeah, I need a shower." Natasha said.
"As do I." Loki agreed.
Tony smirked.
"Maybe you ∂ have one together. It would really save water."
"Tony." Steve scolded.
Loki only looked at Natasha strangely, before deciding to ignore Tony's comment and follow the others back to the tower.
His mind had been cleared slightly, but there were still some doubts.
Was he truly doing the right thing? Was this the right decision? Was it truly wise to trust Hela?
And what of the Avengers? What happens when they find out? For the first time, Loki felt as if he had actual friends he had earned on his own merits, and not because he was Thor's brother. Could he sacrifice this so easily?
Steve, the man who had reached out to him, who had been willing to make the first step. Bruce, the calming presence who he often enjoyed a cup of calming tea and an intelligent conversation with. Tony, who he sympathised with so much. Clint, who had only just begun to trust him. And Natasha, a woman who intrigued and confused him so much.
And then there was Thor. The brother who had loved him, even after all their fights, and after all he had done.
Could he betray them?
And then he thought about why exactly he had made this decision in the first place.
Sigyn was out there. Out there with his child. They could be in danger, for all he knew.
He would not fail as Odin and Hela had. He would find his child and the woman he loved, and ensure this cycle ended. He would make things right.
Maybe... Maybe he could make an actual family. One that acted as a proper family should, with love and trust, and not lies and secrets.
And if they were dead... Well, Natasha had basically said he was an Avenger now. So if they were dead, he would Avenge them.
Perhaps love was for children. Well, in that case were they all not children? Or, at least those who fought for love, as he was about to do. It did not matter. All that mattered was that he found his lost lover and child.