OSCORP FILE: DEADPOOL
File created: 18 Mar, 3121
Last revised: 22 May, 3124
Foreword by Agent Kemp
The individual known as ████ ██████, alias “Deadpool” is a high-demand and relatively expensive mercenary, who has been observed to have a tendency to choose jobs which are lucrative and target individuals involved with ██████ ███ or have no known association or connection with him whatsoever. At this time, Deadpool is on a criminal watchlist, and efforts to capture and pursue are ongoing. These efforts are being made in cooperation with the Raid-Police.
Oscorp is involved due to the fact that Deadpool has proven time and time again to interfere with city defense missions, protocols, and frequent breaching of the database. Deadpool has so far avoided capture due to proficient skill in parkour and evasive tactics; biological enhancements which make typical capture protocol difficult; and █████████████ enhancements which are capable of ██████████ and infiltrating secure lines. Due to these enhancements, it is important that Deadpool be captured so as to keep Oscorp security risk at a minimum, and so that he may be possibly studied for the city’s benefit.
Included below is a standard Individual of Interest profile, descriptions of evidence (which can be found in the City Defense Department’s evidence lockers), and a criminal record. For information regarding specific murders, refer to the Deadpool Murder Masterlist. For mission reports involving Deadpool, refer to the collection of mission reports and filter for Deadpool. For incident reports involving Deadpool, refer to the collection of incident reports and filter for Deadpool.
Notice by 53XY M07H3RFUCK3R
fuckin syke lol ♥️ my files now xoxo 😘😘💋
POST-MISSION INTERVIEW LOG 28-03-34 EXCERPT
Interviewed: ████ ██████, alias “Deadpool”
Interviewer: █████ ██████
Foreword: Post-mission interview after Deadpool’s first mission interference involving SP//dr. The goal was to gain base profile information, and to ascertain reason for interference. Several attempts to interview during the 24-hour holding period were inconclusive. During the trained interviewers’ lunch break, █████ ██████ entered the interrogation room without clearance. Because Deadpool frequently pretends to speak only Esperanto when interrogated, anything spoken in Esperanto will be translated into English in the transcript.
<begin log>
DEADPOOL: [Singing] Hello? It’s me. I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet, to go oooooveeer --
[██████ enters the room, at which point Deadpool stops singing. It seems the song was an offkey Esperanto rendition of Hello by Adele Laurie Blue Adkins, originally released in English in 2015.]
DEADPOOL: Oh hey, you’re a new one. Kinda cute, too, aww. Single? Open?
██████: Is that Spanish? I’m a little rusty, sorry.
DEADPOOL: It’s Esperanto, you himbo son of a narc.
██████: Okay then, let’s begin. ████… Can I call you ████?
DEADPOOL: You can call me anything . Please let it be in bed. Or the bathroom. I’m not picky.
██████: ████, are you ticklish?
FROM: Researcher Gwen Stacy, R&D Department
TO: SP//dr Copilot & Technician Peter Parker, City Defense Department
SUBJECT: You’re Right I’m Not RE: Gwendy You’re Not Gonna Believe This
YOU DID WHAT TO THE SUSPECT????? I HATE YOU YOU’RE GONNA GET FIRED
OR YOU WOULD ANYWAY IF YOU DIDN’T HAVE THE PSYCHOGENETICS GOING FOR YOU
UGH
Gwen Stacy
Grand Minister of the Scriptures of Things Peter Parker Should Be Banned From & Everything Else He Ever Did Wrong
FROM: SP//dr Copilot & Technician Peter Parker, City Defense Department
TO: Researcher Gwen Stacy, R&D Department
SUBJECT: Pffft RE: You’re Right I’m Not RE: Gwendy You’re Not Gonna Believe This
It worked. I’ll expect my twenty at lunch tomorrow.
Do me a favor, though? Keep me safe from Agent Kemp.
PS: Why are we still calling him a suspect? Like, we know he’s Deadpool. Because, as you know, I tickled him into English.
♥️ Peter Parker ♥️
High Priest of the People’s (Tentative) Church of the Slumbering Sym Engine That Just Won’t Wake Up
POST-MISSION INTERVIEW LOG 28-03-34 EXCERPT
██████: Alright, then. [Folds his hands.] I’m glad we got that over with. But before I go--
DEADPOOL: What’s your name?
██████: [Pause.] As I was saying--
DEADPOOL: What? No, show me your nametag-- [Deadpool reaches over the table to grab at the standard SP//dr Project ID card. ██████ allows him to do so, and makes no move to keep him from inching his squinting, unbelieving face closer.] --oh my GOD that is so infuriating! There is no way your name is SP//dr.
[██████ is stoic. Observing this and squinting at him in a long, silent stare, Deadpool only sits back down after blinking. ██████ continues on unblinkingly.]
██████: ████, you’ve answered the standard questions you needed to. I don’t know why you were so averse to it, since mostly everything will be redacted to anyone below Level 4 clearance, and trust me, that’s a lot of people. But still, something’s nagging me.
[██████ leans onto the table.]
██████: Why are you here? You’re more than capable of just walking out, what with your flexible █████████████s and all.
DEADPOOL: Boredom.
██████: Ah. Well, thank you, ████, no more questions from me. Just… try to steer clear from SP//dr from now on.
DEADPOOL: Nah.
██████: Yeah, I thought that might be the case.
KEMP: What are you doing with my suspect?
██████: Uh--
<end log>
FROM: SP//dr Copilot & Technician Peter Parker, City Defense Department
TO: Director Carla Smith, Database Recordkeeping and Information Security Department
SUBJECT: Revise Deadpool File
Hi Carla,
The HR Department redirected me to you, as this request mainly concerns your consideration.
I feel like the foreword on Deadpool’s file is biased, especially seeing as the agent who wrote it has a personal vendetta against him. To reiterate, he doesn’t work with Oscorp as a corporation. He works with specific people, which is why he won’t cooperate with any field agents or raid-police. If you check mission records involving Deadpool, you’ll see that he consistently cooperates with Daredevil and SP//dr, so long as he’s convinced that objectives are aligned. If you check the standard profile in Deadpool’s file, you’ll see that his psychogenetic enhancements would render containment impermanent and impossible; this is not a claim drawn from personal bias. Furthermore, as someone who has worked both with and against Deadpool on more occasions than Agent Kemp has, it would be remiss of me if I neglected to point out the numerous inaccuracies in Deadpool’s profile. As such, the file is detrimental to Oscorp Database users whose jobs require knowledge of Deadpool.
I would also like to point out that the capture and pursuit missions are futile, and not only that, but the reports have much to be improved. I know it’s your job to Redact Everything Important Especially if Deadpool is Interested due to his frequent security breaches, or at least until the database’s security is updated, but this is overkill. I can’t get anything meaningful from the capture/pursuit mission reports if it’s all just a paragraph of redacted shit unless you have, seriously, Level 9 clearance? Seeing as Deadpool is an asset to many missions (provided he is willing to cooperate), and SP//dr is one of the people he’s willing to work with, this is detrimental to my work protecting the city -- especially considering that all capture and pursuit missions to date end in failure, along with a disgruntled Deadpool. Compromising Daredevil’s or SP//dr’s good standing with Deadpool would be a loss both on our part and on the city’s part.
TL;DR: I’m objecting to Agent Allison Kemp’s misguided and biased foreword on the Deadpool File.
For these reasons, I am requesting that you make Deadpool-related capture and pursuit mission reports more accessible to individuals whom Deadpool works with in order to maintain clarity. Further, I’m requesting that the foreword be rewritten. I understand that it may be difficult to find personnel capable of providing an accurate summary of Oscorp’s view on Deadpool, and therefore am volunteering to do so. If not, Researcher Gwen Stacy has expressed a willingness to volunteer. She is experienced and knowledgeable enough to write it, as I’m sure you’re aware.
Kind regards,
Peter Parker
SP//dr
Wade i defended your honor now answer me
Give me the money
calm the hell up and maybe i will
SP//dr
I didn’t send that email for free, wade
This is my career were talking about here
Daredevil
I.
Were you bribed?
SP//dr
Was i
ya 😇
anyway sent it
SP//dr
Oh cool
Anyways heres the truth
The truth is nah i wasnt
I was gonna do it anyway but wade was like
“OOHHMY GOD TY ILY IM GONNA GIVE U 50,000 BELLS IN ANIMAL CROSSING”
Or whatever
And i have irrefutable evidence of him saying that
Also i have 50,000 more bells now
Daredevil
Oh my god.
FROM: Director Carla Smith, Database Recordkeeping and Information Security Department
TO: SP//dr Copilot & Technician Peter Parker, City Defense Department
SUBJECT: RE: Revise Deadpool File
Hi Mr. Parker,
After taking your many points into consideration, I have reclassified Deadpool-related files to Level 4 clearance on a need-to-know basis. To save you the trouble of requesting access to these files, I have given members of the SP//dr Unit and Daredevil access to any files concerning Deadpool in advance. Otherwise, the files’ strict classifications and redactions are unaltered so as to prevent security risks. I’m sure you’re more aware than most of Deadpool’s capabilities, and will understand why it is necessary to take these precautions.
As for the foreword, Mr. Parker, I have emailed Ms. Stacy to edit the foreword accordingly. In order to assure there will be no bias in favor of or against Deadpool, I have also assigned Agent Kemp to revise these edits. The result, when agreed upon by both individuals, will provide an accurate account.
Director Carla Smith
WHAT
YOU SCAMMED ME?¿!?!!¡¡
I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING
SP//dr
Its for therapy
Therapist says animal crossing is self care
I got a mission brief to terminate kraven tomorrow
Daredevil
Isn’t that classified information?
my brain is the internet
SP//dr
^
Anyway im going to go animal crossing now
For the record wade we have nothing
The only person who matters in my life is isabelle
Daredevil
Who’s Isabelle?
SP//dr
My therapist
We are kindred spirits
neeeeerd
red hes lying
isabelle is the dog from ac
SP//dr
I am not a nerd
I am cool i do self care.
Daredevil
Wade’s right, actually.
If anyone’s the cool one it’s me.
HA
SP//DR CALLOUT POST
DISS TRACK FEAT. DD & DP
SP//dr
Hanging out with you guys is the opposite of self care
Ive decided just now
Bye forever
CONFIDENTIAL PSYCHOLOGICAL EVALUATION
Name: Peter Parker
Clearance Level: 8
Department: City Defense
Date of Birth: 10-08-3010
Age: 30
REASON FOR REFERRAL
Peter Parker has a documented history of having difficulty working after completing a termination mission. Due to the importance of his performance quality, as well as recently terminating ██████ █████████, alias “Kraven the Hunter”, a re-evaluation was found to be necessary.
BACKGROUND INFORMATION
Peter Parker is a technician for and the copilot of SP//dr. Parker came to be employed at Oscorp due to his training under Dr. Benjamin Parker and Dr. May Parker, who are also technicians for SP//dr. Furthermore, he was referred with a letter of recommendation by Harry Osborn. Since then, he has been instrumental in fulfilling the City Defense Department’s mission statement, as well as development in the SP//dr program and general psychogenetic research & development. Since his transfer from the R&D Department, Parker has had three promotions.
However, the strain of the SP//dr Project has taken a toll on Parker. This is due to his personal opposition to termination missions, along with a perfectionist attitude which is threatened each time a civilian is impacted by a city attack. These have contributed to a documented history of depression and anxiety, which he was diagnosed with before his time at Oscorp, and which he has had medication for in the past.
HEALTH/MEDICAL
Peter Parker had a normal birth in New York. He has received laser eye surgery for his poor eyesight, and currently has tinnitus. He possesses a psychogenetic link with SP//dr, established via spiderbite, which he had an allergic reaction to. Since then, Parker has been found to have an allergy to peppermint, which was not present prior to the bite. The only major medical issue at current is his depression and anxiety, for which he has been given medication for. Parker has admitted to not taking them for “a few months,” due to neglecting to refill his prescription.
BEHAVIORAL OBSERVATIONS
During the evaluation, Peter Parker gave answers that were short, clipped, and/or monosyllabic. For the majority of his evaluation, he communicated via ASL. While this is standard behavior, assessment found that Parker often demonstrates more reclusive and quiet behaviors than normal after completing a termination mission. This is due to his personal and moral opposition towards terminations. Furthermore, Parker has shown signs of empathy fatigue, stress, and sleep deprivation.
Parker has been given a refill on his depression and anxiety medications, as well as medication and a sleeping regimen. It is recommended that Parker return for a followup evaluation sometime in the next month, and that he continue to attend his weekly therapy appointments.
Peter
So
Good work guys
That was fun
Matt
Define “fun.”
Definition of fun (Entry 1 of 3)
Peter
Gdi matt look what uve done
Matt
Wade, no.
1: what provides amusement or enjoyment
Matt
You dying would provide some serious enjoyment right now.
C’mere
specifically : playful often boisterous action or speech
Matt
Where are you
// full of fun
Peter
You did this
2: a mood for finding or making amusement
Peter
If youre going to do that can u just dm matt please
// full of fun
ur right
Peter
Thank you
yw
always good 2 b apreciated 😩
Matt
Peter I’m going to find your lunch tomorrow.
Why did you send a weary emoji with that?
Peter
It’s because it looks more like it’s moaning.
Matt
I.
😜😜🤪🤪🤪🥴
Matt
Okay.
Rescinding lunch threats. I’m focusing my efforts on Wade now.
Peter
Lol
See you guys at the mission tomorrow
Gonna be a long one
Imagine me putting my hand up in an ironic rock and roll symbol
Heading to bed
GENE POP MAGAZINE! SP//dr TERMINAL FAILURE
By Edward Leeds
Published June 10th, 3140
Last night, in another selfless attempt to protect New York, SP//dr reached terminal failure. While the SP//dr the spider is still intact, the human copilot was not as lucky. The details are blurred, with no statement from Oscorp on the specific circumstances, but the cause of death is certain: brain death.
The world seemed to stop when SP//dr and its pilot was found, visors shattered, still on the ground. Its opponent, however, was in a much sorrier state. Despite the fuzziness which often surrounds anything involving SP//dr, we know that the copilot died to protect the city. He didn’t die in vain. His final mission was successful, and this is hardly the last we’ll see of the SP//dr program. The copilot had a daughter and, due to psychogenetic compatibility, it is expected that SP//dr will return with a new pilot in the program.
SP//dr, which towers tall at a height of nine feet, is a symbiotic wearable mech suit developed by Oscorp to protect New York. It has two copilots. The first one is human, provided that there is psychogenetic compatibility. The link is established through a psychogenetic link with its other copilot, an independent spider-creature, which is what makes SP//dr work. The second copilot is still alive.
The human copilot of SP//dr, ever since the program began, worked tirelessly to fulfill the mission. He was not only a head technician, but was also well-liked among his peers. Working with the team, the SP//dr Program finally made its historic debut on October 8th, 3127. New York has been reliably defended ever since then. While the suit is capable of projecting the copilot’s speech, SP//dr rarely talked. As a public symbol of safety, they swung gracefully from buildings, served justice, and occasionally accepted an interview. Regardless, the copilot liked to keep to himself. He was an always calm protector of the city, and when he spoke, it was because he had something he felt was important enough to voice. Not much else is known about him.
What we do know is that he loved the city. So while SP//dr will reliably recover from terminal failure, let’s not forget who made the program possible. The first copilot, who may always be unknown to us, was a soldier who protected us and died in service of his people. So from all of us here at Gene Pop Magazine: thank you, SP//dr.
TWITTER.COM
The Bulletin @the_bulletin
SP//dr reached terminal failure. The initial copilot was killed in action, but SP//dr is still intact. Read about it here: [link]
dogs overrated, @ me :/ @jroberts
Replying to @the_bulletin
Oh my god that’s horrible. RIP SP//dr; even though oscorp is shit you were cool
thank you sp//dr @spdrpatrol
Replying to @the_bulletin
when i said i wanted a break this was not what i meant
bad coping aside this is heartbreaking. everybody stay safe and talk to someone if you need to
quackers @serial__hugger_
Replying to @the_bulettin
didn’t he have a daughter? his poor family :(
stanstan @sunnydogs
Replying to @the_bulletin and @serial__hugger_
maybe read the fuckin article.
personally I’m more worried about the city
Report by ███████ ███████ , alias “Daredevil”, City Defense Department & █████ Department
Since the publication of ██████ SP//dr Copilot █████ ██████’s recent █████, there has been a noticeable spike in citywide attacks and criminal breakouts. This rise is likely due to SP//dr’s absence. While the raid-police have been efficient in handling the smaller criminals, the bigger fry (to put it simply) are now exponentially growing more prominent. As such, since the ongoing training of SP//dr Copilot ████ ██████ meant that the city’s arguably most important line of defense was out of action at the time, Oscorp had to take what it could get. It was in these circumstances that Oscorp offered to informally hire Deadpool’s services to pursue, incapacitate, and capture. This was to be in cooperation with the Raid-Police and the Oscorp City Defense Department.
He accepted.
Many of the individuals Deadpool targeted were involved with ██████ ███, and many were killed. Any other individuals were either not as high a priority for him, or were simply pursued and captured as intended. When I questioned him about the lack of pursuit and capture for ██████ ███ members, he evaded the question by promptly being shot several times in the back by a target which fit that same criteria. The line of question was dropped. Two weeks later, he burned down the ██████ ███ facility.
While it is probable that there is a connection between Deadpool and the ██████ ███ facility, I don’t recommend investigating these circumstances. Any evidence which was there is irreversibly burnt now, and doing so would provide a conflict of interest for Deadpool, which the city cannot afford right now. SP//dr’s absence is already taking a toll on his mental health, and pushing it won’t help anyone.
Attached is a transcript of an informal post-mission interview to further demonstrate my point.
INFORMAL POST-MISSION INTERVIEW LOG 21-06-40 EXCERPT
Interviewed: ████ ██████, alias “Deadpool”
Interviewer: ███████ ███████, alias “Daredevil”
Foreword: The goal of the interview was to ascertain reason for Deadpool’s drastic changes in behavior. The audio is from Daredevil’s body cam. Some words may be obscured due to traffic.
<begin log>
DAREDEVIL: While I have you here, can I, uh… Can I ask you a question?
DEADPOOL: You’re gonna ask anyway.
DAREDEVIL: Why do you keep asking about SP//dr?
DEADPOOL: Jesus, Red, why the fuck do you think? I haven’t seen him in a while. Not personally, either, he’s just gone. No giant [Unintelligible.] Neon Genesis Whatever ripoff bot swinging around the city or anything.
DAREDEVIL: Um.
DEADPOOL: What?
DAREDEVIL: ████, why do you… why do you--
DEADPOOL: [Cuts off.] Care? Easy. Same reason you do. Where is he?
DAREDEVIL: There’s a new copilot now.
DEADPOOL: Oh, dope. Good for him, kid works too hard.
DAREDEVIL: Does he?
DEADPOOL: Duh. Cares too much. Thinks he loves the city. Y’know, like you.
DAREDEVIL: ...Right.
DEADPOOL: He’s been █████. More than usual, I mean. And now he’s just gone? Which is a little weird, considering how obsessed he is with protecting the city like the goody-two-twinkle-toes he is. He should be [Unintelligible.] , new copilot or not. So -- where is he? He okay, or what?
DAREDEVIL: I still don’t get how you manage to avoid the news.
DEADPOOL: Talent. Now gimme them deets, Red, is he seeing someone or something?
DAREDEVIL: You don’t remember?
DEADPOOL: Maybe. Maybe not. That sweet [Unintelligible.] , babe, you know how it is. Did he get fired? Do I got his job?
DAREDEVIL: ████, he--
DEADPOOL: Do I look like a narc to you, Red? I can’t have his fuckin’ job.
DAREDEVIL: He’s dead. ████. He’s dead.
DEADPOOL: [Pauses. Hisses a string of swears in Spanish. Discards a soda can on the street below.] How long? Who did it?
DAREDEVIL: ...Last month.
DEADPOOL: Okay, and?
DAREDEVIL: I don’t--
DEADPOOL: Don’t give me that shit.
DAREDEVIL: You know I’d tell you if I could, but I can’t. [Pause.] You know better than anyone Oscorp likes to keep things highly classified.
DEADPOOL: Do I? C’mon. Just tell me. Actually -- why didn’t you tell me last fucking month?
DAREDEVIL: You’re the one who hijacks the database when it suits you.
DEADPOOL: So I’ll know anyway, but right now I don’t feel like going through the effort of reading that coldass lifeless hogwash of pretentious mumbo-jumbo when you’re right here, Mr. Level █ clearance.
DAREDEVIL: He had -- has a daughter, you know.
DEADPOOL: [Unintelligible.] Red.
DAREDEVIL: They never knew each other. █████ didn’t think he’d have time for a kid, so he gave her up.
DEADPOOL: So what, now she’s the copilot? See, this is what I mean when I say he thinks [Unintelligible.]
DAREDEVIL: ████, I’m sorry.
DEADPOOL: Don’t [Unintelligible] .
DAREDEVIL: I am. Would you believe me if I told you this was the █████ time we had this conversation?
DEADPOOL: I… no.
DAREDEVIL: Ms. █████ finished up your psychological profile some time ago.
DEADPOOL: I don’t like where this is going, Red.
DAREDEVIL: She went into some detail on your biological and psychogenetic enhancements. Particularly, the same ones that allow your brain to connect to the ████████ or the ███ ███████ twenty-four seven.
DEADPOOL: Stop. You’re just saying words at me now. Just tell me what the point is.
DAREDEVIL: ████, your brain’s constantly changing. The enhancements that let you regenerate your cells are faster than anything. They overwrite your memory bank if the system thinks it’s necessary to ████ ████, or if someone ██████ ██ for whatever reason. Something about your neurons… You get conflicting memories. The information gets [Unintelligible] . Sometimes temporarily, sometimes not. When she wrote it, it wasn’t too consequential, but now almost weekly you--
DEADPOOL: I wouldn’t forget. No, that’s just small things, it’s not [Unintelligible.] Jesus Christ, Red.
DAREDEVIL: You would. You have. You don’t even know his name anymore.
DEADPOOL: Fuck you.
DAREDEVIL: I… Sorry, ████.
DEADPOOL: Like hell you are. And yes. Yes it was.
DAREDEVIL: I am. [Pause.] That was out of line. I’m not… █████ was better at [Unintelligible.] if it’s [Unintelligible.] I miss him too. We all do. It’s just -- if you keep deviating from Oscorp’s instructions, they won’t just quit hiring you. They’ll initiate ███████ ███ ███████ protocols.
DEADPOOL: Mhmm. Shut the fuck up. Lunch break’s over.
DAREDEVIL: Listen. If you need to talk--
DEADPOOL: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Save it for the █████ time I ask about SP//dr. Actually, just don’t even bother. Make up some shit. Who gives a damn.
<end log>
This indicates loyalty and care not to Oscorp, but to ██████ SP//dr Copilot █████ ██████. Given the massive drain of resources due to SP//dr’s absence, I recommend that flashdrives, journals, and other forms of information-keeping be issued to Deadpool in order to avoid destabilizing his already-stressed mentaility, and that a therapist be issued to Deadpool.
FROM: SP//dr & VEN#M Technician May Parker, City Defense Department
TO: Researcher Gwen Stacy, R&D Department
SUBJECT: VEN#M Program
Ms. Stacy,
In light of Peter’s death, Peni has agreed to take over his place in the SP//dr Program. However, she’s still young, and has only recently begun training. The program isn’t just whoever copilots SP//dr, it’s bigger than any one individual; we’ve all been tasked with protecting the city. Peter knew that better than anyone, and nobody expects Peni to shoulder all that responsibility on her own.
Threats to the city, as always, are growing worse every day, and in different ways. Because of this, the U.N. has approved the budget to commission the Sym Engine for the VEN#M Program, which is a huge boost. Taking several factors into consideration, including clearance levels, experience, and (of course) psychogenetic compatibility, you have been chosen as a candidate to copilot VEN#M.
Think of it as a promotion of sorts. I know Peter would have been excited to have you in the City Defense Department. If you choose to accept, and if VEN#M accepts you, you will be given Level 8 clearance. You will also be given appropriate field training. I have attached further details below.
Feel free to ask any questions. I know this is sudden, especially considering the circumstances, so take your time. As always, I’ll be available to discuss this with you in person.
Best wishes,
Dr. May Parker
SP//DR INITIATION LOG 11-06-40
Initiate: ████ ██████
Initiators: Dr. B███████ ██████, Dr. M██ ██████, SP//dr
Foreword: At the time of initiation, ████ ██████ was nine (9) years old. Former SP//dr copilot █████ ██████ had died two days before. ████ ██████ was given a brief explanation before time of initiation.
<begin log>
M. ██████: ████... I'm your Aunt M██ and this is your Uncle B██. You're going to be living with us from now on.
B. ██████: We know you never knew him -- but you understand -- who your father was…
M. ██████: ...and what happened to him.
██████: My father was part of SP//dr. My father is dead.
B. ██████: Uh... Yes. Yes, he is.
FROM: Researcher Gwen Stacy, R&D Department
TO: SP//dr & VEN#M Technician May Parker, City Defense Program
SUBJECT: RE: VEN#M Program
Dr. Parker,
When do they want the sym engine ready by?
Gwen Stacy
Get Deadpool on a Baby Leash or so Help Me God Club Cofounder
SP//DR INITIATION LOG 11-06-40
[████ sinks in her chair, and into the table.]
M. ██████: And ████, while this may seem sudden and hard to process, you're the only one that can take his place in the program. It's a matter of genetics, dear. Compatibility.
████: They told me it's going to hurt... if SP//dr accepts me.
B. ██████: It is... unpleasant.
TO: Researcher Gwen Stacy, R&D Department
FROM: SP//dr & VEN#M Technician May Parker, City Defense Program
SUBJECT: RE: RE: VEN#M Program
Next week. Do you think you’re up to it?
Dr. May Parker
SP//DR INITIATION LOG 11-06-40
M. ██████: He's already been released into the room. He will have found you by now.
[████ stiffens, eyes widening. She abruptly stands, nervous. Her voice remains steady.]
████: He's here... will he bite me?
M. ██████: Only if you let him.
[SP//dr bites ████. She screams hoarsely, before seeming to choke on air. The psychogenetic link is established.]
<end log>
OSCORP FILE: DEADPOOL
File created: 18 Mar, 3121
Last revised: 30 Jul, 3140
Foreword by VEN#M ███████ & Technician Gwen Stacy
The individual known as Deadpool has long been an unofficial but cooperative asset to Oscorp’s City Defense Department. A high-demand and relatively expensive mercenary, Deadpool has been recently hired to incapacitate and capture criminals in an ongoing attempt to control the rise in city attacks. This effort is being made in cooperation with Daredevil, VEN#M, and the Raid-Police. Due to his good standing with Daredevil, SP//dr, and VEN#M, along with his proclaimed residence in New York, he has claimed to give Oscorp a discount for his services. Although Deadpool has been observed to have a tendency to choose jobs and targets which are generally lucrative or include a personal vendetta, he has been shown to turn down jobs which he interprets to conflict with his loyalties. At this time, Deadpool has been suspended from the criminal watchlist, and there are no efforts being made to capture or pursue. This is due to relatively cooperative behavior, along with maintaining good standing with Oscorp personnel.
Deadpool is currently unaware of ██████ SP//dr Copilot █████ ██████’s recent █████ during mission 09-06-40 , or of current trainee ████ ██████’s position in the SP//dr Program. When asked of his whereabouts, personnel are advised to provide information which aligns with details found in the █████ █████: Vacation Days file, which can be found in █████ ██████’s file.
Included below is a standard Individual of Interest profile, descriptions of evidence (which can be found in the City Defense Department’s evidence lockers), and a criminal record. For information regarding specific murders, refer to the Deadpool Murder Masterlist. For mission reports involving Deadpool, refer to the collection of mission reports and filter for Deadpool. For incident reports involving Deadpool, refer to the collection of incident reports and filter for Deadpool.
Note: If the files are missing, it’s because Deadpool has deleted them again. Contact Database Recordkeeping and Information Security Department Administrators to be emailed the original files or for physical copies.
Notice by DRISD Director Smith
Security has been updated to prevent security breaching from Deadpool’s psychogenetic capabilities.
Notice by 53XY M07H3RFUCK3R
lmao u thought
btw this shit boring hire a writer
ps no i wont stop. maybe put my dick measurements in my profile tho 😏 lolol0l jk…… unless? 😳😳
(🔟 inchs darling ty xxxxxxx)
POST-MISSION INTERVIEW LOG 12-08-40 EXCERPT
Interviewed: ████ █████
Interviewer: Allison Kemp
Foreword: The goal of the interview was to ascertain VEN#M’s progress since initial deployment, and to establish a formal understanding of VEN#M Copilot & Technician ████ █████’s relationship with Daredevil, Deadpool, and trainee SP//dr Copilot & Technician ████ ██████. The excerpt begins after standard post-mission interview questions have been asked.
<begin log>
KEMP: Alright. And what did you do after the mission? You didn’t immediately return back to Oscorp, as directed in usual protocol.
█████: Corndogs.
KEMP: Corndogs?
█████: Yeah, corndogs. Well, ████ just bought a ketchup bottle and squirted it into his mouth, which I’m not judging. But DP and I got corndogs, because we got normal tastebuds.
TO: Director Carla Smith, Database Recordkeeping and Information Security Department
FROM: SP//dr & VEN#M Technician May Parker, City Defense Department
SUBJECT: Revise VEN#M File
Carla,
I seriously need to go on the record here. I’m objecting to the current state of the VEN#M file. Too much important information is redacted, too much is omitted, and too much is above the access of personnel who work with and on VEN#M. I know that redacting information is necessary to maintain security risks, but omitting important details creates an innacurate document with an incompetent amount of un-redacted information.
POST-MISSION INTERVIEW LOG 12-08-40 EXCERPT
KEMP: Right. Do you do this often?
█████: Eat corndogs? Personally, yeah, it’s my vice. But if you’re asking about hanging out with the other two, I oughtta say, it’s literally none of your beeswax what we do off of duty.
You and I both know this is just Oscorp trying to cover up what happened to save face. While I can understand keeping it out of the eyes of the public, the City Defense Department personnel deserve to know what’s happening to VEN#M.
The Sym Engine overloaded. Gwen Stacy performed a manual override. We thought that would fix things, but it didn’t, and nobody can change that no matter how much information gets classified.
POST-MISSION INTERVIEW LOG 12-08-40 EXCERPT
[Kemp slides a photo of Daredevil, Deadpool, and the VEN#M suit on a rooftop. █████ is sitting on the mech, with her legs wrapped around its hull to keep herself in place. Each individual seems to be engaged in conversation over some junk food.]
KEMP: Does this count as on duty?
█████: Well, fuck. Yeah, that’ll do it.
KEMP: How long have these informal meetings been going on?
█████: Aww, Kemp. You can say “hang out,” it’s okay. But, uuhhh, we’ve been hanging out for a while now. Not all of us together, of course -- I was only transferred to the CDD recently -- and it’s not always corndogs, but mostly we bond over the late █████. I think you can get why that’s important for us. Hey, do you have one of those pictures but with SP//dr? Back when ████ was alive? I know one exists somewhere, but it’s trapped in the evidence locker with all his other shit now. That’s where his phone is, right? [Pause. Kemp stares over her lenses.] You know what, I’ll check later.
VEN#M’s mental toxicity levels are rising day by day. Miniscully, sure, but increasingly. When the psychic threshold is reached (and it will be), the results will be cataclysmic. We need to prepare accordingly.
Gwen doesn’t have much time left. I know this. You know this. She deserves to know exactly what’s happening, so that she can figure out how to fix it, or at least so that future copilots and technicians know how we fucked up.
POST-MISSION INTERVIEW LOG 12-08-40 EXCERPT
KEMP: Do you find Daredevil pleasant to work with?
█████: The man squirts ketchup directly into his mouth, Allison. But yeah, he’s fine. A little awkward, but he’s cool.
KEMP: And Deadpool?
█████: Oh, I mean, I guess. He’s pretty nice, you know? I feel a little bad about the whole omission thing, obviously, but that’s protocol and apparently it’s not changing. He’s sporadic but he makes things count when he cares. Actually, wait. IIs this about my email signature?
They don’t know any better. In fact, nobody below our clearance level knows any better. We have a responsibility to hold ourselves accountable for our actions and consequences. She’s too young for this. She’ll figure it out by herself eventually, and by then, it will be too late unless if we can work directly with her to keep VEN#M in check.
Thanks in advance for your prompt attention. Update me when you fix the page.
Warmest regards,
Dr. May Parker
POST-MISSION INTERVIEW LOG 12-08-40 EXCERPT
KEMP: It isn’t. What do you think about the new SP//dr copilot, ████ ██████?
█████: Oh, she’s adorable. We haven’t worked together, like, at all, or talked really. But the ██████s tell me she’s brilliant. Getting the hang of the maneuverability like it’s nothing. Hopefully she’s getting along with SP//dr. If not, it shouldn’t be too different than VEN#M, so I could give her some advice or something. If you can’t tell, I can’t wait to meet her but… [Pauses. Exhales, and frowns.] Don’t you think she’s a little too young to be deployed so soon? A few months isn’t enough. I mean, she’s only ni--
OVERHEAD SPEAKERS: Prepare VEN#M for immediate deployment.
█████: Gotta blast, same time next week?
KEMP: I’ll be here for your next post-mission interview, which shouldn’t be long.
█████: Ah. Right. Well. [█████ hastily points and fires two finger guns.] Catch you later!
<end log>
Gwen
hey wade
quick question for u.
mmmyyyyyyyeeess?¿?¿?
Gwen
earlier
during the mission i mean
you said??
you were playing???
smash bros???
well that and also mining bitcoin
did u kno cryptocurrency isnt dead???¿
i have NO idea what im doing
i never once went to econ
thats the money class right. i always get it confused with the nature one
Gwen
yeah its the money one
But?? During The Mission?????
Matt
Don’t worry about it. He does this all the time.
Apparently multitasking is how he does things.
Watch: what are you playing right now, Wade?
so u kno that new band
cult summer????
😏
Gwen
oh
yeah!!
i love them!!!
you listen to them too wade?
did you hear they have a new album coming out in january?? im so excited!!
ofc i kno 🥰🥰
Matt
Here we go.
thats why i just pirated it!!
AND im gonna release it Several ⭐ Days ⭐ Earlier 🌟
(tomorrow bby im doing it tomorrow)
(i wanna listen to it first 😊😊😋)
Gwen
youre WHAT
kljDLKSJFdfl;sk
WADE NO WHY
IM SO
wait can u send it tho
wait until it gets released like everyone else
Matt
Yes. Shame on you, Stacy.
Gwen
askldDGKdfkj
I HATE THIS
WORST day of my LIFE
TO: SP//dr & VEN#M Technician May Parker, City Defense Department
FROM: Director Carla Smith, Database Recordkeeping and Information Security Department
SUBJECT: RE: Revise VEN#M File
Dr. Parker,
Regarding the VEN#M File, we have an entirely different situation on our hands right now. Deadpool just returned from today’s mission and breached Oscorp Database security. It seems there was an incident. Once we get a handle on this situation, I’ll see what I can do about your complaints.
Thank you for your patience.
Director Carla Smith
OSCORP FILE: VEN#M
File created: 11-06-40
Last revised: 13-07-40
Foreword by who gives a shit
peter is dead. thats right bitches i figured out that redacted shit. contrary to popular belief even if my brain is megajanked i am capable of caring abt people. more than ya narcs can anyway but that isnt news lmao 💅💅
anyways
i gt some choice words for yall bc guess who else is dead
If u guessed gwen ur RIGHT congrats gimme a prize
INCIDENT 13-08-40.01 REPORT(S)
Foreword by SP//dr & VEN#M Technician Dr. Benjamin Parker
Let’s get the obvious out of the way: we fucked up. We got cocky. We didn’t take enough precautions, and we need to acknowledge that. On mission 30-07-40, VEN#M nearly reached terminal failure. Former VEN#M Copilot ████ █████, brilliant as she was, managed to manually override the Sym Engine in time to take care of the threat in tandem with Daredevil and Deadpool.
That should have been the end of it, and many of you were led to believe so. Unfortunately, it wasn’t. We severely underestimated the psychogenetic capabilities of VEN#M’s other copilot: the creature which established the psychogenetic link between ████ and the suit in the first place.
OSCORP FILE: VEN#M
im pretty sure all the redacted shit in ur files are all bullshit. like i get the brain death. but a sudden drop to 0 vitals? no explanation??? where the hell is the autopsy? thats fishy as hell. and now gwen too? either you fuck up for a living or u know exactly what ure doing and i dont know which pisses me off more
how long was she “””bonding”” in that thing? how long was it planning to just eat her??? it said she was gone, that she was one with it. said it knew everything she thought of anyone which was fuckin bogus
i know yall record everything but lemme give u a sparknotes bc yall are technobabble and technobabble ONLY and i need u to use ur fucking eyes and ur brain and maybe ur heart if u have one idk ur life story
INCIDENT 13-08-40.02 REPORT(S)
The Sym Engine didn’t overload, as we initially assumed. Furthermore, VEN#M’s copilot isn’t just a psychogenetic creature that just happens to be connected to the Sym Engine; it also acts in self interest, and it consumes. It seems to absorb the conscious, if left unchecked. It is currently unknown if it mimics or if it truly does absorb the conscious. This seems to only happen if the psychic threshold is reached, and results in mental toxicity levels strong enough to corrupt.
OSCORP FILE: VEN#M
she said ven#m wouldnt let her go. said she didnt have control, that she never did
she asked us to help her and then just dropped off a building to who knows where
she knows matt n i are stupid as all hell
when we found her again matt steered away. u kno the kind of shit it takes to make that man steer away from somethin???? prolly not yall are allergic to human connection lmao
anyway when we finally fuckin found her i was gonna go straight into the fuckin hull n figure out what the hell i needed to do
broke in and did that.
there were wires in there. writhing around and shit. looked like they were breathing it was creepy as FUCK. they were attached to her so i went ahead n went to pull em the fuck off
then she said
“you’re hurting us” like hey what who the fuck is us??
her voice sounded raspy. wrong. like it was merging with the playback configs
eugh
she said it was in her or ig “their” brain
matt n i fell back. or he dragged me anyway. kid was freaked.
couldnt figure out how to help wo endangering her bc were stupid as shit. he said we probably couldnt have done anything anyway
said he could feel the wires in her. taking her n melding her n whatever the hell else i couldnt tell what he was saying over all the stuttering n mumbling n repeating n all the shit stace was puttin out
point is. shit was fucked up. it fuckin ate her or somethin. now u can tell me if im wrong but if you design something arent u supposed to kno literally everything abt it and what it does??? tell me true what the hell was going on there and why did u decide to keep that feature?? or did u just rush the whole damn thing?
in the end we just stood there and watched until matt said she was gone. said it reached terminal failure.
matts gonna have fun at the shrink.
thats when i remembered pete. like, fucking finally. its going fast but i know i was there when it happened when he died
and where were yall when this shit was happening???? like, any of it?? fucking nowhere thats where
protector of the city my ass. you dont even protect ur own people.
INCIDENT 13-08-40.01 REPORT(S)
████ █████’s body hasn’t been found. It is assumed that VEN#M has somehow absorbed it, along with her conscious. Whatever happened to her, she’s gone now.
As of now, the VEN#M Project has been put on hold. There are no current plans to recommission the Sym Engine.
Included below are the relevant interviews, documents, and otherwise compiled information regarding Mission 13-08-40.
For information involving the VEN#M Project, refer to the VEN#M file. For information involving collateral damages during this mission, refer to document 13-08-40_CD.
OSCORP FILE: VEN#M
peter wouldnt have let this happen
u kno why pete stuck around here even though yall fucking suck??
he thought he loved the city he thought he loved you and he thought he would get love back
instead it killed him and it killed gwen and its going to kill peni too
its going to kill matt and its going to kill whoever the hell else you get to “””protect”””” the city which is a fucking oxymoron when yall are involved btw
oh sure. you fix problems with all your flashy ass fights and heroism and merch and mags but you cause more than u fix
any fuckin merc worth their salt could tell u that
hell, even that jjj bitch knows that
all yall know that
Lets❕ List❗ Ur❕ ✨ 💖 ~ ❗❕❗ Crimes ❗❕❗ ~ 💖 ✨
im skipping past the geneva conventions idk that shit n idgaf
lets talk abt the ice box. can we talk about the ice box i want to talk about the fucking ice bo
This page has been locked until further notice.
A head’s up would’ve been nice.
have u ever known me to think things thru like ever
I said what I said.
So you’re leaving then?
i mean
Not that I give a shit. I’m okay with it.
Just curious.
its that or i get fired
u kno how it is
Not really.
lol right
u just get a pay cut
Is that not technically part of getting fired?
i mean its technically not firing if i just quit
then again
do u think id get a compensation gift???
TO: Oscorp Administrators
FROM: Director Carla Smith, Database Recordkeeping and Information Security Department
SUBJECT: Update to Deadpool File
Deadpool is no longer informally hired by Oscorp, effective immediately. Shortly following detainment, Wade Wilson promptly escaped by literally blowing the whole damn detainment cell to hell. An investigation has been launched, as well as a capture and pursuit mission. Personnel who are to be involved should have received an email.
Deadpool is to be treated as hostile from this point forward.
Send your condolences to Agent Allison Kemp, who lost her legs in the incident. She is currently hospitalized in the medical wing.
Director Carla Smith
Do you know how many rules you broke?
Not to mention the laws.
All the murder.
The threats.
The name calling.
k i get it
no gifts 😢
UNLESS IF YOU
YOU KNOW
No.
whyyyyy 😢😢
no gifts from u 😢 no tears from u 😢😢😢
not even a wild handkerchief wave
like in those early 2000s movies
if uve watched one
whats a girl to think????
Everything’s good.
I mean, I’ll certainly miss having you around.
You make me look better in comparison, physically and otherwise.
But it’s not like I can’t go solo.
is that sentiment i hear
or do u say that to all the girls
Fuck off.
i am booboo ❤❤❤
u sure u dont wanna come w??
team fuck off
I can’t.
Oscorp isn’t as black and white as it seems. It’s complicated.
eugh.
matt gwen is literally GONE
I know that. I’m not saying it’s alright, I’m saying it’s complicated.
It’s an organization, not a singular person.
There’s resources, connections, and boards to keep itself in check.
There’s bound to be corruption, sure, but there are people dedicated to making sure that doesn’t get out of hand.
k i get it
ur meant to be there
im meant to be literally anywhere else
we live in a society
anything else u wanna say in ur tedtalk??
before we never see each other again???
a handkerchief wave mayhaps?
No. And besides, I’ve never actually seen you.
lmao
Well, actually, one more thing.
It’s not like those are the only reasons. Like I said, it’s complicated. There’s also Peni.
who?
u get a new girl while i wasnt lookin or smthn????
redsyroo 💔 my heart
Jesus, Wade, no.
Peter’s kid.
oh fuck
fucks sake i forgot abt her
I figured.
UGH
fuck off
You are, “booboo.”
Fucking off, that is.
SEE
SENTIMENT
[A message has been deleted.]
What sentiment?
MATT YOU CANT JUST DO THAT
I can and I have.
Listen, I have to go.
On a mission, I mean.
Stay safe.
literally cant but ok
OSCORP FILE: DEADPOOL
File created: 18 Mar, 3129
Last revised: 13 Aug, 3140
Foreword by Agent Freeman
The individual known as Deadpool has been a major, or at least an insistently annoying, pain in the ass for law enforcement for as long as he has been known. A high-demand and relatively expensive mercenary, Deadpool has been observed to have a tendency to choose jobs which are lucrative, and that target individuals involved with ██████ ███ or have no known association or connection with him whatsoever.
Deadpool has so far avoided capture due to an apparently vast network of connections with other individuals and groups of interest; proficient skill in parkour and evasive tactics; ██████████ enhancements which make typical capture protocol difficult; and psychogenetic enhancements which are capable of ██████████ and infiltrating secure lines. At this moment, Deadpool is on a criminal watchlist. Efforts to capture and pursue are ongoing. Investigations are ongoing.
Note: While Deadpool has previously cooperated with Oscorp, this was during the time period in which former SP//dr Copilot █████ ██████ was still living. He often prioritized Daredevil and SP//dr above Oscorp’s missions, and these impromptu corporations were largely uncleared (except during part of 30██, in which he was temporarily informally hired due to a rise in crime following the public death of former SP//dr Copilot █████ ██████).
Since then, neither Daredevil nor SP//dr Copilot ████ ██████ have reported meeting Deadpool, whether on or off duty.
Notice by Agent Kemp
Deadpool is to be treated as hostile. Refer to the Incident 13-08-40.02 report as to why. There will be no termination missions, and any requests to launch one will be automatically rejected due to the nature of Deadpool’s biological enhancements. For the same reason, along with his █████████████ capabilities, it is imperative that Oscorp detain Deadpool as soon as possible, for as long as possible. He is a living security risk, and he always will be. Any suggestions or comments may be filed to the City Defense Department.
This page has been locked until further notice.
TO: Agent Allison Kemp, City Defense Department
FROM: Agent Bill Ashcroft, City Defense Department
SUBJECT: Deadpool Investigation Report
Kemp,
Where the hell is the investigation report? We helped you write that shit a full week ago? The investigation is still listed as ongoing???
Bill Ashcroft
TO: Agent Bill Ashcroft, City Defense Department
FROM: Agent Allison Kemp, City Defense Department
SUBJECT: RE: Deadpool Investigation Report
Bob,
I understand that you’re new. Considering that you were on sick leave during the meeting two days ago, and that you had the good sense to send this at 3 A.M., I’m willing to meet up with you near the City Defense Department’s evidence lockers.
Delete this message, as well as the one you just sent.
Agent Allison Kemp
Agent Kemp was leaning against the wall when he arrived. Her arms were crossed, and she had a file tucked beneath her armpit which crinkled against the wheelchair’s arm. Despite the ungodly hour she was always as angry as he met her.
Terrifying. Did she even sleep? He could fully imagine her literally injecting caffeine into herself in the name of whatever mission she was sent on. Like a hound, she was. According to the rumors, anyway; he was new, so he couldn’t really be an accurate judge of character here.
Bob thought maybe she needed to have a psych eval this month instead of next year. Everyone else seemed to think this was how the world was supposed to work, and that this was just Kemp’s natural state of being. Or maybe they didn’t bother telling her what they really thought, what with her position and all.
Again: Terrifying. To him, at least. He’s starting to get the feeling that working at Oscorp is an endless string of terrifying shit -- more than he was prepared to sign up for.
“Agent Ashcroft.”
“Agent Kemp,” he replied.
“One thing you should know about Deadpool,” she began, getting straight to the point, “is that we keep all records of him offline. What we have online is outdated, and quite frankly, its inaccuracies change endlessly .”
“Um. Why? Isn’t the page locked?”
Kemp pinched the bridge of her nose and heaved something frustrated. “That doesn’t mean shit. We just put that there so he’d stop putting in his dick measurements.”
Bob’s face did this weird crinkling, scrunching thing.
“His wha--”
“Tell me something, Bob. You’re fresh. You tell me something -- the security cameras are off. The online file hasn’t been touched in a year. Why do you think that is?”
He pursed his lips.
“Here’s the Level 4 clearance version of the investigation report. You’re not technically cleared to read anything above that, but since you’re on the investigation team, I’ll tell you this. All that redacted shit is swarming in Weapon Six, which, if you attended the meeting, you would know it used to be an Oscorp facility until…”
Investigation Report by Agent Allison Kemp, City Defense Department
The investigation was originally launched due to Deadpool’s increased hostility in the wake of Incident 13-08-40.02. Working in tandem with the capture and pursuit team assigned to Deadpool, we hoped to ascertain any change in motive, modus operandi, and/or behavior in order to reliably predict any complications he might pose in the foreseeable future. Until we could detain him for a routine interrogation, our efforts went towards looking into Deadpool’s background to assess the origin of his biological and █████████████ enhancements.
We managed to gain access to the ██████ ███ Program’s database, which was fortunately unaltered despite the facility fire. Deadpool was originally brought into the program on ██-██-████, albeit uncleared and under false pretenses. He was specifically targeted due to his status as a former ███████ ██████ operative, and was notably recently diagnosed with some kind of ████████ ██████ when he accepted the offer. Biological enhancements (to be combined use of the ███ ███████, an ███████████ technology which leaves subjects more open to suggestion) were the original purpose of the program. However, due to the rise of █████████████ research at the time, █████████████ enhancements were also made.
“Essex hoped to ride the wave of psychogenetics, which was being pioneered by Dr. Benjamin Parker at the time. Now, before he died, he was getting desperate because, obviously, his funds were getting sapped in favor of SP//dr.”
“Right. So he started taking sick and dying vets, trying to take advantage of desperation… Some criminals too, I think. I remember seeing some of those in the database. This is the guy with the Red Diamond tech, right? That mind-control-not-mind-control thing. So if Deadpool used to have one…”
Investigation Report by Agent Allison Kemp, City Defense Department
The apparent goal of Deadpool’s alterations was to create an individual with the skill and experience of a soldier, combined with constantly-ready access to the resources of the world wide web. As such, a ███ ███████ was implanted into his brain (which had also received numerous operations prior). According to prior field examinations utilizing SP//dr’s full-spectrum scanners, however, the ███ ███████ implant was absent. It seems that, at some point after leaving the ██████ ███ Program, the implant was removed. Due to the lack of a removal procedure listed in the ██████ ███ database, it is assumed that this was done by Deadpool himself. The means by which this was done is currently unknown.
“...that means he used to be an errand dog for Oscorp, then. Like, essentially, that’s what it is,” Bob said, brows furrowing. “But it was probably just Essex, and whoever was in charge of Deadpool’s operations in particular. And in addition to the biological enhancements, he also had psychogenetics. Hey, don’t we have some of those Weapon Six operatives as agents now?
“Focus, Bob. Psychogenetics.”
“Right. So if Deadpool was supposed to have psychogenetics linked to, basically anything with a wireless connection, then... holy shit, he’s a human SP//dr.”
“Go on.”
“Like, the mech -- to him, the internet’s like the mech. Or any kind of tech, really. SP//dr’s the thing that establishes the psychogenetic link, which is what Deadpool does. His brain was rewired to do that, so that he could handle and regulate the constant stream of information from the net -- at least subconsciously, anyway. So if he had a Red Diamond implant, which in this analogy would be Parker, then that means…”
Investigation Report by Agent Allison Kemp, City Defense Department
In normal circumstances, such removal would have no impact on the brain’s functionality. However, as Deadpool had gained a █████████████ link with the ███ ███████ implant, this instead created an imbalance. It is unknown whether reestablishing a similar link would rectify or worsen this apparent imbalance, as Deadpool’s brain is constantly rewriting itself due to its biological and artificial alterations. One thing is certain: Deadpool, without it, is a loose cannon who can do whatever he pleases. He has endless resources, and is seemingly impossible to detain for long periods of time.
“...Deadpool is like the middle ground between VEN#M and SP//dr, if neither of them had human copilots. He’s like -- he’s like Amazon Echo,” he realized, “with arms, legs, and a free will. And he can get into anything.”
“So you understand why we keep his files off the database,” she told him. “And why we still have paper reports of everything.”
“Deadpool could be the database if he wanted to be.”
Investigation Report by Agent Allison Kemp, City Defense Department
On 22-09-3541, Deadpool was temporarily detained by the capture and pursuit team. Any and all weapons picked up by our sensors were removed and placed in ten standard City Defense Department evidence lockers. Attached are all relevant excerpts of the resulting routine interrogation.
DEADPOOL INTERROGATION LOG 22-09-41 EXCERPT
Interviewed: ████ ██████, alias “Deadpool”
Interviewer: Agent Allison Kemp
Foreword: The purpose of this interview was to ascertain Deadpool’s reason for breaking out various criminals (along with himself) during Incident 13-08-40.02, but afterwards assisting Daredevil in his missions to reincarcerate them. The secondary purpose of this interview was to gain information relevant to the investigation, as well as to ascertain a possible strategy to keep Deadpool in check. The interview took place after a successful capture and pursuit mission directed by Agent Kemp. As Deadpool frequently pretends to speak only Esperanto during interrogations, and as Agent Kemp is fortunately also fluent in Esperanto, anything spoken in Esperanto will be translated into English.
<begin log>
DEADPOOL: Hey! [Waves a shackled hand.] You’re the weed agent! My favorite gal. It’s been too long.
KEMP: Hi, ████. Are you going to cooperate this time?
DEADPOOL: God damn it, I forgot you can talk.
KEMP: Is that a yes?
DEADPOOL: [Puts a hand up to his ear.] What’s that I hear? You have questions about me and my “whole deal”?
KEMP: That is the point of an interrogation, yes.
DEADPOOL: [Puts his hands together and sways.] Aww, you sure know how to make a girl feel special. Unfortunately, mister, you’re not my type. [Abruptly bangs his fists on the table.] GUESS WHAT, BITCH, THAT’S MY WHOLE GODDAMN THING! I guess I could just fuckin’ HAND it to you, by picking out a very specifically themed costume, adopting a specific set of skills that clearly showcases my strengths and weaknesses, start working towards a goal that somehow everyone gets the basic gist of, and talking exclusively in suuuper exposition-heavy dialogue -- BUT I’M [In a deep, baritone voice.]NOT A FUCKING IDIOT.
KEMP: We gathered.
DEADPOOL: Why, thank you kindly. What’s this? WOOOAAHH, plot twist! I HAVE MANNERS. Truly Canadian moi.
hey
i kno we technically said wed part ways but
im in narc jail come get me out of here
Investigation Report by Agent Allison Kemp, City Defense Department
DEADPOOL INTERROGATION LOG 22-09-41 EXCERPT
KEMP: So you have a moral code, then. Is that what you’re implying? You said manners.
DEADPOOL: Jesus -- oh cool, usually I burn a little when I say that -- okay. Okay. Moral code?
KEMP: If you can.
What?
Why the fuck are you detained?
Tell me there’s a legitimate reason.
WADE.
Investigation Report by Agent Allison Kemp, City Defense Department
DEADPOOL INTERROGATION LOG 22-09-41 EXCERPT
DEADPOOL: Alright. I have one code I will NEVER break, and it’s this.
[Share It Maybe, a Sesame Street parody of Carly Rae Jepsen’s Call Me Maybe, originally released in 2012, begins playing on the overhead speaker.]
KEMP: Can someone turn that off? Thank you.
DEADPOOL: [While cackling.] You thought I had a moral code.
KEMP: You have one. We have on record that, despite the fact that your main income is from your work as a mercenary, you refuse to kill children.
DEADPOOL: What’s that!? [An exaggerated gasp.] I’m a DECENT HUMAN BEING!
KEMP: You kill for a living.
DEADPOOL: You say tomato, I say potato, angel.
bc
i miss u 🥺😢😭
Jesus Christ.
🙄
AN EMOJI
OMG
U REALLY HAVE CHANGED
is it for the worse?!?!! say yes redsy ill eat my heart out
literally if u want i know u want it
ya nasty
Investigation Report by Agent Allison Kemp, City Defense Department
DEADPOOL INTERROGATION LOG 22-09-41 EXCERPT
KEMP: You’ve consistently cooperated with SP//dr, VEN#M, and Daredevil.
DEADPOOL: In my line of business, we call that nepotism.
KEMP: Why? What is it about them that keeps you from directly opposing them, like any of our other field agents?
DEADPOOL: I said what I said. It’s nepotism.
KEMP: [Sighs.] Anything other than nepotism?
DEADPOOL: I dunno, basic human decency? You tell me. Inconsistently unpredictable yours truly doesn’t make sense to me either.
I’ll do it. Just get me cleared.
And pay me so I don’t have to lie. Right now.
lmao ofc
What’s so important that we have to talk about it in person?
And in an interrogation room? We could have just scheduled something.
cmere and find out already
(4 emotions ty sweetie)
besides redsy u werent picking up
u never write u never call
Ugh.
You owe me.
🤗
Investigation Report by Agent Allison Kemp, City Defense Department
DEADPOOL INTERROGATION LOG 22-09-41 EXCERPT
DEADPOOL: Getting a hang of my psyche? Uh, you sure shouldn’t be! Agent ████████ would understand. Ooh, I also talk shit about people behind their backs.
KEMP: You reacted negatively when both █████ ██████ and ████ █████ died. Why?
[A rumbling, clacking sound is played on the overhead speaker.]
DEADPOOL: Do you hear that?
KEMP: Don’t evade the question.
DEADPOOL: That’s right! The sound of a randomized mp3 file from my puah-sonal folder titled, “Cues for My Bullshit,” means it’s time for the interrogation to end! You’re lucky, this is my favorite one, it’s a buncha pebbles getting poured down your cafeteria garbage disposal.
KEMP: I’ll decide when the interrogation is done here.
[Matt Murdock, alias “█████████" from the Legal Department enters the room.]
MURDOCK: Stop talking.
DEADPOOL: Told ya so.
MURDOCK: What did I just say?
[From this point forward, everything is spoken in English.]
KEMP: Jesus Christ, you aren’t seriously--
MURDOCK: I’m afraid so. Mr. ██████ has paid me for his services, and is currently my client. If you would leave the room please?
DEADPOOL: [Whispering.] Love you! [Waves his fingers, then raises his voice to a sing-song tone.] Toodaloo, Weed-Woman.
MURDOCK: And turn off any recording devices when you do.
KEMP: Murdock, you fucking snake.
MURDOCK: It’s not against the rules. I’m cleared. You can check.
<end log>
As stated in this report by ███████ ███████, alias “Daredevil”, Deadpool has consistently shown something resembling loyalty over the years. The criteria for individuals which he bonds to is unknown, but it appears that he favors those that he perceives to share similar views and opinions with. Furthermore, this trend of “loyalty” is continued when the ███ ███████ implant is taken into consideration, as well as the nature of the alterations he underwent during his time at the ██████ ███ facility. Going forward, I strongly recommend we take this into account when approaching Deadpool.
“So -- you’re basically proposing we figure out how to give him a ‘copilot’ to keep him in check.”
“He’s a living security risk. Every inconvenient redaction, every ommission, every log which has been obscured due to traffic -- which is literally any mission log he’s been in until we started paper backups -- was him. God knows what the hell else he’s altered. Someone needs to keep him in check, so we can all do our damn jobs.”
“That’s…” Every breath he took in reminded him of how dry his mouth was. “The HR Department would never approve of that. That’s a violation of human rights. Free will. What about the Geneva Conventions?”
“He’s barely human anymore,” Kemp told him, coldly turning her wheelchair to leave. “You’re going to learn one day that it’s either all or nothing with Oscorp. Feel free to dig around the rest of the evidence lockers. Avoid that one there, it’s got Deadpool’s severed hand in it.”
TO: City Defense Department Administrators, Legal Department Administrators
FROM: Director Carla Smith, Database Recordkeeping and Information Security Department
SUBJECT: Update to Matt Murdock, alias “Daredevil” File
Matt Murdock, alias “Daredevil” is to be suspended from all official and unofficial Oscorp business, effective 06-10-3141. This suspension excludes work traditionally assigned to paralegals and legal interns. This suspension will last until 03-01-3145. This is due to an uncleared cooperation, which compromised the interrogation and detainment of Deadpool. Furthermore, seeing as SP//dr is field ready, controlling the crime rise is no longer as urgent a concern. For further details, see the attached file.
Director Carla Smith
When Matt finally went on duty again, it was to pick Peni up at school. She had already been SP//dr for five years. She maneuvered the mech beautifully, bless her, but she was barely a freshman.
A high school freshman, at that. Lord help them all.
“I’m tired,” she told him after their first mission together.
She reminded him of Peter, then, but it wasn’t the pleasant kind. A pleasant reminder would be a shared tone of voice, an arbitrary opinion, or even something common in the way they held themselves. Instead, the first time he definitively identified a father-daughter connection was in the dull way that they sighed. Adrenaline was routine to them; it didn’t get their blood pumping anymore, if it ever did at all.
Tired. Like father, like daughter.
“You’re too young to be tired.”
And that got her to open up. It wasn’t as if she was closed off; it was that she’d been going at it alone. The only people she could confide in were those who were raising her, because if it were anything else, it would violate Oscorp regulations. He would have factored in her therapist, too, except for the fact that she asked him about her father.
A random therapist wouldn’t have had a guarantee of knowing Peter.
She asked if he thought Peter would have liked her. He told her the truth.
She was straightforward, which he could appreciate. She didn’t beat around the bush when she voiced her thoughts, so he didn’t have to sugarcoat the hard answers for her. She was a little awkward when carrying conversations, but that was alright. They were coworkers, and he was her senior; it made sense for it to be like that.
Then the Sym Engine got recommissioned. Despite all complaints, objections, and contrarian advice, the VEN#M Program was restarted. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the new copilot was barely any older than Peni.
High school sophomores. Christ.
“She was my classmate,” she told him. “She wanted advice. I thought she was just prying, so I panicked and said… I don’t even remember, now, it was so stupid. But then she said nobody tells me what they really think about me because my dad’s dead. So, I guess, when I saw her talking with Uncle Ben, I just… hated her. So much.”
The guilt was another unpleasant reminder.
“And now May’s gone, too. Because I was angry. So I wasn’t thinking clearly enough. And then I got compromised, so they deployed VEN#M, and all I could think about was how angry I was.”
“You didn’t know,” he told her. “Of course you were angry. You were hurt.”
“Of course I didn’t know,” she snapped. She pressed her lips together and heaved a shuttering, frustrated breath. “Nobody actually says anything. It’s all in classifications and formalities and crap.”
“I know,” he replied. “It makes things feel a lot more complicated than they have to be, doesn’t it?”
She sighed something exhausted.
“I hate this. Not knowing.”
“It’s okay to.”
TWITTER.COM
👀 i see sp//dr i hit post @spdrpatrol
SP//dr seen in times square!!!
[An attached image depicts SP//dr, blurred, caught mid-swing. There is a large, red circle surrounding it.]
DareWatchers @darewatchers
Replying to @spdrpatrol
As well as Daredevil.
[An attached image depicts the same image above, but with a smaller red circle surrounding a few multicolored airborne pixels.]
👀 i see sp//dr i hit post @spdrpatrol
Replying to @darewatchers
watching u pinpoint dd is like watching ghost hunters trying to prove a dust spec is actually a ghost caught on camera
DareWatchers @darewatchers
Replying to @spdrpatrol
Says the one who only has to find a nine foot tall robot. Make fun of me all you want, but at least I’m not @dpsights.
✨💖 ~ dp rights club ~ 💖✨ @dpsights
Replying to @darewatchers and @spdrpatrol
JUST bc i never provide evidence does NOT mean i am EVER WRONG. i have been here for YEARS almost DECADES i am ur SENIOR DAMMIT
👀 i see sp//dr i hit post @spdrpatrol
Replying to @darewatchers and @dpsights
no dw has a point. like ur right sure but at least dw USES HIS CAMERA? like lol ok boomer what year are u in, 2026???? do u have any hobbies even? like tbh that was so sad to read i remembered to take my antidepressants
✨💖 ~ dp rights club ~ 💖✨ @dpsights
Replying to @darewatchers and @dpsights
YOU ARE MEAN TO ME YOU INSULT ME AND YOU DONT APPRECIATE ANYTHING THAT I
totororororowowowo @jroberts
Replying to @darewatchers , @dpsights , and @spdrpatrol
THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTIIINNGGGG
Mission 13-02-46 Report(s)
Operatives: Daredevil, SP//dr Handler & Technician Dr. ████████ ██████, SP//dr Copilot & Technician ████ ██████
Target: ████████ ██████████ alias “Bullseye”
Notable Individuals Involved: ████ ██████ alias “Deadpool”, , █████ ███████ alias “Spider-Man” (Alternate Reality)
Purpose: Due to a tip from a recently incarcerated genetically enhanced gang, ████████ ██████████ alias “Bullseye” came to Oscorp’s attention as a mercenary linked to Nathan Essex. Daredevil and SP//dr were to incapacitate and capture him, so that he may be interrogated at a later date. Daredevil was to act as bait for Bullseye, so that SP//dr could carry out standard capture protocol.
Included below are the relevant interviews, documents, and otherwise compiled information regarding Mission 13-02-46.
For information referring to any individuals involved, refer to their profiles. For information referring to alternate realities, refer to the collection of mission reports and filter for alternate realities. For information involving collateral damages during this mission, refer to document 13-02-46_CD.
Note by Researcher Brookes: This was the first interaction known to Oscorp which Deadpool made with both Daredevil and SP//dr since Incident 13-08-40.02. As such, any personnel unfamiliar with Deadpool are to read up on his profile in order to maintain clarity.
hey
Whatever you want, it has to come later.
I’m on a mission right now.
yea about that
turns out im killing that guy
You’re what
bennyboy poindexter?? yes? ring a bell??
xoxo
💖 justrevengethings 💖
Wade, no. We need him alive.
maybe so 😒
u kno weapon six is MY thing
also he stole my job 2 weeks ago
Yes, well. You don’t have a copyright on crime.
And, as you know, he has a vendetta against me. Not you.
So, if you weigh the personal feud scales...
UGH
I’ll go now.
Good day and goodbye to you, good sir.
Mission 13-02-46 Report(s)
SP//DR CAMERA LOG, 13-02-46 TRANSCRIPT
<begin log>
DR. ██████ : Remember, while Bullseye’s primary objective is Daredevil, he’s been up against your father before; he’ll know the suit’s weak points. You’ll find a specialized toolkit next to the medkit in case of emergencies.
SP//DR: Okay. Where’s his local right now?
DR. ██████ : He’s currently pinned in Times Square.
SP//DR: Clear to move in on target?
DR. ██████ : Yeah. Remember, ████. Be careful.
SP//DR: I know , Uncle ███. [Pause.] I’m gonna wait until more civilians are evacuated.
DR. ██████ : You won’t have to. Looks like they’re occupied in the Disney store.
SP//DR: Why are they--nevermind, actually.
TWITTER.COM
ACCEPTING MOD APPS @supervillain_of_the_fn_day
Two supervillains have been spotted in Times Square!
Again.
Someone free me pls i heard rumors of like 3 different gangs and i have find them too now
👀 i see sp//dr i hit post @spdrpatrol
Replying to @supervillain_of_the_fn_day
isnt that 2nd one the mysterious spandex kid from that undead kraven thing last year???? the one that just popped in and fucked off forever?? l0l fake fan
Mission 13-02-46 Report(s)
POST-MISSION INTERVIEW LOG 13-02-46.02
Interviewed: █████ ███████, alias “Spider-Man”
Interviewer: Agent Bill Ashcroft
Foreword: The purpose of the interview was to ascertain reason for cross-dimensional travel into our reality on this mission and during Mission 19-05-45, as well as to gain more base information on Spider-Man.
<begin log>
ASHCROFT: Hello, Spider-Man.
SPIDER-MAN: Hi, uh… Agent Guy.
ASHCROFT: It’s Ashcroft.
SPIDER-MAN: Ashcroft… Okay, got it.
ASHCROFT: Alright, so ████ has stated that you’re a friend of hers, correct?
SPIDER-MAN: I mean, yeah? I sure hope so? It’d be awkward otherwise?
ASHCROFT: Each time ████ has reported a -- multidimensional incident, shall we say -- it’s usually due to a high-stake situation with the fabric of the multiverse at hand.
SPIDER-MAN: I mean, like. Yeah?
TWITTER.COM
DareWatchers @darewatchers
Replying to @spdrpatrol and @supervillain_of_the_fn_day
It is. They have the same red and black color scheme, and there’s the spider symbol on his chest. The other one is Bullseye.
ACCEPTING MOD APPS @supervillain_of_the_fn_day
Replying to @darewatchers and @spdrpatrol
FUCK
the xmen own my ass @serial__hugger_
Replying to @supervillain_of_the_fn_day , @darewatchers , and @spdrpatrol
F
totororororowowowo @jroberts
Replying to serial__hugger_ , @supervillain_of_the_fn_day , @darewatchers , and @spdrpatrol
-UCK
Mission 13-02-46 Report(s)
POST-MISSION INTERVIEW LOG 13-02-46.02
ASHCROFT: Is this something of immediate concern?
SPIDER-MAN: What do you mean?
ASHCROFT: Each time you or some other… spider-person has crossed over to our reality, it’s usually to request Peni’s assistance with these high-stake problems. So I suppose my question is, Spider-Man, for what reason are you requesting to recruit--
SPIDER-MAN: Oh, nah, it’s nothing like that. I just needed homework help. I kept telling that to Daredevil during the -- did he not? Tell you that?
TWITTER.COM
✨💖 ~ dp rights club ~ 💖✨ @dpsights
congrats if ur in upper manhattan ;3 tourists eat ur heart out
He’s coming.
fooligan @badmachine42
Replying to @dpsights
What does that last part mean
Im? Scared?
Mission 13-02-46 Report(s)
SP//DR AUDIO LOG, 13-02-46 TRANSCRIPT
Note: During this time, SP//dr’s web trap mods had been struck by a Disney-brand lightsaber thrown by Bullseye. This jammed them, creating an explosion of web fluid which both leaked into exposed wiring and rendered the right arm completely useless. At Daredevil’s instruction, ████ was using the SP//dr mech as cover while she worked on removing fluid from the wiring. As such, there are no visuals on this exchange.
<begin log>
SPIDER-MAN: Hey ████. Uh, looks like I came in at a bad time. [Mumbling.] Is this cyberpunk Disney? It’s so… chaotic. I don’t know this song but for some reason it’s so... familiar.
SP//DR: Oh, hi █████! Don’t worry, I just need to dissolve the web. It’s just tricky ‘cause of the wiring.
TWITTER.COM
✨💖 ~ dp rights club ~ 💖✨ @dpsights
Replying to @badmachine42
congrats if ur in times square!!!
He’s coming.
clown but only the nose part @sunnydogs
Replying to @dpsights and @badmachine42
why is everyone in times square????
Mission 13-02-46 Report(s)
SP//DR AUDIO LOG, 13-02-46 TRANSCRIPT
SPIDER-MAN: Do you need any help?
SP//DR: Uh, yeah actually. Could you put some dissolver on the shoulder there--
SPIDER-MAN: Get down, someone’s comi--
[There is the sound of someone breaking through a window, followed by several expletives.]
TWITTER.COM
✨💖 ~ dp rights club ~ 💖✨ @dpsights
Replying to @badmachine42 and @sunnydogs
tourism 😝 disney 🤑
He’s here.
fooligan @badmachine42
Replying to @dpsights
I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT THE LAST PART MEANS??? PLEASE im widdle creachre
totororororowowowo @jroberts
Replying to @badmachine42 , @dpsights , and @sunnydogs
oscorp cdd is throwing a fucking PARTY holy shit
Mission 13-02-46 Report(s)
SP//DR AUDIO LOG, 13-02-46 TRANSCRIPT
DEADPOOL: JEE- ZUS my fucking KNEES, people. I’m too old to be treated like this.
SPIDER-MAN: You have a Deadpool?
SP//DR: A what?
DEADPOOL: Oh my god, there’s still toddlers in here.
SPIDER-MAN: This toddler is Spider-Man and he goes to high school, thank you.
DEADPOOL: Aww, that’s adowable. Out.
SP//DR: Who even are you?
SPIDER-MAN: That’s--
DEADPOOL: Ooh, ooh, I know this one! Pick me, pick me!
SPIDER-MAN: No. Anyways, ████, that’s probably your Deadpool. He’s immortal and he kills people for money.
SP//DR: What? Rrrgh, I don’t have time for this.
SPIDER-MAN: Also, he makes really bad jokes. Like, I can’t tell if it’s worse than the other Spider-Man kind of bad.
DEADPOOL: You won’t find it in my profile, but I also like to take long walks on the beach but only the parts with broken glass, I’m a scorpio, and I’m a lot.
SPIDER-MAN: See what I mean? This is my everyday life.
SP//DR: Sad. Done with the wires. I’m gonna check structural integrity and do a system reboot.
DEADPOOL: I hope your mic caught all that, ‘cause otherwise what I just said is fucked up considering how old y’all are. Anyway, where was I?
SPIDER-MAN: ‘Kay, I’m gonna listen to this guy’s monologue for you.
SP//DR: Thanks.
DEADPOOL: Profile, glass, scorpio… Oh, yeah! Out. Now.
SPIDER-MAN: Wow, wait, is that it? I was prepared for you to talk for way longer than that.
DEADPOOL: Lesson one, kiddo: don’t prepare for shit.
SP//DR: [Muttering.] Rrrggh. C’mon, faster...
DEADPOOL: Now you’re gonna leave or I’m gonna throw you out myse--actually, you know what, this isn’t worth the effort. YOO-HOO, REDSY, WHERE ARE YOU?
[Bang Bang by Xenia Pax begins playing on SP//dr’s audio player.]
SP//DR: Not on my watch.
[A clashing sound, as SP//dr engages in combat with Deadpool.]
SP//DR: Spider-Man, go help Daredevil! It’s just a capture mission this time. You have webs; our entire right arm is empty. Go.
DEADPOOL: Why did you just use the word our?
SPIDER-MAN: Okay, yeah, sure, makes sense. Who am I--
SP//DR: Bullseye, go!
SPIDER-MAN: Wait, WHAT!?
DEADPOOL: I could take him off your hands for you if you just -- SON OF A BITCH.
SPIDER-MAN: [Increasingly distant as he moves away.] IhatemylifeIhatemylifeIhatemylifeIha-
The mission, although successful, was easily the most exhausting thing in the past month. Peni was tired. Miles’s help made things easier, even if only for a little bit. It meant she didn’t have to worry too much about Daredevil in the heat of the moment.
Her father knew Deadpool. Apparently. It would’ve been nice to know that before he compromised the whole mission, but whatever. She wasn’t mad. Or frustrated, even. She was tired, though. She knew that, at least. SP//dr rumbled comfortingly against her neck, purring.
“You trusted him. How many other people did he know?” She asked SP//dr, who gave her a wave of worry in response.
“Probably a lot,” Miles answered her, scribbling away on his tablet. “Most of the other Peters -- the longer they’re fighting crime, the more connections they make. Same thing’s happening to me -- I have a whole team now.”
“Your universe has heroes everywhere,” Peni informed him, because it was true. She could name, like, five different spider-people off the top of her head, scattered across the states over there. “You’re an outlier.”
He unceremoniously threw his hands in the air. “Okay. You got me. I’m projecting. But, like, seriously -- all of Peter’s connections are mine now.”
Miles paused, then. He looked up from his tablet, scrunching his brows at the ceiling.
“Well, now that I’m thinking about it, a lot of those are actually just his problems that I have to, like, fight now.” Then he just bulldozed over that doozy of a revelation with, “But that’s not the point. What I’m saying is, it makes sense that the connections thing is gonna happen for you, too.”
“I didn’t see that part in his will.”
“You’re telling me. The Daredevil in my universe keeps making fun of me. Says I’ll never be taller than my Peter even if we factor in his whole six-feet-under thing.”
Ouch.
“You’ll always be taller than me, if it makes you feel any better.”
Miles groaned all-sufferingly up to the ceiling. As far as Peni could tell, for all his requests towards it, it wouldn’t give him any condolences. She knew this because, for all her years living underneath it, she didn’t receive any either.
“You don’t count. You’re younger than me.”
Ah. They were back to complaining about fake-problems now. That was cool.
“Fine, see if I ever say you’re taller than me again.” She stuck her tongue out. “I’m taking all of SP//dr’s nine feet into my height now.”
He made a high, whining noise in the back of his throat. Peni cackled.
FROM: Unknown
TO: SP//dr Copilot & Technician Peni Parker, City Defense Department
SUBJECT: ATTN: Peni, Backstory Below
when i met your dad he tickled me until i stopped talking in esperanto
thats a lie actually that was just the first time i met him in person
when i met your dad for real i tried to kill him in the middle of a mission
big shocker i kno
he was relentless and he got me detained. i still had to kill him tho so i let it happen
and then as if that wasnt enough he tickled me and then he gave a truly shit interrogation
like i felt so fuckin bad i went along with it
that was the most i evr heard him talk tbh
enn ee ways
i never told him i was supposed to kill him. i think he got the gist of it.
plot twist we became friends
i dont even kno how it happened. it just kind of did?¿¿?
he didnt like talking much. he only did it when he was in a good mood and he almost never was
he tried to be happy ofc but like
he was too tired to
man had literally no free time in him
hed try to go to his therapy appointment n then some fuckin nutjob is takin a huge shit on lady liberty
u get how it is. dont act like i didnt hear u threatenin ur mech to work faster
like slow down once in a while kiddo maybe breathe lol
anyways
when he died
some shit went down that isnt relevant to the point here
long story short i got hired n fired in the same year #cashmoney
and i told myself i wouldnt look back
but guess what the fuck im doin now
anyways back to pete shit
he cared im sure thats a no fuckin brainer for u
everyone likes to say he loved the city which is like
tragic
since im pretty sure its a load of shit
pete didnt love the city, thats so fucking vague
he loved the people in it
which is cheesy so u kno its true
so i know he wouldve loved you
wait why am i sending this again
oh yeah
listen. youre not peter and you never will be
i know that n i dont mean that in an asshole critic kind of way
i knew ur dad but i dont know u
so honestly its fair if u dont respond, n its probably for the best if u dont
im not looking to bond or anything. i just kno u didnt kno ur dad either
like sure theres the file but u kno by now that the file doesnt mean shit
it doesnt say anything abt who he was or what he liked
so if u have any questions abt him. ask
i wont hoard my answers or anythin
i kno i look n sound like im full of shit but im just saying
never have i ever classified horseshit
ps dw abt oscorp they dont fuckin screen emails
all hail privacy laws
pps the attachment isnt some kind of weird batshit threat a serial killer ex from a teen thriller would send its just proof im not lying
take a breather kid
u got a lot of people in ur corner
u and pete got that in common
- u kno who ;-)
“Hey, Daredevil.”
“Yeah?”
“Were Deadpool and my dad, like -- a thing?”
Daredevil choked on his mustard bottle. She schooled her face into a carefully neutral expression. SP//dr tittered with glee on her shoulder.
“I --” He hacked out a couple of coughs. Real loud dad-coughs, too.
She kept her breath as steady as possible, and waited for the answer to come.