Second Wish

Mami doesn’t remember how things became like this. Her home, her family, her life, all of it was nothing but an empty shell now. Every day from afternoon to night, she walks the streets of the town like a soldier of justice, seeking out the witches and familiars that feed on people’s troubled souls. She’s a hero. She’s an ally of good. She’s justice. That’s what she tells herself whether it’s true or not. Maybe because she needs to believe that to go on. Maybe because her life would be less than the empty shell it already is without that mindset. 

She can hardly remember her parents anymore. The way they laughed, the way they smiled, the way they loved her, she can hardly remember any of it anymore. Then she thinks back to the car accident and her wish, her selfish wish. A stupid, selfish, useless wish with the cruel price of becoming a cursed magical girl. What was she living for? What was she fighting for? She keeps telling herself that it’s for justice, for the sake of saving people, but is it really worth it? 

“Don’t rush in making a wish.”

Mami knows this lesson all too well and makes sure to tell Kaname Madoka and Miki Sayaka before they forge the cruel contract. She knows they are ignorant to the true nature of being a magical girl. They only see her cool side, her reliable side as their model senior. They don’t know that her life has become utterly ill from the isolation and loneliness, but that’s also part of the reason why she doesn’t want to show them that secret side. If they become magical girls, they can cure her life’s illness. A small part of her believes that, but another part of her, the part that has seen so many failed encounters, whispers the fruitlessness of it all. 

“Miki-san, do you truly wish for his dream to come true, or do you only want him to be grateful to you?” 

Mami’s words are harsh, she knows, but she has to say it even if it deters Sayaka from becoming a magical girl. A life full of regret, she wouldn’t wish that upon anyone. No, not after what happened to Sakura Kyouko – the Sakura Kyouko she once loved as a student, a friend, and perhaps even as a younger sister. That Kyouko will forever be nothing but a faint memory to Mami now, and she keeps wondering if there was anything she could have done to change what happened. 

“Can you teach me how to fight better?” 

The innocent request rings fresh in Mami’s mind as she remembers their first meeting that seemed like so long ago. Those days were everything to Mami. The careful bond they had built with each other, she didn’t know just how fragile it really was. She didn’t know things like that could break so easily, and she thinks that maybe it was just never meant to be. Magical girls were just never meant to be friends. 

“This cake is amazing Mami sempai!”

Mami eats the cake she made and feels it become bitter with every passing day since Kyouko’s departure. After experiencing the friendship she always wanted, being alone felt worse than before. Was her home always this big? Was it always this empty? Was it always this lonely? She doesn’t know. All she knows is that a part of her stopped trying to make friends that day. Kyouko became Sakura-san, and Madoka and Sayaka would forever remain Kaname-san and Miki-san. She promised herself to never breach that line again. 

“Mami-san, it’s okay to call me Madoka.”

That promise makes Mami seem cold, perhaps even colder than Akemi Homura. There’s something about that raven haired girl that makes Mami envious. It’s probably the fact that she attracts others without even trying to do so. Without magic, Madoka and Sayaka along with Kyouko would never have taken interest in Mami. That makes her even more aware of the gap between herself and them as well as the reason for her promise. She’s different from those four, being both physically and mentally older. She has no place in their circle, none at all. 

“Why must humans insist that companionship is needed for survival?” 

Mami doesn’t know how many times Kyuubey has already asked her that, but it’s more than she can count. His science, his factual nature, all of it irritates her to no end, and she wants to ask him: why do you think it isn’t? She doesn’t though, because she knows he’ll spit a biology lesson back. She’s not in the mood for his heartless science, not right now. 

“This is why I’ll never understand humans.”

Of course Kyuubey doesn’t get it and never will get it, he only wishes for the energy to power whatever cursed universe he derives from, and that’s why Mami will never understand him either, because he’s a hypocrite. To survive, he needs Mami’s companionship. Without her, or anyone else for that matter, he has no energy to maintain his survival. She wonders if that would throw him in a loop and make him feel like the stupid one for once. 

“If you wanted friends so badly, you should have wished for it.”

Something in Mami ticks from hearing that. He’s annoying her, and her fingers are itching to wrap around his small neck. She’s about had it with him, with everything. 

“Your wish was useless after all. You would have been kept alive even if you hadn’t wished to not die.” 

Mami’s ribbons are already restraining Kyuubey tightly, and before he can even utter another word, a bullet has blown a hole through his head. A minute later, she pulls a musket from thin air and unleashes it upon the incubator trash that has come back. She’s lost it, the reason that has kept her sane till now, she’s lost it. Her sun yellow soul gem has already adopted a dark tint at its core that continues to grow. 

The windows are shattered, and Mami leaps across the building tops. She’s thinking about how foolish she is, how gullible she is, and how she would have been better off dead in that car accident. It would have saved her from this cruel fate that has shown her nothing but an ill life, and before she knows it, death has been granted to her in the form of a sweet-toothed witch named Charlotte, and Mami lets it happen because she’s tired of merely existing in such a world. 

She holds a head in her arms that she doesn’t realize is her own. It’s dark where she stands, and she knows that this is what death is for a magical girl. No heaven, no hell, only pitch black darkness. Even in death, she is meant to be alone, and the head in her arms sobs with endless tears. Mami thinks back to the car accident, to her wish, and if she could have a second wish, she thinks to herself: I wish I died.