jane visits roisa pt. 3
Luisa stood just outside the living room. She hadn’t gone very far at all – just outside of where Jane could see her. She’d tried to go to Mia’s room, but Mia hadn’t been sleeping in there to begin with – her cradle was still in the room Rose and Luisa shared because it hadn’t been very long at all since they’d brought her home – and then whatever Jane and Rose were arguing about had grown so loud that she had to hear it.
It had taken everything in her not to go in there.
It had taken everything in her to stay where she was and just listen.
And it was taking everything in her now not to curl up next to her exhausted wife and kiss her cheek.
Mia glanced up at Luisa with sleepy, content eyes, blinking once or twice at her. Luisa reached down and brushed the tiny curls out of her face. They’d been a bright red when she was born and then faded to a soft brown afterwards. Rose wanted to believe that she would look more like Luisa when everything was said and done, no matter how much Luisa wanted to tell her that her genetics weren’t involved in the slightest and so Mia couldn’t look like her. If anything, she would look like Rose.
But right now, staring at the baby with the dark fuzz of hair and skin that was anything but the ice ivory pale of her wife’s, Luisa could almost believe that Mia was solely hers instead of solely Rose’s. Save for the spattering of dark freckles across her skin, Luisa could believe that Rose didn’t have any part in her at all.
She supposed she had Will to thank for that.
Thinking that there was no point in listening in any longer – Rose hadn’t hated Michael, and neither had Luisa, and she was certain that the both of them had completely forgotten Nadine (she’d met her, once or twice, when she’d been helping Michael at the Marbella, but then there was the whole mental institute thing, and by the time she got back, Nadine had disappeared. of course, Rose had assured her that Nadine hadn’t really died, had instead moved away to somewhere that sounded like National City, which didn’t sound like a real place and was probably more like something Rose wanted to say when she didn’t want Luisa to know where Nadine had gone at all. but she wasn’t going to tell Jane any of that. not when Jane had forgotten about her so clearly) – Luisa left the wall she’d been leaning up against, cradling Mia in her arms, and returned to her room.
Jane wanted her to wear a shirt, so she guessed she would wear a shirt. Mia was tired now, and full, and cradled so close to her skin that Luisa didn’t want her to move, didn’t want her to move at all, but they had guests and she supposed—
Luisa didn’t dislike Jane. She was actually very happy that Jane and Mateo were visiting at all. She didn’t like how Jane treated Rose (especially given that Rose now spent most of the time normal spent asleep taking care of Mia and was going to be more on edge and more likely to snap and if Jane really wanted to get along with them again, maybe Rose should have gotten more sleep first, was the thing, but she also wasn’t going to kick Jane out just because now was a bad time – it was hard to believe that she would come back at all). She knew Rose didn’t like how she thought Jane treated her.
But Luisa had never really been bothered by it. How could she be? She knew how she treated people. And she had gotten Jane pregnant. That was a lot to get over.
(“You had to get over everything I’ve done,” Rose had said only days before. “How can you believe that it’s harder for her to get over everything you’ve done when it pales in comparison to me?”
“She does have a point,” JR had said, pointing her tortilla chip in her direction. “Just because you’ve done a lot doesn’t mean she can’t move on. I moved on.”
Petra smiled and reached over, squeezing JR’s thigh, as though Luisa couldn’t see it. If anything, its simplicity made her feel more relaxed. If they were relaxed around them, then it was okay for her to be relaxed. It was simple, really.
But Luisa had shaken her head. “Jane’s like Rafael. They don’t forgive easy.” She rubbed her hand across her swollen belly. “You’re actually worse at it than she is,” she said, nodding towards Rose. “Only you used to kill people for it instead of holding a grudge.”
Rose shrugged. “Killing people’s easy. Living with them is harder. And some of them don’t deserve to live.”
“So maybe that’s what Raf and Jane are doing with us,” Luisa said, not thinking about it, and then her head snapped up, and she continued to try and explain herself as she saw Rose’s jaw tighten in that way it did right before she was about to snap. “They’re not trying to really kill us, obviously. They don’t have a murderous bone in their body.”
“I take offense at that,” Petra said.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to point blame or anything, just – for them, avoiding us, pretending like we don’t exist, it’s a way of killing us.” Luisa pressed her lips together and took a deep breath. “Raf probably used to be afraid that Dad would do the same thing to him, and it’s like…it’s like forgetting, only worse, because it’s trying to cut us out entirely.” She lifted her eyes and met Petra’s briefly. “You said that Mateo didn’t even know who I was, when he had to do the family tree for his homework.” It wasn’t easy, saying it, and the words were hesitant as she continued, “And Raf acted like he didn’t have any family at all.”
“You weren’t around very often, then,” Petra said. “The girls wouldn’t have known to include you either.” Then she stopped and shook her head. “No, they knew you by name – they knew you and Emilio. They didn’t know you, of course,” Petra continued, meeting Rose’s eyes, “because as far as we knew Luisa was with Eileen and you were…somewhere else. And Eileen didn’t make the family tree.”
“Of course she didn’t.” Rose shrugged. “Didn’t help that people thought she murdered Scott.”
Petra stared at her. “She did murder Scott.”
Rose met her stare and gave it right back to her. “The real Eileen. Not me. I was with Luisa. I have an alibi.” She crossed her arms. “And at least I didn’t move the body somewhere else to save—”
“Stop, both of you,” JR said, holding one hand in the air. “I don’t want to hear it. It’s as bad as trying to spend time with Jane when she’s in one of her moods.”
Rose sighed and turned to Luisa. “Why do we want to be friends with her again?”
Luisa didn’t know how to put it into words, but it was there, this silent sort of ache sitting in the pit of her chest that she couldn’t name. “Because she’s family,” she said, finally. “Because that has to mean something. Because you don’t just give up on family because they don’t like you or because they’ve done something wrong or—”
“It’s okay to let go, Lu.” Rose slowly placed a hand over hers. “It’s okay for them to let go.”
“No, it’s not.” Luisa met Rose’s eyes, unable to hold the tears back in her own. “They’re avoiding us because they’re avoiding you because they refuse to believe that you’ve grown or changed or gotten better at all, and you have. You have, Rose. And if I can move on, then they—” She pressed her lips together and cut herself off, shaking her head. “I understand why they don’t. Why they won’t. I understand. Why it’s harder for them. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want them to.”
JR nodded towards Luisa’s swollen belly. “Maybe if they knew—”
“No,” Rose said, her voice vehement. “I don’t want them crawling back just because they want to make sure I’m not screwing up being a mother. If they’re not with us because they want to be with us, then they don’t get to share in her.” Her eyes narrowed and met each of theirs in turn. “They don’t get to know. Not from anyone other than us.”
Luisa nodded once. “I…I want them to know. I want Raf to be able to see his niece.”
“But she’s not his niece if he refuses to acknowledge you as his sister,” Rose finished for her.)
Luisa took a deep breath. Time to stop thinking about all of that. Jane was here, now, for…whatever reason. Hopefully a good one. She expected a good one, given that Mateo was here. It might be easier to focus on him than to focus on Jane. It was easier, so much easier, to talk with children than it was to talk with adults. She didn’t have to worry about whether a child liked her or not – they would tell her straight out what they felt. But adults? She never could tell with adults.
It didn’t take long to situate the shirt over her. Luisa didn’t fit a bra into place; there was no point, if she was just going to be taking it off again later for Mia to eat. But this one was nice and warm and comfortable, and if Jane was bothered—
Luisa wasn’t going to snap at her. That just wasn’t her way.
“Time to go meet your aunt!” Luisa said, leaning down close and nuzzling her daughter. Mia just blinked at her. “Okay, your other aunt.” She grinned. “Your other other aunt.” Then she kissed Mia’s cheek. “I’m sure she’ll love you. Everyone does.”
And, with that, she went to go try and cool down whatever was going down between her wife and her sister-in-law.