The room was dead silent.
She was alone. Again.
She thought it was fair. She knew from the start that it would end up like that so it wasn’t a surprise really.
She was angry at herself mostly…but it would be nice to be angry at someone else too.
Let it all out. Scream. Break things.
She had plenty of people to choose, she actually made a list. She had no right to be angry at anyone, not now, not ever. Too much happened.
The other room was dead silent too.
She was also alone.
She didn’t think it was fair. She didn’t know from the start. She hoped that all this mess would end up differently. Not a happy ending but it wasn't a surprise really.
She is sad for other people…but it would be nice to be sad for herself too.
She wants to let it all out. Scream. Feel things.
She had no one to choose, so she tried to make a list. She had every right to be sad , especially now. That was a lost cause.
The two of them were kinda compatible…a perfect match, at least that was what the other said. They lived in this house, kinda. Maybe it was more like a facility. Calling it house sounded more normal. They really wanted to feel normal again. They never were.
Troubled from the start. That’s why they found themselves in this situation.
They both fell into a state of numbness so things were quiet. Too quiet at times. You could eat the breathing pattern from the other room or the sobbing in the middle of the night.
They have a routine. They understand each other pretty well. It's been months by now. The two of them and nothing else. No friends. No family. Only regrets, guilt and pain.
There were people around…around the house. Like some guards outside. Doctors. They saw a therapist twice a week. One alone and the other together. They both thought it was the most dumb thing ever. They have trauma bonded enough right? Like the island thing? The bunker? The interviews? The fucking forced isolating roomie situation?
They didn’t see the point of it. They could simply discuss at dinner or before bed. They have 24 hours a day. For 7 days a week. For 8 months.
“Are you ready to see the others?” This was the worst question possible.
They didn’t know how to answer so they didn’t.
“You probably have guessed that it could be a real scenario, right?” The therapist was writing something down. Nothing good probably.
Real scenario. Like the rest of their life was fake and a total imagination. Is this real? Are we here? Why? No they weren’t ready for the fucking real scenario. The others weren’t either. It wasn’t a one-sided problem. It was two against everyone else though.
They really could be in the same room again.
Too much.
They need more time.
They really can’t be in the same room again. No way.
They feel sick only to think about it.
Too much damage.
Too much left unsaid.
But…
The two of them aren't in the position to say no to this. They were called to do this. For everyone's sake they have to do this. Maybe it will be their only chance to be forgiven..and forgotten. It’s for the best.
They will never have redemption. They don’t deserve it. Not from the other. Not from each other. Not from themselves.
The session ended with a disappointed look in the therapist’s face. The girls walked out from the office. They made dinner in silence. Barely eaten that evening. They cleaned the common space. Like usual.
They brushed their teeth. Like usual.
They said goodnight. Like usual.
They started getting ready to bed.Like usual.
They had trouble sleeping.Like usual.
They stayed curled up in bed, between thoughts and fears. Like usual.
-
Shelby in one room and Nora in the other. Like usual.