The rain fell around him as he rubbed his shoulder; it was the shoulder of the arm that wasn’t his original arm. Being 90 years old didn’t come without its flaws. The joint ached every time it rained. And naturally, it was raining. Every scene in his life had felt like some great cinematic moment, so he supposed this one should too. He lowered his hand back to his side and continued to hold the umbrella with his metal hand.
Steve didn’t live long after they won, but that was okay with Bucky. Bucky hadn’t actually expected him to come back at all. He knew right from the moment Bruce told Steve the plan that Steve wasn’t coming back, so he was grateful that he had gotten the time he had.
Bucky’s head lowered as he thought about that last day. He had gotten a call from the hospital in Georgia. Steve had listed him as his emergency contact when he checked in. Over the phone they told him it wasn’t anything that triggered it. It was just that his time was approaching. Buck had said he’d be there right away. He didn’t waste any time getting to the hospital. Where he wasted time was entering the room Steve had been admitted to. Behind that door lay the closing of a story that Bucky didn’t want to stop reading. Behind that door was an era coming to a close. Behind that door was pending broken hearts. However, if he could fight Thanos, he could most certainly open a door. It felt like the hardest thing to do, but he turned the door knob.
In the hospital room, Steve lay there looking frail and tired. Machines and wires and noises seemed to crowd Bucky’s head all of a sudden; he felt sickly dizzy.
“Buck,” Steve rasped out. The blurriness in his head cleared at his friend’s voice. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I gave Sam the shield.”
Bucky, shocked this was the first thing Rogers had chosen to say to him, walked to the edge of the bed and sat down. Leaning forward, he took a thin hand into his own.
“Don’t apologize. He deserves it.”
“You do too.”
Steve was his best friend, and suddenly there was so much he wanted to say. So much he wanted to experience. A shield didn’t matter to Bucky in that moment as much as the man who had wielded it for years. It didn’t seem fair that he should live while Steve die, but Steve had finally gotten the life he’d always dreamed of. Jealousy swam through Bucky’s veins, and also exasperation that he couldn’t be there to share it with him.
He would never be the best man at Steve and Peggy’s wedding. He didn’t help them move into their first house together. He’d never come over for a beer and watch their little squirts play. But he did fight beside him. And he could be beside him now, as he was finally failing. No, not failing. Concluding.
He wanted to say all these things to Steve, but it just seemed selfish. He wanted to apologize that he couldn’t be there for all the major life events, but why would Steve care when he had won the American dream?
“I had a picture of you hanging up on the wall at our house.”
Bucky’s eyes shot up.
“You know, Buck. It’s funny. I had the life I always wanted. I had the girl I’ve thought about every moment since meeting her. I don’t regret anything, but there was always something missing in those happy days. I didn’t have my best friend by my side.”
Crocodile tears dropped to the floor. Bucky’s was hunched over in the chair. His long hair hung in front of his face as his head bent downwards. His eyes scrunched up, trying to hide the fact he was crying. It wasn’t working. He tightened his grip on Steve’s hand.
“Don’t cry for me, Buchanon. Everything is good now. Thank you for it all.”
“Steve . . .” Bucky started, before he was cut off.
“I gotta go now, Buck. She’s waiting for me.” Steve’s eyes closed as he peacefully smiled. He opened them again suddenly. “Will you stay with me until then?”
The tears were openly flowing now.
“Yes. Yes, of course I will. I’m with you til the end of the line, pal.”