Chapter 11
Life back home was mostly unchanged. The only thing though was that your manuscript had begun taking up more and more of your time, so much so that what little time you have left for your social life slowly diminished.
You didn't know you had become viral again, anonymously this time until after a few weeks after you got home. Having decided to take advantage of your writing streak, you uninstalled your socials on your phone, only putting them back when you realized it had been a full month already that all you were doing were two things -- your normal 8 to 5 job and writing.
As soon as you reinstalled your social media apps, you were bombarded by notifications left and right. Thank God you only had Facebook and Instagram. You momentarily wondered how people kept up with more than those two before diving into the unread messages and unseen notifications.
You dreaded opening Instagram. It had been weeks since your surreal experience with Sebastian in those 3 days in Chicago. You missed him more than what you could admit to yourself. While he wasn’t the ideal man that everyone had made him out to be, you realized you liked getting to know the man himself and that was the Sebastian you longed for.
Your fingers were trembling when you logged in on your Insta, hoping that he had messaged you at least once. You let all the notifications come up, relieved it wasn’t as much. You figured it was because you haven’t posted anything anyway. Tapping on the messages, you felt like a big piece of lead was dropped on your chest upon seeing nothing from Sebastian. You weren’t sure what to think of it but then again, you both didn’t plan on anything else further than the 3 days you spent together since it was your idea to take things “one day at a time”. What a brilliant idea, you thought to yourself wryly.
A heavy sigh escapes your lips, but you realize there isn't any use in regretting decisions that were never made. Your heart longed for him, but your ever powerful and nagging brain told you that that ship has already sailed.
It had been four months since your trip to the US and two months since you resigned to fully focus on your screenplay. It wasn’t anywhere touching any best sellers lists, but nonetheless you dreamt of people coming up to you to tell you they liked it.
Geri had, to your pleasant surprise, kept in contact with you, keeping you updated with everything going on with Sebastian as you were unable to keep up with your busy writing schedule. You made it a full time career, writing various content on the side as well to keep the cash flow while working on your book.
You were on the phone with your latest client, a group of graduating students who wanted their undergraduate thesis edited for grammar. It was graduation season and a few recommendations from your college English professor helped you secure a few manuscripts to look at.
“Okay Brett,” you balanced your phone between your ear and shoulder as you jotted his group’s name on your planner. “Friday next week sound good? A few of your batchmates turned in their work to me earlier than you did so I’m taking care of those first.”
Brett agreed with your suggested time and that was the end of your conversation. Not long after you put down your phone, it chimes again with a notification. You curiously pick it up, wanting to know what your social media apps had in store for you.
It was an Instagram notification that Sebastian had posted. You opened it and you smiled at the selfie he took, it was the back of his head facing the camera, the sunrise to the right. You knew he rarely posts and your smile nearly breaks your face whenever he does so. You look down to read the caption and you swore your heart stopped for a split second.
imsebastianstanThe scary thing about distance is you don’t know whether they’ll miss you or forget you. -Nicholas Sparks
You lean back on your seat, suddenly unable to finish the last few pages of the manuscript you were currently editing. It had been three months since you last saw him, and if you weren’t writing or editing, you spent your time thinking about Sebastian. It was getting harder and harder for you not to wonder if he was also still thinking about you too like you were of him. There had been numerous times you wanted to send him a message but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it, as you kept remembering it was you who made the decision not to take things any further than those few days you spent together.
“This is a surprise,” your older sister Lana muses dryly as she sits in front of you. You couldn’t take the thoughts running rampant through your head anymore on your own so you decided to call her and tell her everything so you could get advice. Of all your siblings, you trusted your eldest sister the most because she always seemed to keep a level head on her shoulders and nothing ever seems to faze her.
“What’s going on? Is everything alright hun?”
“Lana...I need to tell you something and I need your help.”
You spilled everything to her all through the next hour or so. You tell her your frustrations, your regret about not letting Sebastian know you wanted to keep in touch with him despite the distance. You tell her that despite the few days, you thought you were falling in love with him for real and that you also thought he felt strongly about you too.
Lana’s face was unreadable after you finished. You wrung your hands on your lap as you looked down and prepared for your sister to tell you how stupid you were being.
She exhaled a bit before speaking. “You have a habit of getting yourself half-ass into a situation. Why can’t you just jump in with everything you got?”
“Lana--”
“No, Y/N. I hate that you’re this brilliant, smart woman but for the love of everything holy, you always let your insecurities get the best of you. It took you long enough to ditch that job and write full time. Here I thought you were starting to get it together but you get yourself in another situation and leave it without making your feelings clear,” Lana spoke in a calm tone, but you can hear the undertones of frustration and annoyance in her voice.
“I...I swear I want to, Lana, it’s just...too much time has passed and...and…” you trailed off, afraid of saying out loud what you were thinking.
Lana could see you struggling and she took your hand, giving it a light squeeze. “I’d like to think of how ridiculous this situation is but you’re my sister and I know that despite your flaws, you still have it in you to work hard for what you want. If there’s even a point zero zero one chance that he’d respond to you, then you owe it to yourself to try contacting him.”
“Look who the wind dragged in,” Chris Evans mused good naturedly as soon as his friend came into view. Sebastian smiled and reached out for a hug. He took off his shades and stepped inside the threshold of Chris’ house and dropped his bag on the side. Dodger immediately pounced on to him to which he responded by crouching down and letting the pooch lick his face and jump all over him.
“Okay, bubba, that’s enough!” Chris admonished chuckling. Sebastian wipes his face with the back of his hand before following the dog and master into the living room. He plops down on the sofa with a soft thud and exhale.
“Got a beer?”
Chris comes back with two cans and gives one to Sebastian who opens it and takes a long drag before settling it on the coffee table.
“Truth be told, I was a little surprised you called to let me know you wanted to visit,” Chris began. “Something must be up.”
“Can’t I just want to visit?” Sebastian said before closing his eyes. “Besides, I haven’t seen you in...fuck, I can’t even remember. I was just taking advantage of the fact that we both have free time at the same time.”
“Alright, alright,” Chris patted his shoulder. “You must be tired, you can tell me all about it later. The guest room is ready if you want to take a nap.”
A few hours later and nearly six more cans of beer, Sebastian has finished telling Chris all about the woman he met in San Diego.
“Tell me, am I stupid to think about wanting to date a fan? I don’t know shit what to think anymore, man.”
Chris sighed. “I don’t know bro, to be honest with you. There have been some fans that caught my attention but I haven’t really done anything about it, the red flags obviously scaring me off. You seem to really like her a lot though.”
Sebastian nods. “That’s what’s scaring me. The moment I get interested in someone again, it has to be someone like her. Why can’t it just be another one of us, you know what I mean?”
“You can’t help who you like, Seb,” Chris says simply. “I remember when I first began talking about Jenny publicly and people began saying stuff about her. I almost wanted to ask myself, why her? She definitely didn’t fit in the mold of my exes. But then I thought ‘fuck that, she makes me laugh, she keeps me grounded and she loves my dog’ and just enjoyed my time with her.”
“Too bad that ended huh?” Sebastian asked.
“I think it was for the best that we parted ways and I wasn’t bullshitting when I said she’s one of the most beautiful humans I’ve come across.”
“So what should I do with Y/N?”
“Trust your instincts, man. Besides, if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen no matter what.”
Sebastian rarely posts on social media and even more rarely about his personal life. The last time he remembers was when he indirectly defended Margarita from fans bashing her. His chest tightened as he suddenly remembered the paparazzi photos of him and Y/N at the airport and the way he stayed silent about it. He had to do it for her, to draw away the unwanted attention that she didn’t deserve. She didn’t commit to anything else after their few days together anyway.
His hands were shaking as he composed the post. It was a photo of him looking out into the sunrise one morning in Atlanta. Anthony had taken it and sent it to him, boasting it was one of his best shots. After a few minutes of searching, he found the perfect quote. It was from Nicholas Sparks. It was perfectly vague, right in character with his other posts. He closed his eyes and said a quick prayer that Y/N would see it and think of him.