Idiots

Wade wasn’t sure how this became his life. One moment he’s getting it on with the hottest woman ever known to man, then the next thing he knew he was what happened if someone's wrinkly grandmother had hate sex with an avocado. It was the eighth mystery of the world. So, here was Wade minding his own business, nothing out of the ordinary was happening (unless you count dying in an alleyway as unordinary). Then, this kid shows up. Mind you that Wade has seen a lot of shit in his life, but never would he have expected for this kid to walk up to him. For this pre-pubescent child, not over the age of ten, to ask him if he was okay.

“Kid jus’ get outta ‘ere,” Wade slurred. He didn’t have the brainpower to deal with this shit right now, not when he had a moment of peace without the boxes around.

“Don’t be a big dummy stupid, sir,” the kid had retorted, annoyance covering his features. “You’re hurt and it doesn’t seem like anyone is going to come to help you. I’ll help you if you promise to give me food and not kill me.” Damn, this kid had balls. It was refreshing to see someone so young not be afraid of him, but that was either because the kid had seen some shit or was oblivious. Wade hoped it was the latter but considering that he’d asked for food.

The kid didn’t wait for Wade to answer. “I’m going to bring you to my attic,” the kid said, “By the way, I’m Peter.”

“Wade,” he had replied. He heard the kid muttering about how at least this time he didn’t get scared to death before learning a name, but that was neither here nor there because a few words in Wade had promptly died.

***

Peter was an idiot.

You would think that he would learn the first time, but no. Peter did not learn, he did exactly the opposite. He was bringing this person, ‘Wade’ he reminded himself, to his attic. His home. This had to be a sign that Peter had some type of mental affliction. No sane person ever did half the stuff Peter did. Sadly, Peter just couldn’t leave the dying man in an alleyway. ‘I’m paying it forward,’ thinking about the time a woman named May helped him after a good beat down. As they approached the attic, Peter got stumped. How was he going to get Wade up on the fire escape? Better yet, how did he even drag Wade here in the first place? Thinking about that, he started to notice he muscles aching.

Peter went to make sure Wade was still alive. His heart dropped. ‘Dammit, I should have been more careful!’ He thought. Despair washing over him, he failed Wade. Peter had let him die. Tears welled up in Peter’s eyes. He bit back a sob, why does everyone he ever meets always die, with a few exceptions. First his parents, then Ben, and now Wade. Another person dying due to his stupidity. He started to shake Wade.

“Wake up! Please, wake up!” Peter begged. He wasn’t going to sit back and just let him die. Peter had to try. He shook the man faster. “Please, please, please, wake up!” he blubbered. He gasped, except it wasn’t his own gasp. It was Wade! “Oh my god!! You’re alive!” Peter screamed. “How? Your heart wasn’t beating, and I doubt my crying was what brought you back.” Wiping his face with his sleeve to get rid of the snot and tears.

“Of course, I am, probably shoulda said something about not dying, but now you know for next time!” Wade said.

‘We shouldn’t be allowed to even be by children.’ White said.

‘I agree, all we’re gonna do is scare him with our grotesque face or get him killed,’ Yellow agreed.

‘Fuck you both. I, for one, think that Petey will be a good influence on us. Perhaps, we’ll turn into a big brother figure! I mean that’s what the tags say,’ Wade thought.

“Now, did you mention some type of attic?” Wade asked.

“Yes!” Peter exclaimed, “My attic, it’s where I live since I’m homeless.”

“Actively running from CPS, damn kid,” Wade blew a whistle, “Wait, child, no swearing. Shit. No! Fuck! Goddammit!” Peter looked at the man in the red and black suit. He was hilarious.

“Don’t worry,” Peter giggled. Wade really knew how to make a person feel better. “Do you still wanna go? Or you can get me some food, I still did drag a good bit to get to my attic. I am starving!” Peter had learned long ago that pride didn’t exist when you didn’t have any money. Years of living on the streets had taught him that if someone is offering something, you better take it. If someone seemed to be sympathetic enough, get on your knees and beg. Sometimes, Peter would run into certain types of men and women alike that thought it was funny to see Peter begging for them to buy him food. Peter never allowed himself to be embarrassed because if it meant that he survived another day on the streets.

Other times, Peter would meet people like Skip. Those were the people he made sure to avoid. When he had first started living on the streets, Peter was too naïve. He blindly gave his trust to people that weren’t deserving of it. After being on the streets for four years, Peter knew which people were likely to fall for his charm and which people were monsters. It never did get any better with them, never got easier either, but Peter would be damned before he let them coheres him again.

“Sure, you like tacos kid?” Wade asked.

“Duh,” Peter replied, “Oh I couldn’t help but notice the suit and mask. So, I must ask, are you a vigilante?”

Seeing the baffled look on Wades face was worth it. Peter smiled. ‘I seem to be making a lot of friends recently.’

As the duo made their way to the Mexican restaurant, Peter kept pestering Wade to take off his mask. Wade kept asking Peter why should he listen to a pipsqueak. (Which Peter was not thankyouverymuch! Wade was just ginormous)

“C’mon Waaaaadddde,” Peter whined, “I saw another vigilantes face! And I’m keeping it a secret!”

“Who’s?” Wade asked.

“I can’t tell you! That’s the point of secret in secret identity! I know you’re just testing me!”

Peter tell that Wade didn’t believe him. He huffed; it wasn’t that hard to run into vigilantes or superhero's; it was New York for Pete's sake. They entered the restaurant and went into a booth. It shouldn’t have surprised Peter that no one batted an eye at them because New York was filled with crazy shit. Hell, the staff even seemed familiar with Wade; that man wasn’t kidding about loving Mexican food.

“What do you want Petey?” Wade asked him. Looking down on his menu Peter told the waiter what he wanted, followed by Wade ordering more food than any normal person could eat.

“So, Petey, it seems that you make it a habit of helping out people like me, with your other vigilante friend,” Wade looked expectantly at him. As if he was waiting for Peter to tell him that he had lied to Wade to see his identity.

“Wade I actually did meet and talk to him! He took me out to that one diner! What’s it called? Omelettes? Omega? Omelas? Whatever, but he’s real! Obviously, I can’t tell you who he is because I’m a trustworthy person.”

Wade could see a tantrum bubbling up in the kid. Honestly, Wade was happy that even if Petey had a shitty life, he still could act his age. ‘Maybe I should take him in?’ Wade thought to himself.

‘Are you dumb? There’s no way we can take care of a kid!’ White screeched at him.

‘Maybe we could...’ Yellow hesitated, ‘It’s not like he would know the difference between bad and good parenting. Either his parents are dead or didn’t want him.’

“I can’t just leave him out on the streets,” Wade muttered. Taking Peter’s attention away from the colouring sheet to Wade.

“What did you say?” Peter asked, looking adorably confused. Wade’s cold, evil, murderous heart melted at the sight. ‘How could anyone not want this sweet child?’ Just as the thought crossed his mind the food came. Peter didn’t waste any time and dug into the food. There was so much there! He could eat until his heart bled! After a few minutes of pigging out, Peter noticed that Wade wasn’t eating.

“Why aren’t you eating? Isn’t Mexican food your favourite?” Peter saw Wade sigh, shoulders slumping.

“I just didn’t want you to see this train wreck of a face, kiddo,” Wade said as he lifted his mask up. Showing all the scars layering on top of another. Wade watched the kid, gauging for a reaction, nothing happened. Peter continued to eat, didn’t even blink an eye at the disaster of Wades face. Wade would never understand this kid, maybe it was a thing with the new generation? Maybe Peter was just being polite, but Wade couldn’t see the pity. He couldn’t see any of the disgust he usually got, finally, Wade relented. He slumped into his seat and started eating, careful not to talk until the meal was over.

Peter looked at Wade, seeing the big intimidating man have a look of fear at Peter was appalling. Peter smiled at him, hoping to calm the larger man's nerves. They had finished their meal; Wade had paid the check and they were on their way out. They big their goodbyes and Peter walked away. Unaware of Wade staring at his retreating figure.