Sharon is twelve years old when she first calls Tony and ask for his help getting revenge. She knows she’s called the right person – just as she suspected – when he says, “We shouldn’t talk about it over the phone. Somebody might be recording. Rhodey and I are gonna pick you up.”
They take her to a burger place designed to look like it’s from the 1950s. Obnoxious music plays over the radio. But they have fries and milkshakes, and Sharon can’t resist those.
“Okay, Shar. What’s the deal?”
She swallows her gulp of chocolate shake. She puts a city map with red marks for the houses on the table, along with a list of names. “Tracy Haywood is trying to bully people out of joining the cheer squad. I’m going to take her and her friends down.”
“Bully- Did she say something about you?”
Sharon eyes him and bites her lip. Finally, she relents. “She said my hips are too fat and my chest is too flat and I’m too tall for any boy to want to lift.”
“Huh.” Not sure how to take that, Sharon toys with a fry. “I don’t want to talk about your hips or chest,” Tony says, uncomfortable. “But you’ll never be too tall for any boy to like you – or lift you or whatever. More importantly, did she hurt your feelings by saying that stuff?”
Sharon shrugs. “Maybe. She definitely hurt some other people I know, though.”
Tony nods wisely. “Avenging hurt feelings is something I can get behind.”
“Question,” Rhodey says. “What am I here for?”
“We’re going to need a getaway driver.” Tony shakes his head and looks at Sharon. “He’s still an amateur.”
By the end of the night, she and Tony and even Rhodey (it turns out he has the best aim) have rolled the houses of every cheer squad member and left clues that the football team did it – Tony’s idea.
She’s never loved her cousin more.
At fifteen, she calls again. This time, it’s an ex. Rhodey isn’t thrilled, but he goes along with it anyway. He won’t crap into a bag to throw it in her ex’s room no matter how much Tony tries. Sharon’s idea is to break into his house and steal all of his stuff to leave it around town.
“Okay. Let’s think less illegal,” Rhodey says. “Sharon doesn’t need a record, and Tony, you don’t need the press.”
“I don’t mind the press,” Tony argues. At Rhodey’s expression, he nods. “But not getting Sharon a record is a good idea.”
Rhodey holds up a finger. “The best revenge,” he says loftily, “is a life well lived.”
Tony snaps his fingers. “What’s his favorite band?”
“Linkin Park,” she grouses.
“Yikes,” they both say.
“Please tell me that’s why you broke up with him,” Rhodey tells her. At her hesitation, he sighs. “I’m going to attribute this to your youth.”
“Is he still following you on social media?” Tony asks.
She frowns. “I think so? I haven’t checked my MySpace or Livejournal in a while...”
He nods and takes out his phone. “Do you know the names of the guys from the band?”
“What? No!”
“Eh, that’s fine.”
She spends the night catching up with the Linkin Park tour, and she, Tony, and Rhodey hang out with them after the show. Plenty of pictures and videos are taken and posted to her social media. Her ex doesn’t appreciate any of it.
At eighteen, she calls Tony and asks if they should change their plans now that she can be charged as an adult. She wants to join SHIELD. She can’t afford a record.
“Just don’t get caught, Shar Bear,” he tells her.
“I was hoping you’d say that.”
Sometimes, she calls him to get revenge on people just because she misses him and wants to hang out like they used to. Sometimes, she gets revenge on people who go after him simply because she knows he’ll never do so himself.
He may not think highly of himself – his ego has always been something of a mask, in her opinion – but she thinks he’s worth getting revenge for. He’s worth avenging.
When Morgan is thirteen, she calls Sharon. “Aunt Sharon? Rhodey said you could help me with something.”
“Something we shouldn’t talk about on the phone in case someone is listening in?”
“Yeah.”
Sharon grins. She’s never loved her cousin’s kid more. “I’ll come pick you up.” And she’ll pick up Rhodey, too. They might need a getaway driver.