Chapter 1
Y/N sits with Lady on the armchair and watches Bucky pace up and down. The man is angry. No. Angry is not the right word to describe his state. Furious suits it more. The brunette grumbles and swears, muttering to himself and stares death glares at Steve now and then. The blonde stands motionless behind the couch, watching Bucky with a helpless expression. Just as if he’s waiting for the bomb to drop. Y/N looks to the blonde and back to Bucky as he suddenly stops. He spins around and throws a glare at Steve. “What the fuck is Fury thinking? What the fuck are you thinking to say yes?!” His voice gets louder. Lady sits up and stares at Bucky, seemingly unsure if it’s wise to move. “Buck. I had no choice. I-”
“No choice.” Bucky scoffs and shakes his head. “Do you really want to tell me that you had no other choice to say yes to a mission that might kill you? And not only for the fact that it’s a dangerous one but because you’re supposed to go alone!”
“More people would cause attraction to the task at hand. It would get many people in danger.”
“I don’t care! It doesn’t mean that you should walk in there with the knowledge that the chance you come back is as small as I like Sam!”
“You like Sam.”
“No, I don’t, Steve!” Bucky throws his hands in the air and starts pacing again. Y/N can see that Steve wants to say something but doesn’t. They both know it wouldn’t do any good if he would. Bucky would only get angrier than he already is and that isn’t good for his blood pressure that is spiking already. “This is reckless, Steve! You’re signing your own death! You can’t go alone!” Bucky’s angry voice booms through the room. Y/N thinks for a second that, by now, everybody in the compound knows what’s happening in here. She half expects a knock on the door from an either pretty concerned or annoyed team member. “Then tell me, Buck. What am I supposed to do?” Steve’s voice sound angry, too, now. Y/N knows that it’s important for him to safe people, to do everything he can to make sure others are safe and HYDRA destroyed. “You should refuse or take someone with you. It can’t be that serious. It’s never serious enough to go alone except by undercover missions. But we don’t go on them, Steve! That’s the work of spies not ours. Not yours!”
“I can’t, Bucky. There are too many lives on the line!”
“So, you want to tell me that you rather safe others then yourself?” Bucky looks not only furious anymore but hurt. “I didn’t say that.”
“No? Because it’s exactly what it sounds like to me.” Bucky steps up to the blonde and Y/N thinks for a moment that he’s about to punch Steve. She prepares herself to stand up but Bucky doesn’t punch him. He rips something from his neck and pushes it against Steve’s chest with a scoff. “Don’t expect me to visit you when you’re lying dying in the med bay.” He storms out without looking back. Lady jumps up, barks and runs after the brunette. “Bucky!” Steve stares at the door and is about to make a step to it as Y/N finally stands up and grabs his arm. “Don’t, Steve. Let him be for a bit.” He looks at her before he sighs and rounds the couch to sit on it. He beds his head in his right hand while he looks at the thing in his left. Y/N sits down beside him and runs her hand over his thigh. “Stevie. What is this mission about?” Steve shakes his head before he looks at her. His eyes are sad and conflicted. He fights and inner fight and Y/N knows that he can’t win it. “I don’t know. That’s a point that makes Bucky angrier. Fury tells me in the jet. I just know that too many people are to obvious and that the lives of hundred innocents is on the line.” Y/N frowns at his answer. That is actually not really what she had expected. “I don’t know what to do, Y/N. These people have done nothing wrong. At one wrong move, they could all die.”
“Then…” Y/N thinks for a moment. It’s really not easy for her to give him an advice. She doesn’t want him to go alone either. Especially not now since she knows that Steve has no real clue on what he really needs to do on the mission. “What do you want to do?”
“I don’t want to die, that’s for sure. I don’t want to lose you or Bucky.” He tightens his hand around the little thing in his hand. “But I can’t let these people die.” Y/N nods and kisses his temple before she wraps him up into her arms. “I won’t say I’m happy if you decide to go. Bucky is right. It’s dangerous and some kind of reckless to go alone. You know that too. But I don’t want to watch you beating yourself up about it if you stay home, either. I will talk to Bucky. Try to calm him. I’m sure he somehow understands what you think. And you know we will be always there for you, Steve. We will always be waiting.”
“I’m not so sure anymore.” Y/N frowns at his sad and silent voice. “Why?” She sees the tear for only a moment before Steve passes her what Bucky shoved at him. She opens her hand and stares at a pair of dog marks. “That are your…” She looks up at Steve with confusion and surprise. “Yeah. When Bucky and me made the promise to be there for each other, ‘til the end of the line, we swapped them. I gave mine back to him after he cam back out of cryo in Wakanda.”
“And now he gave them back.” Y/N whispers and eyes the marks closer. They look old and a little damaged but cared for. Bucky must have taken good care of them. “You scared he meant what he said.” Steve nods and wipes another tear away from his cheeks. Y/N pulls him in again and rubs her hand over his back in comfort, still holding onto his dog marks. She lets him cry for a while until he clears his throat. “I… I call Fury. Talk about the mission with him.”
“So, you’re going?” She eyes him with concern, hoping he makes the right choice. The right choice for his own mind. “I- yeah.”
“okay.” Y/N stands up and runs her hand over his shaved and tearstained cheek, kissing the other side. “Be careful, yeah? Make sure he gets you out before something happens.” She waits for his nod before she gives him a smile and leaves to find Bucky.
* * *
Steve looks back at the door for the hundredth time in the last two minutes. He’s all suited up and ready to go. Y/N has his hand in a tight grip. The man sighs and looks at her with sad eyes. “He won’t come, right?” Y/N looks pained at him. She had talked to Bucky and had tried to make him understand but Bucky was still pretty angry. He wouldn’t hear any of it and snapped at her more than once until Y/N told him when Steve is supposed to leave and left Bucky alone again. “I don’t know, Steve.”
“Rogers! We need to leave.” Hill calls from the jet and Steve turns to her, nods and turns back to Y/N. “I can’t wait any longer.” His voice is pained and Y/N knows that it hurts him that Bucky won’t come to say goodbye. Steve leans in and kisses her before he rests his forehead against hers, lips only an inch apart. “Goodbye, Y/N. I see you soon.”
“Bye, Steve. Make sure you come home. Be careful and look after yourself, yeah?” Y/N suddenly has a big lump in her throat and feels the tears want to break free. “I promise.” Steve whisper kisses her lips with a quick peck, kisses her forehead just a tad longer and then turns to walk to the jet. His steps are a little slower than usual, his figure a little stiff. She knows he’s still not sure if he had made the right choice. Steve is almost on the ramp to the jet as the door flies open behind Y/N. She sees him run past her and up to Steve. He grabs Steve shoulder roughly, turns him around and hugs him tightly. Then he breaks it again, shoves a piece of paper into Steve’s hand and leaves without saying anything. Steve looks after him before his eyes go back to Y/N. She smiles at him and shrugs. Steve smiles back. It looks more pained than anything. She watches as he looks down at the paper. She notices that it’s not any paper but a photo. A more genuine smile crosses Steve’s lips. He turns the picture around so Y/N can see it. It’s the picture Bucky has on his nightstand. She stands beside the brunette kissing his cheek with a smile while he looks down at the small, blonde lump in his arms. Baby Steve. Y/N also notices the handwritten note on the backside but she’s too far away to read it.
Steve secures the picture safely in his suit and walk up the ramp with a last wave.
Y/N looks after him and after the jet as it starts. A tear slips down her cheek and she quickly brushes it away before she leaves the platform. She walks back into the apartment and sits down on the couch. Lady lies on the spot by the window, fast asleep, so Y/N figures that Bucky is home somewhere, too. She looks around for a while until she picks her book up and tries to distract herself with reading.
It’s maybe an hour later as she hears Bucky’s feet on the floor. She looks up at him just as he grabs the book and throws it somewhere. Then he collapses down on the couch, pushes her to a lying position and drapes himself over her. He buries his face into her shoulder and starts sobbing. Y/N rubs over his back and tries to hold her own tears at bay. She runs her other hand through his hair and hopes that it somehow comforts him. “Bucky…” Y/N whispers into his hair and waits. Lady senses his distress and come walking up to them, standing on her hindlimb while pushing up on the couch. She whines and sniffs at Bucky, pushing him with her nose and making distressed sounds. Slowly his crying subsides and Y/N helps him push up into a sitting position. Lady uses that to jump on the couch and roll together, half on Bucky’s lap. The man runs his hands through her fur. “Feeling better?” Bucky shakes his head, letting his hair shield his face but Y/N brushes his strand behind his ear. “I’m sorry.”
“What for, Buck?”
“W-what I said to Stevie.”
“He knows you didn’t mean it.”
“But I did. At that moment.” Bucky looks up at her with still wet eyes. “What do I do if he really dies, Y/N?”
“Stop it, Bucky. Don’t do this to yourself.” She runs her hand over his shoulder and down his arm until she can intervein their fingers. “He knows how much you love him. You don’t need to worry about that. And I’m sure he comes back to us. Alive. Okay?” Bucky sniffles but nods. Y/N knows that it won’t make it better but she doesn’t know what to say otherwise. “What did you write on the picture?” Bucky sniffles again before he answers. “Don’t you dare to die.” Y/N snorts and startles a small smile from Bucky. “I’m sure he listens to that. At least he smiled at it.” She kisses his cheek before she lets him settle in against her.
Y/N dries her hand sand stores the last cleaned plate away into the cupboard over her. She places the dish towel back on its place over the oven handle and whistles for Lady. The dog comes running in and almost collides with her legs, slipping ion the smooth floor of the kitchen. “You’re not supposed to run either, Lady!” Y/N scolds the dog but she seems unaffected by it, waggling her tail in happiness. Y/N shakes her head and sighs. What am I going to do with you? Come on, eat your food, you rowdy.” She points at the freshly filled bowl of Lady’s food and watches for a second as the dog starts eating very loudly. She soon retires into the living room and is surprised to find Bucky not on the couch. “I was sure you went here.” She mutters to herself and frowns a little. She walks past the couch and out into the hall. She’s already past Bucky’s room and almost past Steve’s too as she sees a low light shimmering form under the door. She opens the door as silent as she can and peeks inside. Bucky sits on Steve’s bed, back to her and looks down. His shoulders are dropped and his posture just looks some kind of defeated. “Buck?” Ste steps fully inside and walks over to him until she stands directly in front of him. “What’s wrong?” Bucky shakes his head and doesn’t answer. Instead, he grams the hem of her shirt and tucks it down a little. “Take it off…” His voice is silent and his word more an ask than anything. “What?”
“Take it off.” He tucks again and looks up to her with sad eyes. “Please?” She musters him for a moment but then nods. She knows that he probably needs some skin to skin touch. That makes him feel better sometimes and Y/N is happy to help him out in his distressed state. She pulls her shirt over her head and is surprised as Bucky’s hands wander up her sides to her back and unhook her bra. She slips out of it, too, and lets Bucky pull her close and on his lap. He starts kissing her roughly, hands roaming over her skin an giving her shivers. “B-Buck… St-stop.” She pulls back from him to have a better look at him. Bucky frowns at her and at the same time looks as if he messed up greatly. “Hey, stop with this face. You did nothing wrong. I just want to make sure that… that you really want to do this. In Steve’s bed.” Bucky looks around but meets her eyes again. “Please.” She studies his eyes for a moment and then smiles. “Just wanted to make sure.” Then she leans in and kisses him until he falls backward and pulls her with him.
The moment Bucky collapses next to her with heavy breathing and sweaty skin he pulls her closes and hides his face in her shoulder. She feels his wet eyes but decides to stay silent, giving him only silent support and the comfort of her warmth. She runs her hand over his back and listens closely to his non existed sobbing sounds. She feels the warm puff of air that comes with his breathing and slowly slows down. “Just before she thinks he’s asleep she whispers to him. “Steve knows, Buck. He loves you very much.” She kisses his forehead and closes her own eyes. She’s not falling asleep yet, just listening and waiting if Bucky will fall into a nightmare right then or has other troubles. After a while of just soft breathing she allows herself to fall asleep.
The next morning, she wakes up to the sunlight and stretches before she looks over to Bucky. The man dropped as is now rolled into a small ball next to her, clutching the blanket tight in his little hands. Y/N smiles a bit and slips silently out of Steve’s bed, quickly picks up her clothes from the day before and walks into her room to grab the quickest shower she ever had and gets dressed before she walks into the kitchen to prepare some breakfast.
The tray with food, tea and coffee carries she into Steve’s room and places it on the nightstand. She’s surprised to find Lady on the bed, wrapped up in Bucky’s little arms. The brown dog looks up briefly at her and waggles her tail in happiness at seeing Y/N. “Hello, Lady. Keeping good watch over our little one?” Lady lets her tongue loll out and follows Y/N with her eyes as she rounds the bed and sits down on Bucky’s side. She runs her hand through his hair and over his back, down his arms and his legs. “Buck, sweetie. Wakey, wakey.” She strokes his cheek and murmurs further to him until the little bundle stirs softly. He rubs his eyes tiredly but smiles at Y/N. he hides his face for a moment in Lady’s fur before he peeks back over his shoulder at Y/N and stretches his arms for her to pick him up. She pulls the naked child on her lap and cuddles him close to her chest. “Hi, cupcake.” She kisses his cheek and tickles his sides a little. The boy laughs and squirms away from her but cuddles back to her as she stops. “Where’s daddy?”
“Daddy has a mission, sweetie. It’s just you and me today.” Y/N sees his frowns and wraps him a bit tighter into her embrace. “I know it’s not ideal. We have a nice day today okay? Maybe we visit uncle ton in his lab.” Bucky nods but doesn’t seem to all too happy about it. Y/N gifts him a small kiss to his forehead before she picks up the tray that Lady eyes suspiciously already. They eat in some silence and get dressed quickly before Y/N takes Bucky and Lady up to the common room. Bucky holds tightly to her hand and doesn’t let go. He stays close to her.
In the common room Tony sees them enter and smiles at both of them. “Hello, Tony.” Y/N smiles at him but the Brunette frowns in her direction. She follows his eyes and looks down at Bucky. The boy hides a little behind her. She quickly picks him up. Bucky uses that to his advantage and hides his face into her shoulder while she walks over to Tony and sits down next to him. “What’s wrong?” Tony frowns at her and Y/N lets out a tired sigh. “Steve is on a mission.”
“What? Since when?” Tony looks surprised and a little offended at her. She shrugs and looks into his eyes. “Since yesterday. It’s a special mission Fury gave him. He said he doesn’t know what it’s really about but that many life’s are on the line. That alone wouldn’t be a problem.”
“So, what’s the problem then? Why is he small and like… that?” He gestures at Bucky with a frown. “He said he needs to go alone. No intel, no radio, no back up. Bucky didn’t like it, obviously. He yelled at him that he’s not be expected at his bed if he gets himself killed and stormed off but regretted it after Steve was gone.” Tony nods and stands up, walking up and down in front of her. “That’s not right. No one should ever go alone on a mission.”
“We said that too but he said that even one person more could attract unwanted attention. People could die.”
“So could he.” Tony stops and looks don at her before he picks his wandering back up. “There’s noting we can do now, Tony.”
“We’ll see about that.” The man nods and walks to leave the common room. “Tony! Don’t do anything dumb. Don’t get him into danger!” She only sees the man wave at her. She slumps back against the couch and looks down at the boy. “How about we go outside, Buck?”