Chapter 1
Peggy Carter was a woman of common sense, or at least she liked to believe she was. She had a cool, rational mind and a keen intellect, one that, until recently, had gone greatly unappreciated by the vast majority of her colleagues and peers. Still, it had been recognized enough by Chester Phillips and Howard Stark to place her in charge of SHIELD, the new organization formed by the three of them out of the ashes of the SSR with the desire to create an information and investigation network outside the bounds of any one government, one that would work for the mutual benefit of them all. They wouldn’t have asked her if they felt her slow-witted or indecisive, unable to know her mind and trust her reason. But if they had seen her right now and knew the turmoil she found herself in, the fear and panic that filled her, the desperation as she stood rooted to the spot, helpless with indecision, they might have reconsidered.
“So?”
Peggy barely blinked at the simple question, so caught up was she in the situation as a whole. There she stood, overlooking lower Manhattan from an opulent apartment, the cold breeze off the Hudson River chilling what little blood was left in her body. There sat - well, kneeled, as best he could with one good leg - Daniel Sousa, his earnest, handsome face looking hopeful in the glow of the lights burning from Howard’s party beyond, as a band played some romantic number, the title of which was escaping her amid her shock. And in the center of it all, twinkling in the darkness, was a diamond on a ring. Not a large one, no, one of those would have been outrageous to afford and impractical to wear, and anyone who knew her would know she would never favor it. But there it was, a ring and a question, and she was supposed to answer. How was she supposed to answer?
Daniel wavered on the spot on his one good knee, a hint of concern finally flickering into his dark eyes. “Earth to Peggy! I’ve never known you not to have words.”
Oh, she had those moments. He had just never seen her have one. When she did find them, they were idiotic in the extreme, thick on her tongue. “It’s...a ring.”
“That it is,” he chuckled ruefully, though quietly. Her lack of enthusiasm was starting to worry him. “I know, nothing fancy, nothing like your first one I imagine, but still I like that it was simple and…”
“Daniel,” she finally gasped, wishing he wasn’t so endearingly earnest and sweetly sincere. She wished they weren’t standing outside of Howard’s glittering party filled with people more famous than anyone she normally rubbed elbows with in her day-to-day life. She wished it wasn’t New Year's Eve, that she wasn’t overlooking the whole of New York, and that this wasn’t such a grand backdrop for this. Most of all, she wished she didn’t have to break Daniel Sousa’s very kind heart.
He knew, of course, simply because she hadn’t jumped in glee and said yes from the offing. She probably had it writ all over her face like an idiot, and she found her cheeks burning as he lowered the velvet-covered box with its single, pinpoint diamond, glittering like one of the cold, distant stars above. Daniel was never an idiot, and she could see heartbreak already, cracking on the edges of his rueful smile.
“I suppose it was a bit much, wasn’t it?” Whether he was discussing the setting, the gesture, or the hope of having her say yes, she wasn’t sure. Aching guilt rose with the tears in her eyes as she watched him close the box with a single snap.
“Daniel, I’m so sorry,” she whispered through a throat tight with tears. “I am sorry, I didn’t...it’s just that…”
“No, I’m sorry,” he was busy tucking the offending jewelry into his coat pockets, avoiding looking at her. “You know, I shouldn’t have just sprung it on you like that.”
“It’s just that I…”
“No need to explain, Peggy.” He sighed, locking his prosthetic knee as he attempted to arrange his crutch to rise. Out of instinct, Peggy lurched forward to help, but he jerked away, perhaps a bit more violently than he meant to.
“I’m sorry.” She snatched her hand back, though she wasn’t sure if she was apologizing for daring to try and help him when he was already down or for rejecting the proposal so sweetly offered. Certainly, she had apologized more in the last two minutes than she had in years, and she felt awkward and unsteady as she watched him struggle to his feet, wishing he had never tried to do it in the first place. If he hadn’t, he’d not be wobbling before her, looking as if he wished the marbled floor of Howard’s balcony would swallow him whole.
“You know, Stark tried to warn me,” he sighed, leaning heavily on his crutch, staring at the shiny tips of his shoes. “Man has a new girl on his arm every minute. I didn’t figure he knew anything about dames, but he knew you.”
Bless, Howard, she thought sadly. “There is a part of me that wants to say yes, Daniel, but…”
“Don’t!” The word broke out, ragged and sharp, Daniel’s expression crumpling for mere moments before it smoothed out into a regretful smile. “Don’t kick a fellow when he’s down.”
She bit her lip hard, teeth digging into tender flesh. Anything she might say at that moment would be trite, so she resisted as he straightened, shaking his dark head to look back towards the dancers inside, the swinging music, the warmth and light of the party.
“I knew it was a long shot.” A wry smile twisted his lips as he stared inside. “I mean, trying to hold on to you is like trying to catch fire - even if you succeeded, it would likely burn you up. I had thought maybe I could. Maybe that was my pride talking, that if you could ever like a crippled guy like me, obviously I had nothing to fear.”
“I do like you, Daniel!” The protest broke through despite herself. She never wanted him to believe she didn’t.
“I know,” he turned glittering eyes to her. “But there is a world of difference between ‘like a lot’ and 'love,' and we both know that. I’d hoped you’d love me enough to want to settle down, build a life.”
“Settling down?” The cold chilled her skin, but she held her ground. “What does that mean for you, exactly? Buying a house in the suburbs, me building a home for our children while you go off to the office, whiling away my days with domestic business, waiting for you to come home and meet you with a cocktail and a kiss?”
They had never discussed it, not even once. It hadn’t occurred to her to discuss it. She could tell that it hadn’t occurred to him either, the idea of what “settling down” meant to someone like him and someone like her.
Still, he tried to put a brave face on it. “We both know that would never be the case with you.”
“So what would that life look like?”
He understood what she was asking. “I wouldn’t ask you to leave SHIELD, Peggy. That’s your baby, your brainchild. It’s important to you.”
“It is. It’s not that I don’t want a family, to build a life with someone, I just don’t want to have to give up one for the other.”
“Do you think I’d ask you to do that?”
She shivered in the cold. “If you had the chance to further your career, to have someone recognize your work, would you take it?”
Dawning realization hit him. “Yeah, I’d want to.”
“And what if it were cross-purposes to SHIELD and my position in it?”
“We could work around that…”
“What if I was on assignment somewhere?” She had to ask the question, stark as it was. “What if I went into a dangerous area or on a mission no one else could handle, and you were left to wait at home and worry? What if I had to spend nights on end at work to help manage a crisis? It’s not as simple as just accepting a career, Daniel; you’d have to accept what comes with that.”
“And you don’t think I could?”
“Honestly,” she sighed, rubbing her arms, trying to get heat into them. “I don’t know. Perhaps you could. Perhaps it’s just me who doesn’t want to settle yet.”
It was a miserable answer, and she hated giving it. She cared for Daniel so very much, and perhaps in a different place and time in her life, she might have said yes. Tonight, however…
His free hand shoved itself into the pocket where she knew the box was tucked. “We always had the worst sort of timing, didn’t we?”
If there was one running theme through Peggy’s life, poor timing in her romances had to be it.
“You have to be freezing,” he exclaimed, more as a way to cover up the pained silence that fell. “Let’s get you inside. maybe get a drink to warm you up.”
He held out his right arm to her, the free one not used to hold him up. Without thought, she rushed in, wrapping chilled arms around his neck, hiding her tears as she brushed a kiss on his cheek before pulling away to look up at him sadly. He didn’t say anything more, simply pressing a brief kiss to her forehead before she turned towards the gaiety within. Despite the composure, she tried to pull herself together as she stumbled in ahead of Daniel. The heat from all the bodies hit her, the dancing couples and drunken laughter from over by the bar catching her overwrought nerves and leaving them reeling. Howard was in his element, holding court, surrounded by beautiful women and more than a few men, mostly the Howling Commandos, now transferred over to work with SHIELD and all flocking to their former compatriot. Like as not, it was mostly because of all the women hanging around him and the hope that perhaps they could poach one or two of them for themselves. A slow tune played from the live band, couples swayed on the floor, a careful choreography of bodies. The bittersweet song being crooned by the gorgeous woman in red made her heartache and her head pound. The glitter of confetti and champagne, the joy and promise of a new year, it all seemed to ring a little hollow as to her surprise tears slipped quietly down her cheeks.
“Peggy?” Daniel’s voice was gruff and alarmed beside her.
“I have to go.” She didn’t look at him, didn’t dare to as she disengaged from his arm, swiping ineffectually at her face, trying to hide the hurt and embarrassment from the mad swirl of conflicting emotions she was feeling. “I’m sorry, Daniel, for all of it, but…”
What else could she say?
“Please, tell Howard I wasn’t feeling well. I’ll give him a ring tomorrow.” She tried to put a bright face on it but it was more a pained grimace of a smile.
Daniel didn’t protest, but he did look concerned. “At least let me call you a cab, make sure you get home all right.”
“I’ll be fine.” Honestly, the cold outside would soothe the ache and guilt that burned like fire through her. “I’m not so far away, I can manage.”
Daniel didn’t look so convinced. “Peggy, I’m….”
“Don’t!” Peggy snapped the word harshly, trying to soften it with a smile. “I know, I do, it’s just...don’t be sorry. Please don’t! I don’t want you to ever be sorry for this.”
She meant that with every fiber of her heart. That didn’t precisely make any of it better, though.
“Who could ever be sorry they fell in love with you, Peggy?” His soft half-smile was so endearing.
Honestly, Peggy could think of a few people at the moment. “I’m not anyone any more special than any other woman.”
Daniel’s chuckle said he didn’t believe her.
“Let me get your coat.” With gentlemanly courtliness, he hobbled off to the waiting attendant for the simple wool coat that clashed with her long, cobalt-blue, velvet gown. She’d worn it expecting it to be a night of celebrations. SHIELD was getting off the ground, despite the dire gloom that had been predicted when she was named its director. What had been a dream just a year ago was a reality. The legacy Peggy had envisioned, an organization that could protect the world from all of its threats, was going to be a reality. She had felt giddy at the moment...triumphant. Now the weight of the world settled like the coat Daniel placed on her shoulders.
“You sure you’ll be all right?”
“Yes,” she sighed, shooting him one last smile. “I’ll be fine. I’ll see you in the office tomorrow.”
With that she rushed out of the party, chased by the swirl of music and laughter and Daniel Sousa’s sad smile. She didn’t stop till she was out on the street, the cold crispness of night cutting through her tears as she attempted to find a cab, any cab, to hail at this time of night. It was so close to the witching hour when the new year would start. Better to find a needle in a haystack than an open cab in New York City that night. She waved at more than a few who had their lights out, ignoring the woman in an elegant dress and heels as she trudged through the growing flurries. A sorry situation she’d gotten herself into, she should have let Daniel help her call one, or perhaps finagled one of Howard’s drivers, even Mr. Jarvis to take her home. Instead, she allowed her pride and guilt to drag her outside, sulking in a stew of her own making.
Peggy had no one to blame but herself. She had known, that Howard had warned her that whether she liked it or not, Daniel was becoming more serious in his affections. Peggy had brushed it off, believing she didn’t have time for serious romantic entanglements. There was far too much to do and, frankly, too much at stake. She had known his feelings, but she had hoped to put it off indefinitely...perhaps forever. How selfish had that been?
Her impractical shoes scraped against the snow-dusted pavement, nylon a poor choice to ensure any sort of warmth. Pulling the lapels of her coat more firmly around her throat, she contemplated another attempt at a taxi home, eyeing the darkened street for a flash of yellow in the distance. It would serve her right to freeze out of the utter ridiculousness of her pride. Sighing in frustration, she contemplated what could be open on New Year's Eve at this time of night in this part of town to warm up in, perhaps even a phone booth to call Mr. Jarvis and beg for indulgence despite her idiocy.
Before she could ponder her decision beyond how to politely grovel and explain her predicament, behind her in the alley cans crashed and banged as if something had plowed into them. Metal screeched and scraped against concrete and brick and someone cursed, loudly. Perhaps not an altogether unusual event in New York in general, especially not on New Year's Eve, but one that caught her attention and took it off of the sad state of her current predicament. She paused at the alley, peering into the darkness beyond, knowing that dressed as she was wandering down there to look was perhaps even stupider than storming out of Howard’s apartment in nothing more than heels and a gown on a snowy night.
Well, if she was going to freeze to death on New Year's Eve in New York, she might as well investigate something.
She discreetly reached into her handbag, pulling out the weapon she carried, concealing it in the fold of her coat as she peeked, gingerly, around the frosted brick. In the darkness, she couldn’t see much, but she could hear the scrape of aluminum and the sound of a man groaning and muttering, complaining loudly about something he had landed in. Carefully, she edged around the corner, peering into the black, making out the shape of a person carefully rising out of the mess. There was a single light in the alley, and it flickered on something silvery - perhaps a helmet - glinting in the weak, yellowish glow. What she could make out of the figure’s clothing had all the makings of a suit or uniform, or at least appeared to be, and not the type people would simply wear down the street. What it was, she wasn’t particularly sure. Maybe they were drunk and had stumbled in there on their way home from a fancy dress event. Perhaps it was far more nefarious, a burglar out taking advantage of a night of celebration where everyone was out to alleviate some poor person of their belongings. Whatever the case, Peggy thought it better to be safe than sorry. Before the figure could straighten to turn to her, her weapon was out and trained on the shadow as he staggered around, moaning, before facing her. It took a full minute, however, before it noticed her gun pointed right at his middle.
“I’d suggest that if you don’t want to have an unexpected trip to the hospital in the next few minutes you stay where you are and explain why it is that you're loitering about in dark alleys dressed like that on a night when so many people are not at home.”
The silhouette stilled, hands up in the darkness. It didn’t speak, however, but she could just make out the helmet had eye holes and they stared at her from a face that looked like something out of a science fiction film. Her heart leaped in her throat as her finger tightened, ever so slightly on the trigger. “Who are you?”
A voice from inside, cautious and male, spoke carefully. “Can I just move my hands just a little?”
She eyed him suspiciously as she nodded, barely perceptible, watching sudden movements. The man lowered his hands as a sudden metallic, gear-like noise sounded and the helmet that had been on his head retracted, leaving the slightly bemused and utterly terrified face of a dark-haired man staring down the barrel of her weapon. “Um...hi! My name is Scott!”
She didn’t lower her gun a centimeter. “Are you one of Howard’s men, then, sent to save me from my idiocy?”
“Howard? No, not Howard, I don’t know Howard.”
Judging from the helmet that just disappeared he had to know Howard - or he was a spy for someone else. “Then who do you work for?”
“Um, lately?”
Her patience was wearing thin. “Unless you like having a bullet in your face.”
Several painful and confusing thoughts seemed to coalesce in his expression all at once. “That’s a bit hard to explain…”
“I’m a highly intelligent woman. Try me.”
He shrugged sheepishly before squaring his shoulders as if expecting to be shot. “My name is Scott Lang and I’ve come from the future. You’re Peggy Carter and I need to get you to come with me!"
Peggy shifted the gun in her hand only slightly. "And why on earth would I do something that foolish?"
He gulped as he stared down the barrel still pointed directly at him. "Because...I need you to help me save the world!”