Nightmare
You were tired of this shit. Completely fed up. You’d been having the same fight with him for almost two weeks now; when the incident was over four months ago. You were recovered, you were better. It was over, and you were ready to get back out in the field. This is what you had been trained to do since you were barely an adult, to get over “traumatic experiences” was part of it.
“(Y/N), I just don’t think you’re ready. What if the same thing happens again next time you’re ou-,”
“But it won’t Bucky!” You lashed out as tears began to sting your eyes.
“It’s not going to fucking happen! This was just a freak incident, and you know that. So why so much pushback on something that should be and very much is my decision?”
“You know exactly why I care so much.”
“Why?” You continued.
“You know,” he said staring directly into what felt like your soul.
“You can’t equivocate what happened to you to what happened or could happen to me like that, and it’s not fair!”
“Not fair?” he yelled back.
“Do you think it was fair hearing that you were completely missing in action? Or when they did find you a week later on the ground in ripped clothes while `too weak to move with bruises all over your body? You could have died and never been found, (Y/N). Tell me how different that is!”
“You know exactly why it’s different, and you don’t want to admit it,” you replied quietly staring him down in what felt like a psychological duel.
“You weren’t this defensive before,” he added.
“You weren’t this protective before. People change, Buck. I’ve grown, and it’s time you’ve tuned into that or our marriage vows meant nothing. I’m going to bed, I have a big meeting with the board tomorrow.”
You continued to stare each other down for a few more seconds in which felt like hours. The tension remained thick. So much so that it felt as though if one made a wrong move the whole situation could go to hell. Of course, you had always felt that way since you were rescued from that mission. But it really was no big deal. You could handle the aftermath on your own. You really could.
…
You woke up abruptly. Abrupt felt like too easy of a word. You felt as though you had been ripped out of a pool of water after being submerged and there was still a hand wrapped around your neck restricting your airways. Were there hands around your neck? Is that what you were dreaming about again? Why was it so violent this time? You couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t fucking breathe.
Suddenly you felt something familiar. A voice that sounded like fresh air.
“(Y/N) It’s okay, you’re safe now.”
His fingers softly ran up and down your spine as he gently held you closer to him. The exact same way that you did with him when he had those crippling nightmares years ago.
You had had your fair share of nightmares, but none that were terrible enough for him to notice.
As your breathing started to regulate you pulled yourself closer to him, buried your face into his chest and sobbed uncontrollably. He was right. You had to face the very idea that you had been pushing aside for the past week. You were going to have to go in front of the board and tell them exactly the opposite of what you had intended to tell them hours ago.
“I know, doll. I know,” He whispered soothingly into your hair, continuing the soft motions up and down your back.
“I’m not…I can’t…I’m not ready,” you continued to sob.
“That’s okay, doll you’ll be ready one of these days. I promise.”
That wasn’t what you expected to hear. Something he hadn’t actually voiced. You thought that this whole time he never wanted you to go back. But his words proved that that wasn’t the case. He knew you. He truly knew you better than you knew yourself.
“I love you,” he repeated over your own voice.
“I’ll always love you, doll.”
And after a good hour, those were the very words that finally lulled you back to sleep.