I forgot how it felt to be like this for a few minutes when I came back and you hugged me and seemed so happy to see me again.
I forgot I wrote the first letter. Here I am again though but now I’m in the place of someone else, attempting to fill shoes which are just too big for me.
The decimation, the snap, whatever the fuck people want to call it took May in a car crash and now the reversal and ‘saving’ of this planet, this universe has taken you too, Mr. Stark? Tony?
I see Morgan most days as she looks so much like you, Mr. Stark, that sometimes I can barely look at her without crying. I’m trying to be the good, amazing and best big brother that she deserves but I can’t do anything about the void you left behind when you died.
Sometimes I think that it was my fault. Pepper has said before that you only helped to get me back, so, I must have killed you, right? You should have just left it and never reversed the snap, kept living on without me but with your wife and daughter because you are worth so much more than me and so are they.
I can’t be Spider-Man anymore without you here, it doesn’t feel right.
I met Harley yesterday and I felt terrible as I took you away from even more people who I didn’t even know existed until too late. I wish that you had never reversed the snap or you’d let me do the final snap so that you could stay with your wife, your daughter, your family and you wouldn’t be dead, far away and unreachable.
I wish I could see you again. But I know that even when I die, we will not be in the same place as you will be where the heroes are and I will be where the criminals are. I caused both you and uncle Ben to die, hell, I may have even caused both of my parents to die. Harry died because of me, Gwen died because of me then I moved schools to infect more people, Ned and MJ and everyone in the decathlon group.
I should have just made my webs weaker, taken the coward’s route out and died before you even started talking to me. You said that if I died it would be on your conscious but what does that mean when it is on my conscience that you died? Everyone keeps saying that you did this for me. That you chose to discover time-travel to get me back.
You should have never met me.