Goldrush

Lucy wakes with a pounding headache. A pain so deep within, that she doesn’t think she’s felt so deeply before in her life. Reminiscent of a college hangover she throws the pillow over her head and exhales her pent up pain. She doesn’t remember the bed ever feeling so cold. Her feet feel disjointed from her body beyond the length of her blanket. Either that or she’s just become numb to feeling anything.

The image of Kate in that bed is the first thing that floods her memory as she comes to her senses and blinks her eyes open. The blonde’s broken body and soul lay bare on the bare metal framed structure. Her deep dark eyes appearing sunk into something even darker. Lucy hates the image but her mind won’t let her forget it. She grabs a towel and heads to the shower, hoping that hot water might ease her pain.

Quick to learn that it doesn’t she continues on with her day. She starts the painful walk to her office. Feeling as though she’s sleepwalking through an alternate dimension. This morning there is no kiss goodbye that sometimes lingers into a “no one will miss us for ten minutes more” moment. No hand on her back as she locks the door to the tiny cabin. Just a deep pounding that echos through her brain and throbs into her temples. She doesn’t know how to live without Kate, especially not on this ship.

She turns the key in her office door and steps inside, closing the cold metallic door behind her. She feels her eyes fill with emotion. She leans back against the door, the chill sends a shiver down her spine. She eventually allows herself to slide down the cold structure. Kneeling on the hard floor she can’t fight the tears that have been building since first opening her eyes.

“I love you too much to do this to you”.

Those last words Kate spoke to the agent swirl around her mind. Not just their meaning but the broken tone of the blonde’s voice sends a shooting pain through Lucy’s chest, like an invisible stab wound. A wound that to her feels as real as those on Kate’s body. Lucy hates feeling sorry for herself, and stops herself in her self deprecating spiral. This should be about Kate. The woman who ejected from her aircraft at a speed high enough to kill her. Kate who lies in a hospital bed wounded and alone. Lucy dries her eyes and stumbles to her feet.

Walking behind her desk she notices the polaroid. She swallows hard at the sight of it but suddenly her eyes are drawn towards a piece of paper propped against her computer screen. There’s no name on the outside but Lucy doesn’t remember it being here yesterday when she left her office in a hurry. Unfolding the lined paper she immediately recognises the swirling handwriting.

“Lucy, I’m sorry. Please meet me in the maintenance hanger after work, Kate.”

Lucy just stands and stares momentarily. She doesn’t even want to know how the blonde got this note to her, but she does have connections everywhere on this ship. She closes her eyes and inhales a deep breath, breathing deep through the pain. Exhaling the anxieties she’s pent up for many restless hours. She swings her office chair around and decides to get started on work to help take her mind off things until later.

———

The maintenance hanger is located at the aft of the ship, a good walk from Lucy’s office. The agent doesn’t mind however, it gives her time to gather her thoughts, and her breath. She lifts her pass to the screen and opens the ‘restricted access only’ door, a perk of being agent afloat. Apparently the only place off limits is the med bay. Looking around the huge airy room Lucy spies a silhouette in the distance, next to the only jet parked in the vast space.

As Lucy approaches the shadow of Kate creeps into the light. The blonde is sitting in a wheelchair, her face slightly brighter than yesterday. She breaks a quivering smile, her eyes blinking as they fill with tears at the sight of Lucy in front of her. “You came”. The words fall from the blonde’s mouth before the tears follow from her eyes. Lucy bites the inside of her gums, she has to be strong for Kate. However she can’t help but reach down to hold her.

“Of course I came”. She kneels down in front of Kate’s chair and takes the blonde’s hands into her own. The touch sparks a fuse within Lucy, the feeling she knows only Kate can provide. The electricity that flowed through that first hand shake all those months ago has returned to the blonde’s veins. Lucy looks up into Kate’s eyes. Despite the glistening of tears she can feel the comfort radiating from deep within.

The blonde squeezes Lucy’s hand in return. The agent’s eyes widen at the feeling the pressure exerts against her skin. They sit and weep softly together, hand in hand. Tears streaming down both their faces but now in relief and exhaustion, rather than pain. Lucy didn’t need Kate to say anything. The look in her eyes told the agent everything she needed to know.

Apologetic was written all over Kate’s face. Lucy lifts her right hand away momentarily to rub the tears off Kate’s cheek. Her hand gliding over Kate’s face and into her hair. Tucking loose strands behind her ear. Lucy continues to run it lightly down the blonde’s neck, past the bruises that have now formed purple circles on the innocent blonde’s soft skin. Kate closes her eyes in response.

“I hate seeing you like this”. Lucy whispers as her hand reconnects with the blondes. “How are you feeling now? Do you need anything?”. Kate blinks away more sadness from her eyes. The mistiness in her vision is beginning to lift. She can sense her pain meds starting to wear off and she can now feel the damage done to every inch of her body. However the only words she could bring herself to mumble are “I’m ok”. She pauses as her face melts into a puddle of despair. “I just need you, Lucy”.

The words coarse through the agent’s heart. She could feel her body ease. The tension and adrenaline releasing the hold they’ve had on her since answering the phone in her office. She breaks a genuine smile now at Kate’s words, knowing she’s bringing the blonde comfort is all Lucy wants to do for the rest of her life.

The two sit in silence for a while. Lucy moves between stroking Kate’s hands and her face. Eventually Kate breaks the comfortable quiet. “This is my jet Lucy”. Turning her eyes towards the broken machine that sits next to the couple. Lucy had been so fixated on Kate since entering the hanger that everything else around her was a blur. Tracing her eyes over what’s left of it now, Lucy remembers back to that day on the flight deck when she first saw it. Lucy couldn’t believe the sight before her eyes, the extent of the damage frightens the agent as she contemplates how lucky Kate is to be alive.

“Kate, I’m so sorry-”. She squeezes the blonde tighter now, the need to comfort her feels immense. “But you’re here now and that’s all that matters, when I got the call-”. The agent stops herself, taking a breathe she looks into Kate’s deep dark eyes. “I was so scared Kate”. The tears rumbling on her eyelids once again, she reaches her own hands up to keep them at bay. “I was scared too Lucy, it all happened so fast”. Lucy rests her hands on Kate’s legs, her thumbs running in circles to help ease Kate’s pain. “I remember the air being taken from my lungs, it was just noise, confusion and violence for what felt like ages, but it in reality it was mere seconds”.

Lucy is so glad the blonde is opening up to her. “I have a multitude of injuries, but as I was floating in the peaceful blue water there was so much adrenaline pumping through my body that I felt nothing”. Lucy rubs her legs in comfort, telling the blonde she can continue without the need for words. Lucy can tell Kate needs to put her feelings into words to make sense of them in her own mind, thankful now that she can be here for Kate to do so. “Honestly Lucy, I thought I was dead”.

Lucy shakes her head as her lips shake with emotion. “Kate, you’re not going anywhere, and neither am I”. Kate’s eyes wander across to her jet once more before avoiding to meet Lucy’s as she turns back towards the agent sitting in front of her. “Lucy I am…going somewhere”. Lucy narrows her brow as the blonde lowers her head. “They can’t treat me here, I need rehab and physiotherapy, so I’m being sent to a navy hospital onshore.” Lucy feels her heart break again, she never really considered this scenario, but it makes sense, and she’ll do anything to have Kate recovering to her former self. Still simply thinking of the distance between them makes her feel ill.

“Do you know where?”. The agent asks reluctantly. Kate lifts her head slightly, still not committing to meeting the agent’s eyes. “No, I guess wherever’s closest that has the appropriate facilities”. Lucy puckers her lips, thinking of Kate leaving and not knowing where she is sounds like a nightmare she doesn’t want to experience. Yet she remains strong for the woman she loves. “Well as long as you heal that’s all that matters, you’ll be back flying again in no time I’m sure of it”.

Lucy senses Kates resistance to meet her eyes. Her eyes wandering around aimlessly, but purposely avoiding the agent’s own. “Did I say something wrong? Kate I’m sorry I-”. The blonde looks down into her eyes stopping the agent in her tracks. “No, it’s just-”. She rubs her eyes. “I don’t know if I’ll ever fly again”. Lucy doesn’t break eye contact, her soft expression encourages Kate to continue. “If the air crash investigation find the accident was down to pilot error I’ll lose my license”. Lucy feels a sting in her eyes. She knows how much Kate loves flying and the freedom it grants her. To lose that would break her heart and Lucy knows it.

“Kate, we both know this wasn’t your fault”. She reaches to stroke Kate’s arms in comfort, her touch light to avoid hurting her fragile body. “You don’t know that Lucy”. Kate can’t help but cry once again at the uncertainty of her future. “Oh Kate, come here”. Lucy awkwardly reaches round to embrace Kate in her wheelchair, making sure to be gentle with her bruised body. “Whatever happens, I'll always be here Kate. You have me”. Kate mumbles a thank you through her tears.

They sit in comfortable silence again, Kate allowing Lucy to hold her broken body. “Are you cold?” Lucy asks as she feels Kate’s body tremble beneath her grip. “I forgot how cold it is down here” Kate laughs as she speaks. Lucy loves hearing that tone to her voice again. “Here have this”. Before Kate can even open her mouth to protest Lucy flips her navy NCIS branded hoodie over her head. “This is a blanket on me anyway, so you can keep it”. She carefully and slowly snuggles Kate into her hoodie. Kate appreciates her girlfriends gesture, but she appreciates smelling the agent’s sweet scent on her even more.

“I have to gather my things from our cabin, do you mind-”. “Of course I’ll help Kate, anything for you my love”. Reaching down Lucy plants a soft kiss on the blonde’s forehead before getting to her feet to take Kate to their cabin.

———

“I think that’s everything” Kate says as Lucy folds the last pair of shorts into her suitcase. Lucy has neatly arranged everything just as she knows Kate would. Folding clothes isn’t exactly a Lucy Tara speciality, but she would do anything to make Kate’s life easier. She zips the suitcase closed, taking one last look at Kate’s belongings. Clothes that hold so much meaning to her. A scent she doesn’t want to forget anytime soon.

“There’s one more thing”. Lucy says as she takes a seat next to Kate on the edge of the bed. She unbuckles the watch on her wrist and hands it to Kate. Kate looks at her in confusion, reluctant to take the item from the agent’s hand. “Lucy, I can’t take your watch”. “Sure, you can!”. She reaches for Kate’s hands and places the item into them, closing her own hands around the blonde’s so she can’t protest. “I insist. So you can wear it and think of the time we spent together, and also the time we have ahead of us. Because we’ll have so much time Kate. I promise”.

The blonde leans forward, wincing slightly at the shooting pain her ribs, but all is soon forgotten as her lips meet Lucy’s. The agent’s hands cupping her face, softer now but still the same passion. Their worlds stand still, neither willing to let this feeling end.

As Lucy leans back she stares at Kate with sincerity. “I will do everything in my power to aid the accident investigation team with their investigation my love, I promise”. She states as if it’s the truest words she’s ever spoken. “You will fly again Kate”. The blonde’s face softens as she allows herself to believe Lucy’s words, to fall for her girlfriend and let Lucy catch her. She reaches forward once again to place her lips on Lucy’s, savouring the sensation, not knowing when she’ll meet these very lips once again.