Everything has changed
By 4am Bobbi was sat again on the couch reading her book the same as she was most nights; she'd gotten a good solid halfway through it which was both good and bad because it was the sixth one she'd read since she got here with Clint so pretty soon she was going to need new material. She didn't do much else during the nights beyond read because it was peaceful and it distracted her but the sound of footsteps once again drew her eyes and she smiled.
"Morning sunshine. I made you a cup of coffee." She turned her attention back to her book when she'd finished speaking.
Bucky chuckled as he made his way over to the kitchen counter to pick it up.
"Thanks Blondie."
She smiled as she glanced over her shoulder. Studying Bucky, she seemed altogether satisfied that he wasn't upset or distressed in any matter which was a huge difference from the last time they'd done this, he seemed altogether better tonight which was good.
"How'd you know I'd be up?" He rose a brow as he spoke to her.
Bobbi shrugged.
"I didn't. I figure your nightmares wouldn't be as bad if you had any at all tonight but insomnia can still be a pain in the ass."
He mulled over her answer for a moment, that sounded perfectly reasonable. She was right of course, his nightmares weren't a factor tonight but his insomnia was; it was like his body was just used to being awake at this point now, it'd take a while to get out of that habit and he was sort of glad he had someone awake too. It meant that he didn't end up dwelling on the darker sides to his thoughts. It gave him someone to just talk to. Aimless conversation... It was surprisingly helpful. She seemed to know how to do aimless conversation better than anyone else.
"What're you even reading anyway?" Bucky spoke as he walked over to sit down beside her.
"Great Expectations." She shrugged. "It's a good story."
Classic literature was always something that most people could appreciate and Bobbi Morse liked to keep her mind busy. She wasn't the sit around and do nothing type, she got bored way too easily and she needed a break from working through all of the files she'd gotten yesterday. Bucky just laughed and shook his head.
"What?" She turned to look at him as she placed her book down.
"Nothing, I just didn't think you were the classics type." He replied and she rolled her eyes.
"What do you know, old man? You're basically a classic yourself at this point, shut up."
He laughed as he listened to her speak, this was exactly why he liked Bobbi. She was just different, she didn't ask him a million questions and she wasn't too afraid of him to actually be normal around him like everyone else seemed to be. Everyone seemed to walk on eggshells around him and that bothered him more than he wanted to admit but she didn't, he could actually relax around her and while that was something he wasn't used to, he was appreciative of it.
She'd shown him so far that she truly didn't care about anything he'd done before he'd wound up here, all she cared about was where everyone went from this point onward which was understandable. She cared about who everyone was when they were here because they were technically in her home and she'd let them be here on the proviso that no one was going to hurt anyone else.
She'd proved to be a damn good friend even in the short space of time he'd known her.
"Thanks for earlier by the way." He sounded appreciative as he spoke.
She offered him a gentle smile and reached over to squeeze his knee.
"You don't have to thank me for sticking to what I promised you. i don't break my promises." She was someone that fought very hard to keep them in fact.
"I told you that I'd have your back and I don't intend to break that. Whatever the heck is going on with you two? Like I said: None of my business. You don't owe me anything. I didn't know you before I met you two days ago so that person is pretty much the only person I have any right to ask about."
"I wish everyone else was as relaxed about stuff as you are." He replied with a nervous smile.
"I don't know what they're gonna do when everyone gets up." He confessed quietly. "They're all gonna have questions I'm not sure I can answer or that she's ready to answer."
"So don't." Bobbi replied as she watched him. "You don't owe anyone anything. If you don't wanna talk tell them you don't wanna talk."
"Is it that simple?" He questioned with a raised brow and a questioning look.
"Yeah it's that simple, we have house rules for a reason. If you guys want space they give you it." She shrugged.
It all sounded so easy when she put it like that.
"Look I know they're gonna be curious but you've both been through enough and your friends shouldn't be putting you through more just to satisfy their curiosity. You've been through hell and all they should care about is you have something that makes you happy. Nothing else matters. I'm pretty sure the only two that are gonna have questions are Barton and Rogers anyways. I don't wanna know anything you don't wanna tell me, Belova honestly seems like she knows enough already and Sam and Sharon don't know you well enough to want answers out of you. Barton I can handle. He won't argue with me because he knows he won't win. He never wins." Bobbi shrugged with a grin.
He could believe that honestly, Bobbi didn't seem like the kind of person you could win an argument against easily. He could tell just from the brief amount of time he'd spent with the two of them so far that Clint Barton loved Bobbi a great deal but he definitely knew not to challenge her. He could see he wanted to on occasion but it seemed he was smarter than that. She was tough and it seemed like her giving him a hard time was a regular occurrence for the two of them.
"You two seem like you love each other a lot, you and Clint..." Bucky - clearly wanting to change the subject for a little while - offered Bobbi a smile.
"Yeah, we have this whole complicated mess of a thing but he's the love of my life. He's an idiot, he's a pain in the ass but I wouldn't have him any other way. I've been in love with Clint Barton for fourteen years and I don't think that's ever gonna change. I don't think I'm capable of not loving him and he knows it, too. We've been through a lot, divorced, I got married to someone else for a little while but it didn't work out. I was trying to distract myself from the pain I felt after how messy Barton and I left things but it didn't work." She didn't feel all that much for Lance.
She felt bad for that, he was a good guy more or less. Kind of an asshole too but he sort of had a right to be, she hadn't been the best of wives and she'd been rebounding hard from someone that she had been in love with for years. He didn't stand a chance and that was her fault and not his and she owned that. She didn't like herself much for it but she didn't try to shift the blame for it. He hadn't been entirely free of blame either but there was no point in holding to any of that.
Especially not now.
"How'd you guys meet? Through SHIELD?" He was genuinely curious. He supposed it was SHIELD.
"Yeah, they'd saved my ass, I was buried alive after the lab I worked for before that was blown up and everyone else was killed. I was stuck in the rubble for three days before the SHIELD team dug me out and I was taken to their infirmary to heal up. They'd seen my work through some of the papers I'd published and whatever they managed to salvage from the labs computers, knew who I was... They offered me a job. They wanted me to do the whole science-thing but I told them I'd only accept if I was trained to be a field agent too. I didn't want to ever feel like I couldn't save myself again. So, couple of months later I was in the gym and Barton being arrogant because I was a newbie bet he could take me and if he did, I'd go to dinner with him." She laughed as she spoke.
"So, I played along purely because I wanted to kick his ass which I did. He lost miserably. He found me later that day in the cafeteria and apologised for the way he'd acted, we wound up talking and I realised in that moment that there was just something about him... So he got his date. Six months later we got married." It all sounded so idealistic when she talked about it.
She wished that it had stayed that simple but it didn't.
"We were up and down and on and off through that whole time. We finally got our shit together and stopped all of the dumb ass fighting when I was about 27. We're kinda like fire and ice sometimes but we love each other too much to ever give it up forever. I wouldn't know how to be if he wasn't in my life and honestly I don't regret that one bit. He's my best friend, the love of my life even if I do wanna beat the shit out of him almost daily, I wouldn't give it up. I love him too much." She had a smile on her features that was tainted with sadness.
She flicked her eyes to her lap then and released a sigh.
"Four years after that I was shot. I told you about it, the guy I killed afterward... Barton couldn't take it. He hated that I killed someone in cold blood when I had another choice but I didn't take it. He blamed himself for it, he made choices the day I was hurt that he probably shouldn't have made... At least that's what I thought for a while, he told me no matter what he couldn't regret choosing to save me. He made the choice to save me but to make the choice to save me, he had to change me too." She spoke quietly. That was the part of the story that destroyed her just as much as it had destroyed Clint.
Bucky could tell that from the way that she sounded so hurt when she spoke. The anguish and sorrow was all too clear in her voice.
"You don't have to say anything else. It's not my business." Bucky reached over to squeeze her shoulder in an effort to be reassuring.
"It just got messy after I was hurt. Everything got messy. I wasn't me anymore and I guess I'm still trying to figure out who I am now and it was years ago." She supposed she'd spend a long time figuring it out after all of this was over, too.
"So there you go, my messy relationship, my almost-death and my divorce in a nutshell." Leaving out a lot of major details but that was the gist of it anyway.
He watched her as she leaned back in her chair and flipped her book cover open and then closed again, telling however minor a part of her story had quite obviously caused her distress that he felt terrible for, he knew she was just answering his question but he hadn't known it would bring as much pain to her as it had and he felt regret for asking in the first place.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have asked." He sounded like a concerned brother. It was... Strange.
"Nah, you didn't know it was so-" She cut off mulling over what to say next.
"Painful?" He offered.
She nodded.
"Yeah, painful is definitely one word for it." Heartbreaking would be another.
"Okay well, how about I tell you some of my story?" He turned slightly to look at her as he spoke.
"You really don't have to." She murmured quietly.
"I know, I want to." He had to tell someone something after all. Why not let it be the person that'd trusted him even if she didn't have to?
"Natalia and I met when I was assigned to train her. She was young, she was only 17. She was... Stubborn. Arrogant, undisciplined and while she had a lot of raw talent she was too overconfident and it'd have gotten her killed. They tried to make me get that out of her but it didn't work. She changed me more than I changed her at first. She pulled something out of me that they tried their best to bury and I didn't understand it for a long time but it stayed there in the back of my mind despite the programming. It gave me something to hold on to." He sounded like he was lost in a memory that made him happy.
That was good. It was good that it wasn't all pain. She was glad it wasn't all pain for him.
"We worked together for a few years after that until we were separated and I was back to solo kill missions and she was- I don't even know. I don't know who or what they made her after that and I'm not sure I want to but the next time I saw her she was 28, it'd been about eight years. She was still as beautiful as ever, still as fiery and she still had that way about her that never made sense to me but broke through everything they put in my head anyway. With her I had a choice. With her I felt human again. I was just a lost soldier without a home until she gave me one. We got two good years together before they found out and tore us apart."
That. That was when his tone became saddened and pained and she looked over at him and offered a sad smile. Their histories - his and hers alike - were littered with a pain that had changed them just as much as their ordeals had.
"I guess that's where they changed her. I don't know how it happened, I don't wanna ask her yet in case it hurts her too much to talk about." He'd never want to hurt her. He'd already done that enough.
Just from the vague details he'd given her she could understand the kinds of questions other people would have but she wasn't like them. She'd never press him for a story he didn't want to tell. She hoped someday he'd tell at least someone the whole story but she couldn't blame him if that never happened. She still hadn't told her full story to anyone that wasn't involved in saving her that day.
"You have now and that's all that matters. If you want them to know a story tell them that. They don't need to know anything else. Time doesn't matter, time for some of us is relative anyway." Bobbi replied in a probably failed attempt to be reassuring.
"What do you mean?" Naturally he was curious.
"I was 23 when I met Barton. Do I look 37 to you?" She chuckled and shrugged. "Time is relative. I haven't aged in... Uh.. Six, Seven years? I don't even know. I don't keep track. I can't age and I never will. I told you that it changed me and it did. I'm not like anyone else in the world."
Time was relative. It didn't matter. He knew she wasn't willing to offer more than that with the tone in which she spoke so he shrugged instead.
"If we had a proper drink I'd say we could toast to being eternally like we are right now." He leaned back against the back of the couch.
"Wouldn't matter, we can't get drunk." She shot back playfully. "We can have a damn good time trying though."
The soft sound of footsteps drew both their attention to the hallway behind them, for a moment Bobbi looked back at Bucky then back toward the hallway as a figure emerged from the shadows and yawned, she rubbed her eyes before she moved them to the two figures sat on the couch.
"Am I interrupting something?" Her soft accented voice broke the silence.
She studied both of them as they both smiled before each shook their head and Bobbi inclined her head to the chair.
"Nope, nightly meeting of the Insomniacs in the middle of freakin' nowhere club. Wanna join?"
Bucky studied Yelena as she padded toward the two of them and sat down. He didn't trust her even slightly but then he was still unsure on why she'd chosen to defect and leave with Natalia when she had. What was it about that moment that was different? Why had she chosen to leave when she had when she'd had plenty of chances before? She noted him watching her and a smirk crossed her features.
"Oh, don't be so uptight, Soldat. If I wanted any of you dead I could've killed you when you were sleeping however brief a time that was but I didn't. I don't want to hurt any of you. I want to help just like I promised Natalia. I've had enough chances to hurt her too, I could've killed the archer but I didn't. I'm not who I was anymore." She was trying to be the person Natalia had convinced her she could be.
Sitting down, she offered Bobbi a smile and reached over to squeeze her hand.
"Thank you." She sounded sincere as she spoke.
Bobbi exchanged a look with Bucky before she looked back at Yelena.
"What for?" She spoke with a raised brow "I literally haven't done anything beyond let you stay here."
"You gave me a chance even with our rocky history."
Bobbi rose a brow then but laughed anyway.
"You mean me shooting you and you vowing you'd kill me the next time you saw me? Looks like that changed somewhere along the lines huh?" She poked playfully.
Bucky looked at both of them and quite literally said Huh? which amused both of them. They both laughed.
"I ran into her on one of my missions a couple of years ago. I was trying to save someone, a girl. The daughter of a friend of mine who was taken in by their program when her mom died or more kidnapped and forced into but y'know. So, I bust into the facility solo which was probably dumb but I was mad as hell about it. I ran into her and shot her in the leg because she got in my way, I didn't wanna kill her honestly I didn't wanna kill anyone if I could avoid it. She swore she'd kill me for it but it looks like she isn't gonna." Bobbi grinned as she looked at Yelena.
"I'm sorry for shooting you, you were kinda an asshole so you asked for it but I'm still sorry."
Yelena just shrugged, she could understand fully why Bobbi had done what she had. She had done what she felt was necessary back then to save someone she cared for and in truth if the roles were reversed Yelena wasn't quite sure she'd have been so merciful. She'd have made them pay in the worst way possible but it seemed just as she'd guessed Bobbi Morse was a better person than she was.
"What happened to the girl after that?" She couldn't help but ask. If she'd been who she was before she wouldn't have cared but she did now.
"I still take care of her. She's living with my brother and his wife and my nieces but I still take care of her. She's a good kid. She's happy now and safe which is what matters. I send them money and visit when I can." Bobbi had never been particularly maternal but she cared about her friends daughter.
"That is good." Yelena nodded as she spoke. "I am glad she's safe now."
See? Changed. She had changed for the better.
"Well, now that I have both of you here I've gone through a little of the files we got from the compound, from what I've seen so far I can make something that'll block it if it ever happens again and it should balance out the chemicals already in your body. It should lessen the urge to be compliant and it might lessen the triggers. It might give you more of a chance to fight against them." She could only hope anyway, she couldn't be certain without tests.
"But I'm gonna need blood work from both of you. I know you hate needles and neither of you wants anyone else poking at you with anything but I swear to you I won't hurt you. I'm gonna need brain scans too." Both of them would help her see what she was working with.
"And when you've developed a serum?" Bucky questioned.
"I'll need a test subject but I don't want to put either of you two through that so I'll do it. I'll have Sharon or Clint inject me with what they put into the two of you and we'll try to recreate their processes. I can get a machine similar to the ones they use. I have friends in very low places that have friends in even lower places so it's all doable, that way I won't have to put either of you through it. It'll just suck in the process but hey! Not like I'm gonna be programmed to be a killer or anything so it could be worse." In truth she wasn't even sure that was possible.
"Bobbi-" Bucky didn't have the chance to finish speaking because a voice from behind them stopped him in his tracks.
"I'll do it. The groundwork is already in my brain and I haven't been through it for 16 years. It'll be easier to pull me out again because it's weaker than it is in either of you." Natasha looked between Bucky and Yelena.
"So I'll do it. I'll be your test subject."
"Nat, I don't wanna put you through that..." Bobbi replied apprehensively.
"You're not putting me through anything I'm offering to do it so they don't have to, so You don't have to. You're helping all of us more than you know so let me help. Let me do this."
All three of them could tell that Natasha wasn't going to take No for an answer. Each sighed in turn and Bobbi shook her head at her.
"I don't like the idea of messing around in your head..."
"I don't like the idea of you messing around in her head." Bucky replied honestly.
Natasha just rolled her eyes at both of them.
"I trust you, Bobbi. If this'll help make sure this can't happen again then good. I'm good with it. I'll do whatever it takes." She looked at Bucky as she finished speaking.
"If it means they can't hurt you or Yelena again? I'll do anything."
"That's what I'm afraid of." He replied.
She walked toward him curling up in his lap and she looked up at him. He could tell from her look alone that she was telling him he didn't have to worry about her but from the look in his eyes she knew that wasn't going to happen.
"And on that note you're coming with me, Belova." Bobbi stood up deciding to give them time together.
"Where are we going?" Yelena replied dubiously.
"I'm gonna teach you how to make breakfast, move your ass." And being summoned toward the kitchen, Yelena frowned before she rolled her eyes and followed anyway.
This little insomniacs club was weird.