"It's different than I thought it would be."
He heard Steve's whisper and looked away from the screen. Peter, who seemed most excited about the movie, was snoring on Tony's shoulder, who was also asleep.
The others had fled in the middle of the movie after the boy had fallen asleep. Only he, Steve and James seemed interested in the little mermaid movie and had stayed until the end.
"They had to adapt for children, Stevie. "
James grunted, then stretched out and looked at him with a slight smile, that turned into a frown when he noticed the dark circles under his eyes.
"You need to feed."
Bucky stood up, pulling him lightly by the hand.
Everyone noticed how self-conscious he was about his eating habits. Even when the donated blood bags were replaced with animal blood in their refrigerator in the compound, they still took him weekly to the nearest forest. It had taken him a while to realize how relaxed the hunt made him feel. It was hard to remember that in the end, he was a predator. He needed the dirt between his fingers and the excitement of the hunt.
Steve casually followed them into the kitchen, still talking about the movie, as if it were something extremely important to both of them. James forced Edward to sit in the chair and he growled petulantly.
“He looks so quiet. Bucky is worried about him. ”
"On second thought, Edward." Steve caught his eye, leaning against the counter, watching James take the bags out of the fridge. The smell of blood was strong, but not uncontrollably, despite not having eaten in days.
Loki's words were still in his head, constantly, and he couldn't concentrate well on anything else, without the encounter coming into his mind.
"Hmm?" He spoke without taking his eyes off the bags being placed in the metal glass.
"Do you know the story of Hans Christian Andersen, of the little mermaid?"
"Ah yes. It's from 1837."
Steve's thoughts were about two children reading a book under a sheet. He recognized James' face, very young.
"What do you think?"
"Well, it is a little heavy to put in a children's movie."
James looked over his shoulder smugly. A clear "told you so". Steve rolled his eyes.
"They turned into a love story, and it's not." He continued, accepting the glass. "Ariel did not go after a prince for love, she wanted a human soul. I understand her"
The last part came out by accident. He just noticed that he had spoken out loud when the others went silent. Even their thoughts seemed quieter.
"He looks sad."
"Something happened."
He cringed slightly when he heard James. The last thing he wanted to happen was him to worry. Especially about Loki.
"How so?"
Steve's voice was soft. He didn't look at either of them, grateful for them to keep their distance while he fed.
"Soul is a human concept, therefore usually it is attributed just for them." He looked at the glass he had emptied, feeling uncomfortable. He wanted to get out of there. Away from James' worrying thoughts. From Steve's sad look.
"And what is being human to you?"
Steve's voice was still soft. He remembered Carlisle asking that same question, in the same tone.
"Something that I'm not."
Before the two could say anything, he was gone.
Running away was something that he always knew how to do.
....................................................................
When he stopped running, he was in the middle of a forest.
Everyone should now be after him by then. It was the first time he had run away. And for what reason? Maybe Tony was right, he was a bit of a drama queen sometimes.
"What are you?"
"Control yourself. " Edward punched a tree, feeling it break in his fist and fall with a loud sound in the forest.
Only when the silence returned did he fall to the forest floor on his knees. He stuck his hands in the ground, focusing on the sound of the forest, trying to breathe.
Gradually, he calmed down, his mind going into its predator mode.
He took off his shoes, feeling the earth between his fingers, and prepared for the hunt.
...................................
Edward looked at the deer that had drained guiltily. He wasn't even that thirsty, and since he had watched Bambi with Peter... well.
Edward stroked the animal's fur in an apology.
He wasn't even a good predator anymore.
...........
He knew they were there. He had heard the jet land a while ago. There was probably a tracker in him. Edward was grateful that they didn't force him to a confrontation right away.
At some point, he looked at his reflection in a lake. His shirt was torn in several places after confronting a more ferocious animal. There were leaves in his hair, and his clothes and face were covered in blood.
"A creature trying to be human, with so much effort that it is painful."
He laid on the ground right there, his eyes fixed on the night sky between the trees.
For a moment, he wished to stay there, forever. Hunting, one with nature. Until his mind would merge with his beast. It would be so easy and less painful to just disappear.
"You are my mission."
But he couldn't do it.
............................
The night was ending when he heard the rustle of leaves and the thoughts approaching.
"Edward."
He lay still. He only opened his eyes when he felt James sit beside him on the forest floor. The sunrise reflecting off the lake's surface also hit the metal of his arm. Edward felt some of his turmoil subside just with his presence.
"Edward, talk to me."
He sighed, sitting up slowly. He could see himself through James' eyes.
He looked like a mess, a lunatic, and yet all he felt in him was relief to see him.
Edward wiped his face with his shirt sleeve already in ruins. James' eyes softened as he approached slowly.
"May I?"
Edward stood still while James wiped his face of the dried blood with water from a canteen. It was tender and caring. Edward couldn't understand how someone could see him like James did. Like he was precious.
“He looks so sad. Mission failed. ”
"James." He took his hand, slowly removing it from his face. James didn't let go. "James, when you look at me, what do you see?"
"An angel. My angel."
Edward shook his head, closing his eyes.
"I'm not an angel. I am-"
A monster. A Lunatic. A Soulless Killer.
"Edward."
He opened his eyes, and he was even closer.
"You are Edward."
Edward was even more still when James leaned down, kissing his forehead tenderly.
"My mission."
"I'm not human."
"What makes someone human?"
That question again. Before he could respond, James lifted himself off the floor, extending his hand. He hesitantly accepted it.
Edward didn't have to look up to look him in the eye, they were almost the same height. Despite looking more fragile, younger, he was neither. But as he leaned his forehead against James' his shoulder at that moment, he felt like it. Young and vulnerable.
"Empathy," James whispered. One metal hand on his back, the other in his hair. "Remorse. Love. Human feelings. My feelings. Your feelings. Right?"
Edward nodded slowly on his shoulder.
"You want to help. To save. You want redemption. You make mistakes. You learn from them. You feel afraid and so alone. You are Edward. It doesn't have to be anything else. It can be anything you want. Free will, is part of being human too."
If he could cry at that moment, he would. He felt like things were falling into place. He already had his answer.
James sighed and looked at him.
“You are Edward. My Edward. ”
Edward smiled and when James tilted his head slightly, he met him halfway. It was a less careful kiss this time. It seemed more intense, more nostalgic. Edward wasn't afraid of losing control with James.
He would never lose control with him.
When they parted their lips, he felt another kiss on his face, and again on his forehead, before he was pulled again into a long hug.
Edward laughed when he felt James blow some leaves out of his hair.
"How do you see me?" James' voice was curious, muffled by his hair.
Edward slid his arms from his neck to his back, sinking further into the embrace.
"You're my home."
He whispered.
"Good."
..................
It wasn't every day that you met a god sitting at the kitchen table in the middle of the night. He wondered how the cameras were not seeing this. Or why FRIDAY had not given any warning.
Loki seemed completely calm, with a cup of tea in hand, waiting for him. Edward almost dropped the bottle of blood on the floor.
"My heart almost stopped. Again."
He admitted, his hand still on the refrigerator door.
The god just raised an inquisitive eyebrow. And Edward felt like doing something mature. Like, stick out his tongue.
"You don't seem afraid of me. " The voice was curious.
He shrugged, leaning against the counter.
"Thor told me about your relationship."
Loki's expression was so strange and outraged that he had to hold back a laugh.
"My brother is a fool."
"He loves the god of lies, of course, he is."
"You look very relaxed. I can destroy you. Easily."
"And yet, you won't."
"No, I won't. "
Loki rose slowly, leaning against the counter beside him. Edward did not move away, even if he wanted to. The god's gaze from above was uncomfortable. He opened his bottle and drank from it.
The other looked amused by his attempt to cause discomfort.
"Not until I get my answer. Why?"
"Why do I drink animal blood?" He showed the bottle. "Why don't I kill more people? Why am I trying to be someone good?"
The other just looked at him questioningly.
"I chose that. I had no choice in what I became. Nor in what they forced me to do in that place. That is my choice now. It makes me what I am." He looked at him intently. "You don't have a say on how or from who you are born. Some things happen that are not under anyone's control. How you react to that, what you choose to do for yourself, is what defines who you are."
"Beautiful speech." Loki scoffed, but Edward saw in his eyes that he had hit somewhere.
"I didn't choose to be a vampire, or whatever I am now." He admitted. "Just as you did not choose to be born of those who were born from."
The green eyes went hard. Loki's hand gripped his wrist tightly, making him drop the bottle into the floor. Yet, he did not retreat.
"I want to be someone I'm proud of. I have people to protect. Just like you."
"I don't have such people."
Edward smiled, his hand had eased the painful grip.
"I don't need to read your mind, Loki Odinson."
Loki looked almost disturbed.
"Got your answer? Your real answer?"
For a moment he thought he was going to be vaporized or something, but Loki let him go of it completely, stepping back.
And then he smiled. The same annoying smirk.
"You are an interesting creature, the descendant of Freyja."
"My name is-"
And then he was gone.
"-Edward."
"Sir? The system in operation. Do I need to call someone?"
"No, FRIDAY."
He felt exhausted. Dealing with Loki was too much work.